Please suggest a school in/around london for a quirky, inelligent bullied 10 year old I need to move him NOW!

[thecamelsback]

I won't bore you with the full details BULLYING has wrecked his life for the past 2 1/2 years at a very academic selective prep in West London.

My poor DS now believes everyone hates him and he is suicidal. I have to move him ASAP.

Please can I have your suggestions - he is very bright, particularly in maths and science - but having had the experience he has I am not particularly seeking an academic school, just one that teaches to the individual level as I don't want him to be bored or compare a new school unfvourably with the old and feel he has failed IYKWIM.

Pastoral care is our absolute highest priority, as he needs to be nurtured and with over 2 years of exclusion under his belt he needs help with socialising. Small class sizes, boys or co-ed. We are in central/west london and are willing to travel or will consider schools outside of London which provide a bus service.

Basically we will consider anything to get our happy little boy back.

I'm not sure where this will get the most answers, should I post under another topic?

I can't beleive I made a spelling mistake in the title, I obviously meant intelligent although he is a bit clumsy sometimes!!

Bedales is supposed to be wonderful

Might be too far though?

Have you thought about St. Paul's Cathedral - the bit that's not for the choristers -we have some friends with some quirky children who have been very happy there. Felton Fleet has helped a lot of children we know who have floundered a bit too but cobham may be a step too far for you.

Hi thecamelsback, I'm sorry I dont know of any schools in London as Im down on the South Coast. I just wanted to send my best wishes to your ds and hope that everything comes together for your family.

My ds was bullied for 2 years and he is now in a lovely school which have given him much care and brought me back my darling boy.

I hope someone posts shortly with some advice and names of schools

your poor ds . I'm not very up on schools but read this recently on a local website, which might be of help here - scroll down a few posts for some ideas.

mentioned in that link is Newton Prep which I've heard of as a friend's dd goes there - they really rate it and it seems to cater for more individuality than others.

good luck to you and your ds.

try academy school (private prep) on rosslyn hill in hampstead. look it up in good schools guide. v small, v individual, lots of quirky kids that didnt fit in elsewhere and excellent results. a handful of kids from w london (notting hill / maida vale). pm me if that would be helpful. my ds2 was there for 2 years (left july 2010 for secondary school) but still have friends there. your recent experiences sound awful. good luck.

So sorry to hear about your sad DS. At least he is fortunate to have a mum who is willing to take action instead of brushing it off as a learning experience or any of the other nonsense bullying is passed off as. I'm afraid I can't help re schools as don't know London schools at all (lived there pre-DC) but just wanted to say: in the interim between getting your DS out of a toxic environment and finding another school, would you consider home ed? The HE social scene can be great and more nurturing, allowing a slower approach than being dropped in with a whole class. Just a thought. Didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

Harrowdian, Barnes

Falcons Prep, Richmond

St Benedicts, Ealing

Depending on where you live and when you want to move him, the new Free School, in West London is opening in Sept.

It may be a case of finding a school with a place, rather than choosing a school, unfortunately. Lots of the schools in West London are very academic and he will be fighting for a place at 11+ (which I am sure you already know)

Worried that he is at a local school that has not been able to tackle bullying. I guess you don't want to say which one?

King Alfreds in Hampstead? Arty school, not that academic tbh, and it is fee paying. But has a laid back feel and good pastoral care, apparently.

Ring around a few schools and explain what has happened. You want to get a feel for how different schools deal with bullying, waht their approach is to your DS, how much they actually care.

In the meantime, do not be afraid to HE him for a while (if that is an option?). He might need some respite from all of this for a bit.

Your poor boy .

You can take him out of school and home educate him while you take your time to find a school that is right for him...

You can take him out of school today. You don't need to give anyone notice...

In the short term, how about a Red Balloon Learner Centre? They are a charity running small schools for the recovery of bullied children. here

I saw a documentary about Red Balloon. They are fabulous!

Have a look at Caldicott - this is outside London but has a bus service. i want my boy to go there - it looks really nice

I know a couple of boys at Caldicott. There is compulsory boarding in the final two years, so that is something you and your ds would have to be prepared for. Most boys go on to other boarding schools at 13+.

What year is your ds in currently, camel?

Am so sorry for your situation. I have a couple of friends with boys unhappy in a v academic west London prep and they are wrestling with what to do, mostly pinning their hopes that once the boys (hopefully) pass throught to the senior school, all will be better.
The timing is tricky - being 10 he could be in year 5 or year 6. Hopefully year 5, as otherwise he is caught in the 11+ timing, which he has missed.
I have been looking at preps in the area for my 8 year old. The two that come up a lot as being nuturing are St Philips, which is small, and everyone loves the head,and Westminster Cathedral Choir, which is less handy. Both though are catholic, although St P's generally considered catholic-lite.
I think you are probably right to not focus too intently on academics - being able to relax a bit in that area may help build his confidence socially.
From the point of view of finding places, some of the bigger ones, like Thomas's and Newton are worth checking in with, but whether a large school is appropriate here is a question for you. Do you think a change will in itself give hiim the break he needs, or does he need a smaller pool?
Hope this is of some help.

Please go see The Academy (NW3). It really is a great school for not expecting square pegs to fit in round holes. I thought it was lovely when I went to see it with DD and have many friends who's kids were bullied/ didn't fit in/were quirky and they were thrilled with it.
You might also look at St. Christopher's Letchworth. Two friends sent their boys after they had been bullied (well, one of the boys was just deeply obnoxious). I've heard great things about their pastoral care and the breadth of opportunities for arts, music etc.

Wow, i couldn't read this until tonight, you have all been so much help thank you!

wimple & once I am going to look at St pauls Cathedral school, Felton Fleet is a bit too far as is Bedales which does look great though.

cows thats great news, stories like yours give me hope......

wondering newton prep is also on my take a closer look list

lots of you suggest HE but it isn't a possibility sadly and I really don't think it would work - for either of us !

daft thanks for the suggestions,pastoral isn't really a strong point at those 3 is it - or am I wrongly informed? the free school would be great but my DS is year 5 so wouldn't be entering until sept 12 (and I think its going to be um very close!)I am determined to get this move right as I don't think his fragile confidence can handle another mistake I am well aware of the looming 11+ and think it may be better to go for a traditional prep where he can stay until 13 or even a straight through school. Any suggestions for either of these anyone?

I am going to look at red Balloon many thanks for that tip, I hadn't heard of it.

banana I haven't heard good things about King Alfreds but will take a look for myself.

thinking I have heard good stuff about caldicott too but boarding isn't for us.

michael thanks, I will look at all your suggestions.

Your 2 suggestions of the Academy school have me full of hope for the first time, since he started at this school! the website doesn't really say much, but I am definetely going to call them tomorrow and go to see it asap. control I will pm you later if you don't mind giving me more info on Academy, thank you. horse did you choose it for your DD in the end? St Christohers letchworth - did they cure him of being obnoxious or was he simply not bullied for it there?

Finally I have also been told of great pastoral care at Notting Hill Prep does anyone know that school? and Portland Place?

I really am knocked out by all your help, and am beginning to really believe we can sort this out once and for all and be happy again

I would second the Academy as well although a bit of a trek from west London. Phone the Good Schools Guide consultancy service as well they may be able to point you in the right direction.

thanks fiddledee I had considered that, but started to think I didn't need the GSG as I have MN!
the Academy is a popular choice..........

Hi!
To answer your question, we looked at the Academy because my DD is very clever but dyslexic and we weren't sure how she would cope with exams for the competitive girls schools. We were very impressed and DD loved everything about the school. She got into all but one of the schools she sat for and went to CLSG. They have been great with her (have SENCO)and she has taken off like a rocket.
When I initially phoned the Academy, I mentioned that I knew 5 of the families in one of the years. It turned out that there were only 6 children in that year. It is very small!

The obnoxious child is still obnoxious but now has lots of friends at St. Christopher's, so I guess they don't mind. He is just a very insensitive boy who likes to memorize things. At the academic prep, the other boys smelled blood in the water and this kid was contemptuous of the boys and the teachers. It is a school with a sledgehammer approach to bullying but they were never going to be able to force the boys to like him.The other boy I know who went there (now doing a PHD) was a bit of an oddball but in a charming way. He really enjoyed the school and did very well.
I can't recommend King Alfred's. Too many celebs and not a lot of work ethic.
I really hope it all works out for your son. A fresh start may be what he needs. Sometimes boys behave like a wolf pack- too many predatory metaphors- but, and a would never blame the victim of bullying, you might look at seeing an ed psych. There may be something that your son could do to help himself make new friends. Good luck!

I have to say that I don't know much about Harrowdian, other than having looked around it a couple of years ago and having a couple of acquaintances there. I do think I is less academic than many other schools and does go all the way through.

I have good friends at both St Benedicts and Falcons. I would say that Falcons is attempting to be quite academic in order to strengthen its position as a new school. My friend has always spoken very highly of I and the care they have taken with her august born son who has blossomed in confidence since being there.

I know two families at St B's. Again, less academic than some in the area and both families speak highly of it. It also goes all the way through.

The trouble wit staying until Common Entrance is that I cuts down on many of the schools that only do 11+. So it's a good idea to think ahead to what your next step might be at 13.

It sounds as though you are in the same area as me, so you are probably quite familiar with the same schools as me

If you are near the Free School, perhaps you could choose a school for a year to take you to 11 and then look at this school.

I'm now worried that the school your son is at currently, is my ds' school, although he has not had any problems with bullying there.

daft we are familiar with the same schools, am glad to hear your ds isn't having these problems at the school - I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
horse CLSG is great i know a few girls there and they are all very rounded and super intelligent. You really have summed it up "smell blood in the water" and "wolf pack" he really doesn't stand a chance and when it has reached this stage it won't change - hence the move. I agree with your Ed Psych suggestion, can you recommend one? i am going to call the Academy and go to see it hopefully next week, 6 children in a year is extremely small and a small pool to find a friend from.
Thanks!

I have heard very good things about Notting Hill Prep, sadly a bit of a schlep for us. Wetherby in Notting Hill is also meant to be very good, have our eye on it for DTS, all boys though if that affects your decision.

My sister's children are at Hill House which is lovely, again I have never heard anything negative. Due to the international element they are also very used to arrivals mid year/ children not all being the same so could be a good environment if he is moving before September.

Thanks bambi I think i will look at notting Hill prep and Hill House too. wetherby in NH is too young for my DS and I am not sure about the new Wetherby for older kids in W1?

good with mid year arrivals is exactly the kind of school we are looking for.

Hi,
We used an ed psych in St Albans. You should be able to get a recommendation from your LEA and then book with them privately. It is very expensive (£300-£500) but it may be worth it to find out what is happening in that boy head. Girls talk, boys don't.
Yes, Academy is small but they form friendships across year groups.
As for 'smelling blood', my son was once accused of bullying. A bit of horseplay and banter was misinterpreted by one of his friends and DS and his mates were hauled over the coals. The 'victim's' mother told the school that she thought her son was lying about the incident as the tale grew with each telling and the boy was getting a lot of adult attention from it. No matter, all the boys who were accused had the life frightened out of them. End result- the 'victim' lost all his friends.I believe that your son's situation was genuine bullying but, you need to look carefully at how schools deal with bullying. Zero tolerance sounds nice but it doesn't allow for a way back for the victim or perpetrator. DD1's school had a softer approach. End result- former bully is now one of her best friends.