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Original poster

Parents from private schools

893 replies

freakazoidroid · 15/12/2011 08:57

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

OP posts:
seeker · 22/12/2011 08:18

By doing what? Sending my child to an independent school? I wonder what you would call me if I did that!

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 08:18

I'm not a hypocrite.

seeker · 22/12/2011 08:22

Neither am I.

However, I am glad to say that I am an adult and don't feel the need to descend to the level of a 7 year old when i discuss important issues.

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 08:23

I firmly believe you should send your child to the best school that you are able to. That's what I did when our LEA could not provide a decent school place. I would not send a child to a selective school they couldn't cope with or deny a child that it suited better, or make the experience miserable for everyone by bumping up the class size.

I think at some point you have to say that you got it wrong all these years. That life wasn't as cosy as you thought. That school decisions are actually highly complicated and sometimes soul-searching. That you now realise a little bit how other people live and that you are starting to understand what they have been telling them over the years.

Pagwatch · 22/12/2011 08:29

Oh dear lord.

How about we all try to move on positively from this rather than the pointless examination of what was said on a wet Thursday in 1973. This issue seems not to be about one off vile comments but that every thread is treated as open season on private school parents so trying to change a pattern by analyzing individual threads looks pretty childish. I have learnt that..

  1. it is bad manners to treat every question about prvate school into "aibu to think all private school parents are stupid/selfish/snotty". People should be able to post questions without snarky comments about their choices every time.

  2. discussing another posters child is poor form. Pointing out that you see their position as hypocritical is not an invitation to be snide about a child

  3. being able to look at your own conduct and admit that, if you are upsetting a lot of people it might be change worthy, is a virtue and not a weakness

  4. we all care about our dc which is why this stuff gets so heated

  5. it is nearly Christmas. Perhaps a bit more goodwill wouldn't go amiss.
    If I have said anything on here to upset anyone else I am sorry.

  6. the next time a neutral question about private school is raised anywhere outside aibu and gets greeted with any snide, pseudo sympathetic, irrelevant or unpleasant stereotyping we will all be fully aware that it is done deliberately and in the full awareness of it's capacity to upset. No more 'gosh, I was only trying to help'

So why don't we all assume we have learnt something and are keen to move on and interact in a more helpful way when posters are coming here for advice or support. In the manner of mumsnet outside aibu.

I am off to entertain a room full of 9 year olds (so not that different Grin) but wish you all a happy Christmas and look forward to reading the 'yeah but she said...' comments in the new year.

Merry Christmas.

FellatioNelson · 22/12/2011 08:42

Hang on, wait for me Pag. The nine years olds sound like an appealing alternative. Wink

Everlong · 22/12/2011 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 22/12/2011 08:51

I think you are hugely misrepresenting me. I believe very strongly that private education should not exist. I also believe very strongly that state selective education should not exist. I believe that both are very damaging to society as a whole, and that the best possible way forward would be for everyone to send their child to the nearest school, which would then have a proper socioeconomic and academic mix. Not all schools are as good as they should be- and one of the reasons for this is that the rich and privileged don't use them. The rich and privileged then form a club from which the movers and shakers of the country are drawn, and so the gap between the haves and the have nots continues to grow. Use private education if you want to, obviously (I'm not in apposition to ban it yet). But don't pretend that propping up the system does not have a profound effect on the society we live in. And don't pretend that you are not in a very small, highly privileged minority. 7% of children are privately educated. 7%.

As for my own child. I have said repeatedly, if there was a comprehensive school anywhere near then he would go there. As it is, he will go to the high school. But as his test results were so completely anomalous, I am using the appeal system. Which is there for a reason. And the grammar schools are geared up to take a couple of successful appeals- in the unlikely event of his appeal (which will be be based solely on his CATS scores, SATS scores and his head teacher's comments) hhis presence will not bump up the class numbers uncomfortably.

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 08:54

It must be nice to have sharp elbows.

seeker · 22/12/2011 08:56

The trouble with that, Pagwatch, is it still leaves me having to say yes yea it's all my fault, I am a bad person without knowing what I have said that upset people so much. Because the couple of examples that have been brought up are obviously complete bullshit. I said someone was "vulgar"? Purhleese!!!!!

seeker · 22/12/2011 09:00

Oh for heavens sake, amerryscot, did you read what I just posted??? You made a reasonable post- I replied in the same tone- then you revert to year 3 again.

Is it possible that actually engaging with what I say makes you realise that you might possibly not be as qbsolutely right as you think you are?

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 09:10

It's not about me, though, is it?

It's about you because you barged on to this thread with a typical straw man post.

It backfired. Suck it up!

You have said before that you do not approve of those who exploit the system, and you are doing just that. And still you can't see how this is hypocritical.

seeker · 22/12/2011 09:13

So to you "use" and "exploit" are synonymous?

purits · 22/12/2011 09:17

"The trouble with that, Pagwatch, is it still leaves me having to say yes yea it's all my fault, I am a bad person without knowing what I have said that upset people so much. Because the couple of examples that have been brought up are obviously complete bullshit."

That is your standard answer, seeker: you cannot see what you are doing wrong, therefore it is not wrong. If anybody gives examples of how you have upset them then you brush it off and refuse to acknowledge it. You don't seem to notice how many different people you have upset - if it was me then by now I would be saying "perhaps it's me, not them". Seriously, how can you not know????

It's a bit pointless trying to engage with you so I'm off to Pag's party too.

smallwhitecat · 22/12/2011 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

seeker · 22/12/2011 09:22

There have been three examples given. Honestly, nobody would have been upset by them. And they weren't at the time. Honestly. I have actually linked to one of them! People haven't given me examples- they just keep saying "well if you don't know what you've done wrong, then i'm not going to tell you!"

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 09:26

Why do you need examples? Are you calling other people liars?

All you have to do is repent. It's not that hard.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2011 09:29

To get back to OP-I think that you would be fine-unless you go to one of the most expensive private schools- you are going to get a cross section of parents and backgrounds.
Everyone does the best for their DC.I don't agree with selective education and so we moved, but that was a bit elitist anyway-many people can't afford to move and many would have to move too far.
Lots of people have a DC at private and one at state or they use both at different stages-it isn't them/us.

seeker · 22/12/2011 09:29

For example. Diabolo said I called her a straw man.

On the thread she asked what q straw man was because I had sqid she was using q straw man argument. Someone told her. She said something like "oh yes, I see now, I was! Grin" we then had q short and amicable exchange.

If that was really rude and upsetting, then apologise.

She said I called her vulgar for buying new car. What I actually said was something like "buy a Porsche if you don't mind looking vulgar" which was followed by a string of posts (which she joined in with) about which was the most vulgar car.

Again- if that was rude or upsetting, I apologise- but I don't see it.

seeker · 22/12/2011 09:31

Amerryscot- please answer question about the meanings of "exploit" and "use".

ElaineReese · 22/12/2011 09:32

seeker, you're banging your head against a brick wall.
It is simply not true that all private school threads get hijacked: look at the one about harrow where private school parents are just debating it among themselves. There are lots like that. I didn't even comment on the ' why chose independent' thread the other day: despite a lot of very dubious reasons posted. This thread, however, already presupposed some communality of experience between private school parents in its very op, which was thenbolstered by all the posts suggesting that you do get all sorts: I don't think it does any harm to counter that view.

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 09:34

In this case, they are synonymous. I am assuming you are not doing anything illegal, but it is morally questionable.

seeker · 22/12/2011 09:36

Explain why it is morally questionable.

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 09:39

Scroll back on the thread - it's been said before.

You are smart enough to pick up on this without it having to be drilled into you multiple times.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2011 09:39

You choose the best school for your DC. If you have the money it widens the choice but many people who could afford it prefer state. If you have a clever DC it gives extra choice and grammar school might be the place, even if you don't agree with it. Within the same family it is quite possible that the same school won't suit them all. I looked into private education for DS2, I didn't for the others.