Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Eating disorders

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Worried about teen DD. Will Beat help?

427 replies

Weightlossworried · 05/03/2026 13:27

I'm becoming worried about my 15 yo. She's always been slim with a small appetite but lately she seems to have lost weight and is eating even less.
She denies any issues around food/body image when I've gently raised it. She hates school and for a long time has refused breakfast or to eat much or anything while there saying she feels too sick and anxious. She used to make up for it at home but doesn't really any more. She does always eat dinner and enjoys helping make it too.
I have no idea how much she weighs as we don't have scales and I don't think it would be helpful to weigh her but she is visibly thinner I believe, although she denies it.
I am pretty scared of saying or doing the wrong thing and making it worse. Can Beat offer help with this to parents? Thanks

OP posts:
Raspberrysins · 20/04/2026 22:54

Hi @Weightlossworried sorry to hear this.. I think you're right about a strong reaction.. then you know you're upsetting the ED

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 21/04/2026 10:32

You have to see the beast to slay the beast was my motto when dd was ill. I also used to say to myself I don’t negotiate with terrorists (the ED being the terrorist!)

As I said before your dd really needs to be blind weighed, the fact she’s happy she lost weight is not good.

I hope the meal support goes well.

sammyspoon · 21/04/2026 10:35

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 21/04/2026 10:32

You have to see the beast to slay the beast was my motto when dd was ill. I also used to say to myself I don’t negotiate with terrorists (the ED being the terrorist!)

As I said before your dd really needs to be blind weighed, the fact she’s happy she lost weight is not good.

I hope the meal support goes well.

Fully agree with this. Only when you see it can you defeat it. The beast was not my daughter. It was something separate. It was like an exorcism.

Pearl97 · 21/04/2026 10:40

I agree about blind weighing too, at least until she gets more help to stop wanting to lose weight. Although I do find blind weighing quite strange when the GP says it’s good or bad as that’s not actually very blind!

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 21/04/2026 15:14

Meal support did not go well..DD refused to entertain it and has now completely refused any lunch, even when the CAMHs nurse left.

DH feels we are going about this all wrong by putting her under pressure. I honestly don't know any more. I feel like we have to try our best to engage with CAMHs before we decide it's not working.

OP posts:
Pearl97 · 21/04/2026 15:19

Did your daughter say anything to the nurse? I was really hoping it would go well. I know what you mean, it seems crazy to tell someone they need to eat as they already know.

The issue is, they don’t know anymore and this can just spiral and get worse and worse.

Remind us how low weight your daughter is and have CAMh’s given you a plan?
This is really hard for you, especially now your husband has potentially conflicting views to you xx

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 21/04/2026 15:23

She wouldn't even look at him, let alone speak to him.

She's at 78% WFH now. Altogether she's put on 0.5kg in a month I think it is.

Their plan is weekly weigh ins/physical check ups. That's kind of it. They said they'd get the dietician to look at her food diary but I'm not sure what good that will do really, I expect they'll tell us she's not eating enough which we already know!

OP posts:
Pearl97 · 21/04/2026 15:30

She is very low weight. I would be careful at the moment to reject their help.

They should have devised a meal plan with the dietician. That then helps you with portion sizes etc.

I’m so sorry this is all happening to you. Did you get the exams sorted?

I think they will come back to do another meal with you xx

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 21/04/2026 15:48

They gave us a meal plan that was more of an example really rather than a strict plan to follow, I worked out the calories in each meal and snack and then use that to plan the meals we give her.

Exams and school are sorted which is great. The school are submitting evidence for teacher assessed grades.

We definitely won't be rejecting CAMHs help, I think he just feels frustrated because he can't work out how we get a nearly 16yo to eat when they don't want to. I think we consider therapy at some point but only if we've given this approach a really good try over a number of months.

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 21/04/2026 15:49

If she’s refusing lunch I’d plate it up and tell her she either eats it or you’re taking her to a&e. If she still refuses pack her and the lunch up and follow through with the a&e trip.

She needs to know you are serious about this and won’t back down.

78% is v v low and usually means complete bed or sofa rest….

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 21/04/2026 15:51

Therapy would be completely pointless at this time, she needs food and nutrition to get her brain working.

Have Camhs mentioned medication? For some it helps get them started on the meal plan, olanzipine is the one that seems to help the most.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 21/04/2026 16:16

I agree that you need to tell your DD that you need to take her to A and E.
She has to see how serious this is.
I'm sorry that this has happened. It makes it so hard for you all.

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 21/04/2026 16:44

CAMHs have said a&e if she doesn't eat for 24 hours. We haven't got there yet thank god. She's had her afternoon snack. That's a good sign that she's moved on from lunch. I don't think a&e or the threat of it for one missed meal would work, although I appreciate any and all advice.
I can't see they'd do anything about one missed meal which would vindictive her idea that we're 'being dramatic'.

OP posts:
Pearl97 · 21/04/2026 17:01

One day at a time @Weightlossworried having the snack is good. It sounds like this is a lot for you to be dealing with. They will be in touch to discuss today’s meal. For now, breath and know you’re doing all you can.

I am so pleased the exams and school is sorted. You can now just concentrate on looking after yourself and your daughter xx

LurkyLurkyLou · 21/04/2026 17:33

Sorry to hear meal support didn't go well. It sounds as if with uncertainty over exams, camhs etc there's been a lot going on, the end of year 11 is a lot without an ED on top of everything. But if DD has had her snack then thats great, part of her wants to cooperate. With no school or sport if you can keep her chilling at home the calories you can get into her can do their stuff.

Keep at it, little by little, consistently and calmly, and let it all out here!
Camhs days have always been the worst for DD, but I miss those weekly check ins now theyre easing off as they reasure me as much as they annoy her....

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 22/04/2026 08:21

Thanks both. Yes CAMHs days are bad here. She ate her dinner and evening snack - although left a bit of both. I guess we just keep plugging on.

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 22/04/2026 08:45

The leaving a bit of the food is typical ED bargaining, my dd did the same. If possible it is worth pushing her to finish everything, my dd is 20yo and has been ‘recovered’ for a couple of years however still leaves a small amount of food on her plate.

Im hindsight I wish I’d pushed harder to finish every mouthful right at the beginning but at the time it felt like winning the war not the individual battles was more important iykwim.

Pearl97 · 22/04/2026 08:53

It’s so hard as you know why they’re bad as they are triggering to your daughter, but you know they’re necessary.

Doesn’t stop the feeling of doom though, although you probably have that with every meal anyway.

Thank goodness for some sunshine, better days are coming xx

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 24/04/2026 08:37

Well we had a weight gain yesterday. A proper one of 0.6kg. I think the nurse was baffled, as was I. She'd eaten more on the weekend as we'd been away with family and she tries to cover up the ed by joining in with meals and stuff. I guess that must be it. It doesn't feel like much of a win because it's not down to day to day eating and she's extremely upset again. Slightly better than last time in that she ate her evening snack after refusing the afternoon one and dinner. She wouldn't speak to us though.

She absolutely hates her CAMHs nurse. I'm trying to be sympathetic without throwing him under the bus but I'm not keen either. He just lectures her which makes her shut down completely. I don't know whether it's appropriate to try and ask for someone else...or whether she'd hate whoever she has anyway.

OP posts:
LurkyLurkyLou · 24/04/2026 09:30

Great news that you've had a gain. It's difficult when you don't know what is working and what isn't, but I've always just thought that any gain means she is physically safer, and that means we have the capacity to deal with the rest of it.
Eating a snack despite being upset at the gain is positive, the ED voice is battling and she's fighting back.
It's a shame she hates her Camhs nurse. Whilst DD doesn't like her camhs days, she does like the individuals there generally, and seems to really value their support even if they don't always say what she wants to hear. The only one she hasn't liked is the dietician, who does tend to lecture, so I agree that approach may not be the best.
It's probably worth persevering if things are going generally the right way, his approach may change as things change. But you are entitled to ask if there's someone she may click with more if it's becoming counter productive

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 24/04/2026 10:23

Thank you. The rest of the team are lovely. When he first talked about her speaking to him on her own to see if she wanted to talk about anything I did ask if there were any women she could speak to - I used that as an excuse really because I knew she wouldn't open up to him. He said he'd try and find a female nurse but they're a busy team and presumably none are available.

OP posts:
Pearl97 · 24/04/2026 10:28

I did wonder about saying is there a female nurse. Does he do her weight and physical health checks?

alexdgr8 · 24/04/2026 11:00

Seems odd for a teenage girl with these issues that they can't assign a female nurse. Esp as 90 per cent of nurses are women . . .

Not trying to worry you OP but I'm just wondering.
Is there any way of ensuring the person being weighed is not carrying extra ballast?
Like a jockey but covertly?
The services sound sparse.
You and your husband are heroes.
Keep going.
All the best.

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 24/04/2026 11:42

He does do her physical checks yes. I don't think he makes her physically uncomfortable but he irritates her every time he opens his mouth!!

I heard him ask her to empty her pockets. I don't think she had anything on her or she wouldn't be this miserable. There's no way she's putting this on

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 24/04/2026 11:44

It is a shame that they don’t have a female nurse for your dd. Do ask again. However, do presume she may not like anyone. He will be a massive threat to the ED.

The other thing to just check is that your dd didn’t chug down a load of water just before her weigh in. She may not be devious. Mine won’t even get weighed, but these are the tricks.

If she’s getting this upset, I don’t get why they aren’t blind weighing. I think this was mentioned upthread. Can you talk to them about it without her being in earshot.