what (unreasonable) questions shall I ask at parents evening

[TheIIlusiveShadow]

DD is in foundation year:

Any idea what sort of A-level grades we could be looking at?

Crabby that's probably because they teach 400+ kids a week and may not have perfect recall of every single one of them if they only see them once or twice a week. Its better than the alternative which is when I have to try and bollox my way through it by going on what marks I have for them. I did once do a whole consultation about an Alex and I honestly didn't know if it was a boy or a girl so kept saying Alex instead of he/she. its not ideal, I know but its the reality. OP, unreasonable qs to me have been things like why did they only get 9/10 for this one particular homework 8 months previously (when the work in question is not in front of me), why aren't we teaching them history from the part of the world this parent came from and the best one (and I am not, sadly, kidding here) asked why we teach other religions when this is a Christian country. I think I just ed at that!

[coconutty]. Also - "Is there a boy who can swim as fast as a shark?"

"Is a cuboid a prism?"

ask why you have to fill in multiple forms to take your child out of school for a day when they didnt fill in multiple forms to go on strike for a day. or how about "i am not a pushy parent but... (fill in as appropriate to the subject)" best one my friend had was "are you the one they all think has had a sex change? " and no she hadnt

coconutty!

Just ask 'Why?' a lot. When DS2 was 4 it was his favourite question. She should be used to it.

Not in the spirit of the thread but I actually really like DD teacher, I can see she is putting in a lot of time & effort with the kids. She is lovely and also has a sense of humour so I might fire one your suggests at her.

Who would win badger or baboon?

I always feel really nervous at my own DCs parents evening, but love doing them.

I really enjoy talking to parents about their children. I make a real effort to know the children in my class and especially finding something I like/admire in a child I don't find particularly likeable. IYSWIM.

I also like listening to what the parents have to say.

I always run over on my times

I think it helped that I was a parent first and know exactly how crappy some parents evenings can be.

Ask if she can be assessed for dyslexia now, just to save all the angst in Yr2.

Be sure to imply that any description of naughty/unsociable behaviour regarding your DC is quite simply untrue.
Because your DC would never do that and thereby you convey the message that the teacher is a liar who just dislikes your child and constantly picks on your DC.
That will also mark your card ...

use the word "spirited".

mummymeister! That is hilarious!

"DD knew all her times tables up to 13 before she came to school and now she has forgotten them all. Can you please get her back to where she was?"
(This was actually said to a colleague of mine.)

I am planning on telling DS2's teacher (Y6) that I don't care what work he does for the remainder of the school year because he already has his school place sorted thus nothing he does now is of any relevance and that I won't be making him do any of his homework either.

I won't, of course, but it would be lovely and make my life so much easier.

yy SoupDragon.

Blardy SATs, blardy homework. I get Sunday blues in anticipation of the homework. I had hoped to leave all that behind 24 years ago....

I am wondering whether to tell his teacher that I have explained the sole purpose of SATS is to see if he can get a higher score than DS1...

I must confess my favourite came from DD1s teacher addressed to me.
"Can you stop Little Star fussing?"

since I'm generally three miles a way and haven't a clue what's she's fussing about, no!

Ask what the teacher thinks is a suitable end if year present if she (the teacher ) has reached all targets and so deserves a bonus :)

My OH once asked if the teacher belived in Darwinism!

( It was ment as a joke as DC go/went to church schools)

The teacher however took it the wrong way .

I wanted the floor to swallow us up. Since then OH is under strict instructions to behave himself.

sorry trying to sort DD out.

Believed

Ask for their views on the importance of metacognitive awareness in reading.

(actually quite tempted)

Could you ask for details of the teachers' qualifications and experience, and their gcse grades in maths and english.

If they are relatively young, could you ask them how many goes it took them to pass the literacy, numeracy and ICT tests that they needed to do before teacher training. When I took mine there were prospective English teachers in the room with me retaking their literacy test.

To be fair, the literacy test is very badly designed and, I would argue, some of the grammar questions are a bit contentious, to say the least.

Don't do what I did and question whether the teacher knew how to use the apostrophe - it was a genuine enquiry as she hadn't used it once correctly all term but it was an awkward mment for both of us, to say the least... And no, she didn't take me up on my offer to show her how to use it