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Education

Please suggest a school in/around london for a quirky, inelligent bullied 10 year old I need to move him NOW!

78 replies

thecamelsback · 31/01/2011 22:16

I won't bore you with the full details BULLYING has wrecked his life for the past 2 1/2 years at a very academic selective prep in West London.

My poor DS now believes everyone hates him and he is suicidal. I have to move him ASAP.

Please can I have your suggestions - he is very bright, particularly in maths and science - but having had the experience he has I am not particularly seeking an academic school, just one that teaches to the individual level as I don't want him to be bored or compare a new school unfvourably with the old and feel he has failed IYKWIM.

Pastoral care is our absolute highest priority, as he needs to be nurtured and with over 2 years of exclusion under his belt he needs help with socialising. Small class sizes, boys or co-ed. We are in central/west london and are willing to travel or will consider schools outside of London which provide a bus service.

Basically we will consider anything to get our happy little boy back.

I'm not sure where this will get the most answers, should I post under another topic?

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Report

mary21 · 02/02/2011 17:22

Heard good things about Denmead in Hampton

3littlefrogs · 02/02/2011 17:24

St Columba's in St Albans.

Catholic school, but takes children of all faiths and none.

Go and see it.

insertexpletive · 02/02/2011 17:28

I have heard good things about Unicorn School opposite Kew Gardens.

Really hope you get things sorted out.

Michaelahpurple · 03/02/2011 11:18

Hill House has constant flow in and out, because of the internationality. If you are looking as far over as chelsea, you could also take a look at the Hampshire school (also to 13). If 11+ isn't a killer, you could talk to Cameron House too, although I agree there is an appeal to not hitting 11+ so soon after changing. My boys are there, but as a number leave at 8+, there is often more scope to add boys at the top end than girls. Current year 6 is half boys though. Reason it might appeal is that it is small (circa 115), and upper school classes are about 12+15, so v cosy. Playground is small for the top end boys, but this also means there is no scope for nastiness at break. Just a thought.

thecamelsback · 03/02/2011 20:48

Hi horse I spoke to an Ed Psych today and briefly explained my DS's situation, they asked lots of questions about how he is doing at school and said that they didn't think he had any issues and if he did they aren't educational - don't really know where to go from here.
I have found your insight really helpful and food for thought. I agree it is important we find out if he is doing anything to trigger negative feelings in his peers and put it right before he moves school. Even if he isn't doing anything wrong/weird I feel he could benefit from some kind of social skills training as over 2 years of being left out has certainly left him behind in his social development.

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Michaelahpurple · 03/02/2011 20:55

I wrote something on these lines, but they seem to have gone awol, so apologies if repeating. If you are looking towards Chelsea and can contemplate an 11+ scenario, think about Cameron House, in the The Vale. Small school (circa 115 from reception to year 6), single year intake which by top of school is generally 13-15, so v intimate. Doesn't have a bit playground, which is sometimes a downside for boys at the top end of the school, but means little scope for rough housing or nastiness at break time. As they lose some boys at 8+, there may be more flexibility to take boys at funny times towards top of school. V gentle school, but still reasonable academics, although not Colet court level.

thecamelsback · 03/02/2011 21:29

Thanks everyone for all the helpful suggestions, I am looking at every school suggested and considering all options mainly based on what I csn find out about the kind of kids that thrive at each school.

Its such a big, decision and having got it wrong once I want as much "inside" info as possible before making that decision again - which is why mumsnet is invaluable

michael You seem to know a lot about London schools! I will look at cameron house too,its sounds good - don't know how I haven't heard of it before. I am thinking it would be best to skip 11+ as he would be 1 or possibly 2 terms into a new school which may just be too much, CE narrows the options but is possibly the best option in our circumstances, I think.....

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K75 · 03/02/2011 22:34

Kings house Richmond proved great for friend with similar challenges

horsemadmom · 04/02/2011 10:07

Hi Camel,
Does DS do outside activities? If so, does he get along well with boys in them? I ask because you may be able to narrow your search by eliminating single sex schools. Not all boys are happy with the 'Lord of the Flies' thing (Flies, Sharks, Wolves- must stop the animal metaphors).

You might also talk to a child psych. Your DS is clearly in distress and if there doesn't seem to be an educational issue, he will certainly need someone neutral to talk to about how he is feeling. Make this move a clean slate with no blame attached to it.

Incidentally, arrogant boy was advised to see one. Parents declined believing that their son was just soooo much brighter than the other boys that the fault lay completely with the school not recognising his genius.

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 04/02/2011 10:19

My brother was horrifically bullied in primary, went to St B's with no confidence, spent 3 v happy years there growing in all kinds of ways - got reading fluently (severe dyslexia), took up playing a musical instrument, got to play in a couple of rugby matches, stuff he'd never have contemplated before.

The move to a different, 'tougher' school shattered him.

I don't know how much it's changed but it was ideal for him then.

OTOH my scarily bright cousin (aged 9) left Newton Prep in Battersea last year because of serious social problems, although his brother is in his last year there and still v happy.

DaftApeth · 04/02/2011 10:32

Camel, does his current school have a counsellor he could talk to?

Is there a member of staff there, who you feel knows him well, that you could talk about the issues with? As Horse suggests, they may be able to gve you some insight about what is happening. I'm sure you have talked to them until you are blue in the face but they may have more information of you approach with a different tac, iyswim.

Michaelahpurple · 04/02/2011 23:15

Wetherby big school (8-13) is worth a look. V nice head. Quite couth brigade. Boys seemed lovely. Quite wholesome and reasonably hearty.

thecamelsback · 05/02/2011 18:34

Thanks all. I have looked at so many schools now I could work for the good schools guide! DS had an awful week this week, we had a good chat last night and have agreed we will find a lovely new school and move him as soon as possible. he seems releived today... I am going to see a few over the next couple of weeks and they are all very different schools so hopefully one will stand out as the right one, if not I have a back up list !!

daft the school counsellor was great up to a point, she only deals with the bullying whilst it is happening though, not the aftermath, loss of confidence, coping strategies etc. I am not sure there is any more to be gained from speaking to the school, don't get me wrong the head has been great and has totally held his hands up to the schools mistakes, but we have gone beyond trying to make it work there.

snap your brothers experiences sound distressing, St B's helped him then he moved elsewhere and was victim of bullying again?
A few people have recommended Newton Prep to me on here, do you mind me asking what social problems your cousin experienced there and where did he move to? Has the move been successful - I hope so.

horse Your animal maetaphors make total sense to me! my DS does do outside activities, I have tried to analyse this part many times - he had no problems outside of school at all, but when he moved to this school (at 7) he started to have a few problems with peers outside of school, not as bad, but I do wonder if this is a confidence issue due to the bullying or if there is an issue with his social skills which only came to light age 7 or is that a sudden coincidence - don't know but I am willing to look at it from both angles and get him any help he needs beacuse he wants to make friends and isn't a loner at all

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mycomment · 05/02/2011 18:40

Is it for year 5 and would you consider an outstanding state primary?

thecamelsback · 05/02/2011 18:50

DS is in Y5. I would consider state absolutely, however, I have doubts about private preps which only go to 11 as it would be a short term move and then he would be uprooted again for secondary. So what I am ideally looking for a is a prep until 13, or a secondary which has a 10+ intake. BUT at the moment I am open to any suggestions..........

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mycomment · 05/02/2011 18:56

I've messaged you thecamelsback

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 05/02/2011 19:23

Will message you about Newton Prep because it's a pretty identifiable story. In short yep my brother was bullied, moved, was fine, left and was bullied again. He left school at 16 with a handful of GCSEs and no confidence in himself :( it took a year of barely leaving the house for my parents to persuade him to do any further study but he did in the end, did really well and now has a good job and is even considering university.

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 05/02/2011 19:24

Hm I would message you but can't from my mobile! Will endeavour to remember to do so from a computer later!

onimolap · 05/02/2011 19:35

Could I just point out that SFP's brother must have left Newton Prep 5+ years ago, and the school has had a new headmaster since then (arriving Sept 2006).

If many people are recommending it, you should perhaps go and have a look and raise your concerns directly. Do you know anyone who has children at the school now?

thecamelsback · 05/02/2011 19:40

snap your brothers story is heartbreaking - what is it that makes a person appealing to bullies? I suppose there would be no more bullying if anyone knew the answer to that question......
Thanks for messaging me - if you remember!

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Bink · 05/02/2011 19:41

We're very happy with big Wetherby - the less stringent academic selection means it's a place where quite a big range of ability & individualities can find a home - inc. my ds (11) who is mr maths & science, like yours, but also seems perfectly happy as a non-sporty boy in what also caters very energetically for the sporty ones. Head is very good at finding lively, characterful staff - we love that!

thecamelsback · 05/02/2011 19:44

onimolap SFP's brother didn't go to Newton Prep. SFP mentioned her brother to recommend the school he went to for 3 years which helped him recover from the first bout of bullying the school was St Benedicts.

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onimolap · 05/02/2011 19:46

Oh! I completely misread, and am so sorry.

thecamelsback · 05/02/2011 19:50

Thanks bink big Wetherby is on my list to take a closer look at, I hadn't considered it before as its quite new but a couple of people have recommended it.

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thecamelsback · 05/02/2011 19:51

oni i am interested in Newton prep BTW

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