Eating Disorder Clinic want to send my daughter to an inpatient eating disorder unit

[FedUpToTheBackTooth]

Please could anyone with experience of this help me. The eating disorder clinic want to send my daughter (16 years old 77% weight for height) to an eating disorder inpatient unit. I am really worried that this would be very bad for her and that she is safer at home. Please can someone with experience of this let me know what you think of inpatient care and any advice on what I need to be saying or asking?

Thank you in advance for any help.

Sorry you find yourself here. How long has your daughter been ill for and has she managed to gain any weight at home?
They wanted to admit my DD when she was 70% wfh but we kept her home and have managed to get her to 90% wfh so far. We're plodding on.
For some people inpatient treatment is really helpful and what's needed. It all depends on the patient and family set up at home.
If she stays at home will there be someone off work and able to feed her? It's a full time job

Try to find out exactly how the treatment works. Are the patients sitting at a table at mealtimes with other patients with similar issues? Because in my experience that only leads to competitive undereating. Will she be getting help with her overall mental health or is it all focused on eating? My experience has been that there is too much focus on getting the patient to eat and very little on the underlying issues. I have been told that the patient needs to put on weight before they can engage properly with therapy but I am not convinced. You can be stuck with an underweight child for years waiting for them to reach the ‘right’ weight. If there is someone at home with the stamina and strength to support the child then I would continue that. However if the child is a danger to themselves or anyone else then the inpatient setting might be needed. Also obviously if their physical health is at acute risk. My heart goes out to you- it is such an incredibly difficult thing to manage. The other thing to consider is whether you ave other children (and you) who are being badly affected by this and if you could do with a break from the relentlessness of it all.

Thanks for your replies. My daughter has been ill since January 2025. She was doing really well at first and got back up to 83% after 5 months at home but has been struggling since she was back at school and has very slowly gone back down and went under 80% 4 weeks ago. This seems to be a very sudden decision.

Her main problem is her obsession with what other people are eating which makes me worried in terms of being admitted to a place full of girls that will probably be lower wight than her. Plus she has a very fast metabolism and only puts on 500g even on 3000kcal a week on chair rest. So she might need to eat more than others in the unit which would also be very hard for her.

i just feel like it is not the best option but I also don’t want to make a mistake. I just feel so scared and disempowered.

Will all respect, are you absolutely sure she is eating 3000cal (am assuming this is a day, not a week) and she isn’t hiding/purging? I ask this as an ex-anorexic myself, so had multiple ways of hiding what I was supposed to be eating

I have an adult friend whose teenage anorexia wasn't treated effectively. She went into a unit like this in her 30s and it wasn't fun for anyone but it did help.

At this point in time, I wouldn’t be sure but when she was first ill she was much more compliant and she herself admits that she has learned how to be sneaky from the questions they asked at the eating disorder clinic and realising what other girls must be doing. But back then she was really trying hard and was very optimistic about going back to school. So that is the amount she put on back then.

A close family member of mines went into an inpatient unit at around age 13 for anorexia, and luckily it worked out for her. She did go home at weekends thoughs. I would say she was able to leave there and get on with her life after about 8 months and was healthy for several years. In terms of the inpatient facility, we actually found that she hated the place so much it gave her the push to get better (although the environment will impact everyone differently).

I think they're wise to be proactive, OP. She's been ill for more than a year. It sounds like she may be just partially compliant with eating and this is a concern. Left to her own devices, she will restrict and reduce, as you are seeing. You don't want this to become an ingrained pattern over years. She's had ample opportunity to make changes outside of an inpatient setting. I know it's very difficult, but I'd be pleased that they're taking decisive action.

What help have you been receiving?
what are her physical health checks like other than weight to height?
have you been admitted to hospital at all
ot visited A&E.
Have they said where she would be admitted to? I’ve heard of people not being close to home?
I totally understand what a worry this is for you. has she been off school the whole time?

Her bloods, blood pressure and heart rate etc are all normal.

It has been very complicated as the eating disorder started because she was so unhappy at school but everyone thought it was best for her to stay at school to get her GCSEs so that she would be able to move to 6th form and hopefully be happier and start to recover. We were basically just keeping her on an even keel as agreed but for some reason it just started going wrong in the last 4 weeks.

now she is weeks away from her exams and our world is falling apart.

I’ve seen on another thread that they can use their predicated grades.

I think somehow you have to separate the need to go to school from the eating disorder. I remember being totally fixed on going to school, then being told no way and having to come to terms with that.

I do agree that this could be an opportunity to help her now rather than in the future. Does your daughter know it’s a possibility? Do you have a choice? Sorry to sound naive but I’ve been through a lot but not inpatient. I’m not sure how much you have a choice? I presume with good physical stats you have more choice?

It is basically, agree or they will put in progress the procedure to force her in. But ai just want to make sure we stay in control. Is going private a possibility - does anyone know and, if so, would that mean we get to keep control?

Exams are the last of your worries here. forget it, it’s not the be all and end all.

her safety and happiness are the most important here and that must be your focus above all else.

if you can get her in voluntarily then that will be much better all round, you will have a bit more control. If they are threatening to get her in anyway then they will need to section her to do this.

she will learn tips and tricks from others in there unfortunately. However she may hate it enough to be incentivized to get herself out of there.

if you really can’t face her going in and are absolutely sure they won’t just section her and take her anyway the maybe try and speak to someone about crisis level care with cahms, a detailed plan for staying at home with very specific goals, medical appointments with GP as frequently as they deem safe. Forget even mentioning school for now, she can and will comeback to it when she is well enough.

You may have more control if you agree. We were hospitalised and I know going private is a possibility, but you would have to work quickly to secure help. Are you thinking private help but keep her at home.

I just want to say, you sound scared and I totally get that feeling. I know when my daughter was hospitalised I wanted to resist. Looking back however, it was what we needed. I didn’t see that at the time though.

I forgot to say how very sorry I am that you are in this situation, it’s truly devastating when your child is going through such severe mental health issues 💐

We managed to get dd eating but a lot depends on the root cause of the eating disorder, my dd is autistic and admits she doesn’t feel hunger, she doesn’t eat when stressed but doesn’t think she’s fat etc. a bit different. DD’s rock bottom coincided with covid so apart from 2 days on a drip they didn’t want to admit so sent a team to the house 3 times a day, dropping quickly off. Ask if home care is possible perhaps?

An adult friend of mine spent several months as an inpatient. Admittedly, very different circumstances and she had other diagnoses too, but I think it probably saved her life. It is a last resort which is why, if suggested, it should at least be seriously considered.

Thank you for all the advice I am trying my best to make the right decision for the right reasons.

it is so hard because all I want is to keep her close to me. I know this isn’t relevant but I just want to put it out into the universe that she is the sweetest, kindest girl. It is so unfair that she is suffering so much.

Sorry to hear that your Dd is suffering, it's a horrible illness that makes life very hard for all concerned.

I spent 7 months in an inpatient unit, but as adult. It's a hard environment for an anorexic, and refeeding can feel relentless. But that being said, I saw people recover and it did save my life, as I was in complete self destruct mode and was physically and mentally very unwell.
Beds in units are difficult to come by, so if they're suggesting it, they must feel it's necessary.

@FedUpToTheBackTooth your DD sounds wonderful. Thank you for telling us about her. She will always be your little girl. You sound like a fab mum wanting to look after her.

She is poorly, but will always be yours and you will look back on this time and tell others about yours experience. Keep talking, we’re here for you xx

At 16, private inpatient care is possible. It is costly. Dd was your dd’s age 2 years ago and were quoted just over 17k for 4 weeks and that wasn’t the most costly. I don’t think I would actually have sent dd there even if she would have been able to bear in patient care (which I now know she couldn’t due to her medical condition). Your dd could be in for a long time. Idk how much money you have to throw at this.

With dd, we have a private ED coach, ongoing and dd is making very slow but steady progress and I’ve learned to manage relapses etc. Although she didn’t get to such low wfh, she was never a svelt child, very ill and on bed rest on and off. The coach was very clear that I saved her life. Perhaps something like this if you’re able to look after your dd full time? Or private out patient? There’s the priory for example, Orri etc.

Personally I don’t think 3k calories and 500g weight increase is bad at all. My dd only puts on minuscule amounts of weight as she’s active and eating similarly. I wouldn’t despair on that front.

It does sound like your hand is forced to an extent. I guess whatever has happened recently has forced her to go backwards and staying home may not allow that to change. GCSE’s are a stressful time and whereas some kids may overeat to cope, others with a predisposition to under eating, will use that for their control.

Is she getting any help with her mental health? Are you able to keep her off school if she stayed home and have someone at home with her to monitor her? As someone else said, it can be a full time job in itself. School can be a funny place for lots of children with their eating. Some feel uncomfortable eating around others, sometimes they are rushed and there’s not enough time or space to properly eat. Even those without ED’s can have disordered eating when at school. Although I get that it would have been great to get through her exams, I personally would forget these for now. There are lots of opportunities to sort this out later.

I’m very sorry you’re having to go through this as a family and for your DD too. You sound like a lovely mum.

Please could you let me know more about the private ED coach. How did you find them - is there an agency? This could be a good approach as my daughter is still trying really hard every day so I know she could do this with help.

The ED clinic won’t provide help with her mental health until her weight is over 90%. But that leaves my daughter with nobody to talk to apart from us. Because of bullying (low level but continuous) at school she only really has one friend and she can’t really even talk to her. I still don’t understand why there is no mental health help at all but I know that it is the standard way it works.

Dd’s coach was a recommendation from MN and we have travelled quite some distance to see her as she’s in the north and we aren’t. Dd’s coach created a specialist clinic and it is integrated, meaning if your dd is cooperative, you and she would work with dieticians, hypnotherapists, an app, where both you and she can record daily experiences, significant interactions etc (for us this is the main tool) and VR therapy. They offer a range of therapies - EMDR, CBT, psychotherapy etc. I did see similar in London, not quite so comprehensive when I was searching. I will PM you the details of dd’s coach.

This is a list compiled by Jenny Langley. This wouldn’t have been enough for us as I’m doing almost all the work, as dd isn’t willing to engage.

newmaudsleycarers-kent.co.uk/recovery-coaches-and-therapists/

it just started going wrong in the last 4 weeks.

now she is weeks away from her exams

This timing is not a coincidence. She's relapsed because of the exam pressure, either to try to cope with the stress or as an act of self-sabotage because at some level she doesn't want to take her exams.

Could she defer her GCSEs? That would take the pressure off her, and by extension off you to try to get her weight up in time.