Advice please . Son left out of team!

[georgia73]

I,ve changed my name for this as I think one of my ds friends mums comes here.

Phewww..don't know were to start. I could really do with some avice and encouragement..I've had a really awful night , tossed and turned, I haven;t eaten since midday yesterday..I can't believe how strongly this has affected me.

Basically, my ds is 13 and in yr8. He is in a private school...He was awarded a scholarship after coming top in the entrence exam out of 250 kids sitting it. He scored in the top 2% nationally in his CATS and his main subject is maths.
I hope this doesn't sound like bragging cos its really not. He is awful at French, Is also underachiving in a a lot of subjects..as he is quite lazy and dis organized.
Anyway the one subject he never underachieves in is Maths..He is top of the yr in every single test he has been given. He doesn't even have to revise..it just comes natrually.
He is also the only pupil in his yr to get a gold in the maths challenge last yr.

Anyway it is the team maths challenge on Monday...schools throughout the country are meeting at universities to take part.
each school makes a team...2 from yr 8 and 2 from yr 9.
I knew about this a while ago as i looked it up on the site... Ds has been looking forward to it. we obviosly assumed he would be in it.
I think you can see were this is going.
Yesterday we found out another boy and girl from his yr have been picked.#
Ds is devestated...and so am I. Neither of these 2 have ever beaten ds in an maths evam....He always scores between 96 and 99%.
HE was the only one to get gold last yr!!!!

I read a thread on here a while ago about piffles son and this is similar...He is saying to me...Why should I bother any more?
Iam so angry...this is the subject he is passionate about and this teacher has ruined it for him.
I called the school and spoke to head of maths.
She told me it was the set 1 s teachers job to jive two names for the challenge and she would question her today aboyt her reasons.

Pheww can't post anymore right now...will post more later. Thanks for listening.

Sorry should have read the rest of the thread first.

It sounds a little sus but your ds has his place and hopefully will see the team though in stunning style :)
DS is involved in a general knowledge quiz atm, iuts very nerve racking, but golly their team is good, its going county wide final next wide then national.
Eeeks

Frogs that makes a lot of sense. Iam starting to feel silly for threatening to pull him out. Philly iam not in suffolk.
I don't even know wether to let him go on Monday..It just feels wrong.
Piffle ..thanks..I know you had a similar problem, The choice was purely down to the maths teacher...other subjects didn't come in to it.
I know you understand because my ds sounds just like yours for maths ability...can you imigine if he was left out of a maths team.

I don't have a child who is as bright as yours, georgia, but a friend of mine does.

Going on my friend's son's experience, it seems to me that some teachers either dislike extreme intelligence in a child or simply do not know how to bring out the best in them.

FWIW, I don't think you're being precious.

Hi Lizs..I see what you are saying..but..I was told at parents night last month that they choose the top 2 in the yr for the team challenge.

Frogs ,congratulations on your dds she sounds delightful and I hope she really enjoys her new school.

Reading these posts i do feel taht those in middle like my ds just seem to get ignored.He will probably never be in the top cohort so won't get picked for mthings on that criteria but neither does he struggle so he loses out then as well.sometimes I just want to shout out for those children who do their homework,turn up for school,keep the ruleswhen do they get their time in the limelight?

sorry just makes me angry sometimes .Unless you are top or bottom or your parents make a fuss then you get ignored it seems to me.

Sorry going a bit off topic here,but i do understand Georgia that this was his best chance to shine and it is frutrating not to understand fully the reasons why.

Awww thanks..Iam nearly in tears here at everyones nice comments..its really helped. I don't mind being topld if you think iam being unreasonable though...sometimes you can be too close to a situation to see clearly.

ah Georgia had n't picked up that they had actually back tracked on what you had previously been told.

Hear, hear, Philly , ds is one of those who floats academically probably near the bottom, but does as he is told. We chose a private school with maximum class size of 20 mainly for that reason, as he could blend in all too easily despite the fact he has some problems.

Re the 'children in the middle' (ability wise) not getting noticed.. I need to blow the trumpet of DS's school.. which is in a supposed 'area of deprivation' and has a less than great reputation (left over from years ago) but which it really doesn't deserve.

DS (Y9) is very average.. although more able in sports/practical subjects. He is under average in some areas. And yet his school, within a year of him being there, had run tests for dylsexia (he doesn't have it) because they had indentified that goes on in his head is far far superior to what he gets down on paper.. (his English said he has a an author's imagination and can being tears to her eyes with his ideas and descriptions!!) and to hear this after 7 year of me thinking 'oh dear.. he is thick :(') was great! He has been moved up a teaching group (from E to D.. with A being most able, J being least).. has been identified as gifted and talented in Design and Technology (and put on the Gifted and Talented programme which give the kids extra opportunities to excel at what they are good at) and so is doing a photography course after school in Wednesdays (has already developed his own stuff in their new dark room!) which will give him the opportunity to take a GCSE in this subject at the end of Y10.. and also, the staff always assure me that he is polite, well behaved (mostly!), with a lovely sense of humour who staff and children alike respect.

This has only given him MORE confidence! And to realise what this means you need to know that at the beginning of Y7, he has none. He was so stressed at the trauma of a new school etc, had so little confidence that he had to see a psychologist to help him deal with everything. He didn't want to do anything.. threw up daily from nerves etc. (Now, at the end of this month he is going to Austria.. ski-ing.. I never throught I'd see the day he want to do this, which is what MADE us find the money!)

This school (in case anyone cares :)) is Sittingbourne Community College (in Kent) and it SO deserves to have its trumpet blown because people seem to look down on it still for some reason even though it has been undeserving of that reputation for years.

It has a really dynamic head who the kids call Rocket Man because he is zooms about everywhere keeping everything under excellent control and appears to know ALL the kids names.. even though there are over 1000!!!

Sometimes I think it's fair to say that a very ordinary-seeming state school, tucked away in a less then wonderful area, could be considered worthy of being able to teach some of these private schools a thing of two. This school works hard to find a way to make EVERY child shine in some way (and in a way that they CAN.. not just by giving them opportunites to try something they will probably fail at) and then praises them to the rafters making them feel great!

Sorry.. sermon over! :)

I hope you get it sorted, it sounds a mess. Does he ever watch University Challenge? They often have a person who carries the team. No bad thing to have in my opinion! Perhaps the girl chosen feels, as I would have felt at her age, that I was OK at maths but not quiz material! And the thought of being chosen filled her with fear and dread?

Maybe the school had a point - it is a TEAM maths challenge. If the two members have to collaborate to come up with an answer, perhaps there were genuine doubts that he was the best choice (rather than it being any kind of cock-up). However I am sure they had no idea DS would react the way he did. Perhaps DS can learn from this - either he can acept that he is not a team player, (I know you said he is in sports teams), or that as (effective) team leader, he needs to involve the others more.

Sittingbourne Community College sounds fabulous.

Clerkkent..I think its preety clear that it was a mistake on the schools part. I think the excuse about ds not being a team player is just that an excuse. I think he is a team player and he told me he discussed the questions with the others in his team but he was the one who knew the answers. He told me he asked if everyone agreed before he put the final answer.
I really think was an excuse...what could the other two pupils have done differently. Surely one of the main objectives is to win,...and if it isn't then surely they thought ds would have benefited from being in a team.
I don't see how they could have expected any other reaction to be honest.As I said ds does come top in maths every time ..he alone got gold last yr...surely it was a bit of a snub not to include him.
Also just want to add..iam not a complainer at all ever...i hope noone thinks that. I can honestly say I have never in the 8 yrs ds has been in school been up or called up to complain.
Of course he has been left out of things before..quiz teams..etc. I would not have dreamt of questioning that. But I hope you can see why i HAD to question this. It was very very hard for me to complain to the school..Iam very quiet in real life, but I just had to over this.

SleepyJess, did Sittingbourne Community College used to be called something else? I grew up in Upchurch and I've never heard of it - mind you, my days in education were a very long time ago!

Also...sorry to go on. But just too clarify. Ds didn't sit their and do all the questions alone. He told me the group discussed it and decided to pair off so one pair could work on half the questions and the other half could work on the other half.
He paired with a girl called Lucy...Admittedly he says he done most of the work as Lucy was unsure but he consulted her on the answer before putting it down.
Anyway his pair got 8 out of 10 questions correct..the other pair in their team got 2 out of 10 correct...so in the space of 1hr they had managed to answer all questions by working as a team and delagating. There score was 10 out of 20 which got thenm 2nd place out of 7.
I don't know if he handled it wrong I'll ask him when he gets in if other teams paired off in this way.

I'm glad the matter is sorted now.
I am rather taken aback though by talk of conspiracies and cock-ups. Without knowing the criteria used for this and probably a whole host of other things the school does, I find it difficult to see how the school can be accused of so much.
Every now and then we get a genuine "gifted" student in school. I remember one clearly who was exceptionally talented at everything, apart from sports. Between the ages of 11 and 18, using ability and interest alone, he could have been picked as winner of every single award going. He also knew this and was initially a pretty irritatingly smug and arrogant boy. He'd admit it himself now! The school had to work really hard with him on a social level in order for him to emerge as a well-rounded individual.
Long-winded point being, schools must use a huge variety of criteria when decidng who does / gets what. Children often don't see that at all.
Please don't read too many parallels between this e.g. boy and your DS!! This isn't a huge criticism of you, just pointing out that things aren't always what they seem.

It ok Rowlers I do see your point...My ds is not top of all subjects though...he is pretty awful at Languages...He is also probably not a Genius at Maths...you know its not like he is starting his A level in it soon. But he is top of maths in his year group..every time...and at parents night i was told by the maths teacher that the top two in the yr go in the team challenge.
Maybe i should of let it go...butthis was his chance to shine..he is unlikely to shine in other subjects, although he is ve good at sciences.
Iam starting to worry now that I may have come across as a complete pushy mum to the school...perhaps they don't take this challenge as seriously and are wondering what the fuss is over, I don't know.

ALSO..I agree with everyone who is saying that other kids should be given a chance.that is my point....my ds is that boy.
He is hardly picked for anything...he is not very loud or creepy to the teacher so gets overlooked that doesn't bother him or me ...I don't care who gets to read in assembly...who gives out the flowers on prize day...or who gets the cup for all round trying hard.
Incidently the girl picked for the team challenge is all of the above...every single time.
It was only this one thing that bothered us...as I just felt is was so wrong.

She is a lovely girl though..don't get me wrong...and her mum is very friendly but very invoved in the school and keen to promote her daughter.

I see. Well, I can see your point more now - if the Maths teacher told you the top two in the year do the challenge, then I get where you are coming from!
You know this already as you sound very self-critical, but I do believe quite strongly that complaining is an art form. Not sure the threat of removing DS from school was the best way forward... I may be tempted to clarify this moment of erm, temporary insanity with DS' teacher so he / she doesn't think you are a complete fruitcake.
Just my personal view you understand! And meant in good humour.

you are too involved in thsi imo

how do you knwo all abotu these kdsi and what they are good at?
god i woudlnt haevt he fiantest idea nad id relly try not to get so ridiulcously het up about it

Georgia, yes, we had children like that at DD's school as well - the ones who always got the lead in the school play, chosen to do presentations etc. "Strangely" (not) they were invariably the children of teachers or some bigwig on the PTA.

Fortunately new headteacher seems to have put paid to all that, and is giving everyone a chance to shine!

Oh god..I know..iam worrying about that now..Iam also cringing at my saying "My ds carried the team" to her...that must have sounded so smug.
Hopefully they'll realise it was just a reaction as i've never complained about anything before.
Iam always amazed at some of the things parents go in to complain about. In my dd6 school one mum actually made an official complaint because there was only 2 of her dds pieces of work on the wall..wheras some children had 3 or 4 up.

God no. She really must be a loon!

Cod I have no idea whatsoever what all the kids in ds yr are good at..I haven't said I do know.
I just know that my own son is top in maths as his teachers tell him after every exam and I know he is the only pupil to get a gold as it was in the school magazine.
Other than that i have no idea.

step way from it
ring adn apologise for losing focus nad leave it

Georgia
If you are seriously worried, why not have a quiet word with the Head of Maths who you spoke to, and explain how much ds's reaction had upset you, and that whilst you still feel very strongly that he should have been selected, you are conscious that you may have over-reacted.

Good luck to the team on Monday!