Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

Hello all, I'd like to join this thread. I have read some but not all (It's very long !!) My daughter is 16 and has just been discharged from Camhs. She has an anorexia nervosa diagnosis but they say "she has capacity" and is making her own choices. I am so confused, we have no support what so ever and I do not know what to do anymore. I am a single parent and are trying to get help from my Gp, they are saying she needs Cahms ? Have any of you experienced this confusion over treatment / care ?

Hi everyone, been a bit since I posted. We made it to Mallorca! I am honestly so glad that we came as it is just heavenly to sit in guaranteed sunshine and jump in to a cold pool whenever you feel like it!

I am kind of making do with DD on the food front and have decided to relax a bit in order for DD to relax a bit too. We haven’t eaten out yet. We are going to a restaurant tomorrow. DD has looked at the menu and there are a few fish options that she feels comfortable going for. She is still on 3 meals and 3 snacks but the snacks are much smaller and I have not been able to sneak any double cream in to smoothies while we are out here. I’m guessing that she’s probably around 300 to 400 calories down per day then what she consumes at home. I would be ecstatic if she maintains while we are out here but I have a feeling she might lose a little. I’m prepared for that in order for us all to have a decent holiday. I think she can afford a little leeway and I want to use this holiday as an opportunity to boost her mental health a tad.

She is really anxious about her hair as she has been losing a lot daily again. It had got a bit better but she’s losing more than ever now. She’s lucky that she has so much of it as you can’t actually see any bald patches or thin spots but it’s still very stressful to see it all coming out when she brushes. With this in mind she has decided that she isn’t going to get her hair wet in the pool every day. It’s a shame but she still seems to be enjoying herself reading in a rubber ring (as long as DS doesn’t splash her!). We have been out a few times in the evenings after eating at home. DD likes “people watching” and I have definitely noticed a fair few boys catching her eye as they walk past so she seems to be having a bit more interest in the opposite sex again. I’m taking this as a positive. She’s still very down on herself though in terms of body image, doesn’t want to wear any of the little cropped tops, skirts and dresses that she used to wear. I managed to coax her in to a playsuit last night. We were walking along the promenade and there were a couple of Spanish boys that saw her coming, jumped on to a wall and did a backflip in to the path in front of her. At least that drew a bit of a smile! I just wish she could see what we all see…

Hope everyone is doing okay, I haven’t had a chance to catch up with the thread properly. Big positive sunshine vibes to you all. ❤️💕☀️💪

East it's tricky but generally with diet choices if they're being led by the ED it's best to ignore them. I think I'd say to your dd while you're unwell it's not safe for you to continue a vegan diet. There will be a big backlash initially but in the longer term recovery will hopefully be quicker.

Lots I was wondering how you were getting on, that's amazing your dd grew so much!! She's still quite young to be worrying about periods isn't she? Lots of girls don't start until they are 15/16yo. That is a shame re her wrist but I would think it's just as likely to be a reflection of the fact that she does a lot of sports as it is her bone density has taken a hit.

Valley that's great you're having a good holiday!! I definitely want to take dd abroad next year.

Yolanda that doesn't sound right re bring discharged by Camhs, was that the ED service?

@Yolandapanda has your DD maybe asked to be discharged? When medical peeps say they have ‘capacity’ it usually means to make their own choices about care. Did she see the team alone? What wfh is she? what stage are you at in recovery?
I would be very concerned to be left without medical support. As a minimum surely the GP can do height, weight and blood tests regularly if she is still v underweight? My Dd is only just 14 so we have not hit the ‘capacity’ issue although we may soon as 14 seems to be the usual youngest age capacity to make their own decisions seems to come in….
@Rollergirl11 glad you got away…
Sorry whoever asked about exercise (I can’t go back a page without losing this message!). We never stopped exercise and so it was never a case of eating more to get the privilege of exercising.
To begin with we allowed a program of permitted exercise and gradually built calories up from c 1500 a day to 3300 a day. She is still on around this level now. And eats the same level every day regardless of activity levels. I felt it important that she didn’t eat less on ‘rest days’ and the key worker agreed.
But my Dd is not typical as her AN was driven by weight loss caused by her wanting to remain fit during lock down number 1 which resulted in over exercising and then secondly restricting herself to a healthy diet.
She has exercised throughout as the KW realised that it wasn’t an AN behaviour in itself and her FA coach devised a plan.
I can’t really advise on reintroducing exercise as a result but can only say that we insisted the exercise plan was in tandem with the meal plan and if one wasn’t done the other didn’t happen.
She did a lot of secret extra exercise which was an AN behaviour and we had to work really hard to stop that which took weeks and weeks. And also the intensity of permitted exercise was not usual either and again we had to work on that for months and months,
She is back to a usual amount and intensity of exercise for an elite athlete.
Today she ate out at `Byron burger (her brother chose it for his birthday) and did ok. It was part of an experiment to tackle her healthy eating perfectionism - step 2 on that ladder was to eat out somewhere chosen by some one else. She found it tough but did pretty well with her grilled chicken burger and ate half her sweet pot fries.

When I say Dd is not typical for AN it is mainly because she has no real body image issues or dysmorphia. All her anxiety around food comes from the fear of ‘losing fitness’ and ‘getting behind’ in her sport,

It was me @Lottsbiffandsmudge thank you. Dd here is very similar. Her issues have never been about wanting to be thinner, just wanting to be what she perceived as healthier.

Hi all

Another crap day here. DD cried and screamed for 45 minutes when asked to have her afternoon snack. I got her to have one sip of juice and that was that.

Dinner was really tricky. Two sausages, 1 potato waffle and a tiny bowl of salad. She threw food on the floor as usual, cut all the skin off the sausages, so I replaced some and she went ballistic. Then refused what I said she had for pudding and had an Oreo ice cream instead as she knows they are only 95 calories.

We are F*cked. The ED knows it can beat us. I can't see how we can go anywhere but down after this. I'll weigh her on monday and decide what to do after the review with our new therapist on Tuesday.

Welcome @yolanda although I wish you weren't here iyswim.

@DarkBlueEyes I know it seems impossible now. But hold firm. The ED is lashing out because it knows it can be beaten. Every single moment of connection you have with your DD, however fleeting it may seem to your eyes, is a big FUCK YOU to the ED. And the ED pushes back. Honestly, I was a broken woman.

Formulaic approach to each meal, calories lost are just added onto the next day (if no fortisip/ensure taken). DD would self harm, break down but eventually would eat (not every time). Our DC with an ED see the ED as their ally and they need to provide a legitimate reason to the ED to eat - it can't be their choice, we have to provide the cover for them to be able to say to the ED "I'm only doing this because mom & dad will take me to A&E" It may only buy them a reprieve until the next meal but it buys them enough time to eat. Does that make any sense?

@DarkBlueEyes hang in there. At the beginning, DD1 was in hospital telling the nurses that she 'didn't care about their fucking eating plan'. But she realised that the only way she was getting out of hospital was eating.

Have you had any suggestions that medication might help? We really struggled until DD1 was prescribed olanzapine. We haven't been able to stop it yet, as she's on a tiny dose but it keeps her appetite there.

@Yolandapanda welcome, you’ll get lots of support here. I’m sorry you find yourself without support. I’m fairly new to all of this so feel I’m not really able to give much advice. Reading and posting here helps, it reminds you you’re not alone in all of this.

I wondered if anyone had any advice about friendships. My DD has cut herself off from her group of girl friends. I think she was hoping they would reach out to her and ask if she’s ok, but they don’t seem to have done. To be honest I’m hoping she will try and move away from this group as they aren’t really very nice most of the time, but she’s 15 and has to see these things for herself.
She has a friend from primary school who she’s still very close to and I’ve tried to encourage her to tell this friend that’s she’s not well at the moment. She said she won’t. My question is, I know the friends mum well, should I contact her without DD knowing and explain that DD is unwell and could do with a supportive friend. Maybe I’m getting too involved.?!
DD went to her Saturday job yesterday despite an instruction from camhs that she shouldn’t. She is off on holiday for the next two weeks so I thought I’d let her go as she has eaten really well, largely stuck to the plan and literally has done no physical activity all week.

I feel so sad for her, she’s very withdrawn now. Today we’re going out to a shop she loves, she does a lot of crochet and jewellery making so she’s choosing some new wool and beads. We’re also having lunch out and she’s already looked on the menu and chosen soup. I hope this gives her a little boost today.

It's tricky re friends Betty I did contact a friend whose dd is also friends with my dd and just mentioned it would be nice for them to get together. I didn't get into any specifics though.

Dark don't be hard on yourself, this illness is just horrendous and so traumatic for the whole family. You are challenging the beast so it will come out fighting. Have you read the Eva Musby book or watched her videos on YouTube? She gives good examples/scripts of how to respond when they're kicking off.

We've had a better couple of days, dd did well with dinner Ystd and I suggested a small glass of milk with her pudding. I expected her to kick off but she agreed to have a some of it. I've also been trying her with different types of crisps which were a huge fear food (she told me she would never ever eat crisps again 6 months ago🙄) Ystd she had ridged salt and vinegar crisps and today she had Dorito type ones. Tomorrow I'll try her with hula hoops 😬

I've also found that putting her lunch on one large plate and putting the crisps onto the plate rather than giving them to her in the bag results in more being eaten 🤷‍♀️

DD has lost more weight again this week. From 44.5kg on 8th July to 41.9 today.

She said she was confident when we were on holiday (she doesn't know the weight) and would be ok to get there again but I just don't know how we'll get her there.

She finished all her yogurt and granola this morning, then burst into tears as she realised she'd finished it.

I am hanging on by a thread and my anxiety is stratospheric. I've lost 4kg as I can't eat and I can't sleep.

I just want this nightmare to end. We've promised her a holiday to the Maldives once she is well but even that doesn't seem to be working.

I'm so sorry darkblue and wish I had some advice but I've not really. There's lots of people on here with much more advice.

For those of you with older teens, I'm after advice. We've been looking around unis recently as I think dd needs the motivation to spur her on. She's got another year yet but applications go in next term so we're need to have a good idea about where and what type of accommodation. I feel that catered options may be better as there's guaranteed meals and she's less control over how things are cooked. Would you agree?

the thing is @DarkBlueEyes is that your DD is conflicted - she wants to listen to the ED and she'll refuse to accept she's unwell. A holiday to the Maldives is probably as meaningless as a trip to the moon in her head. I absolutely understand why you're doing it though! - but perhaps try breaking it down into smaller chunks "when you're able to eat fully, you'll be able to stay out with friends etc...

@NCTDN - I would say catered would be better - but I suppose (and you know this!) even in catered halls your DD could find a reason not to go for dinner. To be honest (and we've kind of been in your situation) I'd be holding on to deferral as a real option. So apply now, but with a view that if she's not healthy enough to manage independent living you can defer for a year?

Yes @myrtleWilson that's the idea that it will motivate but does not guarantee she will be going next year.

Dark that's great your dd ate her granola and the yogurt, my dd has not finished a single thing since this started! You sound understandably completely overwhelmed bless you. Have you got much rl support?

My dd enjoyed her first day at the activities camp, they did paddle boarding and a few other things. She told me she had a banana at snack time and a jacket potato with a vegan curry on for lunch. Difficult to know how much she ate but hoping it was okay, she ate well at dinner time and I gave her a massive portion of tiramisu with double cream for pudding 😁

It definitely has helped her mood so I'll take that as a win.

@DarkBlueEyes when were you last seen at hospital/bloods etc? That's 2.6kg loss in 2 weeks, which is MARSIPAN red criteria. Do you know what her blood pressure/heart rate are doing? I'm so sorry it's so hard right now.

DD1 is resisting puddings, etc., again. She said it 'just didn't feel right to be eating pudding.'

A couple of terrible days here. DD has now been told she won’t be in school in September and she’s not to go in the sea on holiday due to the risk of hyperthermia. Her temp has always been within the normal range and she wears a wetsuit and we wouldn’t let her get too cold. All of these things are seemingly sending her spiralling deeper into a depression.

I have decided to weigh her weekly at home as going in for appointments upsets her, so I’d rather keep them to a minimum. She had gained 2kg from her last weigh in at the camhs assessment. I’m taking some off for clothes, but still, I felt so relieved. She spent nearly the whole day crying but did meet her friend for a short dog walk which I was pleased she’d managed to gather herself to do.

I’m also going to speak to my gp about getting signed off work, particularly if DD is also off school. My priority has to be her .. she will need feeding, supervision and emotional support. I just can’t do that and work.

Sorry to hear that @Bettybarkalot123. What's her WFH now? When I look back to before anyone took me seriously about DD1, she would go in a paddling pool and be blue within 10 minutes

I’m not sure what her latest wfh is to be honest. I have a teams appointment today so I’ll give them her latest weight and hopefully get it updated.
I’m guessing now it’s about 80%.

I just am struggling massively with working and all the responsibilities and realities of an eating disorder. I have so much work to get done today but know me and DD will be feeling worse after the appointment. I just want to call in sick and spend the day curled up on the sofa with the kids.

I think I might have to join you

I have been reading this thread since my troubled dd17 went through a phase of reduced appetite just before Christmas last year. She recovered and whilst struggling with disordered eating (vegetarian/food sensory issue etc) ate reasonable amounts and maintained her weight.

At the beginning of July she got covid and one of her main symptoms was reduced appetite, abdo pain and nausea. Unfortunately, the same day, she started a mood disorder medication (Aripiprazole) so we never knew what symptom was related to what.

Anyway, since recovering from covid she has stayed on the meds and upped the dose. She has never regained her appetite and feels sick often.

I have found out she has purged in the past and last week I found bags of rotting uneaten food in her wardrobe and drawers. I haven't physically seen her eat a proper meal since the beginning of august.

The most worrying thing is she has lost 5kg since getting covid (now 53kg) and seems to embrace her problem of low appetite rather than wanting to get better.

The last few days haven been horrible as she's no energy at all and looks so thin.

I can't believe it's happened right under my nose.

She is going to Reading festival for 4 nights on Thursday which I am absolutely dreading. She has newly diagnosed ADHD and is a bit of a risk taker, particularly with alcohol, and will think nothing of drinking vodka on an empty stomach. I fear alcoholic ketoacidosis. I phoned her best friend earlier who she's going with and she had been wondering whether to call me as she's also v worried about her. Luckily she has promised to talk to her and encourage her to eat. And I did mention the welfare tents...

I don't really know what to do. I would love to know her wfh if anyone can help with that (Lougle?)

Sorry it's so long. I guess the speed with which she has lost weight, right under my nose, and despite having read this thread for 9 months, I'm just gutted.

@lupinlass Welcome, although I'm sorry you've found yourself here.

What a desperately tricky situation you're in - I really feel for you. First off, don't beat yourself up about what you have or haven't noticed. My DD was under CAMHS and we didn't notice she was hiding food up her sleeves, nor did we (or the nursing staff) notice she was exercising (even when in hospital).

My gut feeling would be to pull her from Reading, but I know that a) this isn't always possible with a 17yr old and b) you've no guarantee she'd eat/drink any better at home.

You'll know from reading the threads that severe restriction can lead to a situation whereby 'normal' eating can lead to health implications (re-feeding syndrome). Have you spoken with your GP? A referral to CAMHS would normally be sought - but to be honest given your DD's age there may be issues - is she just 17 or 17 going on 18? My DD was referred to CAMHS at 17 and 4 months and protocol dictates that at 17 and 6 months they start talking about discharge plans. That said, we did get the kitchen sink thrown at us for the time we were there...

Do use the thread for advice and support and venting - we all do and we know what you're going through...

@Girliefriendlikespuppies @Bettybarkalot123 - good wins for you - bank them although I know Betty that it feels a small win in the scale of things. I hope you can be supported from work to take the time needed to focus on your DD.

We're now in relapse territory, not unexpected as we knew late August/early September would likely be a pressure point. She's not restricting anywhere near the level previously but has definitely had an increase in ED behaviours. On the upside, she recognised this and came to DH and I to suggest a return to more structured eating pattern. She's had a tough day and did self harm. I'm hoping relapse is shallow and short....

I hope so too, @myrtleWilson.