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Original poster

Advice please . Son left out of team!

78 replies

georgia73 · 10/03/2006 07:37

I,ve changed my name for this as I think one of my ds friends mums comes here.

Phewww..don't know were to start. I could really do with some avice and encouragement..I've had a really awful night , tossed and turned, I haven;t eaten since midday yesterday..I can't believe how strongly this has affected me.

Basically, my ds is 13 and in yr8. He is in a private school...He was awarded a scholarship after coming top in the entrence exam out of 250 kids sitting it. He scored in the top 2% nationally in his CATS and his main subject is maths.
I hope this doesn't sound like bragging cos its really not. He is awful at French, Is also underachiving in a a lot of subjects..as he is quite lazy and dis organized.
Anyway the one subject he never underachieves in is Maths..He is top of the yr in every single test he has been given. He doesn't even have to revise..it just comes natrually.
He is also the only pupil in his yr to get a gold in the maths challenge last yr.

Anyway it is the team maths challenge on Monday...schools throughout the country are meeting at universities to take part.
each school makes a team...2 from yr 8 and 2 from yr 9.
I knew about this a while ago as i looked it up on the site... Ds has been looking forward to it. we obviosly assumed he would be in it.
I think you can see were this is going.
Yesterday we found out another boy and girl from his yr have been picked.#
Ds is devestated...and so am I. Neither of these 2 have ever beaten ds in an maths evam....He always scores between 96 and 99%.
HE was the only one to get gold last yr!!!!

I read a thread on here a while ago about piffles son and this is similar...He is saying to me...Why should I bother any more?
Iam so angry...this is the subject he is passionate about and this teacher has ruined it for him.
I called the school and spoke to head of maths.
She told me it was the set 1 s teachers job to jive two names for the challenge and she would question her today aboyt her reasons.

Pheww can't post anymore right now...will post more later. Thanks for listening.

OP posts:

Original poster

georgia73 · 10/03/2006 14:01

Thanks fairy jay. When the head of maths called me this morning..i dis say to her i was sorry if I came across a bit strongly yesterday...i explained i was just upset and she said she understood .
Shall I leave it at that..or ring and explain more?

OP posts:

getbakainyourjimjams · 10/03/2006 14:18

Agree with Cod, this is a serious over-reaction.

I think it is worth apologising tbh if you get the chance. If they think you're prone to over-reaciton they won;t take you seriously when you have something important to complain about.

fairyjay · 10/03/2006 14:20

I'd leave it at that - maybe when you see her tell her that you have threatened ds they had better win, or else! (in an obviously joking fashion!)

Original poster

georgia73 · 10/03/2006 14:20

Lol Tanzie..thats what this mum is...a bigwig on the PTA.I just can't believe she would pull her daughter out at the last moment like this...she lives for stuff like this. Its all very strange.

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Original poster

georgia73 · 10/03/2006 14:22

Getbackinjammies...This was something important as far as I was concerned. I haver never complained before.

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getbakainyourjimjams · 10/03/2006 14:26

But are the school going to think its important? If they don't and you've threatened to take your son out overit then they will think you are prone to over-reaction- that's all I mean. I've had my own year and half long battle with a school and you generally do better if you come across as reasonable.

Whatever you think I do think you should apologise when you get the chance because it will stand you in good stead for future relations. Whether you were upset or not- by saying you would take him out unless he was in the team- you did over-react.

Original poster

georgia73 · 10/03/2006 14:32

I agree i should not have said that.That was a bit heavy handed.Although I don't really care if they think it was important..well I do a bit...I mainly care that it was important to me and ds to find out what was going on. But I wish i hadn't used that threat now.

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Tanzie · 10/03/2006 14:33

I think Georgia realises she over reacted, but as she says this is a one off, I don't think the school are going to see her as a hysterical pushy mother from now on. And she says she has already apologised for her over reaction to the Head of Maths.

SoupDragon · 10/03/2006 14:33

Isn't this much the same as complaining about the amount of work by a child displayed on a wall though???

Original poster

georgia73 · 10/03/2006 14:35

Thats part of the reason why Iam so unsure now wether to even send ds to this team thing on Monday.
Did the school cave in and give him a place because i blackmailed them?
Or would they not have risen to that. It just feels wrong now..like i've forced them. If they told me they had made a mistake i would feel fine but they haven't. they told me ds is in ONLY because this other girl pulled out.

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Tanzie · 10/03/2006 14:37

I don't think you can really compare the two, SD. It was a one off and Georgia has apologised and sees that she over reacted. IME, Mums who complain that their child's drawings are not on the wall are the type that complain about every little thing going.

Original poster

georgia73 · 10/03/2006 14:37

I don't think its anything like complaining about how much work is on the wall???
Its completely different.

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Tanzie · 10/03/2006 14:39

Georgia, I think you should let him go. If the school want to save face (if this is the case) by saying the other girl can't go and your son can now go for the competition, I think you should accept this. You have made your point, and have got what you set out to get. What would be gained from not letting him enter the competiton now? It would just antagonise the school and damage your good relationship with them.

Original poster

georgia73 · 10/03/2006 14:40

Your right tanzie..I should just let this quietly blow over now. Thanks for your support.

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SleepyJess · 10/03/2006 15:35

Freckle yes.. Sittingbourne Community College used to be Rowena .. I went there.. it was an all girls school with St. Johns (boys) next door. Part of St. Johns is also SCC now. (The other part is now a seperate special school.)

Rowena was also known as.... The Whorehouse On The Hill.. .. and Rowena Pram Pushers!! (Said with "pride" at going to such a notorious place!! I acutally did pretty well there.. it wasn't a 'bad' school even then.. it just had some 'bad' pupils and a reputation!)

Where did you go? There were lots of girls who used to catch the Upchurch/Lower Halstow bus to and fro Rowena if memory serves.

SJ x

snailspace · 10/03/2006 23:36

Georgia - read the thread and sympathise. Glad it's sorted now. Don't worry about the reasons why the girl might have withdrawn - you'll just do your head in. You know your son deserves to be on the team, and I'm sure the school does too, they just can't admit it without losing face.

Choosing teams, etc at school is always rather contentious and I too have observed that it's often the same kids & the ones with pushy parents that get into everything. Private schools are the worst in this regard, as they have to keep their paying customers happy. Philly, I feel terrible for your son - every child needs to feel valued and have his moment. Talk through your concerns with the head of year and I expect he will be chosen for something soon. Funny how that works. Actually, with such a big year the school really needs to make more opportunities so everyone has a shout, so you'll be doing them all a favour to draw the school's attention to it.

I've been told by other parents I need to push to get my son into the main school orchestra. I'm a bit of a mouse so I haven't (and there's always next year), but others, whose children are less good (and also who are already in just about everything), have and are in. Life's like that! For the record, orchestra isn't the be-all-and-end-all for my son, as in Georgia's case, or I'd have had to have done something, but the unfairness still grates a little. Naturally non-pushy parents need to be encouraged to advocate for their kids sometimes to ensure they don't lose out.

Freckle · 11/03/2006 06:24

There were no direct buses from Upchurch to Sittingbourne when I went to school (said it was a long time ago!), so I went to Chatham. My nephew went to Borden Grammar and my niece went to Highsted Grammar though, from Lower Halstow.

RedTartanLass · 13/03/2006 20:22

How did they get on?

Spatz · 13/03/2006 21:45

yes, do tell...

Original poster

georgia73 · 14/03/2006 14:26

Hi...They didn't win. Ds said he has no idea where they came but it wasn't 1st..2nd ..or 3rd.

He really enjoyed it though..he said they were told to all work together on each question, rather than split up and tackle more.
Iam glad it was sorted out though as it was worth it to see how pleases he was to have gone.
Turns out the other girl did have a hockey match yesterday so sounds like she probably did pull out by herself.
The irony..this girl was offered it and prob turned it down wheras I threatened to pull ds from school. I suppose the other girl is so used to being in everything that it didn't even matter to her.
I think I have learnt a lesson though...I won't jump to conclusions so quickly and although Iam glad ds went for his sake..i will back away in future maths things. I suppose favouritism reins in most schools so putting ds elsewhere doesn't mean it won't be the same.
I hope I never have to confront the school again..I've hated the whole thing.
At least its all over now...and ds is content that he was allowed to have a go. At first he was worried that the other girl was made to pull out..as he likes her and would hate that..but I told him this was not the case so he was made up with his place. phewww.

OP posts:

Crackle · 14/03/2006 15:13

This is a very interesting thread.

My ds is in a small inde school and is approx one step up from 'nice but dim Tim'. He was chosen to represent the school along with two others at a Library book quiz. I knew nothing about it ubntil the day before when he came home with a note saying 'please make him clean his shoes tomorrow and can you scrape the snot off his blazer sleeve.'

Obviously, they didn't win as my ds uses books to prop up his PS2 but my ds had the best day of his life apparently. He came home with a goody bag and totally larged it all up. Bless.

Sadly, another mother whose son is a real bookworm went absolutely bonkers. She totally lost the plot to the extent that we could all hear her shouting at the poor form teacher 'but he isn't even clever!!!!' I think she might have been refering to my boy.

This has only confirmed my suspiscions that some people do live through their kids achievments with no thought at all to other lessons that 'not' being chosen might teach like sharing or somesuch old-fashioned idea.

At parents evening I asked the teacher why she had chosen my boy and she looked quite shamefaced as she told me 'because he's so nice.' Nuff said.

I hope that the original poster can take a breath and not worry about plots and PTA mavens, lighten up and enjoy school, let all the other pushy buggers get stressed out instead.:)

beatie · 14/03/2006 15:17

georgia73 - does your DS's school only participate in the team Maths Challenge or do they do the individual Maths Challenge as well?

Original poster

georgia73 · 14/03/2006 15:42

Hi ...yes Beatie they do the individual one too. Last yr my Ds got gold...he was the only one in his yr...this was partly why i was confused at him being left out of the team challenge.

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jalopy · 14/03/2006 17:07

Loved the post, crackle

Crackle · 14/03/2006 17:53

Thanks. I'm glad to read that everything resolved happily. It'd horrid to worry about school things.

I have many stories about my particular breed of school-gate Mums and some absolute humdingers regarding private school parent-govenors. I'll save them for another thread.

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