teen eating issues support thread

[myrtleWilson]

Hello,
would anyone be interested in joining a thread to support each other as we support teens with eating disorders @MNHQ - I'm tagging you in as am conscious of triggering issues and wanted your ok/ground rules to such a thread..

Happy to share our story with DD if others would feel it is helpful...

Good luck with your dds discharge Bella!! I really hope you get some good support as well.

We're ticking along here, dds periods are now back to normal which must be a good sign? Some of the OCD stuff seems to be reducing as well.....

I know we still have a way to go but I'm hoping I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel?!

Good luck with dd's homecoming bella

And Girliefriend that's epic news about dd's period coming back! We're 10 months and counting with dd

Stuck in groundhog day at the moment, same old scenarios and conversations over and over again

The latest is that she won't eat her afternoon snack (flapjack or cereal bar) in the car any more and insists we drop by Starbucks for an eggnog latte instead

Fine in principle, as those things are calorific, but expensive!

Good luck Bella!

theyseeher - one of the ironies that I find with anorexia is our cupboards are full of new food - we have to cycle through different snacks at mid morning, mid afternoon and supper so the cupboard looks like a supermarket aisle!

How do you all deal with the control side of things? This morning, DD1 wouldn't eat breakfast. She also wouldn't drink her Fortisip Compact. Then, just as we were about to leave for the school run, she went into the kitchen. I asked what she was doing and she said 'getting breakfast'. The thing is, if I let her have breakfast then, her sisters would be late for school. So I said no. Then she said 'well, I tried to have breakfast but you stopped me, so....'

Tonight, she wouldn't eat a snack because she would have to get changed out of her uniform (it drops all down her, so I don't want her uniform ruined). It was only once I said that she had to get changed whether or not she had a snack that she got changed and ate the snack.

I just feel like it's a slippery slope to let her make lots of demands in exchange for the basic function of eating?

I spend a fortune on puddings and snacks, dd only eats snacks that have some appearance of being healthy so fruit bars, flapjacks etc but it's quite hard to find some that have enough calories.

Re the negotiations with food/snacks I think it's generally a no no. You decide what they eat and it's tough if they don't like it. That said I am def guilty of keeping the food choices to ones I know dd is likely to eat/ definitely likes.

Lougle you may have to consider taking a week or two off work and keeping dd home from school just to focus on refeeding. It took a good two weeks plus with my dd for her to accept that she had to eat what I put in front of her, it took 3 days just to get her out of her bedroom to sit at the table and look at her breakfast!!

That said I think it's hard to have that authority without a third party (Camhs) backing you up. There's no way dd would have listened to me without having been told what was going to happen at the Camhs appointment.

At the moment we're not even at the stage of knowing whether this is an 'eating issue' or just behaviour. The GP is referring to someone...not sure who.

I'm glad you haven't immediately said 'food into her at all costs'. For example, a couple of days ago, she refused a snack after school and then came down at about 5.15pm 'to have a snack'. I said no, because she wouldn't eat her dinner.

It feels like she does everything to avoid for, then when she knows it's not possible anymore, it's as if she's saying "Well I would have had a full English Breakfast, but Mum wouldn't let me.

Girliefriend snap with the cupboard full of 'healthy' snacks, I have 4 types of cereal bar open at the moment but none of them are more than 200 calories Not to mention all the biscuits, mince pies etc that she picks out in the supermarket then refuses to eat

Most of the time I can get her to stir some trail mix into a yogurt but she wouldn't even go for that tonight

We've got ED meeting tomorrow, which usually gets her back on track, but we're in this cycle of fine for 3 days after meetings, then sliding back into the grip of the ED for the next 4 days, rinse and repeat

Agree that you can't really give them a choice as you will get bogged down in endless bargaining - sticking to set eating times makes it slightly easier for us though appreciate this isn't always possible

They snap, out of the attached pic the only one with more than 200 calories is the Eat Natural ones - they cost a fortune though 🙄 in the early days I tried to make flapjack or banana bread every week but it's been busy recently so haven't had time.

Lougle in that scenario I would say to dd 'well you can't have your snack now as it's dinner but you do need your afternoon snack so you can have it with your evening snack tonight' and then give her two snacks after her dinner and pudding. My dd hates that if she refuses a snack it just means two snacks later on so rarely bothers refusing now. In your dds case I would say to her 'as from tomorrow I will expect you to eat breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, pudding and snack at these times. This is because you are not currently eating enough to be healthy.' Expect some resistance but stay firm and confident, any kicking off ignore. The Eva Musby book has lots of tips on the right things to say.

'as from tomorrow I will expect you to eat breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, pudding and snack at these times.'

Wow, I can't imagine her eating that much. At the moment she has lunch, snack, dinner on a good day or lunch and dinner on a bad day. Or just lunch and a few mouthfuls.

lougle the ED will try to sabotage lots of meals in different ways - which sounds like what happened with breakfast. The ED is a manipulative entity. So I agree, breakfast was missed and by standing firm you've hopefully wrenched back a bit of control from the ED. The control tug of war is an ongoing feature...gird your loins!

Today we had a 1-1 therapy session and a call from Consultant. We've got eating support still to come this week and CAMHS have scheduled a weekend call to check in with us... I think they are v worried about DD's depression.

In the last week we've decided to stop 6th form - she's not well enough to do her A-levels this summer. So she'll start again in September 2021. Tough decision but I think the right one.

Myrtle, that sounds tough. I do hope they can help her with her mood. It's never too late to finish education, so you're being very wise.

I feel a bit of a fraud talking about DD1, because I'm not certain it really is an eating disorder. Tonight she wasn't eating dinner at all, but ate it once I loaded the fork. She said it was too hard to get spaghetti on the fork (she has SN, but normally manages spaghetti ok).

Lougle your dd sounds so similar to where my dd was at last summer, I like you wasn't convinced it was an ED as dd did eat (albeit no where near enough) but she didn't present as 'typically anorexic' (and I hope that's not offensive to anyone!)

I hope your Dr has referred your dd to the ED services as honestly I think your dd and you need their assessment and support. If he has you should hear something soonish as my understanding is they should see new referrals within two weeks.

I said exactly the same as you about there being no way dd would eat that much!! Now she is eating it I can see it's still not actually enough, she's gained weight slowly and I think breaks even now calorie vs calories burnt iyswim.

Myrtle your poor dd, I agree re ditching the A levels for now. I had severe anxiety when doing my A levels and ended up leaving college altogether in the end, it was the right thing to do and hasn't done me any harm career wise (I'm a specialist nurse now!)

day we don't actually allow her to spend any time alone aside from when she's sleeping - the compulsion to exercise is too strong. Having said that, I don't think she'd be one for staying in her room anyway - she likes being around others and is much better for doing that...

lougle - don't feel fraudulent - if its not an eating disorder then we'd all be delighted for you! However, there are lots of mini flags that end up into bigger flags - for example my DD still wants us to cut up cereal bars (she has to eat them with a knife and fork) because in her ED mind if we're cutting it up, she's not responsible so she's not going against the ED (which is a big no-no). I'm not saying it is the same for your DD but there are patterns to look out for...

Meant to say day yy to the mini puddings, luckily I've got an Aldi down the road and use lots of their individual pot microwave puddings!!

Lougle reading your post back the fact your dd ate the food once you loaded the fork would be a massive red flag to me as it could be her way of telling the ED 'see it's not my fault, mums decided I have to eat this amount, I didn't even put the food on my fork!'

They find all sorts of ways to placate the ED, my dd would for a long time leave a tiny amount of smoothie/milk in her glass as if to say to the ED 'see I am trying but this is all I can get away with.'

Thank you all, you're so kind. She's had toast and a glass of milk this morning, so that's good.

Day I've learnt the same, my dd never went under 8 stone and only lost half a stone in total however that weight loss caused her heart rate and bp to plummet, her hair to fall out, anxiety went through the roof and her periods stopped!!

I think she's someone who needs quite a lot of food just to maintain her weight.

Lougle that's great re breakfast, well done.