Worried about teen DD. Will Beat help?

[Weightlossworried]

I'm becoming worried about my 15 yo. She's always been slim with a small appetite but lately she seems to have lost weight and is eating even less.
She denies any issues around food/body image when I've gently raised it. She hates school and for a long time has refused breakfast or to eat much or anything while there saying she feels too sick and anxious. She used to make up for it at home but doesn't really any more. She does always eat dinner and enjoys helping make it too.
I have no idea how much she weighs as we don't have scales and I don't think it would be helpful to weigh her but she is visibly thinner I believe, although she denies it.
I am pretty scared of saying or doing the wrong thing and making it worse. Can Beat offer help with this to parents? Thanks

You can 'weigh' someone by measuring their arm?! Idk how accurate it is.

I hate doctors taking my blood pressure because they always look suspicious about how thin my arm is?!

If you take her to GP and she doesn't say she's anorexic or whatever then they will probably just give her supplement drinks. If she refuses those it could be because they're horrible, but it could also indicate she is having ED.

But yeah I presume Beat can offer advice to parents.

@JuliettaCaeser thanks for sharing your experience. It gives me so much hope that your daughter is out the other side after a year. I've told my daughter about the appointment and she's not happy, promising that she'll eat and she just didn't realise. I've basically said exactly what you put about better to be safe and no harm done if I'm worrying about nothing.

I did wonder about the supplement drinks. I remember my sister having those and hating them.

Well done OP. I went through this with TWO daughters at exactly this age, both ended up under CAMHS - one hospitalised with imminent heart failure in the end and in a wheelchair. Both 'diagnosed' by CAMHS as autistic - they said it's one way it often presents in teenage girls.

Both HATED me at the time for forcing them to go the GP/CAMHS and forcing them through a programme of re-feeding. There were days when I thought it would be easier to give up. And I put on a lot of weight myself eating 'with them' all the time.

They are now grown adults and we are really close - they get upset thinking about how they treated me during that time! It's very sweet.

So - you are doing the right thing. But you might need to be very forceful. Try not to take it personally. It might be a long road. Good luck. X

I would just say, we’ve all heard I will eat before. I’m not saying she won’t, but definitely still go to GP xx

Dd doesn’t like to talk about last year she’s almost embarrassed about it. She was like a different person then - lying and weird not like her at all. It was like she was taken over.

We still weigh her fortnightly on Friday. But she eats normally and her weight is in the normal range albeit lower end and she’s thriving socially and academically in 6th form. But we won’t relax for a few years after what happened.

It’s not that people have other views, it’s that magic plate and Eva Musby doesn’t work for everyone. My dd has a PDA profile, will soon be getting an ASD assessment and the more I look, the more I think ADHD as well. These methods are brilliant for some and absolutely worth a try. However, Musby was too aggressive for her and made the situation worse.

I really hope you get this sorted op. The fact that your dd recognises there is an issue possibly means that these methods may work. My dd didn’t believe she needed to eat to live. If not, there are plenty of others. You’ve had a link already to the main support thread(s). There is loads of advice on these.

If your dd will be directed by you then take advantage of preparing very nutrient dense balanced meals. Add plenty of fats and oils like cream and butter to up the calories as the brain needs a layer of fat around it to work properly. And don’t believe her when she begs that she can do this herself. She will struggle. If it were that simple, she wouldn’t have become emaciated.

Yes absolutely that’s what I meant - I have been leapt on before so am clear to say every case is different. Dd is NT so magic plate worked really well for our family as did being frankly quite tough. It kind of jolted her out it thank god. But for some that would be a disaster.

The difficulty is finding what works for your own child. We had a brilliant psychiatrist who found the approach that worked for our daughter. Hope op has same outcome. The initial realisation there’s a problem is a horrible time for parents .

Is she buying awful food like cucumbers celery and rice cakes? They learn these tricks online. Came to hate those foods. Swap them out for bananas and flapjacks.

Well the doctor wasn't great. A bit dismissive really. He seems to think she may be anaemic and that's causing the low appetite. I guess the weight loss could also cause anaemia. Anyway we have to take her for blood tests which she is really stressed and upset about so I feel like I've added to her stress now. He did say he'd speak to the dietician to see if she should be referred.

The school were much more helpful. Have said they'll support us however we need including all kinds of adjustments to see if she'll eat at school.

She's eaten well today but I know better than to heave a sigh of relief yet.

The dietician will hopefully be more helpful. They will review her height and weight and know if they should refer.

Have you worked out her weight to height? That’s what the Ed team would work with. Chat gpt is your friend here xx

Yes, she's 41kg at 5ft4. The GP weighed her too and agreed she's underweight. He wants the bloods done urgently so that's something at least.

That’s good about bloods so they can rule out physical health. That’s under 80 percent weight to height so would justify a referral xx

GPs often are useless...I'm sorry OP but you need to act now and act big.
Absolutely make another appointment and insist your dad is referred to cahms ED service.
Anaemia does not cause low appetite..I'm a very experienced GP myself...
Meanwhile read the books, talk to beat or feast and start three meals three snacks a day.
It's hard but you have to be harder

Eva musby and magic plate did not work for my dd / us...she was super resistant...ended up spending a year in an eating disorder unit...

I would echo what @Theredjellybean says. We are talking weight loss not just low weight.
Under 80 percent weight to height should trigger a referral. They will need your permission.
We may all sound harsh, we know much more than we want to.

Yes, we know far more than the average GP. My dd has friends with ED and their GPs have not been great. Mine was. Dd was referred urgently to CAMHS.

As someone who struggled with an eating disorder through teens and twenties and has also been on the other side as a mother of a teen with an eating disorder, one thing I wished people acknowledged more is that it is rarely about food, weight etc. I desperately needed therapy but all my mum did was try to force me to eat. Mental health issues were ignored by my family!

Our gp was terrible. Told Dd she should take back control of her eating from us 🙈. A months work undermined. DH actually cried after that appointment when she took that as permission to stop eating again after all our hard work.

@Theredjellybean ok that's really worrying. Whilst I don't believe her weight loss is down to anaemia I did assume he knew what he was talking about when he said it could cause low appetite. She has agreed to 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. She appears to have eaten very well yesterday but some of those snacks were in her room so I shall be having a good look round on Monday for evidence of food hidden or not eaten. I have to go back to the surgery to request urgent bloods for her Monday so I'll ask about how i request a second opinion then.
It's so frustrating. Our surgery is so good normally, I don't think I've ever had a crap doctor there before.

I completely understand @Boleynforsoup. I've already said that to DD. She says her losing weight is down to stress and I've pointed out that eating disorders are similar anyway, in that they are caused really by mental health issues. I have already talked to her about therapy. She wasn't keen but I'm going to try again this weekend more forcefully.

@JuliettaCaeser that's appalling. It's one thing a gp not being helpful but another them actively making it worse.

You're right JuliettaCaeser. You can't be your child's friend in this situation. You have to be the adult and make sure she is eating.

@Weightlossworried you must supervise all meals and snacks.
You can't take your daughter's word for it that she's eaten them.
I'm sorry your doctor was so unhelpful.

Just to encourage you, my DD had been restricting food but once it was out in the open we didn't have a really awful time getting her back on track. She had lost about 5kg like your DD although she didn't quite tip into underweight. She was diagnosed with disordered eating. I did go through a period of saying she couldn't go to school until she had eaten or couldn't go out with friends and weighing her monthly for several years. But we never had hiding food or lying about what she had eaten. We're 3.5 years on now and I don't even calorie count what she's eating any more. So do be vigilant, but it's not always full blown anorexia and your DD eating well yesterday is a good sign.

The book says the earlier it’s dealt with the better. Sounds like you successfully “nipped it in the bud”.

The only explanation Dd had for stoppping eating was that she had got into bad habits. If we had realised sooner think we could have averted it getting as serious as it did. So best to get ahead of any potential disordered eating rather than be in denial / complacent and let it grow into a real problem.

That does give me hope @UnbeatenMum
She doesn't seem to be lying about food either.

Just as I was debating getting her up this morning to make sure she had breakfast, she got herself up and told me she wanted to make sure she had breakfast. She had Weetabix and then had lunch without me having a chance to prompt her. We've eaten out today as well and she ate well.

I am being realistic about all this though and remaining vigilant. I suppose I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I've told her breakfast before school is now non negotiable. She was a bit grumbly about that but only briefly.

That feast website is great, much more detailed than beat and I'm taking all that advice and all your advice on board

Well, you were, of course, all completely right. My hope was stupidly naive. While she was in the shower tonight I had a good look around her room and found hidden food. She has very tearfully admitted it's an ED. I'm devastated but glad it's out in the open. I'm contacting the GP first thing in the morning to ask for a different doctor and a referral.

I'm taking control of her food as of now.

What do I do about school? She wants to go in but I can't trust her to try and eat anything.

I am so sorry, most have been you. You weren’t to know. We are here to help.

School should be a no, but you may find calling people etc easier if she is at school. Depending on the referral they may stop school and demand purposeful movement only.

Be kind to yourself @Weightlossworried xx