How much do you sacrifice to send Dc to private school?

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

I have 2 Dc, just want to know what people give up? And is it worth it?

Maybe I hoped there was no difference as it gave me a solution to an awful problem which is why the first post I made on this thread was to say it's not worth selling your soul for.
Unfortunately that's not the case.

I couldn't care less what I sound to the likes of you.

I never understand the apparent need on MN to justify one's educational choices. How many of us in RL feel the need to justify to our friends? Ds is at private school. I have friends whose dcs are at the local state schools and of course friends with dcs at private schools (ds's and others). None of us have ever felt a need to say that our choice is better than theirs or vice versa.

Surely it is about what is right for you as a family? For me my choices were limited by the lack of wraparound care and the cost of childcare to cover the gaps. I did a spreadsheet setting out the costs of the local private options and the cost of ds staying with his CM. The results were really surprising.

Interestingly ds has got a very prestigious and large scholarship to his next school which was achieved through his outside interests although I'm sure his current school will be claiming the credit.

Yes a lot of independents will reconsider fees and extend bursaries to children who are very capable in a particular area. As I have said before I do not object to private ed in fact most of my rl friends do so I would be very lonely if I did! But I do think it is important that you can truly afford it and it doesn,t make your home life he'll. I had that happen to a friend but luckily her parents helped her out as she didn,t want to disrupt her son who is dyslexic and getting an excellent start at her local independent.

The likes of me

Know your place noddy!! .

Ds2 used to go to a private school because I was not confident in the state provision in the area in which we lived. I worked long hours and we couldn't have afforded to move house.

Then we decided to look around for an area with better state provision. We moved to a small market town with excellent schools nearby and lots of room for playing outside. It has been the best thing we have ever done. I have got local part time work, he is at a fabulous school, his friends live nearby and he has a good home/school balance. His results are just as good as they were at his old school, if not slightly better, and he is happier.

When I look back, I can't believe that we sacrificed this life for that one, just to pay school fees.

That is just our experience though.

Just to say a Huge thanks to everyone who has given an opinion on this. Some have been confusing, shocking, embarrassing, however there has also been some little gems!

We will send our dc to private, it seems to be the best option for them.

Also they will be sacrifice, it will just be an extension of nursery fees, etc

It's about being happy with the decision we make and budgeting

X

Heswall If you are from Heswall on the Wirral then I know exactly where you are coming from. My parents were horrified with what they saw at the secondary schools in the area and my father has continued to badger Frank Field for the past 20 years as the expectations set for students are too low.

To be honest, the biggest sacrifice at Casa Wordfactory has been time.

I have had to commit much more time to my DC's education than my friends who have DC at state school. Mostly I don't mind at all as I always wanted a home /school partnership. But there are times when I can barely raise a smile as I watch another poetry reading/choral recital/rugby match...

Good luck VeryTiredMummyOf2 -just remember it is 'extension of nursery fees' for a considerable time!
Hope all goes well.

wordfactory you obviously haven't ever had children at state school, because according to heswell she was 'far more stressed when (the dc) were in state school, all that topping up and filling in the gaps was bloody exhausting and you couldn't even afford a holiday to recuperate due to the operators trebling the price as soon as they broke up.'

Count your blessings!

The difference is that wordfactory is watching and ferrying to and from whereas I was doing the bloody teaching. Comparing apples and pears yet again.

I guess it must be exhausting searching for those gaps to fill, but hey! enjoy your cheap holidays!

Each to their own!

I spent two years with my teeth sunk in the buttocks of DD1's maths teacher. I finally unclenched my jaw and the damn woman went postal and was asked to leave.

Fortunately DD1 had already secured an A but the resit class is having to get by with a supply teacher.

DD1 has had to dig deep to maintain commitment against that sort of backdrop. However, having done so, she is in some subjects getting highly personalised teaching (it does help when more than half the class drop out!).

I didn't have to look very long or very hard for gaps. but the biggest gap of all was in the compassion and common decency from a so called Christian establishment.

Heswall, I am genuinely sorry that you do not have good state alternatives available to you. I hope that you enjoy HE - as someone who also HEd a child temporarily (in a gap left between leaving an unsuitable state school and moving town to an excellent state school) and loved it, I hope that you and your children have a wonderful time.

However, in the context of this thread, it's probably worth noting that while for you, making huge sacrifices to keep your children in private education IS worthwhile (because you do not have good state options available to you locally, and are not in a position to move to find them), it does not make it true for everyone. Where I live, the state schools (even those which have had their 'top performers' removed by the residual grammar schools) out-perform the independents (even the nationally-known ones). With excellent, free state schools, which can accommodate and stretch even my not-very-run-of-the-mill DS it is definitely NOT worthwhile to sacrifice anything at all to attend independents locally. It has not been necessary to teach my children anything that I think should be on their school's curriculum, in fact they teach me stuff all the time (they learn stuff from me too, and from the things we do together, and from their out of schoiol activities - but they are not things that I think their school 'should provide' IYSWIM? Ancient Greek, for example, not English grammar).

For everyone, the 'is it worth it' question will hinge on their particular children - there may be children like happygardening's DS, or an exceptionally musical child I know who is a choral scholar, who have such particular needs and abilities that a private school may be the only suitable option - the particular private school in question, and the state options available. Had we been unable to move when I had to remove DS from his first school, we might well have considered private. As it happened, we moved with DH's job and the state options here were excellent. As someone upthread remarked, you make a list of pros and cons for your particular circumstances and act on the results.

Teacher I would lI've to know where you live PM me I'd be grateful, because I have looked at state options at the top the middle and the bottom of the country and none were a patch on the private schools. I suspect I'm now spoilt and cannot look objectively any more that I will concede. I just cannot bear the idea that my children are receiving less than others and that is the case IMO

Heswall, I think it depends on what you look at.

The private primaries round here:

• Have smarter uniforms.
• Have bigger grounds.
• Have more beautiful sports and music facilities.
• Have more 'traditional' chalk and talk teaching.
• Exclude children with SEN.

So my children receive 'less' than the pupils who attend those schools in those ways.

However:

• I don't care about uniforms.
• The school backs onto a park, and we have the freedom of wonderfuls parks and all the facilities of the town we live in after school.
• As my children excel at particular 'sports' type activities, they access fantastic coaching and facilities outside school.... these may not be 'on site' but as the facilities and teaching match or exceed those available 'in house' at any of the private schoools, what is the problem? Equally, the peripatetic music teacher they have lessons with, despite working out of a small cupboard behind the school office, is excellent and DS attends county music groups for excellent 'group' music making.
• They experience interesting, interactive, differentiated lessons from qualified teachers who have the skills to move on children of all abilities.
• As DS is both extremely able and has a level of SEN, I'm quite glad he's not excluded....

Heswall I find it a bit worrying that not much teaching will be going on in your private school in the summer term. If that's true, I'm sure that HE will be advantageous.

I'm sure most schools up and down the country will be very busy over the next few weeks. From my perspective, only 2/3 of the school year has passed, and we have a good deal of teaching and reinforcement to fit into the next 13 weeks. The summer term is really important as the children are now more mature, and are more able to access the curriculum. You often find the best progress is made between April and July.

Sorry, Heswall, been thinking a bit more.

As a state school parent, I accept that some of the things that a good private primary school will provide - music, sports, more 'unusual' clubs - are things which I need to enable my children to access outside school. So in that sense, a private school (like an all-in holiday) may provide in a single 'package' what I source from a variety of providers (though the school has provided pointers to those providers, in general).

So the school my children attend provides them with a great 'core educational experience' at least on a par, and in some ways better, than local private schools - note, there will be other private schools elsewhere that are better. My DCs know what I would expect them to know, they far exceed national expectations in their areas of strength (2-4 years ahead) and are carefully coached to overcome areas of weakness (my DS now 'meets national expectations' in Speaking and Listening - not bad for a child who joined the school aged 6 only a few weeks after overcoming selective mutism enough to speak to an adult outside the family - and in Art - amazing progress from his starting point....). Through a combination of school, LEA and outside provision they access very high-quality extra-curricular opportunities. The in-school provision does not match the private schools BUT the combination at least matches them.

It's the core educational experience I do not agree compares, it doesn't come close. I have looked around ofsted outstanding schools on the south in the north and in the midlands and there simply is no comparison. As a teacher I also believe that you have great faith in the system and no doubt feel it works but if you haven't taught in the alternative then are you not biased ? My best friend is a teacher who's worked in both sectors and believes the state system is not fit for purpose. The teachers work hard and do their best but the system relies too heavily on parental input which isn't available to many children. You also mention SEN and you won't like what I shall say but my child nearly died as a result of inclusion policy. The head teacher couldn't look at me after the incident because she was so horrified but there was nothing she could do. Nothing.

Private schools don't tell parents all that state school teachers do and I talk from 1st hand experience. Often parents are happier in private schools as they are not told as often about poor behaviour for example.

Heswell in the same way as if you had of had terrible treatment on the NHS and then went private, your view is now made.

Heswall I had stopped posting on this thread because comments were becoming very defensive, but have been following it nevertheless, and a theme seems to be appearing here

Correct me if I'm wrong but the way I see it, from a couple of your posts, is that all your reasons for wanting private school for your child are masking what seems to be one terrible event that happened to your child at a state school which has completely put you off sending DC to any school where you feel you have no control over what happens there.

Am I anywhere close?

Do you not think that the children tell their parents ? My children can't hold their own water, I tend to know what's happened that day before we reach the car park.