teen eating issues support thread

[myrtleWilson]

Hello,
would anyone be interested in joining a thread to support each other as we support teens with eating disorders @MNHQ - I'm tagging you in as am conscious of triggering issues and wanted your ok/ground rules to such a thread..

Happy to share our story with DD if others would feel it is helpful...

Yay, Day, great news!

myrtle what a tough decision about repeating the A level year, but it probably makes sense on all kinds of levels to put it off - this year's cohort are already so disadvantaged

Dd is just coming to the end of Mocks and I get the feeling they haven't been the breeze she was anticipating Although she is still doing well academically, she is finding everything more difficult, esp maths and science She refuses to believe anyone who tells her the ED affects her brain function, but the evidence is right there

Budge up Day I'll join you on the wishing for normality bench...

I understand where you're coming from re your job - In some ways the kindness of others (I am assuming your boss was filled with kind intentions) whilst absolutely well intended can bring home the fragility, the abnormality of the situation you find yourself in. I don't know what your work pattern is, but if you're not at work over the weekend - I'd take time for yourself (I know, next to impossible with a child with an eating disorder and a child supported by CAMHS!) but maybe "giving in" to the unfairness for the weekend would release some of your pressure - a cathartic cry?

We've had a tough run of days with Dd eating progressively less and getting weaker and more angry. The consultant has upped her AD's which I truly hope kick in soon as it is heartbreaking seeing her so low. Today involved a 5 hour stay in the emergency dept, the outcome of which is Dd's bloods are hovering slightly above the danger zone, one of the Dr's who treated her previously did so again today and didn't recognise her but we've swerved an admission for another day...

Lougle - how did the rest of the day go after a successful breakfast?
theyseeher - will lower than expected mock results (if that is what transpires) be a warning shot across your DD's bows - both academically and health wise?
bluebella - how are you getting on at home?

I'll also do a quick shout to posters who we've not seen for a while - I hope you're all well but if you need to offload, the thread now has its own "I need normality bench" - we'll keep a seat saved for you if you ever need it! @calamityjam @greygirl @Tr1skel1on @angleseyllama @PaperScissorsRock @P0larB3ar @clopper @ClassicHummus @Bluebuddha10 @princesrules @helpIhateclothesshopping @DishingOutDone

@DayB1Day I'm sorry about your job. That's so hard to accept. I had to give up my job as my DDs needed me and it became too difficult with childcare, etc. I'll lose my registration next year (nurse) after only regaining it in 2015 but I'm only 41, so probably 30 years of working age left, I guess.

@myrtleWilson DD had a snack but needed to be fed dinner again last night. Today was a bit better.

Aww day that is shit, I totally hear you wishing for normality. I miss the pre ED days so much 😓

Lougle I'm a nurse as well! There will always be ways to get back on the register when you're ready. That sounds like progress with dd 👏🏻

Myrtle that sounds so hard with your dd, have they talked about admission? There's only so long as a family you can fight the battle before burn out sets in 😢 I really feel for you and your dd, it must be heartbreaking and exhausting.

I feel a bit guilty for saying it but things here are fairly settled, dd still has a lot of 'rules' around when and what she will eat but she is at least eating. Her energy levels and mood have improved so on we plod.

Hope everyone's weekend wasn't too bad?

Ours was okay, dd kicked off Ystd as I wanted her to drink some juice in the afternoon 🙄 that made me the worst mother in the world apparently...

Snacks have again been an issue today, I'm dreading Christmas tbh I can see the more food that's around the more dd will dig her heels in to avoid it.

Good point, Girlie how are people planning for Christmas? DD has such a restricted diet that we'll be building in 'her' food and 'our' food... will be an odd one this year thats for sure...

We're still struggling here - observations this week saw a 1.5kg loss and DD needs constant prompting regarding eating each mouthful of food at the moment...

In theory (if still allowed) we'll be at MIL's for Christmas and Boxing days (disclaimer - our county is the 8th lowest for C19, and our part of the county even lower, no cases at all since Sept in a neighbouring town - I wouldn't be doing this if we were tier 3)

Dd has said she will have some of her sister's vegan wellington with all the usual trimmings but I can imagine I'll have to bring a bowl of cereal bars to sit alongside the boxes of Heroes etc or she won't snack

I am wondering if the effect of being with other people might mean that she eats more to avoid drawing attention (MIL is aware of her ED but SIL and family aren't)

In other news, same old same old, can't seem to get past this 45kg sticking place

DD1 is eating breakfast now, 2 slices of toast and a glass of milk. Still refusing the Fortisip. I weighed her this morning - 37.4kg (down 0.2kg but to be fair, it could be a difference between hospital scales and my scales).

The doctor sent me a text message today, a week after I handed in a letter to the surgery. He's going to 'chat to the dieticians' and I should contact him if I haven't heard from him in 2-3 weeks

Lougle is ring back and say that's not good enough and you want your dd assessed by the ED team ASAP. That's great you're getting a bit more into her though although 37.4kg is tiny.

The advice Camhs gave me re Christmas was to keep dds routine exactly the same. It's going to be a quiet one for us anyway just me, dd and my mum who is in our bubble. I have bought dd some chocolates for her stockings but will say to dd these can be her 'puddings' it seems a wrong to let the ED win which it would do if I didn't buy any chocolate.

Dd has got more sneaky and secretive around food again 😕 weigh day today so will see what that brings....

He's generally very good and conscientious, so I'll give him a few days, but I'm still a bit bemused that they think it's a routine matter.

1.3kg loss, I'm so pissed off. Feel like I'm the one who has to make all the effort and sacrifices and dd is just taking the micky. 😕

I know it's the illness but it's so hard to accept she doesn't want to be better.

Ugh.

Camhs appointment tomorrow so will try and formulate a plan, I'm def going to suggest dd does not know her weights in future. It seems that she finds out she has increased and then she loses it all again.

Will also suggest she's referred to the dieticians as I think dd needs to hear from someone else re how much she should be eating vs how much she actually is.

I'm also going to watch her like a bloody hawk to make sure the food goes in. Had hoped we were slightly passed that stage but apparently not.

Oh how disappointing for you You're allowed to feel frustrated. I'm sure your DD will thank you in the future, but right now it's just all slog.

oh girlie what a disappointment. Lougle is right - it is a slog right now but keep going (not that you've got much choice really)

lougle I'm bemused by the laid back-ness of your GP, am glad they've got a decent track record with you but don't worry about pushing when you need to...

Decent meal support here at lunch but snack this afternoon is back into our 'normal' routine of fear, self loathing, struggling to eat etc..

My dd has had a good few days, haven’t pushed our luck re food other than with meal support but got an even amount in daily through the ups and downs.

Her behaviour is dire though.

Good news on the food front scr1bbly but sorry about the behavioural issues.

It sounds like it's leaking how she's feeling about everything. So hard to live with though. DD1 swears and screams every time we ask her to do anything.

Well we've just had a massive barney, it had been brewing since the weigh in.

Dd said she feels like I'm constantly watching her and I don't trust her at all. I pointed out all the lies she has told me and how secretive she's been.

We end up going round in circles and getting nowhere 😕 she said she feels like she'd rather die than eat more or gain weight which was horrible to hear.

This is so so hard.

oh girlie - this sounds like a word for word account of our evening too (apart from the secretive bit). I ended up running up stairs in sobs. I'm so sad, so angry, so deflated, so scared, so worried and frankly tonight feeling selfish. I know Dd's feelings are probably much worse and it breaks me not to be able to help her but tonight, I just broke...

, girliefriend, myrtle

I know it feels awful but I don't think it hurts them to see that you are human and their ED affects you

I've had a few occasions where I've had to just say 'I can't talk about or cope with this now', leave, go upstairs, cry, sleep, watch a favourite thing on the tablet, whatever it takes to find the will to keep going

It's the keeping going that does the work, that makes them see that you are never giving up on them

If I sound in control now, it's only because I stormed to bed on Sunday night, halfway through 'His Dark Materials' - which we always watch together - because I couldn't concentrate for waiting to see if she'd eat the mince pie I'd given her

(she didn't)

and I've had time to calm down

This illness is a monster

This morning things are calmer and we're back into the normal routine, she's sat here eating her porridge.

I know it's the ED basically threatening me 'if you make me eat I'll have no other choice but to kill myself' which makes me more determined to keep going.

They it's a monster alright.

Camhs zoom appointment in an a min...