Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

@EdwardTheBlueEngine that’s amazing, thanks for sharing and I’m so happy for you and your daughter. A positive update was much needed for me, last night I cried in bed for ages, just feeling that the whole situation was hopeless, but your update has given me hope that I’ll get my happy, bright and healthy DD back.

We had left overs so she’s having it again for tea tonight. She’s looking forward to it I think. Will add more spinach and a big side of broccoli too 😋
She also had a bowl of rice pudding afterwards too. I checked the calories and there are 178 per 1/4 of a tin of full fat coconut milk so will definitely be incorporating it into more meals this coming week. Will try a veggie Thai red curry next. Leek and potato soup is also a really safe go to meal for DD and so easy to cram in loads of calories and goodness.

The only way I got my dds weight up was by adding double cream and butter to absolutely everything! Also things like homemade banana bread and flapjacks. I made oat cakes this week which had a whole packet of butter in plus I added chia seeds and various other extras. I'd guess it must easily be 500 cals a portion.

Dd happy to be back in school, I'm not confident she's eating all her pack lunch but given she's gained weight even when she's constantly skimming off and leaving food I'm not pushing it too much.

The psychiatrist said something interesting about recovery which I keep meaning to share! She said with some kids the thoughts change and then the behaviours change but with other kids the behaviours change but the thoughts take a little longer. Unfortunately I think dd falls into the latter category, she will now eat fairly well and we seem to have conquered all fear foods but mentally she remains very stuck....

@Bettybarkalot123 glad my update helped - you are doing great with the meals. And that's all that matters at the moment.

In case it's useful to anyone here is a link to the FEAST recipe booklet. A few veggie meals in there (Betty your DD might like the spinach lasagne?) and the famous 1000 cal banana muffins. It's a bit American and lots of milkshakes, which my DD wouldn't tolerate, but I found some good ideas there. Lots of double cream and butter as @Girliefriendlikespuppies says.
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.feast-ed.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/F.E.A.S.T.-Family-Recipes_Families-Empowered-and-Supporting-Treatment-of-Eating-Disorders_320399_bookemon_ebook-copy.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjB4snj-fPyAhU1S_EDHSCjBPcQFnoECBQQAQ&sqi=2&usg=AOvVaw1OIVromcp6EJprssV5opXM" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Family Recipes

Hi all, sorry to hear about people struggling to get the calories in. I too am not able to get any more than 2500 calories in to DD per day. She knows the calorific content of absolutely everything! I was sneaking about 50 mls of double cream in to her daily smoothie but last week she outright asked me what I was adding to it. I didn’t feel that I could brazenly lie to her face so I told her. She allowed me to continue to do it for another week but said she wanted me to stop when she goes back to school. I agreed as I know how anxious she was/is about school. But that was probably adding a good 200 + calories per day. I have said that if she drops weight we will need to revisit.

So it was her first day back at school yesterday starting in Year 11. I am no longer going in to meet her at lunch so she is back eating with her friends. I feel like she needs to try and spend more time with her friends and tackle her crippling general/social anxiety now. She was unbelievably anxious about it which is understandable as there is one other friend that has been diagnosed over the summer and another friend who is having trouble with her eating. School are aware and monitoring the situation as we can’t have DD being triggered. She said it was really tough yesterday, that she had to eat more than everyone else and that everyone had finished their lunch way before her. The newly diagnosed friend ate nothing apparently! 😱🤦‍♀️ DD was upset about this. Not really sure what’s going on there tbh as DD says her parents have informed school but she is obviously not being supervised. DD says she thinks she is going to re-jig her lunch today and eat one of her items at another time so she doesn’t feel like she’s eating so much. I am happy for her to do whatever she needs as long as she eats it all!

Other than eating DD said she constantly felt on the verge of tears and was terrified about a teacher asking her a question that she wouldn’t know the answer to. She also feels disconnected from her friends as she didn’t see any of them over the holidays (too scared to meet up with them). She feels like they would have a better time without her around and that she doesn’t bring anything to the group. I’m hoping that it’s these feelings of inadequacy and anxiety that the medication will help with.

She is now Day 3 on 10mg of fluoxetine. No real side effects to speak of just yet other than a dry mouth and a bit of a headache yesterday. She moves up to 20mg after 7 days. What dosages are other DC’s on if you don’t mind me asking?

@Girliefriendlikespuppies that is really interesting about how patterns change for each patient differently. We were, unfortunately, the second option where behaviors change (i.e. she had to comply with eating, and we had to make her eat) before any thoughts even thought about changing... They are still there but just a whole lot quiet now. Hopefully, your DD's thoughts will change as she gets closer to her 'natural weight'. I've heard it can be a 3-6 months lag.

@Bettybarkalot123 this is an excellent base recipe for a curry, I've made vegetarian versions, fish versions, prawns, etc.

@Bettybarkalot123 with regards to getting the calories in, have you thought about adding more liquid calories as a snack? DD really struggled with the amount of food she had to eat so I found adding a coffee to her breakfast (with extra milk) a 300 ml smoothie for morning snack (with added double cream) and a 300 ml juice with afternoon snack probably added around another 500 calories without it bumping up her food intake too much.

Roller if your dd asks you about the content of any food or drink in the future I would just say 'it has everything you need in it, trust me.' If she then says 'but I want to know exactly what you've made it with!' The reply would be 'I've made it with everything you need right now, trust me'

That way you're 100% telling the truth but your dd doesn't have to deal with the added stress of actually knowing. Ime even when dd has said she wants to know, deep down she's relieved that I can't tell her. She actually said to my mum, who was asking about what to add to a white sauce, 'you can't talk about ingredients in front of me...'

That doesn't sound great re her friend not eating, my dd had a similar friend and it was massively triggering.

Hi all

Just thought I would copy this recipe for everyone from the Feast Website (edited to show UK measurements).I made today but the recipe made 12 very large muffins so I'm guessing they are around 300 cals each. My DD won't have nuts so I used ground almonds (about half a cup) and chocolate chips.

1 stick butter (8 tablespoons) I USED 120g
1.5 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
half teaspoon baking soda
1 cup mashed banana (I use 2 bananas)
half teaspoon vanilla
half cup sour cream I USED CREME FRAICHE AS HIGHER IN CALS
plenty of chopped walnuts or pecans (I don't measure these, but probably put in at least 2 cups) I USED GROUND ALMONDS BUT ONLY AROUND 1/2- 1 CUP

Mix together the butter and sugar, then the eggs. Mix together the dry ingredients first, then add to the butter/sugar/egg mixture. Next add the banana, sour cream, and vanilla. Last add the nuts.

I put all of this mixture into a non-stick pan that has 4 LARGE muffin tins. That is key. Just make a huge muffin look like the normal size...none of this small cupcake sized muffin business!!! Each of these muffins should have about 1000 or more calories. And they are delicious!

As for us we have an appointment for an assessment at the Schoen clinic on Wednesday. The ED clinic want us there on Thursday for a weight/obs check. I am worried they will say that she can't go to school because her mood is so much better for being there and she has a reason to get out of bed in the morning and eat, whereas in the holidays she was like a zombie. Can I ignore them and just send her anyway? She's definitely eating better but probably not enough to gain.

I am so desperately trying to get medication and the GP is on my side but we cannot get in front of a psychiatrist for love nor money. I'm hoping the psych at the Schoen will prescribe. I'm going to beg - we need something to break this impasse.

DD told the therapist she fantasized about being in hospital as if she were in hospital then it would mean she is really ill. I have thought this for a while, friend of ours was in hospital (nearly died) and I wonder if she feels she's not really ill if she's ok to not be there? Does that make sense?

Good luck everyone

"DD told the therapist she fantasized about being in hospital as if she were in hospital then it would mean she is really ill. Does that make sense?"

@DarkBlueEyes Yes! It makes perfect sense. My DD went into a major meltdown when she wasn't admitted into hospital the first time we saw a psychiatrist. She was enraged, just completely over the top angry. Then she said, right I can't eat I need to get sicker so I can get some real help. Heartbreaking to hear. In reality, if the mental health system wasn't in such a crisis our DD would have been in hospital. long before she ended up there.

Girlfriend yes that sounds sensible. I kind of knew it was coming as she had queried a few times why her smoothies looked paler than in the main bottle. But even so when she asked she still caught me on the hop!

@DarkBlueEyes yes it’s definitely a thing that they feel a hospital admission validates the eating disorder and that perhaps they are not ill (enough) if they haven’t had to go. DD got the severity of the situation whilst she was there but it was quickly forgotten in the few weeks after discharge. Then she would argue that they only admitted her because they were following protocol and not because she was actually ill. And then as she started to put on weight she would say that she didn’t have Anorexia anymore. I used to say to her if you broke your arm and then the bone mended that you didn’t start believing that you never broke your arm in the first place so how is this any different? These ED voices are tricksy.

So DD has come back from her second day at school in a terrible black mood. She doesn’t want to talk to me but I have been able to surmise that friend with ED literally ate some cucumber at lunchtime and another friend only had a Squares bar. I really want DD to start getting a bit of normality back at school but this is going to be a huge trigger for DD if it continues. Not really sure what to do and whether I should speak to DD’s HOY.

Roller I had a similar scenario and dds psychiatrist said to contact the school with my concerns. If there's a group of girls all not eating and/or with EDs the school need to do something. In the end with my dd we went into another lockdown and dds not mentioned it being an issue since then...

@Rollergirl11 I had almost word for word the same conversation with DD multiple times about breaking a bone (I varied it up between leg break or back). The 'not ill' enough is a common theme. As an aside, I find it really quite fascinating that there is such common ground - down to the words our DC use - amongst people with an ED. It is almost like a contagion.

DD has started back in sixth form - teachers have been lovely, saying how pleased they are to see her. Upper and lower 6th share a common room, it is supposed to be a collaborative, mixed space and today the U6th tried to carve out an U6th only area.. DD was having none of it, told U6th it was divisive and unnecessary. U6th pupil muttered something about u6th hierarchy, DD raised an eyebrow. Whilst I was worried she'd feel out of place going back two years perhaps I've under estimated her additional maturity and she'll be some sort of warrior queen for the L6th.
There is another girl in her year who also has an ED - I was a little anxious about DD knowing in case they became competitive triggers for each other. Was going to ask school to keep them apart but decided not to because a)school is tiny and b) my impression is that they (they being people with an ED) can sniff each other out at 1000yrds..

@myrtleWilson that's great to hear. DD isn't back till Monday! We'll have to see how snacks go.
@EdwardTheBlueEngine your message is what we all need to hear. Well done to you and your DD.

@Bettybarkalot123 three weetabixes are immense for a breakfast. How can they not be enough? 
@Rollergirl11 Is the nut butter because of veganism? DD gas a major issue over fats and butter and I wonder of this could be an alternative?

@Girliefriendlikespuppies

Just back from weight check, dd has somehow gained and is now 58.7kgs!! Lougle would you mind working out her wfh for me again please, she's 170cm now.

Im wondering if all this recent kicking off is the extinction burst they talk about on the fb page...

Sorry for going MIA. 100.32% now ☺️

@Rollergirl11 DD1 is on 20mg per day of fluoxetine, just up from 16mg.

DD1 is 100% WFH now but has started raiding the fridges at school for treats. Not ideal!!

I'd be made up if dd was raising the fridges.

@NCTDN The meal plan from the Ed nurse prescribes two weetabix, plus 200mls of juice, plus a banana, plus two pieces of toast with butter and jam/Nutella/peanut butter.
DD physically wants to be sick if we add the two pieces of toast so instead we tried added a third weetabix… but according to the Ed nurse this isn’t enough.

I couldn’t eat that much… I questioned the meal plan as it referred to recovery for an active life. DD doesn’t have an active life at the mo, she does absolutely nothing but school work from home.
It’s ver frustrating.

@NCTDN

I'd be made up if dd was raising the fridges.

Certainly a double edged sword.

@Lougle - are you concerned about binging or exceeding her target weight or something else? Just interested in case we have that problem in the future (although DD still sticks rigidly to her mealplan and won't eat anything extra). She is starting to get hungry though which is difficult to deal with when she won't eat anything 'extra'.

@EdwardTheBlueEngine I am a little bit concerned. I think it's more that she's taking without asking, or asking how much she can have then taking more than I've said. She can't be allowed to steal food at school but they are sounding like they're being quite soft about it because they don't want her to get anxious.

Great advice about the liquid calories, I’ve been upping the orange juice and she now has 300ml at breakfast, I also give a glass at lunch now and milk with both snacks, she doesn’t always drink the milk and sometimes insists on oat milk.
She loves a smoothie so I’m going to do some research and make her one for a snack. Soups is also a really good way of getting the extra calories in and she will usually accept a wrap with hummus to go with it… never a crumpet and never any butter mind you and she used to love crumpets.

I found some little chocolate pot desserts in Morrison’s yesterday. They’re vegan and by the Coconut Collaborative. 100 calories per pot and the pot is tiny (not much bigger than one of those stock pots) she could easily have two of these emptied into a bowl and that would be an easy 200 call for not much quantity… will try adding a banana too.
As soon as I got them home I binned the cardboard packaging with the nutritional info on otherwise she’d be straight onto the cals! Gotta out smart Ana at all times!!
Hope everyone enjoys their weekend and honestly I can’t thank you all enough for the help and advice.

Wow can't believe she's 100% wfh 😮

Feels a bit of an anti climax given how I'd hoped she'd be much better mentally than she is at this weight!!

I suppose the big difference I have noticed is that the fear foods did seem to magically disappear around 97% wfh.

Still waiting for the all the other behaviours (only eating at set times, making sensible choices, finishing her food, ocd behaviours, general anxiety) to magically disappear though!!

I also try and take off the cardboard packaging from whatever possible before dd sees it. It's hard when nearly 18 though because I can't get away with anything.
Breakfast is the hardest meal for her. She's never eaten much then so she has 1 shredded wheat, some dried fruit and one piece of toast. There's no way she could manage more than that.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies that's great news. Do you think she's similar to her pre ED weight?