If you could afford to send your kids to a private school, would you?

[juicychops]

or would you choose for them to go to a 'normal' state school?

just curious what your responses will be

No. Never at primary, would only ever consider it at secondary if absolute last resort.

tbh many of the supposed merits of private education mentioned on this thread are enough to make me run for the hills. Horses for courses and all that.

"We don't offer scholarships available to children of parents who can afford fees. "

Really? Every private senior school that I know offers scholarships even if nominal only. Do you mean bursaries?

Can someone pleas tell me where these state schools are with the diverse social backgrounds re pupils? That wasn't true in South London, it isn't true in South Bristol.

abra1de - re tutoring. My godson is moving on from his prep school and is currently undergoing what seems like an incredibly stressful round of entrance exams for Westminster, St Pauls etc. He is apparently the only child in his class not receiving extensive extra curricular tuition. His mother is expressing anxiety about this. I am expressing amazement that parents pay to tutor on top of such massive school fees.

I agree with Melissa Benn but I dont agree that segregation starts at puberty. I think it is now ingrained into the system at it's inception.

With the ever more rigid distinctions between the haves and have nots I suspect we will be experiencing more riots quite soon.

My dc's started off in private schools overseas.The quality of teaching was very poor!.We returned home and put them in the local state primary where they were all behind.Most of them caught up quickly [and they had very inspiring teachers!].This year 2 of them have a distinctly uninspiring teacher and i can already see them getting demotivated.One is very bright but is thought to have learning difficulties.Now i am seriously thinking of removing to a private school-where i know there is no guarantee of getting good teaching either [but there are smaller class sizes].So yes -we can afford it but i would rather they have an all-inclusive education and learn to mix with everyone but not at the expense of academic ability.

Yes - I am hoping to. But am not sure I will for primary - seems like maybe overkill. Will depend on what I think of the state primarys when the times comes.

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abra1de - re tutoring. My godson is moving on from his prep school and is currently undergoing what seems like an incredibly stressful round of entrance exams for Westminster, St Pauls etc. He is apparently the only child in his class not receiving extensive extra curricular tuition. His mother is expressing anxiety about this. I am expressing amazement that parents pay to tutor on top of such massive school fees.'

I can only say that I share your amazement. Where will it end?

GrungeBlobPrimpants, are you speaking from a position of someone who lives near wonderful primary and secondary state schools?! Just wondering.
Because I always want to snort when Alistair Campbell's wife, Fiona whatever writes these polemical pieces about state education when they live in Hampstead and presumably have a more select clientele at their schools than most private schools!

I think it's different when you're only local secondary is not only poor academically but has a social problems that inevitably disrupt the classroom, and gang culture as well. We're moving because our secondary options are so poor (actually our primary options are poor as well, dh wasn't prepared to go the RC route which I would definitely have done as a lapsed Catholic myself)

If we could have sent all four DCs, without any compromise to our life - ie, not scrimping and saving all the time, crossing fingers every time the car breaks down, never going on holiday etc (as friends of ours do), then yes.

DH and I both went private all the way through, but when I look at what our peers have achieved, very few have justified the VAST amount of money spent on their educations. I don't believe that I couldn't have achieved my salary and qualifications without having been to private school, although perhaps if I'd been focused on being a barrister or surgeon from age 11, that may have been more difficult (but not impossible) if I'd come from a state school.

We've just turned down a scholarship at an outstanding prep for our son - he got a top scholarship, but we weren't offered any help with the fees, and although we could afford to send 2 and a bit children at a stretch, we can't afford to send 4, and we decided against as he's at an excellent school and his teachers have all advised that he will get into the superselective grammars here without too much difficulty. That, coupled with overhearing one girl at pick up time on the day of the exam complaining "Mummy, WHY don't WE have a helicopter? Everyone else has one". And no, I haven't made that up.

We do loads of extracurricular activities with the children - they do music, dance, drama, sports, we go to museums and art galleries, they have access to chess, rugby, hockey etc at school - they don't do Latin unfortunately, but they are getting a good education and interracting with a FAR more diverse group of children than I ever met. I didn't know a single child at state school until I went to university and I don't want my children to be as isolated from the 'real' world as I was.

Many parents will tutor their children for schools like St Pauls and Westminster, although unless it has changed since my DS interviewed for St Pauls there is no need for the interview since it only an interview no pre test. Many will then go onto to coach for CE for entry into these two and Winchester which sets its own very difficult entrance exam because the requirements are very high and prep school are notoriously bad at teaching certain subject to this level; primarily French and Latin.

I don't think we easily compromise on our children's education. We naturally want what's best for them, whether that's a private school or a state school or, as in my daughter's case, home schooling.

motheroftwoboys we are at the top end of the spectrum (although not Eton so I couldn't comment on it) and we have found no snobbery anywhere. This is just some myth put about by people who don't know what there talking about.

Yes, I do live near good schools but also less good ones. It's an area where, in spite of there being a lot of good schools, a lot of people go private especially at secondary. Now, I admit that if dc's were allocated the special measures secondary, then I may have to re-examine my principles. However, I'd only consider that if absolutely no way of getting in to other state schools via waiting lists etc

But the point I'm making is that the alternatives would have to be pretty bad before I considered private - because it just not something that appeals to me in any way iykwim? Small classes and good teaching - good - but I totally fail to 'get' the sports/facilities/extra curricular/public speaking stuff that people rave about. Just don't see any of that as a selling point

Sorry - can i just go back a few hundred pages on this thread...

practicallyimperfect said : The money, effort and time goes to the middle ability D/C kids, or those with SEN or EBD. They needs as many Cs as possible.

Is that true?? Thats my real fear about local state comp which my two boys go to. Good results. But I get this real sense that because they are sort of ok there is no one really 'teaching' them. They are just left to their own devices whil the attention goes on the kids with greater needs so that they get brought up to average,...

I went to state and private schools as a child and vowed mine wouldn't go private after my experience. PanicMode mentions not having met anyone from a state school until university; I went from private boarding to local comp at age 14, and it was a truly terrifying experience. In my mind. It was actually fine, but I was terrified. I never want that for my DC - to be scared of a whole swathe of the population because they have never mixed with them, ludicrous.

Mine both go to the local village primary which is OK, I try to do extra stuff with them and they do lots outside school too. I hope its enough educationally, I know its the right thing socially.

No no no! I've not read the whole thread but I would never send my children to private school even if we could afford it. I went to a private all girls school where bullying was rife both by pupils and teachers. It was terrible and I hated it and it put me off education for life. I know this was just my experience but in my formative years my experiences there have been with me for life. Just awful and self esteem sapping. Goodness it's making me feel angry just thinking about it.

My sister has sent her little girl to a private school and it really saddens me. Please don't flame me, I am sure there are lovely private schools out there but I will never send my children to one.

I chose a private prep very carefully for DD. It was selective and if she didn't get in it would have been a v good local state school. I am still not 100% convinced I have made the right decision to be frank for many reasons and I'm seeing how it goes - she has started in reception.

However it is very true that there is very little disruption or time wasting that goes on. The children who want to mess about just end up leaving and as someone who had lesson after lesson spoilt by wasters this is worth it's weight in gold for me.

Those of you arguing that one of the plusses of private education is that all the activities are under one roof and there's more on offer - how does that sit with the other idea often put forward on here that private school children do still mix with ones at state school because they do out of school activities with them?

Strangeways and Taffeta I think your experiences just emphasise what a number of people have said - if you remove money from the equation, it is about choosing the right school for the child - and that is about a lot more than academic results, and independent schools need looking at just as closely as state ones in order to decide what is right for your child. FWIW my DH was horribly bullied at his comprehensive and is equally adamant that no child of his will ever be in the same situation.

My DH who went to a school mentioned in recent postings didn't find meeting others from different backgrounds difficult but he found meeting people who were 1. not as intelligent as he was difficult, he didn't look down on them but his school was so selective he had little experience of other people and 2. the fact that those educated in the state sector saw limits to things where as his school had/has a no limits ethos.
But the up side he's a confident urbane and funny and a true renaissance man. He has learnt how to live and work with the less intelligent but I suspect its only on our youth that we have the time to learn about culture, art music to the extent he has.

ElaineReese I dont think I've ever stated that my DS mixes with others when doing out of school activities. Having said this he does mix with state ed. children because these are friends of my DS1.

Never. Ethically opposed to them. Just so so wrong. Get angry just thinking about it - money should not be able to buy your child a better education.

I went to a private school and would not inflict the narrow minded, smugness of my peers or their parents on anyone. My school had small classes, a mediocre bunch of teachers and poor teaching.

I wasn't so much thinking of finding meeting them difficult, just the idea of it not happening much!

I find point 1 a bit sad, really! And as for point 2, well I suppose one of the main limits all those thicky state school pessimists could cite as being real, rather than just the product of not being at the amazing no limits ethos school, is that they're not allowed into the no limits ethos school!

The thing about Renaissance men was that they thought they knew everything there was to know, but they didn't.

ElaineReese - I think it may depend on the type of school. The dc's who went to private secondary after state primary largely tended to keep up networks through youth club, scouts etc, though amount that they do is curtailed through amount of homework. However, those who've gone private from nursery/primary don't seem to - seems to be a mix of workload and just not having the contacts. A neighbour sends hers to a v well respected prep that is very much into the 'whole child' ethos and frankly they're just never seen 'around' and don't mix with any local kids at all. If I didn't know the mum I wouldn't know the kids existed!

ElaineReese I am unsure of your understanding of the term renaissance man but this is my definition; A man who has broad intellectual interests and is accomplished in areas of both the arts and the sciences and I would art sport as well.
I agree that point 1. is sad I wasn't saying it was desirable but it would be the same if you went to a selective state school.

Ultimately though I think that the most successful outcomes for children & schooling is when parents and school have similar ethos/aspirations etc...

When I analyse the reasons why I am dissatisfied with the education on offer at my children's school I realise it is mainly about priorities of the school as opposed to my own for my children - we seem at odds with a lot of principles and that does not represent a good deal for any of us!