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Original poster

Parents from private schools

893 replies

freakazoidroid · 15/12/2011 08:57

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

OP posts:
zzzzz · 22/12/2011 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 22/12/2011 09:43

Tell me again. Because it didn't make sense last time. Because you appeared to be talking about a different person and a different system.

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 09:44

No, you need to look for yourself and do your own thinking.

seeker · 22/12/2011 09:49

For the first time I descend to your level.

You're saying that because you know you're wrong!

It it morally questionable to exploit the system. But not to use it.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2011 09:49

They have all gone from OP zzzz and are holding a private argument! Xmas Grin

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 09:53

Zzzzz indeed

zzzzz · 22/12/2011 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 22/12/2011 09:56

I think I am beginning to hqve sympathy with children who thump other children out of sheer frustration!

ptangyangkippabang · 22/12/2011 10:01

seeker - you started out well on this thread, offering some good advice, but then you went and spoiled it soon after with:

"There are all sorts of parents at my childrens private school "

Except poor ones, obviously!

and

Prep school car park full of "beaten up old Volvos" is it? Somehow it always
is!

btw, my DD is at an independent school with bursary of 100% school fees.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2011 10:27

They will have to in the end zzzzz-most people have lost track of whatever they are arguing about!

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 22/12/2011 11:02

"The rich and privileged then form a club from which the movers and shakers of the country are drawn, and so the gap between the haves and the have nots continues to grow. Use private education if you want to, obviously (I'm not in apposition to ban it yet)."

How is me opting for the best education on offer for my children any different to you entering your children for the 11+? I'm not keen on the broken caravan of a society we have either. But come the revolution, I'd like my children to be among those influencing policy. If you can embrace pragmatic socialism to the point that you join in a system which you profess to vehemently oppose, I don't see it as being beyond impossible that you might join in a system which you oppose a bit more, or at least accept that others might want to do so.

The working classes and pragmatic socialists have their children's legs comfortably under desks at almost every prestigious private school up and down the country. The best way to change a system is by being at the heart of it. Noone will take seriously your complaints about the grammar system if your son is at the high school. People are going to think it's sour grapes.

Anyway, good luck. And Merry Christmas to all.

seeker · 22/12/2011 11:28

Is there any way I can make you understand that I have no choice but to join the system?

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 22/12/2011 12:01

If you're absolute in your opposition to selective education, you don't enter your children for selective tests. Not everyone sits the 11+ so it's inaccurate to describe a high school as being "selective" as the majority of its pupils haven't been anywhere near a selective test.

Of course you had a choice.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 22/12/2011 12:35

And don't come back and say: "But I wanted a comprehensive school!" There is no comprehensive school where you live and you've said yourself, you can't move. Given your situation, it is freakingly obvious that you would have best upheld your strongly held, and oft spouted, principles by not entering your children for selective tests. I fully understand the reasons why you entered your children for the 11+. I'm not certain you understand though. You seem to have very little insight into your own motivations.

Given that you sat your children for tests for grammar schools, which you vigorously oppose. Would you apply to St Snot's if you had the wonga? Would you though? Grin

seeker · 22/12/2011 12:36

I am absolute in my opposition.

Look, if the two schools in out small town were combined, they would be a comprehensive school. If my child then went to that school and was put in the considered to be the wrong set, I would talk to his form tutor and see if he could be moved, or have it explained to me why he was actually in the right set and I was wrong. The process we are going through at the moment is just that writ large. If I was in a town, as in some parts of Kent where there are grammar schools which only take 10% or less then the high schools are practically comprehensives, then it would be different.

onceinawhile · 22/12/2011 12:58

Seeker it is not a truly comprehensive system in most cases, even when there is no grammar school around for 100 miles (our case).

Most of the middle class/wealthier parents do not opt for the local high school, they go private or move to grammar areas or find a religion, so the ultimate result is the same, ie the comprehensive's top set is the bottom set in our local village school, which does not help a bright child. Sad system.

wordfactory · 22/12/2011 13:03

As I have stated many times before and repeated on this thread there is nothing comprehensive whatsoever about the state schools in my area.

Way over 26% go private. Many go to grammar in the next county. Even more go to one of the top state schools in the country which happens to be strictly selective by faith. Then there is the active HE community.

So if one has a child for whom the local (un) comprehensive is not appropriate but one doesn't have any faith and one can't get ones child to the neighbouring county because one has to (imagine the horror) work. What does one do?

onceinawhile · 22/12/2011 13:06

Wordfactory, my points exactly.

wordfactory · 22/12/2011 13:12

Well that's it isn't. The point that Seeker seems to so spectacularly miss.

Many parents choose private school for all manner of reasons. In my area some of that will almost certainly be because the local high school is not comrehensive in any true sense and does not offer all the things that Seeker feels her DC deserve.

But apparently, those parents are to be castigated for their choice, which is hardly any real choice is it? Whereas Seeker gives herself a get out of jail free card and really and trully cannot see that the situations and one and much the same.

The lack of empathy is breathtaking.

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 13:13

In my area, it is 20% to private (although these children are all-ability). There are grammar schools also if you are willing to travel 10 miles in either direction; these grammar schools have humongous catchment areas, crossing county lines and all. Then there are some sought after comprehensives for those wishing to exploit the system. There is no way my local school is fully comprehensive.

However, I believe that these types of schools claim to be comprehensive in that they have children of all abilities, including the top. They may not have as many top children as other schools, but they have enough to make a decent set out of 300 per year group.

It has been said on another thread by yours truly that by selecting independent schools, you are depriving the state schools of children with higher IQ, motivated parents, etc. I would suggest that she is seeking to do exactly the same by going for the grammar school and depriving the upper school of their little boy's intellect and supportive parents.

ElaineReese · 22/12/2011 13:13

But the thing is if you look at the reasons on the 'why choose' thread, none of them are 'I don't have a faith and didn't get a place' etc - they are 'Latin' and 'like-minded parents' (which I have to say sounds a tad euphemistic).

I think that MrsJAlfred's points are the clearest argument I've seen so far in favour of not shunning private schools, but actually undermining the system from within hasn't really happened so far, has it - unsurprisingly: why would you want to destroy from within a system which has probably served you rather well?

I agree that 'comprehensive' education as an ideal is always problematic whilst there are areas where it can't happen because of the high level of use of private schools - I know it's not a perfect world. My response would still just not be to go private.

amerryscot · 22/12/2011 13:15

My choice for private are that the local schools are shite and the behaviour atrocious. No need for me to dress anything up at all.

And none of my kids do Latin.

wordfactory · 22/12/2011 13:19

What? Whereas Seekers desire for tripple science and music was okay?

Who egts to be say which reasons are valid and which are not? You? Seeker?

How about my choice to go to my nearest school which happened to be private? Vaild or not?
How about SWC who had to go private in order for her child to access the curiculum due to SEN? Valid?

Maybe we could have a list please. We could post it up at the top of the Education Board...Approved Reasons Not To Use Your Local State School.

Then at least we'd all know where we are.

PeaceofCakeAndGoodWineToAllMN · 22/12/2011 13:21

Goodness, I can't believe you're still 'discussing' something which has no relevance to the OP's thread. Hmm Seeker isn't going to see it your way, you can spend the remaining 166 posts trying but I can't see it happening so why waste the time?

I try to teach my son that if 100 people are having a debate and 99 of them say black is dark grey but 1 person disagrees, who is more likely to be correct?

wordfactory · 22/12/2011 13:24

Cos the way I see it. If no reasons are valid...which I actually kinda respect as a psoition...this must akso include seeker and her reasons.

Which does make her the H word.