teen eating issues support thread

[myrtleWilson]

Hello,
would anyone be interested in joining a thread to support each other as we support teens with eating disorders @MNHQ - I'm tagging you in as am conscious of triggering issues and wanted your ok/ground rules to such a thread..

Happy to share our story with DD if others would feel it is helpful...

467 kcal per 100ml, so 700 kcal for the cream. About 80 kcal for 125g blueberries and about the same for 150g raspberries. So if she had a whole punnet of each, that would be 860 kcal.

Wow that's almost double what I thought!! Maybe I am getting more into her than I thought 😆

@Girliefriendlikespuppies

Thanks for the tips lovely ladies, I normally shop in Aldi as there's one 5 mins from us us will keep an eye out for duck eggs.

Dd is 14yo very nearly 15yo.

She does like avocado and I already add oil, butter or double cream to everything!! Today I did beans on toast and was surprised she ate it (well most of it 🙄)

I reckon dd is probably getting around 1800-2000 calories a day in the 3 meals she does eat which isn't terrible but isn't enough to regain the weight she needs to 😕

The reason I asked is because don’t ever doubt that she won’t know precisely whether or not you are increasing serving sizes - by no matter how tiny.

And passing off calorie heavy meals as less heavy than they are - again, she will clock. Immediately.

Those suffering - it consumes them. It will be pretty much all they think of. So, given that, nothing will get pass them when it comes to food.

They key is to just keep doing it - the tiny incremental increases in portion sizes and more calorie heavy dishes. If she eats it, then demonstrates a willingness to recover, no matter how subconscious, but nothing to be gained from mentioning that is what you are doing or thinking that she hasn’t noticed.

I take it as a positive sign that you have increased porridge portion and despite that - she has still eaten it. She will have clocked but did nonetheless

Sup thank you that's interesting, I find it very hard to understand the anorexia mentality. I have suffered with anxiety before though so can understand how powerful fear can be 😕

Anyone else find that their dd refuses to cry, it's almost as if crying would be admitting defeat?

My dd almost let her guard down today and seemed like she might cry but then quickly pulled herself together again. I just find that heartbreaking 😥

Hi, how's it going? A few slightly better days here, although DD1 tried to trade her Calogen shot for a meal at first. I think she's put on a few hundred grams, so I'm pleased.

Not so good here.

Dd has lost half a stone this week. Pulse quite fast. 100. BP fine though. Worried that the pulse is an electrolyte issue. Dd has had issues with this each time in hospital.

She is hardly eating anything now. Had half a piece of toast, a mini wrap with everything scraped out and peas and carrots picked out of egg fried rice today, half a mini muffin. Suspect by next week blood pressure will not be good. She isn’t low and we suspect that’s because she’s in school. Wondering if all the support is helping re mood too.

Just don’t know what to do.

Sorry to hear that, @Scr1bblyGum. It sounds like she's really trying to drive down those calories and there's nowhere to hide them in what she's eating, either. Is she drinking?

Think so.

She’s going to end up admitted again isn’t she. Told her we really need to do better tomorrow. She says she’s trying. It’s the same old cycle. Hospital. A couple of weeks on the plan. Restriction and then down to next to nothing. How can we break it? I don’t get why she continuously ends up in hospital. Do you think it’s the drastic nature at the end of the cycle? Do you think there is any way to avoid an admission how she’s eating at the moment? Can’t trick her with slipping calories into things as she’s hyper vigilant and would never eat anything again if she thought I did that.

Think she’s also quite chirpy because she has lost so much. Bit worried about the pulse. We’re being weighed at gp not the hospital. Really want to keep her in school as she’ll get so low st home.😩

This isn't you @Scr1bblyGum. You aren't failing and neither is she. She's just fighting a horrible, domineering disease. She's still in there, still wanting to be well.

Do you have people you can call if you think she's deteriorating physically? Would it be better to get her assessed early, to try and avoid admission?

Her heart rate is only just into tachycardic range, but that doesn't mean it's not a problem. It will depend on what's normal for her.

Is the ½ stone weight that she has previously put on, or does it take her to a new low baseline?

Oh gosh I’m sorry Scribbly, that sounds so bloody hard. I’m very lucky in that at this point DD is absolutely terrified about going back into hospital, so is able to eat ‘enough’ just with that as a threat. I have no idea what we’ll do if that changes.

Would your DD be amenable to taking some medicine, rather than eating? DD1 has been reluctantly taking the Calogen extra shots, which is just 40mls of a milky liquid. But it gives 160 kcals. I wonder if the anorexia would allow her to take 'medicine' in a way that it wouldn't allow food?

Scribbly that sounds rubbish, I can understand why you're worried about readmission.

How much community support are you getting? Because that is probably where the gaps are, I wonder if you could ask for someone to do a home visit for meal support?

I'd love for someone to give us some meal support, I literally have no clue what to do if dd starts self harming in front of me 😕 I end up backing down or not pushing her too hard which is probably the wrong approach.

We are plodding on with dd having breakfast (porridge with cream and small amount of smoothie) lunch (scrambled eggs on toast, she left the crusts and some of the egg) a swig of a yogurt drink and dinner (today was pesto pasta, garlic bread, she left around a third of it) and pudding (sponge pudding today with cream, she ate the pudding but left the cream)

She had about 100mls of milk before bed.

I think she's eating just enough to not lose weight but def not enough to regain. Plus everything around food is so miserable, all the joy of eating and sharing food is gone.

Thanks so much for the advice and the reassurance re the pulse. I’m guessing BP will drop this week, any way we can stop that or is it just down to food intake? Suspect if it drops it may be game over as regards keeping out of hospital.

We’re getting loads of support. The meal support ladies are lovely and she likes them but we’re all struggling with actually getting food into her. She stayed at the table with us yesterday though which they suggested as a goal and picked out the carrots and peas. The last few days she has just growled at us and run off so it was an improvement and I was really pleased with her. That said intake dropped further overall yesterday.She is not as low mood wise as she has been in the past. I wonder if that is due to all the support or being in a routine with school. Maybe she feels less alone. She has individual therapy for low mood which they’ve suggested going down to fortnightly. I voiced our concerns as she doesn’t open up to anybody. She has a lot on her plate. They must be so overstretched and she is hoovering up a lot of input.Feel if we don’t focus on her handling a normal weight though and getting her to open up we are going to be locked into this cycle. This is easier done in individual therapy.She is winning with the self harming. This feels as if it is a replacement.

The calogen is a great idea, will raise it with her and the team. She hates the hospital Ensure as they’re sickly. Is Calogen more palatable? Don’t know whether to request to stay home so we can push though and keep her in some sort of reality or will that make her think she can get her own way? That said I would worry re knowing if she was ok as she wouldn’t be being monitored and we are both working.

Re the weight she is now I think 2 and a half kilos below discharge weight. Not sure what her lowest has been. She seems to get compromised quite easily with weight loss. It’s not the weight itself iykwim. I suspect it’s because she does it so drastically. It sounds as if some of you on here have dd’s continuously on very small amounts but just enough to stay out of hospital. It feels as if dd restricts to a ridiculous amount, then gets refed in hospital, then manages a while at home eating the same plan so more than other struggling girls but then she gives up and goes over the top instead of bumbling alone on a very small amount iykwim so the whole thing starts again. Wonder if it is the plan and whether it would be worth switching to a less restorative plan straight away on discharge. We are on the same plan she was given on admission the first time. It has never changed. Who knows, maybe there is a reason they’re keeping her on such a big plan but maybe it is too much. The other thing is the weighing at the gp. They do it in clothes. At the hospital it’s just underwear. So when she had last weeks gain, I can now see it was down to the clothes( I weighed them). I think it upset her. She had started restricting but the rapid restriction of this week was I suspect maybe due to the clothes gain of last week.

Apologies for epic post. Blame it on not being able to sleep- again!

The Calogen shots come in strawberry flavour, or neutral. DD1 tolerates the neutral, whereas she wouldn't touch the Fortisip Compact because it was too sweet. They can be mixed in to other drinks, although I'd think that it would have to be milk or water, because it's lipid (fat) based.

I wonder if you can have a 'uniform' for weigh in. DD1 has worn leggings and a t-shirt to her two weigh-ins, but I can still tell her what to wear, so it might be harder with a NT teenager.

If you could get any double cream into her, that's 4.6kcal per ml, so about the same as the Calogen shots. Even 1 tablespoon is about 65kcal.

DD1 is 37.4kg today. It's quite sad that I'm excited by 1.1% weight gain

It’s not sad, It’s completely understandable. So pleased for you, That’s fantastic.

From the sounds of things Dh is going to end up with snack flung at him. Off for my daily exercise, need to build up the strength to deal with a roast lunch.😩

Great news Lougle! I am fingers crossed for our weigh in on Weds. DD has been having 4 slices of bread and an extra yoghurt every day since Thu, so that has got to make a difference...God I hope so.

Another blood test tomorrow, if blood sugar is less than 3 they are going to admit her because it should have stabilised with all the carbs since Thu and might mean something else going on. According to the meter we bought she’s only dropped below once, so we’ll get to find out how accurate it is.

We had another meltdown this morning about 200ml of milk but this time I didn’t react other than to say I was bored of her bringing up the same complaint day in day out, I didn’t want to hear it and I couldn’t be bothered to speak to her.

About half an hour later not only had she drunk the milk, she’d also put more in a coffee . I have no idea what is going on...but I’ll take it.

Wow, that's great progress @exLtEveDallas! I hope that blood sugar is up where it needs to be.

@Scr1bblyGum - your daughter sounds very like mine - will comply in hospital but then restrict severely. We've had to go through three re-feeding processes and each has been harder than the last. What is your DD's daily calorie plan (as opposed to what she's eating - sorry if you've said, I've had a quick scroll back but may have missed it)? I ask because our team were ok to keep on an 1800 rather than continue because it is almost guaranteed that if we went up another 200 and so on until 2500 we'd be back at restriction. Please don't worry about the team being stretched - they have evaluated your DD's needs and have responded accordingly - she is a priority.

girlie re self harming - is your DD doing it now? We've been given some distraction techniques so if DD's anxiety flares to the point of self harming we do pacing with her holding ice cubes in her hands, if we get at it before it flares up we do some throwing of juggling balls. We know at the moment that the 20 mins before a meal/snack are high anxiety flash points so we try to do an activity that is very distracting - one that requires mental focus so it can shut out the anorexia - so Uno or banana gram etc

Fabulous news re the 1.1% weight gain @lougle - I take any positive in this nightmare and you should be really pleased.

@exLtEveDallas that sounds awesome regarding your DD's eating - I hope her blood sugar sort themselves out.

Absolutely pants day here yesterday - was really broken. DD was really distressed and self harming and furiously angry. We've now agreed to a new anti anxiety drug (something beginning with P) which we hope will help and the intensive home treatment team will begin their work with DD next week to focus on the self harm. It is so odd, don't know if anyone else has this but in the depths of the nightmare I truly believe we can't go on as we're not keeping DD safe but once we're out of that episode that sense of not being able to carry on dissipates - its like how you forget the pain of childbirth...

Strength and wishes for good days ahead to you all!

Lougle and Eve fantastic news on the progress, well done.

Scribbly does your dd know her weight? And yy to a uniform pre weigh in, we're told a light t.shirt and leggings only. I'm praying that dd not knowing her weight will help with the weight gain leading to restricting cycle 😕

Myrtle I do know exactly what you mean about thinking 'I can't do this' in the midst of it all and then when things have calmed down feeling okay again. I haven't pushed my dd much recently so she's not had to self harm iyswim, when she does it's head banging against the wall or last time tourniqueting an elastic band around her wrists.

She told her Camhs chap she has thoughts of jumping off the motorway bridge near our home and has been looking at the razors in the bathroom as well 😩 I'm praying it's just empty threats so I don't push her to eat too much.

She is gradually reducing more and more though, tonight I could see her chewing food and then spitting out small amounts.

I realised tonight it's inevitable that I'm going to have to get signed off work again. I really don't want to but I can't sort dd out and work, it's just not possible.

Will wait for outcome of her psychiatrist appointment on Wednesday before making any definite decisions though.

Myrtle thank you and yes we feel exactly the same. You almost get positive and feel normal, then bang you’re back to the sleepless nights and the constant churning in your stomach. I look at other families and envy their normality. I wouldn’t swop my dd for the world, she is exactly the dd I always hoped for but bloody hell I could just do with being able to relax and really enjoy life instead of the constant worry and rollercoaster.

Re shing that came first for us. We have a whole history of some quite distressing thoughts and incidents.The ED kind of replaced it. She worked so hard at beating the shing and I’m so proud of her. I know she can beat the ED too but I can’t discuss it with her as she thinks it’s all disgusting.Distraction helped hugely with her shing which is what I think they worked on in individual therapy.Henna tattoos have been a huge help, she’s always covered in it and they’re really pretty.. You can get the cones snd stencils on Amazon. Painting by numbers is another thing and she used to love slime( making and playing with it).

I’m going to raise the plan with the team and ask them to insist on a weighing uniform. The plan is the 3 meals, 3 snacks and 2 puddings( 1 hot with custard/ cream). She must be now on her normal 300 hyper restriction that results in hospital. She does really well on discharge but can’t sustain that plan. The only thing is if I’m honest at times the puddings and snacks have kept calorie content up when she has started restricting gently. But then maybe she restricts because it’s too much.It’s a huge conundrum. 😩

Well I've finally taken dds phone off her, it was a last resort but we are not getting anywhere 😕 I'm not holding my breath that this will work tbh but it's worth a try.

Another weigh day today, looking at her she looks thinner than ever so think she will have lost more weight 🙁

I'm so fed up with it all.

Weigh in here today and up 600g. Sounds brilliant but she is eating 2800 calls a day and burning most of that off secretly. Her diary says she managed 180 sit ups yesterday despite my best efforts at monitoring her.... she just does it seem to be able to stop. She needs to put on at least 6kg so 600g seems a bit pants.... I am so exhausted with food and menus and calories and the fight to make her sit down.
Still she is at least eating and going the right way albeit really slowly so hoping hospital off the cards for the time being.
Everyone is having such a tough time. I honestly can’t see much light at the end of the tunnel at the moment, but at least a gain is a gain.

Hello everyone,
Girlfriend it is really hard to know what to do when a child start to self-harm at mealtimes. All you can do is try and keep them safe in the same way as if they were a toddler. AND also keep yourself safe.

We tried to put cushions underneath the head that was being banged on to the floor, lock windows and doors to prevent jumping/escape (including the car), never allowed to ride in front of car (after put her foot through the windscreen over a banana - we learnt never to attempt eating in the car after that).

We almost felt that the best thing to do was to offer a witness to her distress - my main aim was to stop her trying to knock herself out - if she needed admission I was resigned to that but the head injuries risked being permanent damage i thought (especially when her skin bruised so easily). we used to sit out of arms reach and just listen to her crying and being upset. It was easier than when she was violent towards us.

On a happier note, I remembered that I bought some Nido. They use it to fortify soups and milks and thinks - it is powdered whole milk, so not really tasted in porridge or milk or soups but you need to make sure the powder dissolves.

NidoatMorrisons