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Education

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Original poster

How much do you sacrifice to send Dc to private school?

419 replies

VeryTiredMummyOf2 · 06/04/2012 22:44

I have 2 Dc, just want to know what people give up? And is it worth it?

OP posts:
Hissboo · 08/04/2012 11:29

There were loads of drugs available at my state school and a couple of suicides. Didn't realise that you usually have to pay fees for that Hmm

noddyholder · 08/04/2012 11:32

It can happen anywhere is what I am saying. Money is not a shield.Anyway I am hiding the thread and wish sparkling all the best you sound normal and balanced and tbh this thread is not the place for you as you seem to see your child as a living breathing individual and not an extension of yourself that you can mould to make up for your own insecurities.

Chubfuddler · 08/04/2012 11:34

Gosh that's an accurate summary of how the people on this thread view their children's education. Not.

Heswall · 08/04/2012 11:37

Oh the old I cannot think of an argument so I'll insult everyone and then say I've hidden the thread so there's no point in responding line.

Maybe private school is a waste of money if that's the level of debating skills they've turned out. I think it's fair to say you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear.

Sparklingbrook · 08/04/2012 11:38

Well it's been lovely hasn't it?

noddyholder · 08/04/2012 11:38

Wink yes and you can't make a toff out of the nouveau riche/desperate

Chubfuddler · 08/04/2012 11:40

Well you can actually, look at the duchess of Cambridge. But I don't think most have any ideas of that sort of thing.

Heswall · 08/04/2012 11:45

I thought you were hiding this thread ?

LondonKitty · 08/04/2012 12:17

I don't see how being on here boasting about how marvellous your decisions have been and how great you are to spend a fortune on your child's school/ confectionary is a demonstration of self confidence and security. On the contrary, I would have to wonder...

I think those of us who are doing the best we can with the situations we are in should just feel proud of that.

It honestly doesn't matter how much money you spend on education and it is not fair to try and suggest it does. There is so much more to bringing up a child.

And Private schools definitely don't automatically mean greater confidence.

Heswall · 08/04/2012 12:29

I am not 100% confident in my choices, nobody can be but I'll defend them. I might be making the biggest mistake of all sending them to private school but I'll be able to look them in the eye and say I did everything in my power to make the right decisions for them at the time and as long as we can all do that then it'll be fine and dandy.

LondonKitty · 08/04/2012 12:42

And that's good, Heswall, all credit to you for that. Indeed, you shouldn't have to defend what is your choice to make. But you have a wider range of choices available to you than other people. I don't think it is necessary to sound like you are rubbing their noses in it. It is possible to have the same aspirations for your children without your means and to still achieve them. [bugrin]

Savannahgirl · 08/04/2012 12:59

A well educated, middle class, very good friend of mine had her son in a nice little state primary school, in a town where there is also a very prestigious & expensive boys public school.

Her son's school had arranged for his class to go along for the day to the public school to do some cooking and art activities with the boys in that same year group, presumably to encourage a bit of "social mixing & community spirit".

However, a few days prior to the event, my friend and other parents were told that their children would still be going to the private school to participate in the activities, but would not be joined by the pupils of that school.

The reason given, was that the parents of boys at the private school had objected to their children being expected to mix with the 'local' children (for 'local' read 'riffraff')!!!!

Now if that's the attitude private schools are giving their pupils then I'm very glad we haven't sent ours to one! [bushock]

GnomeDePlume · 08/04/2012 13:01

What is the 'extra' that private school provides?

My DCs attend a poor school in a poor town. DD1 is confidant, outgoing, musical. She is targeted with straight As at GCSE.

What is the extra that £10,000 per year would have bought her?

This is a serious question BTW.

Chubfuddler · 08/04/2012 13:03

Gnome - for that child, not much perhaps. We make decisions for the children we have and what's right for one isn't for another.

Savvanh - I simply don't believe that to be true.

Savannahgirl · 08/04/2012 13:08

chubfuddler - telling it how I was told it. Said friend is not one for embellishing or exaggerating.....

Heswall · 08/04/2012 13:10

The private school would not have suggested the idea in the first place without knowing the parents wouldn't mind or would be told to get a grip if they did mind so I suspect your friend has the wrong end of the stick.

swallowedAfly · 08/04/2012 13:20

gnome - status full stop.

swallowedAfly · 08/04/2012 13:21

still laughing at low paid women being asked whether they have low iqs or no legs here Grin you couldn't make some people up.

itsonlyyearfour · 08/04/2012 13:34

Just a comment that snobbery in (some) private schools is alive and well.

Our best family friend sends her boy to a mixed selective indie and said she is shocked at the language some of the boys use to describe other children educated in state schools.

To answer the OP, I think going without savings for old age, pensions and mortgaging the family property to pay for anything is a choice that I would never make because I would consider it reckless. Having witnessed the consequences of ill health as well as other unexpected life events I would never do it myself.

Giving up luxuries I would do if I thought it was worth it, definitely. But I would always put a financial safety net around my family first.

eastnorth · 08/04/2012 13:43

Well said itsonly. Why would savannah other to write something if it wasn't true? It's very arrogant to think somebody is lieing. I used to get told of by my school because I had a boyfriend from the wrong school who used to wait for me outside of school. There is snobbery however I am sure you get this in state schools as well. Heswall I think lots of us will look our children in the eye and say we have done our best for them.

Savannahgirl · 08/04/2012 14:13

heswall with all due respect I think my friend is intelligent enough to know the right or wrong end of the stick and although this happened a few years ago, I can safely say that my recollection of the conversation has not been clouded by old age. It did happen....[buhmm]

Heswall · 08/04/2012 14:23

With all due respect, it sounds highly unlikely, unbelievable in fact. Parents simply do not have that much power in any school otherwise the whole establishment would be a complete farce.

Aboutlastnight · 08/04/2012 14:40

Really, the idea that 'sacrifices' can pay for private school is bizarre as most of the population cannot afford this privilege. This is a very 'mumsnet' conversation.

Linking IQ with pay is laughable too. Just off the top of my head I work with a friend for the NHs who has a masters in philosophy and another friend will be serving you meat from the counter at Tesco after finishing his PHd and applying for academic posts. St the moment there is an army of qualified professionals, academics etc working in low paid jobs because it's work and better than unemployment. I can certainly look my children in the eye and say that I have done just this so we don't lose the roof over our heads.

Most people in this country who make a real contribution were not privately educated. Most parents can look their children in the eye and say to them that no they have not earned enough to buy them a fancy education, but their work is importan

I bring my kids up to respect people because they are people, not according to earnings or some notion of 'IQ' or what car their parents drive.

The idea you may have failed your children if you don't provide them with an education involving a ridiculous uniform and tuba lessons on tap is pure mumsnet.

SarryB · 08/04/2012 14:41

This is something that me and the OH are going to knock heads over...we're expecting our first child and it's already come up in conversation!

I went to state schools, onto college and got a HND, which I used to become self-employed (I worked part time too). Then I went travelling, moved countries and stopped being self-employed due to some serious constraints. I have been in some form of employment since the age of 16, and now we're expecting, I don't imagine I'll be working again for a while.

He went to private/boarding schools all over the world (Asia, Europe etc) due to his father's job. He went to uni to study law, but dropped out, spent 10 years as a 'city boy' (his words!), earning a lot of money, before he had a nervous breakdown and abandoned that lifestyle.

He would like to send our child to a private school, I wouldn't. I really can't see what benefits it has bought him or his siblings over me and mine. His brother has only just moved away from home (age 32) and his sister is a teacher. I have a lot of siblings, but the ones who are grown up now - two went to uni (and were very successful!), one joined the army and one got pregnant very young and is a SAHM.
I don't really see the benefit in sacrificing so much, for what appears to be very little gained back.

frankie3 · 08/04/2012 15:13

Aboutlastnight- I totally agree with you!

I went to a v good private school, my dh went to a comp. He has a great job, better than mine, not because he earns a lot of money but because he enjoys what he does.

My ds is not at private school as no amount of giving up stuff would be enough to pay for the fees. Two children at private school costs more than a holiday, nice clothes and a flash car.

At the age of 14 I would hate my ds to chose a career based on earning a high salary. In fact I would hate him to have a soulless job in the city but would prefer him to have a job where he is contributing to society. If he is clever then i would be so proud if he became a scientist, teacher or engineer etc.

I also believe that future career success is not based on private schooling (unless you definitely want an Oxbridge city job) but is based on your aspirations, which can obviously be influenced by your parents and the people you live among.

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