Eating Disorder Clinic want to send my daughter to an inpatient eating disorder unit

[FedUpToTheBackTooth]

Please could anyone with experience of this help me. The eating disorder clinic want to send my daughter (16 years old 77% weight for height) to an eating disorder inpatient unit. I am really worried that this would be very bad for her and that she is safer at home. Please can someone with experience of this let me know what you think of inpatient care and any advice on what I need to be saying or asking?

Thank you in advance for any help.

Only op will know the right course of action on that score. My dd took her GCSEs eating practically nothing. In any case, I’d be asking the school to contact the exam board about what would happen if she didn’t take the exams.

I should have said, my dd hyper focused at GCSE, but relapsed with A level mocks and it was really hard to get her through them. Much bolstering required. But she did them and did ok, not as well as she could have done. And that is what evidence from school, a GP etc is for, to boost the grades.

I have previously worked for an eating disorder service - and with the lack of progress since diagnosis and the recent weight loss, it sounds like an inpatient admission is likely in her best interests. The longer someone is significantly underweight, can greater the risk of not making a full recovery. She needs to be supported to weight restore - GCSEs are not important when compared to her long term health

Deferring is a good idea or like another poster on another thread is doing, go with predicted Grades.

I agree it doesn’t seem
coincidental, it seems that the exams are the trigger.

I hope you can get the help she needs. We’re here to help as much as we can xx

Are you ok @FedUpToTheBackTooth? I know how lonely and stressful
life can be so just thought I would say Hi xx

I have a little, limited knowledge of this. I know someone who was not able to enter the eating disorder clinic because of family circumstances, which I will not explain here. She wanted to go and it would’ve been very much better for her if she had. Nevertheless, the care that she got was extraordinary. She is an adult in her mid 20s.

The clinicians tackled everything from the actual eating schedule to her mental health problems, and the care was comprehensive and compassionate, whilst allowing no room for excuses. Even though she was at home, they were assiduous in keeping a check on her and they were very strict with her: had she not complied, I think she would’ve been compulsory admitted. The only other thing I would add is that this person really wanted to eat, she just couldn’t, and there is also a history of difficult eating patterns in the family. That might not be the case with you and therefore what I’m saying might not be relevant for that reason.

The other thing I know is that it can be very hard to get a place, so if it’s on offer then personally, I would take it up.

I’m sure it is scary for you and for her, but if they are offering inpatient on the NHS she must really need it. I was admitted myself as a teenager and even though I resisted it, it did save my life. I am glad my admissions were as a teen not an adult - from the many people I met over the years, those who made a decent recovery by 18/19 managed to go on and live their lives properly (university, careers, relationships etc). Those whose EDs persisted seriously into adulthood rarely recovered properly and often relapsed again and again. I’m sure there are many exceptions but it was an overwhelming pattern. The sooner you can get her intensive help the better long term.

Sorry for not coming back to this sooner. My daughter was sectioned and has gone into an inpatient unit.

@FedUpToTheBackTooth I hope your daughter is receiving the help she needs and that the inpatient stay is beneficial. I don't have experience of this but I hope you are also being supported and that school have been helpful. Better days are ahead

@FedUpToTheBackTooth please don’t apologise, I just really wondered how you were. I hope they are helping and you are getting the support you need. Better days definitely are ahead xx

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope this is the start of a full recovery for your daughter

I know this is incredibly tough for you OP, but I was very concerned for your DD and it did need to happen. I hope you will come to see this in time.

OP, my niece did 2 stints. One in an inpatient house. The second one in a hospital unit. She had been in and out of hospital due to racing heartbeat for a long time before the first in patient stay. She was early teens at the time.

They were both very tough, but that was several years ago, and she started uni last september well and eating properly.

One thing I remember my brother saying is that they were told the brain does not function properly when they are so far below the right weight. As she reached and passed the 'magic' percentage, it was like watching her return to them from another planet. That is why the therapy waits until the weight has been gained.

I personally think if they’re offering her inpatient care you should take it with both hands.

I’ve been on the teens with ED thread for around 5 years and I think all the teens who have had inpatient care have done well and are now recovered.

Those of us who plodded on at home are a bit more of a mixed bag in terms of whether our kids recovered or not.

3000 calories a day probably needs to be doubled to see the results your dd needs for recovery.

Sorry I didn’t see this update, I wish your dd well.

You should also take this time to recharge your batteries and gear up for when she’s ready to be discharged home.

The long running caring for young people with an ED thread is worth popping onto for support if you need it.

I’m sorry it has come to sectioning her. It’s heartbreaking and so so hard for you.
Take this time to recharge and take a break where you can to prepare for her coming back so you can be ready to support her again.
sending you lots of support and wishing her a steady recovery 💐

@FedUpToTheBackTooth so sorry you find yourself and your daughter in this situation. My DD is 14 and has just been discharged following six months in an inpatient ED unit. She has gone from 65% wfh to 100% and is a completely different girl than the one who was admitted at the end of October. We tried for four months prior to her admission to do the whole FBT thing but I don’t think any of us realised just how entrenched this illness was. She was hospitalised (general children’s ward) twice, and at the end of the second admission she went into the ED unit. It’s been a long hard six months but also it’s gone incredibly quickly, and she is now coming out the other side, ready to get on with her life and leave this behind her. It’s been the most difficult and also the best thing we could have done for her. Happy to talk more if you want, you can send me a pm if you’d like. Hang in there. Xx

It’s just so hard. She is so sad in there. She misses home so much. She just cries and begs to come home.

Are you able to visit @FedUpToTheBackTooth it must be so hard for you all. Is she gaining weight etc? I know others on here have struggled so much at first but they know it’s the right thing to do. It must be heart breaking for you. We’re here to offload to xx

Firstly I am so sorry you are all having to live this right now and remember you need to look after you and her.

So my perspective comes from being the teen who went inpatient and I will further cavet that it was nearly 30 years ago and much has probably changed.

I went in to inpatient care it was voluntary but I suspect I wouldn't have had the choice for much longer had I not accepted the help.

For me inpatient was something of a relief I was no longer fighting my parents about food and whilst there was still internal battles the fact that all my dietary requirements had been handed over to other people rather than me bargaining with the ED made fighting the ED that little bit easier.

The refeeding programme felt hard but manageable and many of the additional weight gain calories came from snacks/ calorie drinks so it didn't feel like you were having loads more or less than someone else.

There was mental health support but it was graded depending on where you were in recovery. At the start I was refeeding and weight gaining and all I did was a gentle daily group session and a couple of chats a week with a key worker. None of it was heavy going until further down the line.

I didn't particularly learn any new tricks whilst there and I would say the influence of other patients when I was there was mostly positive all anyone wanted was for others to do well. But this may have been due to the mix of people I mean.beong the youngest.

It wasn't easy and there were some patients I found hard to be around and eventually infused this as part of my reason to leave a little earlier than maybe I should have done. However what I have/ did notice is when I felt wobbly in the past it has been the core of what I learnt at inpatient that I have used to push through the wobbles/ relapse.

For you all
Have you looked at the inpatient program they are proposing what do the offer how do the operate?
If you would prefer private is there one you have in mind that you prefer and why? and can you Access it in the time your current team would be happy with?

What control are you trying to keep and why?

Don't worry about GCSEs talk to school about options for using mock grades or just can them for this year.
If your daughter continues to loose weight rapidly then will she perform her best anyway?

I'm sorry I didn't realise until after I posted you had updated about sectioning.

That must be really hard for you and her for such different reasons.

It is scary facing up to an eating disorder and being sectioned will really hit home to her how entrenched her issues are and that is scary and sad and everything in between.

I can only imagine how hard it is for you but please try and use some of the time to care for yourself. You can not support your daughter running on empty and allowing the inpatient team to take on the feeding will take some pressure off your shoulders and hopefully allow you a little bit of space.

I’m just back from visiting my partner’s daughter at art school. The year of her GCSEs she too went downhill fast. Over the next year she was an in patient twice, both for a couple of months. She took only maths and english gcse’s in the end and enrolled in a college for a creative subject. Her attendance was patchy as she continued to fight the anorexia. But she put together a portfolio that, after a year out, got her entrance to the art school shes now at. So her journey was different to others around her, but she still got there. She looked so healthy it was wonderful. She ate lots and gone was all the agonising over what to have. Your daughter can get through this - let go of the route you thought she was on, she’s on a different one but she will get there. I do agree with a PP that it’s so important to tackle this before they are adults as results are so much better -so as distressing as it is, she is now in the best place. But it may take more than once, as with my partner’s daughter.

This is really normal, she wants to come home as she can eat less then…

Have you heard anything about managing distress tolerance? I think BEAT do a course but it’s basically about learning to manage their distress without becoming drawn in emotionally.

When she is crying and saying she wants to come home the response is ‘I’m so sorry this is so hard for you right now, I can see/hear how sad you are feeling. Once you are eating well and getting better you can come home.’

It’s a terrible illness, I hope she turns a corner really soon.

How are you doing @FedUpToTheBackTooth?

@FedUpToTheBackTooth I was wondering how you were too