How much do you sacrifice to send Dc to private school?

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

I have 2 Dc, just want to know what people give up? And is it worth it?

SunflowersSmile: knocking back the cheap red while I contemplate next term's school fee bills - it numbs the pain.

No it may not be worth it. Why not consider getting your child into a good normal state school. Then you may have enough money to pay for their uni fees if they need it.

Bumble one asssumes it offers more opportunities but in reality it is like a private club...when the invitations to ladies lunches began coming my way in reception I had a hard awakening...these lunches were invariably at the best and most expensive hotels in our city and I could in no way afford to go....never mind find anything suitable to wear.
There was a lot of social networking going on.

And to clarify more...we were offered a full bursary for DD1...she would have had it all for free but DD2 would have needed fees. When you combine this with the knowledge that you have to find 2 sets of fees for secondary..it gets scary.

What if the older had won a scolarship to secondary? What if she didn't and had to go to a state school having been at a tiny private through primary...she would have had to see her friends go off to private and not her.

saw this first hand with a family who were just as we were...struggling to pay fees and their DD was heartbroken.

I've given up nothing for my child. Should I have done?

Sorry, haven't read all thread, but how does Xenia manage to control the lives of her children? 6 years ago I was willing my (fairly bright but not genius!) child to being an academic success (particularly when writing the appeal to get him into his grammar school ). Well blow me down - he preferred the art and design alternative! His life has been steered by what he has wanted to do, not by my aspirations.

I recently read a article and in it the chap felt that bursaries into the big names Eton et al should only be offered to the reasonably affluent middle classes becaus there children won't struggle to fit. His reasoning was that in this day and age children have more conspicuous wealth and that it is hard if you are com

I recently read an article and in it the chap felt that bursaries into the big names Eton et al should only be offered to the reasonably affluent middle classes because their children won't struggle so much to fit. His reasoning was that in this day and age children have more conspicuous wealth and that it is hard if you are completely living in a different league from your peers. My DH agrees with this and I didnt but maybe some of those posting above do?

I was the poor child at public school. Scholarship child. I never felt out of place. The girls were lovely, down to earth and kind. I loved every minute of it. I truly believe it gave me the opportunities I have now which is why both my boys are going private.

Like another poster our incomes have only really reached this level since we became parents. I've always worked so the money we were paying on childcare is now spent on fees. We don't miss it because we never really had it. As for the keeping up with the joneses element of private schools, I think this is more myth than fact. Certainly most of the families at ds's school are like us from what I can tell - both working, gross household income of about 70k to 100k (I base that on knowledge if their jobs and roughly what those jobs pay). Helicopters and ponies are very thin on the ground. However we are perfectly well aware we are much better off than most and I don't think for a moment private education is a choice anyone could make with adequate sacrifice.

As to why, it isn't a computation based on what I expect the Dcs to become. Ds may be a farmer or a builder or a stockbroker or an actor for all I care. I only want him to be self sufficient and happy. I am much more interested in the actual experience of his school years and at his school he has subject specific teaching from day one, small class sizes, rolling acres of green space and amazing pastoral care.

Chubb and this is where you are naive...your income of 70k-100k exceeds that of parents like me massively. Those who struggle with fees really struggle.

I work full time. Ds is the first at school every day so I never do the social network

Well I know the people I'm talking about and you don't, so... No idea what their outgoings are of course.

If you are referring to me heswall it is precisely because of what it did offer thatbwe didn,t choose it for ds. I wanted it educated locally in the community we live in and his school and the mix of people was brilliant. I was pushed academically and loved art but it was considered soft at my school. When I left I pursued it anyway. To be honest the local school is full of the children of educated artists academics etc and we have a great social circle too which all the children have benefitted from. Youncannotmake your children who you thinkmyou should have been recipe for disaster.

Sorry about the iPad. Btw if you are struggling you can,t afford it.

This thread had mad me and .

If the shops were open today I would go out and buy DS1 some confidence.

I was awake in the night thinking about how I have massively failed both my DC.

Thanks.

The quality of the experience you give your child really has v little to do with whether school is private or state, but it does help if it is a good school. IME private schools can blow you away or they can be utterly crap and a waste of good money. And you know what... State schools can be as good... In some cases better. I have a friend who took her younger dcs out of prep and put them into her local primary. She was dreading it, but was amazed... Guess what... They enjoyed it (!) and academic output was the same. "There's NO difference," she told me, clearly still barely believing it herself.

If we lived in the same carchment area, I'd do the same. Not that DS's prep school isn't fantastic, it is. But I know that the state school in question is also great. And free.

It doesn't matter who you are or how much you earn, paying fees is only worth it if the school in question is the best decision for your dc and your family. Sacrifice is all very well for private education and nowadays most people have to sacrifice something (holidays, cars, dream job, more family time... possibly their soul, reading some posts... [bugrin]) but if the balance between sacrifice and benefit is not right, then it might be time to consider other options. There might be better options out there than you think.

On the other hand, if you can scrape by (whatever this entails for your situation because 'sacrifice' is relative) and your DC is doing well, then well done you and buck the fegrudgers! [bugrin]

Do whatever is right for YOU and YOUR family!!!

Not all children that go private are confident. Everyone wants to do their best for their children. I think noddy hit the nail on the head you cannot live your life through your children I wonder how many parents tell their children how lucky they are to go to a private school, I was told this and felt unlucky at the time.

I hope my son grows up to respect everyone not just people likea prince everyone is important and everyone has a talent. I hope to keep my son in state school so he has local friends he can go out with and not ones that live miles away.

My closest oldest friends children have all been privately educated. 2 of them are at uni in thevtown I live in and we socialise a lot. Her children their friends from uni and my son and his mates all get together and there is no difference anthem socially academically etc and have all had similar teen issues. Too much division in the uk. This thread really sounds like you can buy the adult you wish younuse been! The money would be better spent on yourselves if you have so little confidence as a parent . life is short live it and don't over think it. Nothing ever goes to plan ime

Sparklingbunnyears I am so sorry you feel like this.

There is no need, it is all nonsense.

You could spend a billion pounds on your child's education and still fuck them up because you are an arsehole.

Any mum who stays awake worrying about whether she is giving her children everything she can is never going to be the sort of mum who fails them.

East thevlocal thing is great as they become teens as there is always someone to look out for them

I agree with londonkitty you soundalike a lovely mum bet your children will be fine sparkling.

sparkling confidence comes from self belief - you alone cannot give this to your DS it develops from how he is feels perceived by those around him at school age in particular this will be his teachers and peers. Whether at a state or private school doesn't matter as long as it is the right school.

. You can't just buy confidence by private school fees - there's a million and one ways of encouraging your child to be confident and/or articulate - sport, drama etc.

Thanks all. I know I sound pathetic. I thought I was doing a good job as a Mum and I shouldn't have ventured onto this thread. I was just curious

It was the bit about making decisions at 14 that would affect my potential childrens education I think. If they don't end up in a high flying well paid job it will somehow be my fault?