SAHM or private school for DC(s)

[Gatorade]

I have a 4 month old DD and I am starting to think about what I want to do in relation to going back to work and future school options (these decisions appear to linked as affordability starts to come into the equation).

We could comfortably afford for me to be a SAHM and send DD to a private school (well pre-school nursery first, but then through the private school system), this again would be ok for a second DC. The difficulty would be if we have more than 2 DCs, if we are lucky enough we would like 3 or 4.

If we were to have 3 DCs I would need to work at least 3 to 4 days a week to ensure that we could maintain our lifestyle (which is quite basic really, we are not extravagant people) and fund the school fees from earned income.

I am not too worried about my own future career, I feel I have achieved what I wanted to in terms of work before I had DD and if I don't have a professional career again in the future (if, for example I take 10+ years out of the workplace) this wouldn't concern me.

So my question, what would be more beneficially to my DD and future children, having a SAHM or going to private school?

No not a higher state, just happy, content and thats it really. I had a good career before dcs, which helped to put a roof over our head. We don't consume alot and aren't materialistic. D/h earns money that we need and a bit for a rainy day, so not vulgar really.

right then so you and your dh are as much enmeshed in capitalism and pursuit of money as the rest of us. he works, and pays himself a salary.you dont work and youre the beneficiary of the salary paid

Xenia it speaks volumes that the most important thing you seem to be able to tell us about what youve done for your children is to be able to give them careers advice.

Followed closely by private school.

My mum never gave me career advice, and nor did my (MD) father. I'm bloody glad of all the other things they've done though. And my mother was always seen as the 'clever' parent in our household. Oh and given that my score on the test that was circulating yesterday was that 89% of the country earn less than me, I wouldn't say I had failed by your standards either.

And I can emphathise with other people to boot.

scottishmummy you are right
we could all judge each other behind the security of anothers salary !

I don't think I have judged anybody, I have not once said that a working parent is bad or that their children suffer in anyway, but I have been told that I am a moronic down trodden slave, a muggins mum, a bad example for my children, a horrible example as a female and I have a low IQ all because I WANT to stay had home to look after my children.

I agree that the work place should be set up more for flexibility not just for women but men aswell. My parter has actually gone through the process of applying for flexable working under the legislation brought in a couple of years ago. But was turned down. I think it is a shame that more people are unable to work the hours they have to at a time that suits them and that many jobs would be suited to this, there is much more technology around to make working from home an option. I agree on all these things but...

If someone chooses to be a full time parent they should not put down and insulted for it.

apparently my dc will institutionalised citizens and unwilling to care for me in my dotage. so mrs hannigans rest home for the crabbit and unloved for me then

Aww scottish you can come and live with me

i will take you up on that if hannigans wont have me
ta

Puts kettle on

"It is better for DC longterm especially girls if both parents WOH Fact" . Evidence, please.

Personally, I think that children, particularly the under 5's, are better looked after in their own homes by someone who loves them. Interestingly, this is one of the most unpopular opinions that can ever be expressed on mumsnet. It's so unpopular and so potentially upsetting that I very rarely express it. The "nursery orthodoxy" is so ingrained that sometimes parents actually feel guilty if they don't send their child to some sort of pre school care.

any chance of a well fired roll?
tattie scone?
teas nice too...

oh dont make me laugh
precious moments mamas cant contain selves from deriding nursery. armed with repertoire of
1.why have em if you let strangers watch them

1. used to work in nursery/ know a nursery nurse and would never but own child in nursery
2. missing precious moments
3. some OJ or bidduph research to affirm abandonment of infants is damaging

oh the notion thats its a pov that dare not speak its name is risible

housework maybe you havent ?
but plenty have and its hilarious to hear a whole speech about how WOHM are selfish,give their DC to strangers,only care about money and then... point out that due to flexible working your DC are looked after by both their parents -cue a few catsbum mouths

Ive done both - there is no rightway although I prefer WOH as I love my job and get paid !

And being rude to parents who stay home with their young children is absolutely fine too. Bizarre.

seeker my Dc have been looked after by both parents - never been in childcare -so children under 5 being looked after by someone who loves them is not an issue for me. Although I dont judge those who use childcare. No guilt either way here

do you want to speak up for the overlooked minority view that nursery is harmful
you see its never really much said on mn

All of our DDs may have to work when they grow up, whether they are parents or not. That being the case I'm glad that I at least have done my best to ensure tha DS won't be one of the legions of sexist men making things difficult for them - because he hasn't grown up thinking a woman's place is in the home. He thinks a woman's place is anywhere she wants or can afford it to be. Just like a man's.

Who has been rude - me ???
If I wasnt at home DH was why would I be rude to him
Just trying to break the SAH vs WOH stereotypes - lots of parents do a bit of both.

Scottishmummy.
I don't really see what capitalism has to do with institutionalising your children, unless you are saying that in order to earn money you need to institutionalise your dcs. Also, I do work by the way, its demanding but very rewarding.

TeaPig, I can't see how I have judged anybody, I have disagreed with some peoples views.

you work,your dh works?salary for exchange of labour=capitalism
your engaged in pursuit of money,same as rest of us.but somehow you are trying to distance or differentiate what you and dh do for money as somehow more worthy. when your money folds same way as everyone else

Housework I agreed that you havent!
I too disagree with judging others on their childcare arrangements because so much is down to lack of choice.
Im in a pretty unique situation and dont fall into either camp because I shared childcare with my DH - we are both SAH/WOH at one time or another.
I bake better cakes than him though

Scottishmummy. I can assure you I'm not. My comments about institutionalising children are my own opinion and nothing to do with whether I work or not. I have always been a sahm, because I wanted to and have strong beliefs on the issue. Its up to other people what they believe and I said I was happy having reached self actualisation even though I haven't been employed for many years. I don't think I'm any better than anybody else but I don't think my children are worse of or that I am a bad role model through not being employed. I do believe those points you make in the above post as they are part of my opinions. They are no better opinions than anybody elses, they make you laugh

Opps sorry- last comment was to morethan

Well we can all see how well chidlren in affulent families do. It hardly needs to be said. 70% of women work and want to once they have children. Very few like or think being a housewife is better. It's becoming a bit of non issue really thankfully.

As for it saying something about me that I mention one anecdote from yesterday about advice for her interview today to my daughter means I only care about careers that is just plain wrong. The husbands of the housewives on this thread and the working mothers cuddle love and devote a lot of time to their children. In fact we tend to do it better as we haevn't been worn done by domestic stuff and too much childcare which all women and men from all times have always sought o share with others freom wet nurses to slaves to other children to nannies and nurseries since the dawn of man.

You speak of the way rich people have always cared for their children. Not the majority by a long chalk.

I'm not disputing that working mothers are good parents.

I'm disputing that they are not better by default than SAHps. And saying that there are benefits and desirable features to being a Sah, different to the benefits of working.