Parents from private schools

[freakazoidroid]

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

Since state school applications are handled by the LEA and not the school I'm not sure how they do that

It's very easy. When parents are looking around prospective schools, they ask how the school will meet their child's needs.
The parent is then advised that the school isn't really the best place to meet those needs. The school is so discouraging that the parent is reluctant to send their child to a school where he or she isn't wanted.

I've seen it myself when looking round schools and I know parents to whom this has happened.

Then report the school to the LEA

"Schools", mrz, "schools"!

It's been going on for years and has been reported. Why do you think admissions are now obliged to prioritise children with statements? It doesn't stop it happening though.

One of the headteachers I saw had it down to a fine art. He did his "not sure we can meet his needs" spiel, then ignored the poor woman for the rest of the visit. Now, how do you report that? "He didn't look at me" sounds ridiculous and is hard to prove, but the intention was very clear: to make her feel as unwelcome as possible.

And let's be honest: who wants a head like that over their kids? Not the parents who are treated that way, that's for certain!

then report the school s to the LEA

ask for it in writing ... people only get away with it if you let them

only true to a certain degree, mrz.

as Tanith says - what parent would want to put their child in a school where they are unwelcome?

we used to live in Kent. with it's lovely fantastic grammar schools and fantastic education - unless you have SN. we looked around all (and I do mean all - must have looked at the village primary's in 7/8 surrounding villages) the available schools for dd1. all of them were lovely. small, village, lots of interested supportive parents etc. really lovely schools.

there was 1 that we might have sent her to. the difference? it was the only one where she would truly have been welcome. witha Head who was on our side, and would have actually done things to help her and us. the rest all said the right thing, but did not actually want dd1 there - all too much hassle.

it happens.

all the time.

even the SN unit there- we were told 'if you want your dd to come here, you can always direct County Hall to make us accept her' . yep, really likely to send a vulnerable child with needs to a school where she isn't actually wanted. what they said was technically true, but why would parents do it? it just makes everyone's life more difficult. read the SN section - the number of posters with children at schools where they are not wanted, where the schools deny problems, won't budge on anything, won't help with statementing, etc is unreal.

Perhaps looking at the school data on SEN before deciding to visit may have helped?

I assume these schools had excellent SAT results and were Ofsted rated outstanding

Only one of them in my case, mrz. The rest were good and one was satisfactory.

Why do you think parents should check the SEN data before visiting? State schools at primary level are supposed to be inclusive. I do know that's wishful thinking :(

erm, I think the SEN data for the ASD unit was probably quite good, mrz . oddly enough, every pupil admitted had a dx...

but, we worked with what we could. whatever the SEN data said - these were our local (and not so local - we ended up looking up to a 10 mile radius) schools. the ones that should have accepted dd without question, according to the DDA. and all of them would have, technically.

we moved out of the county instead, as I would not subject my child to the attitudes she would have otherwise come across.

schools which can actually deal with SN effectively are few and far between, sadly.

If your child has SEN then it makes sense to look at how SEN children progress in the school rather than looking at SAT results overall and when looking at the Ofsted reports focus in on what they say about SEN.

Perhaps it's a regional difference but SEN provision in bog standard schools seems to be good in this area speaking both as a parent of a child with SEN and a SENCO (so I get to look at quite a few different schools). I think there was an attitude in the past that SEN was someone else's problem but I'm pleased to see that is changing.

swc The "less than desirable" state middle I work in had a steady stream of children with SEN arriving from one other particular more desirable middle school a few years ago (until a change of HT seems to have put a stop to that).

All the parents claimed they and their children had been made to feel so uncomfortable that they felt they had no choice but to leave.

I'm glad it seems to have stopped now, but it is certainly a fact that it happens.

Our local "outstanding" state primary has a history of "managing out" children with SEN. That's how they get 100% level 4s.

very outstanding but I imagine they are vastly over subscribed

My twopenny worth for the orginal question would be that there are assholes everywhere, regardless of social standing. Some well-off people can be downright snooty, but the most disagreeble people I have met came from impoverished backgrounds and worked their way up to become well-paid professionals. I think the saying is that you can take people out of the slums but you can't take the slum out of people. Plenty of money, but no class.

The ability of your daughter to make friends and get on with others has little to do with having money or a magnificent IQ. Think about the people in the past that turned you off versus the ones you got on with - very little to do intelligence/status/attainments I bet - and more to do with not having the kinds of negative self-destructive behaviors patterns which some people seem unable to shake off: selfishness, egotism, blames others, dishonest, etc etc...