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Original poster

Parents from private schools

893 replies

freakazoidroid · 15/12/2011 08:57

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

OP posts:

seeker · 15/12/2011 19:34

So what would grounds for an appeal be, bulletpoint? There must be some or there wouldn't be an appeal process

RedNoseBabyGiraffes · 15/12/2011 19:34

Seeker I think a discussion on grammar schools should have its own thread because they only exist in a very small pocket in England. The question of this thread is about how people have experienced private schools.

bulletpoint · 15/12/2011 19:36

freak you dd will be fine. To be honest it no different to changing to any other school. She will make friends (children dont ask after echothers bank accounts!) you in turn will make friends with the mums, out of interest what type of socialising do you and dd's friends currently ?

As they get older, yes children will be more consious of wealth etc but you will find the same in state believe me (they all want deigner trainers etc) and when/if that happens you'll deal with it then.

Pagwatch · 15/12/2011 19:36

It would be nice if all threads stayed on topic. But people do have their axes to grind.

There is no stereotypical private school anymore than there is a 'bog standard comp'. Go to the school, have a look around and check out the parents as well as everything else. Talk to children - if you like the children you will probably like the parents.

amerryscot · 15/12/2011 19:37

I feel sorry for Master Seeker that his best is not good enough.

bulletpoint · 15/12/2011 19:39

seeker in your case NONE, i dont see you as having any grounds for appeal, and you have a GOOD high school near you.

Sorry OP, i'll try to stick to topic

seeker · 15/12/2011 19:39

And I made a helpful comment on that downthread. I had to respond to the accusations of hypocrisy.

RedNoseBabyGiraffes · 15/12/2011 19:53

seeker, your first comment was helpful. Shortly followed by a snidey remark about no poor children being in private schools... No wonder people got a bit annoyed with you.
I do wish you success in your appeal by the way because it does sound as though your ds did have an off day and you are quite right, the appeal process is there to use.

BrianAndHisBalls · 15/12/2011 19:54

amerryScot - that sounded a bit mean, did you mean to say something like that about someone's child?

Dunrovin · 15/12/2011 19:54

Oh, FFS. Why is Seeker under so much attack here? Sniping at the perceived abilities of her son, and appearing to gloat that he failed the 11+ to support some debating point is revolting. Any one of us would be appealing exam results which are a mile off reflecting the ability / achievement of a child. And many of you may be doing so at GCSE or A level, when re-gradings are commonly asked for.

It's all very well being so cosy about how nice and inclusive and unsnobby private schools are, and I'm sure that is often the case. But actually it isn't, always. My friend's DD got a scholarship or full bursary to a locally prominent private school (secondary), and her life was made utterly miserable since she could not keep up with the designer clothes, ski-ing holidays and general lifestyle of the majority of other girls. She left with her confidence badly dented. People leave schools as a result of bullying in the state sector too, but not having the money can be the focus for bullying and isolation. Maybe she could have been better prepared, maybe the school could have dealt with it, maybe, OP, if this occurs in your chopice of school you can be forewarned, forearmed.

There is no way that at my independent school the scholarship children from working class homes were not made very aware of the fact that their parties, holidays, clothes were deemed inferior and unimpressive. But there has been a blurring of money / class boundaries since then. Enough to make this a non issue? I wouldn't bet your house on it.

If you have one.

Dunrovin · 15/12/2011 20:00

Of course poor people are not represented in the majority of private schools. Poorer, yes, but not poor. One full bursary amongst a whole year's intake? Many schools' bursaries amount to about 3 weeks of fees, if that. It's £600 a year in one of our local independent schools. As someone said further down, there are uniforms to buy, trips to pay for - very few schools have the support for genuinely poor people to accept a place. And when they do the numbers may be so low as to make them stand out - like my poor (as in attracting my sympathy) friend's DD.

smallwhitecat · 15/12/2011 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

amerryscot · 15/12/2011 20:08

Brian, in my line of work, I often say that about children. It is a sad state of our culture towards education nowadays.

manicinsomniac · 15/12/2011 20:10

seeker - there are definitely poor children in private schools - the teachers' children! I am a single mum of 2 with no financial support from the father or any other family, living in a 2 bedroom rented house on an ordinary teacher's salary (no TLRs). But because I work in a private school my kids go there practically for free. And there are 2-5 staff children in each year group of 50ish so there are plenty of us.

With regard to the original question - I have to be a bit careful about socialising with parents because I have the doublt interest of being a teacher too However, I get on very very well with the other staff parents in the school and I know that there is a very active and varied social life among the paretns of various year groups - even in the morning after drop off some of the non working parents have a running group and some others have a coffee in the pub group.

Dunrovin · 15/12/2011 20:10

SmallWhiteCat - in principle, I agree with you, and as far as I understand it so does Seeker. In her area she does not have the choice of selective grammar or non-selective comp. She has the options of selective schools: grammars for those of high academic potential, secondary moderns for those with a more average level. In that case, if her DS's teachers etc are correct he has been allocated (on the basis of a half day's test) the wrong option for his ability. And given that unlike in a comp secondary moderns often offer a curriculum which is restricted in terms of the curriculum on offer, he can't just do all his courses and GCSEs in a different environment and go to University anyway.

Toughasoldboots · 15/12/2011 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smallwhitecat · 15/12/2011 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MarshaBrady · 15/12/2011 20:16

I agree with SWC. Grammar schools are still selective based on something which is essentially (genetic) luck.

ElaineReese · 15/12/2011 20:17

You'll fit in fine, OP - what you'll all have in common is that you and your children are too good for normal schools. Enjoy!

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 15/12/2011 20:18

Seeker - Your grounds for appeal sound reasonable. Did he fall down on one particular section of the test? How far off the pass mark was he? I've heard evidence of consistently high achievement is more persuasive than a one-off test. Fingers crossed for you.

BrianAndHisBalls · 15/12/2011 20:20

That's nice Elaine, really nice

ElaineReese · 15/12/2011 20:21

Oh and also, rich. The poorest you will encounter that this thread has suggested is 'teachers' children'. Ah yes, that well-known economically disadvantaged group in society.

Yes, there will be all kinds and all types, from the very very rich to ..... teachers' children. In beat-up volvos. Truly, all of human life is here.

BrianAndHisBalls · 15/12/2011 20:23

You think teachers are rich? Really? I didn't say they were poor but they're not rich are they? National average salary I would think.

And why is your tone so nasty and sneering?

bulletpoint · 15/12/2011 20:26

"and why is your tone so nasty and sneering ?"

Its all those sour grapes she's eaten!

ElaineReese · 15/12/2011 20:27

No, they're not 'rich', but to suggest that they somehow represent an underclass is stupid. If 'teacher' is the least well-paid profession you can think of, then you're pretty ignorant.

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