How much do you sacrifice to send Dc to private school?

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

I have 2 Dc, just want to know what people give up? And is it worth it?

I must be really selfish because if we couldn't comfortably afford private education our children would switch schools.

I do not think that there can be many families on 70-80k who can afford school fees for children. I suspect they have one child and almost no mortgage - or both.

I forgot to mention, that at the moment, there's no way we could afford to send a child to private school (and we live in rent/bill free flat that comes with my OH's current job). Of course, by the time our child/children are old enough, he may have been promoted and we may be able to afford it but...
If we ever start earning enough money, I'd prefer to buy our own house rather than pay for my child's education.
Is that selfish too?

Pretty sensible Id have thought Sarry

I don't think that private schooling is worth any sacrifice. Most children would prefer to have holidays, a nicer home, extra luxuries and less stressed parents rather than a private education.

My DCs are all state educated (non selective!) and went on to top universities. They achieved better grades than many we know who went to independent schools and I honestly believe that they were far happier in a less pressurised environment.

If paying school fees means you will turn around to your children one day and say 'after all we've done for you' when they don't achieve or rebel, I'd rather not bother!

after all we've done for you' when they don't achieve or rebel

Oh yes we trot that out daily, if they don't eat their tea, fight with siblings, don't achieve 100% in spelling tests, can't read Shakespear by the age of 6.
Of course we do, it's the funny farm we are aiming to get them into obviously

I don't agree at all, mouldyironingboard. Sometimes children are unhappy in their local school and private schooling offers alternatives that suit some children much better.

We moved my DSSs from (good) state to really good private and they were instantly and amazingly much happier and much nicer! 18 months later they continue to improve and are a joy to behold and be with. Their contemporaries from their old state school are either really unhappy, failing students or wallowing in chavdom.

Not sure if I would call it sacrifice because I don't actively think "oh we won't have a new car this year because we are paying school fees"the fees are just a given .Our disposable income is the post fees one .

I can't really think of anything I would rather spend the money on so we just get on with it.We definitely live in a smaller house than we could if we didn't pay school fees ,I do watch the bills and we only have one holiday abroad every two years on average and then it will by easyjet flights and self catering.My car is 10 years old and dh's is 6 years old ,and we definitely have smaller pension pots .

I don't regret it ,I know that everyone says Oh a bright child will do well anywhere but I am positive ds1 would have got average results without the close pastoral care and chivvying from his school he just wasn't that self motivated at 14 .As it is, it took him until year 10 to really get the message by which time at our local enormous (2000+)comprehensive he would have been on the wrong "pathway" and condemned to low achievement as has happened to some of his contemporaries.

I also hate the tick box mentality of the current state education system , I wanted him to be "educated " not just collect qualifications and our local school is a bit of a sausage factory in that regard,the Head is obsessed with league tables .

I know we are very lucky to have this choice but at his school 1/3 are on bursaries ,some of more than 100% (ie uniform and some trips paid for etc)so the mix is not as rarified as other schools.My ds3 is in the junior school and I would say in his class of 18 there are probably a core of 3 or 4 who have exotic holidays etc and the rest of us are camping ,self catering and the cars are mostly battered estates and old 4x4s again with a core of luxury cars but they are definitely in the minority.

Oh and I was far more stressed when they were in state school, all that topping up and filling in the gaps was bloody exhausting and you couldn't even afford a holiday to recuperate due to the operators trebling the price as soon as they broke up.

Ds1 has been to so many more countries at 7 than we ever did. But I preferred being at a good school to lots of holidays. Big house, toys, siblings, beach - maybe it all felt like a holiday.

Although things weren't too tight, ballet, piano lessons all that - looking back I can say I'm glad my parents didn't choose lots of expensive travel over fees.

Gosh and 'wallowing in chavdom' is obviously a by-product of state schooling. Of course if the chav's parents then chose private schools for their offspring they would probably be dismissed as nouveau riche.

( do they have chavs in France? I thought there was severe punishment got exposed thongs, gold jewellery and Ugg boots)

No wonder so many of the parents of children in my class look so tired all the time!

Yes Bonsoir , all state school educated children are unhappy, underachieving chavs.

I would be horrified if the result of paying tend of thousands of pounds on school fees was that my children used the term chav.

I am shocked at the animosity on this thread towards private schools and the parents who have chosen a private education for their dcs. I can't see how demonisation of the parents is even relevant to op's question.

By frankie3 'the age of 14 I would hate my ds to chose a career based on earning a high salary. In fact I would hate him to have a soulless job in the city but would prefer him to have a job where he is contributing to society. If he is clever then i would be so proud if he became a scientist, teacher or engineer etc.'

From my experience of state school and from what I see of it in my local area - to have a serious chance of attaining those careers you would nearly have to go indi. Excepectations adn opportunities are so so low. Of course it isn't a given and of course state pupils in this region succeed - but I wonder if they are the very able children who would haven done well whatever.

We earn about £22k a year now and I am plotting how I can get 2 through senior school. I have given up on jnr.
There must be a way. I'll be looking to remortgage, increase to full time and there are no new cars or holidays here anyway.

Well I am in my 40s and know many people who have been to state school and gone into a variety of jobs. From drivers and caterers to teachers, solicitors, medical consultant. I and they went to a very ordinary comprehensive. I have a mix of friends with a mix of jobs/ careers.

People do well from state schools. It's just not to easy and those of us women who earn quite a lot often find we would therefore rather spend that money on school fees than other things. It is up to every parent to decide what career they will pick (and if that will sustain school fees) and if they want children at fee paying schools, posh comps, inner city comps, their local hindu primary school in the state sector or educate at home or abroad or whatever. We are very lucky that many people have choices and it's important children are told when picking careers that one career will mean you may well have a wide choice of good school for your child and enough money to afford the life you want and another career will not give you that choice.

High paid jobs are not "souless". Indeed many do God's work. 25% of people are net payers (tax) and 75% in the UK take more from the system than they put in). If all of us plumped for low paid work everyone else would find their benefits, tax credits and the like halved or removed so let us not stigmatise women who work well as doing souless work. Indeed more people thannot work in businesses of under 10 people in this country, their jobs created by women (and men) who set up businesses on a small scale.

Today's survey was quite interesting in the press - that people are marrying more within their own social class than they used to and thus consolidating wealth and power and advantage, whereas previously they married more out of their class in the UK.

There is a lot of independent school bashing on this thread. Its helped by comment about Chavs in state ed. etc. Those who for whatever reason dont pay to educate their DC's seem very keen to critisize those that do I find this a little hard to understand and leaves me wondering if despite all their protestations jealousy underpins alot of these comments.
IMO there is a lot of luck involved as to whether you have the money to pay or not. At so many stages in out lives we make decisions whether they be about jobs house moves and even what school we send our children too and I do not believe that the decisions you make at 14 has to be a life sentence of poorly paid employment.
My DS is at an boarding school so many factors came together to make this possible for him. 8 years ago we never planned for him to be where he is now. But over the years different factors have enabled this to happen and convince us that for him this is the right choice. Many of these factors were not only unplanned but also completely outside of our control. I do tell my DS he's lucky; lucky because he is receiving what I believe is probably one of the best educations in the UK and lucky because he and we just happen to have been in the right places at the rIght times to enable this to happen. But I what I don't tell him is that he's any better than any other child regardless of where he's being educated.

Meant to say at the end regardless of where their being educated. Can't find my bloody glasses so apologies for any spelling errors etc.

Ah 'jealous'

Wondered when that one would appear.

Cocnutty I was responding to the assertion from Bonsior that children from state schools end up miserble, a failure or wallowing in chavdom.

I never said that only independent educated children use the word chav, it isn't a word my children would use, especially not in front of me,

Ok aboutlastnight if its not jealousy why such hostility? I'm not asking you to pay for my DS I'm not removing money from the state to pay for him in fact I'm freeing up a sought after state place. I'm not hostile to those who send their DC's to state schools whether through choice or necessity and if I was I would labelled correctly a judgemental or a stuck up cow etc. But it is perfectly accecptable for the anti indpendent and in particular the anti boarding school brigade to be at times exceedingly rude to those who don't share their views.

I know it makes me laugh, if private school is so shit why on earth would anyone else be interested in who does and doesn't go there and what they get up to ?