I send my child to private school because....?

[jabed]

Well, I don?t actually, I just work in one. But it seems to be a constant source of questioning on MN and given the current news articles (I have been reading the DM and Tory graph online) about how many of our left wing leaders hypocritically claim to be egalitarian and socialist whilst buying education for their children , or have had education paid for by their own parents. I just wondered, what is it we expect from education, and why is it some of us are willing to pay for whatever that is and how they see that as worthy of their money.

There you go. :)

But doesn't that contradict your reliance on IQ as the main indicator, though?
Although I'm not sure what school you're thinking of, where there are classfuls of children with an IQ of 80!

I want my child to learn tolerance
I want my child to have compassion
I want my child to experience diversity
I want my child to value and respect others regardless of class and wealth
I want my child to have humanity
I don't want my child to grow up to be sohia

Well said, Mrz

^^ what Mrz said

I want my child to be happy.
I want my child to be safe
I want my child to learn tolerance
I want my child to have compassion
I want my child to experience diversity
I want my child to value and respect others regardless of class and wealth
I want my child to have humanity
I don't want my child to grow up to Sohia.

Respect, Mrz

The two things I find most distasteful (and also ridiculous) are firstly that young people with high IQs will only be found in private schools and secondly that all 'SN DCs', to use Sohia's term, will have a detrimental effect on their classmates.

I did enjoy xenia's list, especially

2. 50% of Olympians went to private schools - much better sport.

I am left with a burning question about the other 50 per cent of Olympians... did they not go to school? Did they work in coal mines? Scrub floors? Or worse, attend state schools?

+1 to MrZ's list - with the addition "I happen to have chosen a (not academically selective) private school" - and yes, that means that their experience of some sorts of diversity will be outside school.

tread - I picked that one up too.

Maybe the other 50% didn't go to school at all.

I mean, no education at all would be better than chavvy school.

It looks as if that can of worms may have opened.

I have never found it very helpful to condemn the views of another, no matter how distasteful may find them or how much I disagree. I do not think attempts at suppressing the views of others in any way furthers a debate or removes prejudices.

Some posters may be sensitive and others may have crashed all over those by expressing strong views in a less than polite way.

However, like xenia, I have to admit too much of what has been written by sohia being applicable to me. I can remember getting into hot water suggesting that I was unhappy with my DS?s school before I removed him. I said then that my main motivator in removing him had been the behaviour and learning difficulties of a rather large number of pupils in his class (about 1/3 of the intake. This seemed to be causing problems in several ways. I won?t bother to elaborate, just to say that the issue raised by sohia may have some validity.

Similarly as xenia has said, I have also previously expressed a feeling that I would prefer my DS to be educated in a more socially exclusive environment which reflected the culture of myself and DW. That too caused a lot of issues.

So like xenia, I would say most of that list is what many middle class parents do.

It might be valuable to unpick what is being said and look at it logically and reasonably but that cannot happen. I do not plan on being banned for saying the unsay - able because the thought police are on it (been there with a previous comment).

The special needs provision can be better in some private schools than the state system. Many a mumsnetter has moved a child to a private school which specialises in dyslexia etc

I agree. So why is it when the shoe is on the other foot so to speak and someone says I want my child in a class with other intelligent/ socially skilled/ middle class children they are lambasted?

In most independent schools policies regarding special needs are different. In my own school for example we do not operate a policy of inclusion but one of mainstreaming or sometimes SN are in a special unit. We also ask too that SN children are properly supported with their own LSA who always has to be paid for in addition to fees.

Jabed... I have asked the same of Sohia (she hasn't responded) but could you do the same? Please tell me where you are planning to send your kids, cos I would like to avoid.

Similarly, if you have (youngish) children, you might want to know what prep we are going for, because your perfect child might have to deal with my SN child.

One day all of our children will have to interact with each other. It's a small concept called adulthood. There will always be someone weaker. There will always be someone stronger. Not letting your kids in on that fact until they are 18 is a real problem.

@worrywort Sohia sends her DCs to a private school for thick kids with rich and snobby parents. Therefore the whole 'other intelligent kids' thing doesn't quite ring true. Nor does the bit about social skills because I haven't seen many in evidence from her on this thread. Her DCs of course may be lovely.

Can we please stop talking about 'SN children'. Children with SN are not an homogenous group.

warnworrywortisntworryinganymore
I have been told that a lot of people have complained and I have been not to say anything else. So I cant answer you further.

Of course you can, Sohia you just don't want to.

You can do what you want. As can I. Even with my SN son. PM if you want to. Your views do not scare me at all. I may not like them, but I don't feel the need to hide from them.

@worrywort Sohia sends her DCs to a private school for thick kids with rich and snobby parents. Therefore the whole 'other intelligent kids' thing doesn't quite ring true. Nor does the bit about social skills because I haven't seen many in evidence from her on this thread. Her DCs of course may be lovely

That?s rather catty metabilis. Even if her DC's are not the brightest, I sure she is trying to do her best for them. I believe the research shows that less able students suffer the most as a result of inclusion policies in state schools.

Metabilis3 - WHile I agree with you completely, regarding SNs... this is not how it is viewed in 'the wider society' (or parts of it) . I think, in a way, it's good to stick together.

Of course you can, Sohia you just don't want to

No I cannot. I have had an e mail from MN telling me not to say any more as I have offended people and they have complained.

So I will be going now.

Compassion and tolerance are very very important but there is a fine line whereby the attention a teacher has to give children with special needs means that the other children do not get the education they need.

However avoiding this is not why most parents send their children to fee paying schools. They do so because they can afford a choice and when they look at alternatives the fee paying school appears better.

There will always be those who choose because of snobbery or ignorance but most I think make an informed choice.

I agree everyone should have the same education and chances but rearing children is not a social experiment and because I can, I give my children what I perceive to be the best.

Yes you can. PM me.

Don't take the easy way out of this, Sohia.

I've been here for years and MN have NEVER EVER told some one what to say. EVER. They might ban you.............But I'm suggesting you PM me.

Do it. maybe if you actually interacted with a SN (he's aspergers / HFA) child you might learn something.

Come on, Sohia. Man up. ANswer me.

My children will go to a prep school. A prominent one. Well, my DD will. We will see about my DS.

YOu see, I place his happiness over and above his academic academy.

I'm more than happy to converse with you.

One day all of our children will have to interact with each other. It's a small concept called adulthood. There will always be someone weaker. There will always be someone stronger. Not letting your kids in on that fact until they are 18 is a real problem

Would anyone mind if I tackle this (above)? Mindful that someone has been warned already. Please let me know MNers before I go ahead.

Voltaire comes to mind - I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
But of course not everyone feels that way clearly.

Against everything I have ever believed in, I now send my child to a private school because it is free, we are abroad, she goes to the school I work in and is the only option.

It is really lovely - behaviour is far better than state schools I have worked in, but we are in the far east and I suspect that might have as much or more to do with things than the price tag.

Much as I love it here, there is one thing that does concern me. Some children who, in the state system, might be getting extra support because of SEN, may not be, as parents seem to be very averse to any kind of diagnosis. I wonder if this is a stigma that is common in private schools, going by the horrible posts from that woman above? Just a thought.

If you say anything about any sort of SN not playing a part in general society, or somehow now being quite as 'worthy' as your NT chidlren, then I will report.

Other than that, go for it.