I send my child to private school because....?

[jabed]

Well, I don?t actually, I just work in one. But it seems to be a constant source of questioning on MN and given the current news articles (I have been reading the DM and Tory graph online) about how many of our left wing leaders hypocritically claim to be egalitarian and socialist whilst buying education for their children , or have had education paid for by their own parents. I just wondered, what is it we expect from education, and why is it some of us are willing to pay for whatever that is and how they see that as worthy of their money.

There you go. :)

"Because I want my daughter to be taught to love learning, not how to pass exams. "

Pass ing exams is important too. As your dd will find when she gets a bit older. I'm guessing she's very young?

I went to a small, rural 2 bit private school as a child :) It was all fairly jolly and friendly in the first few years, rather dull, frustrating and cabin fever inducing in the later years, and I had a series of huge fights with my parents to persuade them to allow me to leave and go to the local 6th form for A levels, which I finally won on the basis they were secretly convinced I was stubborn enough to not do any work for my A levels, as I had threatened, if they didn't let me move. I am really not sure in what way that sort of private school helped me, except to make me "a big fish in a small pond" who then really struggled to adjust to "the real world" once I went to 6th form college. I did well in my exams in both schools. The private one subsequently closed down.

We live abroad and my parents assumed we would be fishing for help with school fees to send the kids to private international schools, but I wouldn't do that even if I could afford it on my own without their help - I want my kids to be with the neighbour kids and be "normal" (they are bilingual anyway, before they start school)... I always felt a bit "different" from the local kids, who all went to the same local state school, primary and secondary, and not in a good way... I am not sure the private education "helped" me in any way, certainly not enough to account for my mother working full time mainly to cover fees for all 3 of her children. TBH in my parents cases I am pretty sure there was a good bit of snobbery going on in their decision, as they had decided to send us private even though the state secondary we would have gone to had at least similar results.

I made that statement because you seem to have made a sweeping generalisation that MN is full of private school hating posters whereas I don't think so. I read your comment as being snide..!

Ok I read it again. You said its seen as acceptable to make snide comments on MN as if that was unusual. I don't think it is - i've heard it from many other quarters (as well as all other comments). That's what I was commenting on.

seeker the problem is that the British education system has only focused on passing exams and is extremely results-oriented. So we have ended up in a situation where exams are actually pretty meaningless unless a child has a row of A* results. So regardless of her age, I think a love of learning will stand my child in better stead in adulthood than a string of meaningless exam results.

How many times do we read on the Oxbridge threads that the tutors are looking, not just for excellent exam results, but an intense interest and love for the subject chosen for study?

So yes, I'm going to choose love of learning above exams.

"So we have ended up in a situation where exams are actually pretty meaningless unless a child has a row of A* results. So regardless of her age, I think a love of learning will stand my child in better stead in adulthood than a string of meaningless exam results"

Well, I have my own view about the "love of learning" that you acquire in a Steiner school. But, moving on. You are actually wrong about exams being meaningless if they aren't all a*s. And even if you weren't wrong, your child is going to be hugely disadvantaged without qualifications- they are the key to so many other things in life.

Did you really want to know OP or are you a serial private school basher name changer?

Good morning (or afternoon?). I had to answer this before I read anything else.
I am pleasantly surprised. Last night it looked as if no one was going to take it seriously and it would die a death. I asked because I was genuinely interested and I hoped that by making it a more general topic I would avoid the worst excesses of the "private school bashing". I am not a serial private school basher as you put it. I would have thought I had been around long enough for most posters to know something about me by now - although I do try to keep personal information to a minimum except on one occasion when I allowed myself to be pushed too far (by the serial poster bashers here).

So it is genuine toughasoldboots. You raise an interesting point about private medicine.

No Jabed, you are just a state school basher.

I read the OP as inviting private school parents to explain their choices, yet some posters who have chosen not to use it have responded

I am sorry to see you go toughasoldboots. The question was as you interpreted. I had hoped that by taking it as a stand alone topic MN private schoolers would feel it was neutral enough to allow them to have their say freely and without any value judgements being made of them.

I too have seen threads where some posters jump on others over private education. They are dismissive, disdainful and often unhelpful as well as
sometimes being outspoken to the point of rude.

I work in an independent school. It?s a well named and known school FWIW. I have a DS. I do not currently educate him in school. We (DW and self) HE following a number of issues we encountered when he went to a local village school where we had chosen to place him because he was very young and we thought he would be OK there ( well its a village school in a rural area -what would you have thought?). When we do put him into the education system, it will be in the private sector (so no bashing). :)

There is an almost identical thread started yesterday(on the Primary thread) about private schools and why parents chose them. This seems to come up regularly, do we really need another one?

No Jabed, you are just a state school basher

Love you too BeingFluffy :)

StarBallBunny "Their DCs would have got into the areas best state school and, I'm sure, walked out with 3A A'levels without them paying a penny."*
I am in a similar situation as you friends although don't give a toss about what my circle of friends think. I have an excellent comp on my doorstep and one of the countries top performing grammar schools fairly nearby and I'm sure my DS would "do" equally as well but that is not what I and many like me are paying for.

"They would also leave school with a much more rounded and realistic view of the world."
It may suit you too tar all children from independent schools with the same brush to make a dig at those who choose to pay but as someone who works with children from all back grounds I've found that many children in the state sector are also not particularly rounded or realistic.

I'm am certain my private school using friends, of whom I am very fond, are totally baffled by my choice not to force DD2 try for the grammar school.

I'm certain there have been plenty of comments behind my back.

I'm not in the least bothered, we are all products of our upbringings. We were lucky enough to have very different safe, secure happy childhoods and want to do the same for our DCs. We are sticking with what worked for us.

Just as DH and I don't argue about religion, he went to church as a child, I didn't. Faith works for him. It's total nonsense to me.

Xposted happy,

But why are you paying??

We have very good state schools inj our area. They are all Catholic though and very oversubscribed. The other state schools are very bad indeed.

Local parents are desperate to get into the Catholic Schools and there is a lot of going to church on Sunday. The alternative is to pay for private and lots of Grandparents paying fees.

Some parents who cant afford private send their children 40 miles away every day in taxis to go to Grammar schools in the next LEA.

The local state school system really is that bad that anyone who cares about their DCs education will do anything to avoid it.

Obviously most of the little two bit independent schools most mumsneters are talking about, and which they fondly imagine will buy their child advantage don't come into this category, but they do their bit to perpetuate the social divide. And could well be done without

Seeker, this is the kind of comment I find least helpful and you have made similar ones several times. Indeed you may be part of the group of posters who have been my motivation for this thread - those who need to be unhelpful and disrespectful toward others who may make different choices.

You have made a sweeping generalisation above assuming MNers who send their children to small independent schools have certain expectations. Reading through this thread I am not at all sure they do have those expectations (in fact that was one reason I put the thread here; to find out).

It seems to me that most users of the private school system are not looking for any other advantage than that of a good education, small classes, and being able to place their children in classes with children who are well behaved and whose parents will most likely share their values. In other words simple decent schools which they have found lacking in the state sector.

It is a crying shame that this has to be the case really. State schools should
(they often do not) be able to provide this safe well disciplined environment where learning can take place but they do not. I have my own thoughts on the reasons for that. I have said before I will not let my DS be part of the experiment in social inclusion and I suspect many parents share that view.

Its very simple StarBallBunny because its better!

I CAN

I've only read this thread quickly, but one reason I have chosen / would chose private school is to retain some authority over my children's education.

I might end up sending my DS to a state school (Long story) and I'm not happy about it.

I don't like the nanny state. I don't like so much being taken out of my control. I want to parent my own children. I hate the idea of someone (QT or not) telling what is right for my child when they barely know them. And I seriously dislike the fact that they have to present things to conform with laws (not having a go at teachers about that one, but they do have to be careful with what they say and how they say it)

So, quite honestly, I would choose private education. And I'm seriously questioning state education.

Personally, I don't think that your dcs necessarily get better results by attending private school. Different situations suit different individuals. I don't like the education system at all and have decided not to use it, for several reasons. I know my choice will benefit my dd and she will reach her full potential. That is what is important imo.

I actually think the writing is on the wall for many independent schools. I'm not talking about Eton et al but small non selective/fairly unselective independent schools in "nice" rural areas

I am afraid I am going to disagree with you on this happygardening. I think there is more demand now for those small non selective schools in many places. I accept the recession may have made things financially difficult for some of them in the short term - and some have gone to the wall - but these schools started (historically) mainly as a response to grammar school selection and a failure of the secondary modern system in the tripartite experiment.

Successive state school educational initiatives have not improved the situation any and those who can afford it are becoming first time buyers into the private system. This isn?t because they want top results and a grand name for their DC, it?s largely because, as is said time and again, they want their child to have a good education in an environment free from violence and aggression and behaviour issues. Where their DC's can be allowed to learn. Where teachers can teach.

I believe that as long as state schools have policies of inclusion, significant behavioural issues and social problems which are not addressed and large disrupted classes, the demand for those small schools in rural areas will continue and as the recession eases, will probably grow.

Worrywort- could you give some examples of the way state schools take parenting out of your hands? I really don't understand your last post. In my experience, state school parents have far more "rights"- because they are enshrined in law- than private school parents. Or am I misunderstanding you?

I posted earlier about my DD being bullied. I wanted her to go to the local school, and have friends living close to us. The problem was that it got to the point that she was terrified of going to school, wouldn't join in any after school clubs and became ill with worry (very bad IBS). She would have been fine academically in the local school, but I wanted her to enjoy school and take part in all the extra activities. I didn't want her to dread school for the next five years. She chose to go to the private school, which is quite a bit further away, and is now very happy. She still sees her friends from her old school.

In our case, it wasn't a case of state vs. private, it was more that our state school let us down in one area only. There are drawbacks to going to a private school of course, but I think we made the right decision for our DD.