Gifted and talented.

[jabed]

Its three O clock in the morning. I have a stinking headache which is why I am up and I would like to get contentious. Do you mind?

With no holds barred, my DS is by any definition gifted and talented. I am a fairly able kind of guy myself and DW is extremely gifted, so no prizes for guessing where he gets it.

The thing is, I have been pondering what I am going to do with him. We currently HE. This is because he is young- He is a late August born and would, were he at school he going into year 2 now. Many a couple of weeks younger would just be going into year 1.
He is gifted as I said, which is another reason for not putting him in school. he has a generally high IQ and academic giftedness and if SW is right he has musical talent.

I don?t want him accelerated. I don?t want him messed with. I want him to be what neither DW nor I were - a child with a childhood. My experience of the local school, which would have been our first choice (and was in fact where we sent him) for his primary years do not deserve him. The teachers cannot deal with gifted children. He does not deserve his peers in that school - disruptive and largely ill socialised with a large percentage at the other end of the spectrum to DS. But there is no other local school.

There is my own school which has a prep but they want to put him a year up.

So, what do you do in that situation? I am at a loss. I have looked at options and got bogged down. We have to make a decision before year 3 as I seriously believe he needs to be in formal education at some point there.

Just a general throw out to see what others would do with such a DS. I reserve the right to get toss potty if people get rude about my DS or my feelings about being middle class etc.
This is my DS not an abstract. Thanks

Why do you not want him put a year up? Presumably if he wasn't, he'd just get bored by the curriculum?

We had two friends whose children were "put up a year" both went on to get top scholarships into big names super selective in both cases their parents said they wished they hadn't been put up a year! Both were you in their year group and the parents wished they'd been intellectually stimulated/stretched in another way.
My DS with a high IQ and bored rigid at a tiny village primary school where like your DS his need were not being met went to a boarding prep. I could criticise the individual school but he did received a broad education as school goes onto 7.30 at night (clubs music drama sport etc) and there was games 5 afternoons a week and two hours for lunch with more clubs etc. I know most balk at sending 7-8 yrs old off to boarding school and you may bee one of them but it without a doubt provides many more opportunities than parents can provide especially as they get older. He is now at a senior boarding school and the opportunities for a broad and most importantly intellectually stimulating education are endless.

Sorry meant to read "both were young in their year group!

Well you have three options don't you.

1. Your prep and agree to him being moved up a year.

1. Your prep and INSIST he is not moved up a year, but maybe for specific lessons he is taught with a older group.

1. Another school entirely, private or state, near or far (move, board?) that is better able to meet his needs in a way that you think appropriate.

In any case make sure he is stretched sideways as well as lengthways!

Can the school you teach at not be more flexible? Or is it just difficult for you to rock the boat when you are an employee there?

Does your ds have any views on what he wants? I know he's only 7, but you have said before that you felt your parents let you down because you didn't feel you could be honest about your views and feelings with them... Also, you make him sound like a very sensitive child - is that just because you feel very protective towards him, so don't want to get it wrong for him, or is he genuinely highly sensitive? If the former, I would worry a little less about getting it wrong, as your fears seem to be preventing you from making a decision, and no decision at all is not actually better than making a mistake that has to be rectified. If the latter, then obviously that is difficult for you and I'm not sure what to say to help, as I don't know what options are open to you if you stay where you are, or how easy it would be for you to move away from where you are, now.

I can guarantee you won't find the perfect solution, however hard you look. But then we do learn from mistakes and hardships as much as we do from seamless perfection. I know you feel that too many mistakes were made on you, but a few mistakes aren't a bad thing! Surely there are more options than home education, the local primary or your prep school? Are you really out in the sticks, too far from any other school to make any alternatives viable, except boarding school or moving away from the area altogether?

ps could you not try your ds at your prep school and see how he goes with being put up a year? And see if he can spend an extra year at the end of prep school (do they have a scholarship class???) to do fun sideways extensions and wait for everyone else to catch up before moving on??? Or are you certain he wouldn't cope with being with older children? (It worked OK for my dh, but he was very tall for his age and emotionally fairly mature!).

I wouldn't put him up a year... my experience higher up in the education system is that it catches up with you eventually (ie when to do GCSEs etc) and separates socially from peers at a time when, in adolesence, a year makes a big difference.

If you want him to have a childhood, then keep him in the correct year or move schools.

Hi.

Why is your prep not willing to try him in the 'correct' year to start with? Surely that is a reasonable request?

I don't know where you live but what is your definition of no other local school ? Some rural primary kids travel 45 mins plus each way. We are looking to move DS at yr4 to an indie. That will mean a journey of approx 1 hr each way. Not ideal but worth it IMO. A present we are happy for school to mainly provide a social circle and we couldn't claim it stretches him.

But if prep schools still have scholarship classes and accelerate several children up a year or two, then put them in the scholarship class for an extra year or two before going on to public school, then they will spend their adolescence with their peers and take public exams at the normal time, won't they? Or isn't it ever done like that, any more? (I wouldn't know, having been state educated - just going on the basis of my dh's experience).

I've always been adamant that I'd never allow any of my DC to be moved up a year. I'd let him join mainstream school asap, insist he stays in his correct school year and allow him to socialise with his peer group and rise naturally to the top, without an endless quest for 'challenge'. Being a late Aug birthday and an only child I'd have thought moving him up would be the worst possible thing you could do.

(although having said that, I am in general not in favour of putting a child out of their peer group, as there are definite cons to it at all ages, not just in adolescence. My dh was lucky to be very tall for his age and emotionally mature. But the alternative of keeping a child with a peer group in which he is bored and frustrated is not fantastic, nor is getting him to work all by himself because none of his peers can keep up with him, so he's going to have to do some work with older children, presumably).

I was just going by my experience in the state sector. And also by the fact that op said they wanted their ds to have a childhood...

I don't think my dh thinks he missed out on a childhood - the work was still easy and he still had friends in and out of school to play with and plenty of spare time and freedom. It wasn't the same experience for another relative of mine, who was small and sensitive and was pushed up through his schoool and out the other end without ever being returned to a class of peers, and who was miserable and bitter as a result. Nobody ever stopped to ask him if he was happy - he was doing what was supposedly good for him and in his best interests, as though when you have a good brain, that has to be fine tuned and developed in a particular way, regardless of your feelings on the subject or your emotional and social development. You can never create one hard and fast rule for everyone - what works for one will not automatically work for another and vice versa.

I was moved up a year many moons ago and honestly cannot remember any problems. My DS has been moved up a year in his prep and it is working fine for him as well.

I would try the prep, as much as I support HE in some cases, I think it might be harder for your DS to get on with school later unless you are not planning to HE him upto A-levels.

To those who have mentioned "accelerating" a yr ahead, just wanted to askwhat then happens to those children (attending prep schools) when it omes to applying to senior school, bearing in mind that part of the admisdion criteria states the child either has to be 11+ or 13+ depending on entry level.

At our prep a number of children seem to have been accelerated, won scholarships etc only to be refused by the senior school on basis of their age and are now repeating yr 8 (offers are being deferred till next yr when they will be of age) which i think is quite devastating, just wondered what happened in other schools.

Why does he need to be in school? If you could explain that, I think it would help in terms if thinking what provision would meet those requirements best. I have taught a few gifted children, and it didn't matter if they were accelerated or not, they needed different provision. I would be tempted to HE a gifted child I think, if I were focussed on the academics. However, if I had another focus, I might make a different choice. What is your thinking about your son's needs?

yellow tip, why is it relevant that he's an only child? I hope you aren't making assuMptions about social skills based in this.

My daughter has been put in the year above her age group sinse year 1, she still mixes with children her age but often choses to play with the older children. We havn't had any problems with this, she still plays games, still has fun but is learning at a higher level. My dd has Aspergers so social skills have always been a wory but TBH she's getting on great, has lots of friends (mainly boys) and is enjoying school work. Dd is now 8 and going into a mixed year group (of year 4 and 5's), she's working at year 6 level for maths and english but the school are great at giving her harder work without singling her out.

nokissymum - in our school accelerated children spend year 8 being prepared to their chosen public school's specific scholarship exams.

I'd put him in a school that was better for him socially than academically, and do any extra academic or extension work that was needed myself using the whole host of extra curricular activities there are out there.

I would also try to remind myself that there is much much more to life, and to bringing up a happy well rounded child, than academia, and that his place at Oxbridge or Harvard is not secured just yet.

Agree with outraged

Pianomama - that's the same as ours, perhaps i wasnt clear in my previous post. Do your senior schools not require that children are 11 or 13 upon entry ? If they have skipped a yr been accelerated then that means said childwould be e.g 12 yrs old in yr 9 (in yr of entry), how does your prep deal with this or do your senior schools not mind ?

they spend the same number of years in the prep, just the last one is dedicated to scholarship entry

Many moons ago ( when I was thin and not greying) when we moved our very bright bored DS to his non selective prep he stopped being bored because there were 1. specialist teachers for all subjects in specialist classrooms, 2. they were streamed and 3. equal emphasis was placed on history geography French Latin science etc: goodbye the obsession found in his state primary schools with literacy and numeracy. The streaming and the more varied curriculum provided him with the stretching in all directions.

That doesnt really answer my question but i'll leave it anyway. Thanks