How much do you sacrifice to send Dc to private school?

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

I have 2 Dc, just want to know what people give up? And is it worth it?

Exactly what difference does it make to any of you anti independent ed brigade especially if you so sure the education is no better and in many cases believe that independent ed is worse; producing drug addicted severely neurotic over confident designer label wearing children who are so privalaged that thy are completely out of touch with the rest of the world. As these freaks are not your DCs what difference does it make to you?

Sorry still no glasses I wish I knew where they were!

It is not terrible I was just commenting that it is not a guarantee. the best school is the best school iygwim. Some independents are good as are state.You do need to be able to afford it though and not struggle as family life is about many things.

I think the problem with these threads is the lack of understanding that some people have about the finances of a large proportion of the population. If you have one average earner in a family, take home pay is just under £20000pa. Deduct £5000 for rent/mortgage, £5000 for food, £2000 for car expenses, you are left with just £8000pa, before you pay your utility bills! There is no way this residual money could be frittered away on private school fees.

Therefore, many people, quite rightly, perceive private education as elitist, as it is not available to everyone. Hearing about small class sizes, superb buildings, extra-curricular opportunities and stupendous exam results, etc, etc, can become a little grating, when most people have to send their dc to a state school.

Where have I been hostile or rude?

I was simply answering the question, which was what do you go without to pay school fees. I have never imagined for a moment that most people could afford private fees, I was just explaining why we choose to spend money on that instead of holidays, expensive clothes, cars etc.

Indeed mumblesmum.

I think most people do have to make some sort of compromises to afford the fees.

My point was that private schools are fine if they suit you, however it's not that important. I am sure people aren't jealous. Read back through he thread and think again who is rude it wasn't aboutlastnight.

I never get the jealous thing. I have friends at both and no jealousy.I could also have afforded it but didn't want it,and my ds knows boys at the school it would have been and still socialises with them etc. It is not really the closed shop it once was apart from at a much higher level. Lots of builders/property types made lots of money in the last 10-15 yrs and sent their kids there. In 2007 there was a mass exodus of many of them back to state. There is another tier of private school which is all old boys etc etc that is elite and wrong because many of them are thickos with connections and are sitting in parliament right now

I've got no illususions that independent ed is completely outside of the reach of the vast majority of the population and that even though many schools including some of the "big names" are trying hard to broaden access with generous bursaries this will always remain the case. I also don't hold with views expressed by the likes of Xenia.
Yes the system is unfair and of course all children should have access to the highest quality education free of charge. But it needs to be accepted that ultimately there will always be parents who pay regardless of how good state ed is and that rather than wheeling out the same over used arguments maybe MNetters need to be asking why? What are they paying for what is they believe they're getting that they can't find in the state sector? And remember its not just UK parents paying at my DS school boys come from all over the world including many parts of Europe and the USA. Their parents are desperate to get them into the school. Contrary to the views of many it may not be social segregation or even exam results or 200 acres of playing fields or 80 clubs/extra curricular activities. It something more subtle than that and maybe this could be also included in state ed. but the elephant in the room is do you want to pay more taxes to get it?
What I personally find particualrly trying are the spiteful uninformed comments, gross generalisations and horror stories based on ignorant prejudices, out of date experiences or second/ third hand information this is what leaves me wondering if those who indulge in this kind of guff are as I've already said just jealous.

I don't like the children using the word chav, which they don't often. I say substitute black or gay or disabled and you can then get a feel for whether it is a good word to use. There are plenty of "common" people at many private schools, who made a fortune, first time buyers, showy cars, gold neck chains, dreadful accents and the like.

I do agree that on the whole you have a better chance at a good private school (not all of them are good) to do better. 73% of judges in the UK went to private schools and 15% in addition went to state grammars. 50% of placesd at good univesrities from which most of the best careers recruit go to the 7% of children at private schools in the UK. The Cabinet is pretty full of private school pupils. Tony Blair went to boarding school etc etc. All over the land those who do best and earn the most tend on the whole to have been privately educated. There are lots of execptions but certainly I don't feel the £1.5m of gross income I've paid out in school fees over nearly 25 years now with probably 10 more yeas to come including university will have been wasted. We didn't go hungry. I didn't want to spend it on cocaine or a yacht, one of the children only paid 15% of fees for about 7 or 8 years as his father taught at the school. 3 have won music scholarships (although that's a tiny discount really) and most of all when i was 14 I picked a career which I knew would earn enough for what I want in my life. Many many teenagers have bad careers advice from parents or are as daft as a brush. I benefit now from all those years of hard work and that's a good feeling.

Xenia I am simply lost for words re your first paragraph. My earlier post exclaiming surprise at the anti-inde sentiment remains but I stand corrected re the hostility. It goes both ways and the snobbery makes my stomach churn.

that proves nothing about the education received and everything about the old boys/classist/whatever system.

xenia i have to say your constant bragging and detailing of money spent just seems - well vulgar to be honest. do you never feel any embarrassment? or were your parents not well off therefore you didn't get taught any grace and manners around money?

Exactly why I want my son to go to a state school, I would think I failed if he come home bragging and talking like that. My dh still thinks these people are a wind up though.

personally i'm from a very mixed parentage - my mothers family being very upper middle class but also from a long line of expats so not too embedded in the english in england class system (born and raised in india) and my father being from a very, very much working class background and the two of them combined being maggies children in the sense of opportunities grabbed to get property, pensions etc of which the generation before could only have had if inherited.

i'm sure though that said or unsaid i was taught the lesson that bragging about money or status or what you have or have not was vulgar and rude and... well just not nice.

for the working class side of the family competitive hardship would've been seen as vulgar and competitive 'we've got' even worse, for the middle/upper class side of the family bragging about money would have been seen as very crass and 'try hard'. i am really curious as to what your class background is and how you developed such a hang up on money as status xenia.

Good for you Xenia. I'm glad it's all worked out as you planned.

However, just spare a thought that it would take the average earner about 60 years to earn £1.5m, about 187 years if you deduct living expenses.

I don't think many people out there are actually spending their hard earned cash on 'cocaine or a yacht' .

I'm sure most people are aware that most of the cabinet, and indeed much of the government is comprised of an elitist social network.

Personally I try my very best to give the 25 children in my class at my state primary school a fun, varied and broad education. I try to give them work that is challenging and, most of the time, they are enthusiastic, well-behaved and polite. I have no idea if the children in my class can do what children at a private school can do, but I assume that some of them could give them a pretty good run for their money. I think this thread just goes to show how ignorant we all are of each system, and most of the time rely on the views of parents who are not, actually, ever present in the classroom.

(actually the well off side of the family were rather into competitive hardship and could woe is me about inheritance tax without the slightest touch of irony)

What puzzles me is why people who don't pay school fees would come on on a thread which askswhat do you sacrifice to pay school fees and is it worth it

if you don't pay fees then you clearly are unable to answer the question and have only come onto the thread to have a go at people who do.

Well my mum sacrificed a lot for my school fees and it was not worth it, that was my point.

Thank you mrswoodentop. The voice of reason. X

Ooohhhh! That's told us then. An elitist thread to boot!

Last time I checked, there are no sections of MN limited to private school parents only . I looked on here as I was genuinely curious about how people afford private school fees, not to have a go. I have nothing whatever against people choosing a private school for their children, just because I can't afford it doesnt mean I begrudge those that can.

So what is "worth it" ? All of of us can do is spend our hard earned salaries as we see fit and providing its not doing any active harm to anyone else it is worth it to the individual's concerned.
As far as your mother is concerned east what does she think about her sacrifices ?

I couldn't agree more Mrs Woodentop just as I wouldn't look at a posting on the wonders of homeopathy (my blood pressure couldnt stand it) why look at such a specific posting if you haven't got anything constructive or valid to say? If some of you want to start another independent ed bashing posting start a new thread.
Xenia I am unsure if you are real or have your tongue firmly stuck in your cheek. I have met some truly ghastly parents in my years of independent ed so maybe you are real. But not all parents in independent ed how ever wealthy talk like this in fact most I have found particularly at senior school level are the complete opposite.