what (unreasonable) questions shall I ask at parents evening

[TheIIlusiveShadow]

DD is in foundation year:

Any idea what sort of A-level grades we could be looking at?

Ask which instrument would be the best to manhandle play to ensure she gets a place at a top (stress this please) Russell Group university.

Ask if they can confirm she is indeed a genius and is she the cleverest in the class. I know a mum who asks questions like this wanting to know who is cleverer than her DD etc etc!

Just ask anything that'll keep the teacher distracted long enough for you to read all the other kid's work books

"How do the other children cope with being so inferior to my DD, do you handle it well?"

That should mark your card

Ask if she uses common sense when grouping children or always uses the assessing method which takes no consideration into the day/time of day/understanding of/personality of child

Don't you agree a 3 week trip to disney in term time could be classed as a hugely educational experience?

Please show me a list of all the groups and provide a translation: e.g. are Elephants superior to Gibbons?

I think I'll take an adult chair in so I can 'look down' on the teacher.[Grin]

Are you differentiating work for her?

(Pssst, actually we could cut & paste from the G&T section - they provide much material with not a tongue in cheek in sight...)

Ask if it possible for her to sit the new KS2 extension SATs papers this summer as you have been testing her at home and are pretty sure she is working beyond L5.

Do they understand how important it is for DD to learn in a kinasthetic, experiential, unrestricted manner, eg. by hitting other children if and when she wishes?

It could hamper the development of her genius if she's told off.

"What do you do with all of those extra holidays in addition to such a short working day?"

Ask about her chances of making Oxbridge and ask if there is any prep they can send home for you to do with her now.

bean

Ask the teacher if your DC is their favourite. And just stare at him/her until they answer. Extra points if you can make your eye twitch while you stare.

Ask what their predicted levels will be at the end of KS1

We love that!

Although, ridiculously, at the end of reception, we do have to predict the children's levels at the end of KS1

You need to be believable

If they are at senior school, ask them to give a description of DC. At my DS's school, some of the teachers had photos of the pupils to refer to.

My personal favourite;
"Are you going to improve DC's table manners?"

To hell with all that reading and writing bollocks.

I hope it goes well OP, I bet it will.

I know this will come across as humourless and reactionary but I just feel I have to point out that teachers do NOT have a "short" working day! Well, I don't and neither do any of my colleagues! I arrive at school between 7.30 and 7.45 and never leave before 5 due to after school clubs, meetings, assesments, talking to parents etc.

We do have lots of lovely holidays and I adore my job (which is greatly enhanced by being part time!). Sorry, just felt the need to say all that!

Good luck tonight OP.

Oh don't worry I was just being defensive! I know we have a great deal...well I think so anyway. It always interests me how people feel about going to parents evenings. I sometimes feel a bit nervous as a teacher doing them and I feel just as nervous when attending my DDs!

Ask them if they can help your DD pull up her knickers because she keeps coming home with them skew-wiff

just like Cherries i apologise for this not being within keeping of the thread but...

Crabbylucy; maybe the teachers at your DS's school teacher more than the 30 from primary (more like 300!) and therefore a picture helps us....