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Original poster

Parents from private schools

893 replies

freakazoidroid · 15/12/2011 08:57

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

OP posts:
seeker · 18/12/2011 20:48

Seeker does not claim not. Seeker has explained not. Seeker actually has to operate within the system under discussion and begs leave to suggest that on this, if on nothing else, she might possibly know what she's talking about.

And she is also waiting for the glaring parallels between her case and the potential Eton parent's to be explains to her.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 18/12/2011 20:48

Seeker - Hang on. Appealing for the Grammar school is wholly inconsistent with everything you purport to believe in. Are you appealling because you don't really believe children can do well wherever they go to school? You are coming across as a bit of a faux crusader.

suebfg · 18/12/2011 20:50

Hi OP, I had similar concerns but decided to put my preconceptions to one side for the sake of my DS's education. At the end of the day, it's about an education, not the other stuff. I was determined not to let my background/upbringing/social status = insecurities mean that my son would miss out.

In case you're wondering though, I found that there are more SAHMs than I expected so take up of the before and after school clubs is quite low. That said, DS loves going there and playing with the other children.

We've had the odd case of DS coming home and saying 'such a such has a bigger house than us/more toys etc etc'. But that can happen anywhere as we are just an average family.

amerryscot · 18/12/2011 20:51

What gets me is that Seeker's local school is not good enough for her DS, but my local school is fine for my DCs.

seeker · 18/12/2011 20:52

Well, I haven't actually sniped at any other parents - (except those who make unfounded claims about the social inclusivity of independent schools) - I have been sniped at!

So I am not allowed to put my son's case to an independent appeal panel to see if they think that in his case the sorting hat got it wrong? Why not?

thebestisyettocome · 18/12/2011 20:56

Seeker. You are so unhappy with the prospect of your ds going to a secondary modern, that you are appealing. Many people who don't live in grammar areas a find themselves in similar positions in that they don't fancy the local secondary school and so, if they have the means, go privately. It's a choice many agonise over. There are a lot of snooty folk who love the idea of thei child's school being exclusive, but the decent majority aren't cackling as they pass the local comp. I was comprehensively educated, so was dp. We sent ds to thenlocalnstate primary but he is ansquare peg inna round hole.mThe local comp we would have to send our ds to is, to be frank, dire. We have the means (just about) to afford the fees. How is our choice any different to yours?

amerryscot · 18/12/2011 21:01

Of course you should.

But you should also take back every bit of bollocks that you have ever spouted here about how state schools are great, and that there is a role for independent schools.

All this could have been avoided had you kept your beak ou of this thread.

I am going to call you h..h..h..heeker until you acknowledge the error of you ways.

dixiechick1975 · 18/12/2011 21:02

My experience has been opposite suebfg - must vary widely school by school.

DD's is in a private school in a small northern town. Vast majority of mums work.

I've found that to be perk as the school realise this and give plenty of notice for events and don't expect you to be able to pop in at 2pm on a Tuesday.

Parents are mainly in professional jobs eg Dr, teacher, nurse, lawyer or self employed with own business.

Children do come from a wider area and are mostly driven in but you get to meet up with parents at children's birthday parties and see the same faces at the school drop off pick up.

IndianOcean · 18/12/2011 21:03

Within the state education system, what is wrong with using the advertised appeals system to appeal a result which the school and teachers confirm is inconsistent with a child's normal performance? Within the state system parents try to find a place in the school which best suits thier child. It sounds as if a secondary modern will not be the best 'fit' with Seeker's child.

I really sympathise with parents who feel forced to take on the cost of independent education because the same 'fit' has not been able to be found for their child in state education. However, they do, if they can afford it, have the option to be able to buy their way out of the problem. Personally, I don't have a problem with the choice to pay, it is what I would do if state education failed us. But I can see why people don't like it if is assumed that everyone has that option if they only make enough sacrifices.

Seeker is merely relying on an indpendent appeals panel, they will decide. That is what they are there for.

amerryscot · 18/12/2011 21:07

Dixie, my experience is also that most mums work.

For a lot of families, a mum's income makes the difference and enables the family to pay school fees.

I know that for my family, if we weren't paying school fees, I wouldn't work. The two things are intertwined.

The non-working mums tend to be the expats. Just thinking about it now, I can't think of any mums who don't work.

seeker · 18/12/2011 21:08

Amerryscot, you just have no idea how to conduct an argument, do you? You hurl abuse, don't listen, snogger and gloat and have no interest at all in anyone else's point of view.

OK. Think of it this way. If I was- and oh lord I wish I was- in a comprehensive area, and for what seemed to me like no good reason my top set child was not in the top set, I would go at talk to his teacher and try and get him moved. This is the same situation writ large.

amerryscot · 18/12/2011 21:10

snogger?

Lol at the rest of your post. Another lecture on those of us unfortunate enough not to live in a grammar area?

amerryscot · 18/12/2011 21:11

As for gloating, I learned from an expert :)

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 18/12/2011 21:11

seeker - well of course you are 'allowed' to. But you must see that it's entirely at odds with your didactic postings on Mumsnet over the years.

What was this thread all about:

here?

How come you said this:

"I am so middle class I'm practically a caricature of myself. And I am outraged that every year at my children's very socially diverse primary school I can predict which children will pass the 11 +. it is always the children of professional or graduate parents. Always."

I can't understand why you would post such nonsense when you already had the results to show that your own middle class son had failed. I can understand why you might not want to mention your son failing on a forum, but why did you post what you did, why did you start that thread? Confused

thebestisyettocome · 18/12/2011 21:12

I don't want to get personal seeker but your refusal to see the bleedin' obvious is making my head hurt.

belledechocchipcookie · 18/12/2011 21:14

Do your children do extra curricular activities? Horse riding? stagecoach? private music lessons? You pay for these, why not for an education?

ElaineReese · 18/12/2011 21:16

The '9 kids in a class' thing had nothing to do with SN. Don't pretend it did.

thebestisyettocome · 18/12/2011 21:16

Interesting that the issue of class should arise. I like grammar schools because they provided the working-classes with the opportunity to achieve beyond the parameters off their parents' world.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 18/12/2011 21:19

And if you believe that research about grammar schools failing to succeed at selecting the brightest, then the high schools are practically comprehensives. Right up your alley.

IndianOcean · 18/12/2011 21:20

thebestisyet - but a comp is nothing like a secondary modern. Seeker's child won't go to a comp. She says a comp would be fine. She wishes the provision in her area was for comps not grammars and secondary moderns, and the quote that amerryscot copies actually supports and confirms Seeker's view on this! Confused

I send my bright child to a comp. In the top stream. It's working very well. I would not wish to send my bright child to a secindary modern because of the differnt curriculum, which tends towards the vocational rather than academic.

Nothing wrong with vocational, much to commend it. But a child with the potential to take a more academic route should have that choice.

I can see it is irritating to be criticised if the only way you could get that choice is to pay. But being irritated is no excuse for personal abuse, insults, and snipes at individual children.

bulletpoint · 18/12/2011 21:22

"The very fact that grammar schools have 2% FSM proves the point though- and you only have to look at the class lists at my dd's grammar school to know that it is almost exclusively middle class- all those flicky haired Emmas and Charlottes and Annas!"

Didnt know this thread was still running. Had a look at MrsJ link just now, good grief Seeker do the parents at your dd school know you secretly feel this way towards their children ? This sounds a bit more than just educational inequality etc sounds like something more sinister.

amerryscot · 18/12/2011 21:26

I used to work in a grammar school and I think it was something like 30% free school meals. The only thing that kept up sixth form attendance was EMA.

Not an Emma in sight.

thebestisyettocome · 18/12/2011 21:27

I appreciate there is a difference between comprehensive education and secondary modern schools but the broader point still applies IMO. There is little difference between somebody wanting to avoid a failing comprehensive or a secondary modern for a school where there are great extra-curricular activities and traditional teaching methods, whether a grammar or private school.

amerryscot · 18/12/2011 21:30

Give me a secondary modern that does not claim the full ability range. I have worked in two and they steadfastly hold to their top sets and A* aspirations.

Really, h..h...h..heeker has nothing to worry about. Her DS can be top dog in his upper school.

smallwhitecat · 18/12/2011 21:31

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