what (unreasonable) questions shall I ask at parents evening

[TheIIlusiveShadow]

DD is in foundation year:

Any idea what sort of A-level grades we could be looking at?

Our daughter wants to go into teaching, but we think she should be aiming higher.
(a real life one from my school).

Oh, you people are MEAN

Parents' Evenings are the worst nights of my school yeat. I am terrified of parents. Literally terrified. I will happily talk to an assembly hall full of 300 children but give me one parent to hold a 5 minute conversation with and I want to crawl under a table and die!

Some of my worst questions:
Mum: "Aren't you a little young to be a teacher?" - um, no?

Dad: "Why was my daughter not given feedback on her exam?" (Y7 end of term btw not A2 mock!)
Me: "We did go through the paper in quite some detail"
Dad: "I don't mean that whole class feedback cop out. At X school all the children have an individual tutorial. That's what we're paying you for."

Mum: When is X going to move up a set
Me: Well, she's currently working very comfortably in the middle on the set so she is in the right place at the moment."
Mum: How are you going to change that?

Luckily our parents' evenings have wine freely available!

On the other hand, some of my favourite exchanges:

Dad: Is X Well behaved?
Me: Yes. He ...
Dad: Is he trying his best?
Me: Yes. He ...
Dad: Thank you. [leaves]
Me: Oh! Er, thank you.

Mum: Do you teach Y
Me: Yes
Mum: You poor thing!

Mother of one of DS's friends (who is youngest of 3) plonked herself down in front of teacher, starts to make small talk, and teacher says "X, it's really nice to see you and all that, but you do know I don't actually teach your DS3, don't you?"

stealth, that could (and no doubt on day, will) so happen to me .
2 DSs at school at the mo, DS3 to join them next year, and DS4 2 years after that. I have to say, their teachers are much, MUCH better at getting their names right than me...

one day

As a teacher, I hated parents trying to pin you down to grades - of course you could predict pretty much what their child would get, but the ones who ask are sure as hell the ones who will come back and complain if you were wrong.

As a Mummy, I can't bear it when I hear other parents have been discussing my children at P's Eve and comparing their child to mine.

I think this thread is a bit unkind. Parent's evenings are tiring and stressful, and the thought that people may be thinking of questions to catch me out after I've just done an eight hour day (including a lunchtime club) makes me a bit cross.
It's just nasty IMHO.

My parents' evening will go like this: sleepless night worrying about parents evening; 7:45 arrive at school; 9:00 own assembly/literacy; short break; teacher led guided reading; numeracy; lunchtime club; foundation subject all afternoon; IMMEDIATELY followed by 2 hours of meetings with parents, all of whom want accurate, individualised information about their child. Then home (after nearly 12 hours with a short break), ready to think about the next set of meetings the following day. Knackering.

I think you all ought to find something or someone else to make fun of, because this thread ain't very funny.

Marking my place.

I thought it was fun? I don't think anyone is planning to ask these questions.

Mumblesmum - it's OK, honest. People are just fooling around. As I said upthread, laughing with us not at us.

mumblesmum I think this is a joke thread where people write things that they would never dream of saying and where people are making fun of pushy unreasonable parents rather than trying to think of how to trick teachers. I have nothing but respect for teachers.

Pretty strange to believe people have 'fun' thinking of ways to catch their children's teachers out with sarcastic comments about the way they do they job, or the number of holidays they have, etc, etc.

Sorry, I really don't get this particular joke.

We aren't laughing at the teachers' expense, we are laughing at the obnoxious parents' expense.

OK - I'll give you all the benefit of the doubt and back off!

BUT if I get one parent coming up with one of these questions next week, I'll be jumping back on MN like a rat on a sack of sugar, ready to foist blame on you all!

You never know, people reading this thread might recognise themselves and be embarrassed and behave a bit better at the next parents' night.

If any parents use one of these questions just wink at them and say "Greggs Sausage Rolls, Pom Bears" etc. :o

"What do you mean: 'it will take a lot of work to get an A'?" - so what if he/she only got 20% on the end of term test?

Actually at next parents' evening I might keep a packet of Pom Bears on my desk for that very purpose. A polite enquiry of 'Pom Bear anyone' should out any MNer foolish enough to have a child in my class.

We aim for (as described up thread):

us: Is X Well behaved?
teacher: Yes. He/She ...
us: Is he/she trying his best?
Teacher: Yes. He/She ...
us: Thank you. [leaves]

...but are obviously not good enough at leaping in. Actually I quite like listening to teachers describing my children - it reassures me that they are indeed taught by people who know and understand them. I was blown away when a teacher who has 1/2 hour contact time a week with DS described him (the real DS, not the face he puts on) to a tee and went on to explain how he planned to get the best out of him - now that is a fab teacher.

TBH, parents evening has to be livened up somehow other than with cheap wine - if anything that the teachers say comes as a surprise, you have a real problem, IMHO.

I Now understand at ds2 high school why parents day ( thru don't do evenings ) that they say the dc need to be there

Did feel for the teacher that said about needing more parents on the hill walking trip while looking pointly at me . And then had a bright red face when I looked down at my wheelchair and back up and it dawned on him what he said he did apolgise which I accepted after I stopped giggling

i love this thread. as a teacher. and how sad is this, I now attend parents evenings at nursery for my 2 year old and get nervous about what they will say. even though we speak at the end of each day when i pick her up.
can't imagine what it will be like at school when I dont' see the teachers each day.
i absolutely love doing parents evenings, I make a massive effort to ensure all parents and kids are there because i think the fact that for 99% of them I will be able to sit there and tell their parents how proud they should be of them for x/y/z is so one of the best bit of my job. even the other 1% or even maybe 50% for whom there is a downside to the praise, it feels useful. it feels like we can actually have a chance to talk through issues and how we can fix them. also i'm a big believer in kids having a chance to talk these things through and to do so with a 'supporter' in tow.
what is odd about parents evenings is sometimes that is the parent, sometimes that is me while the parent is the unhappy one.

best moment this year. year 11 parents evening. reasonably bright kid, doing well academically. a delight to work with. but an interesting boy in that he has a group of very loyal friends, all of whom have been in serious trouble at least once for something or another, but all of whom are lovely in school. he never has been in trouble. I do my rant about how well he is doing and how he now needs to aim for As rather than Bs etc. Mum listens, smiles, nods. then says ' but is he good, is he polite, is he well behaved?'
i was actually stumped for a minute because he is perfect - I then went on a proper rant about how amazing he was, how proud we were of him, how proud she should be, he is a proper 'gentleman' which for a 16 year old I think is pretty good going.
she had actually been worried he wasn't.
i felt awful - i have resolved to spend more time communicating to wonderfully behaved kids parents how wonderful they are!
always nice to make a 6 foot 16 year old kid blush with embarrassment while you sing their praises to their mother.

but the only really awkward moments
-parent: 'you are presenting a very negative picture of this incident'
Me ' well your daughter told her teacher to fuck off, stormed out, walked off site, woudln't return. it was pretty serious. When discussed the next day she was defensive and flippant. I would say it was a problem'
parent: 'i think you jsut don't like her, its not that big a deal.

parent: ' my son deserves an A'
me: ' for effort certainly, he works hard, is a delight etc. he is exceeding his target grade (D) and should get a C, better progression that rest of country etc.'
parent: 'i don't understand why you wont give him an A'
me: 'explain nature of public exams, marking, grade boundaries'
parent: 'well ring them and tell them he needs an A'

fun

The one time my Dad came to the beginning of year interview was when I went up from grade 7 to high school so he felt he should make more of an effort than just writing out the cheque. The greatest teacher I ever had had been promoted from Master of the Prep School to Master of the Middle School and he was also to be my first year high school teacher (we called it Remove back then). Dad and I sat down. The teacher looked at me over his glasses and said "PoppaRob! I was sure we would have expelled you by now." My Dad did not have a particularly sharp sense of humour and it took the teacher half the allotted interview time to calm Dad down and explain that he was only joking! Of course Dad thought said teacher was an idiot, yet when that teacher died many years later almost a thousand old scholars attended his funeral and they had to set up loudspeakers outside the well and truly overflowing funeral chapel so we could follow the service.

No one is use these questions in real life unless the teacher has a fruitshoot/Pom Bear/Greggs sausage roll/shopping list with naice ham on display.

[Looks sternly over glasses]

Now, can i ask DD1's teacher how old she is, she's definitely closer to DD then me.

I am now going to have to scout round all the tables at DS's next parents' evening checking for MN "markers" and then keep quiet because I don't want to out myself.