Binge Eating Disorder Support 4

[IronMaggie]

Hello, and welcome to our 4th(!) support thread for those affected by Binge Eating Disorder (BED) & disordered eating.

Our manifesto - we recognise that diets are absolutely not the answer, and that overcoming food restriction can help us to have a healthier relationship with food, and with ourselves.

So join us. Share your story. Or lurk quietly in the shadows. Either way, most people feel relieved to find others who know what they're going through.

For some background reading, here are the first 3 threads:-
Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014
Thread 3 April 2015

Here are a few resources to kick off your recovery journey:

• Overcoming Binge Eating - the 'bible'; used by many Eating Disorder services' treatment programmes, this is a good place to start.
• Brain over Binge - an alternative view; the scientific approach to understanding and stopping binge urges.
• Women Food and God - an interesting look at why we overeat that resonates with many.
• Some of us also follow the blogs of coaches within the ED / body image online communities - Isabel Foxen Duke and Summer Inannen are just a couple of examples, full list of online resources to follow shortly...

Please bear in mind that most of the contributors to this thread are eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real-life support and advice from professionals.

Hello people; I'm desperate for help :-( I feel so controlled by food and constant bingeing; I successfully lost 12 stone 5 years ago but have put 3 back in and can barely go a day without bingeing and now purging. Due to my job I'm desperate not to have this on my medical record does anyone know of any good sites where I could access confidential private counselling? I've loved reading this thread it's so good to know I'm not alone

Sorry to hear you are feeling so desperate My.

Beat offers advice on finding support. helpfinder.b-eat.co.uk

I tried to access private help but the person I saw said the NHS treatment was the best. Is there really no way you can go to yr Dr?

You are not alone.

How is everyone's week?

Hit and miss. Been on holiday, was fairly stressful, binge ate once. I'd thrown my scales away immediately before the holiday, and now got back and they're gone. So really can't weigh myself. Trying super hard to stick to meal and snack times and eat what I want at the time and not "diet". Which I managed to do mostly while away.

Sort of feel ok about it at the moment.

Hello My. Someone said to me that how you feel right now is not how you're going to feel forever.

Chance well done on the scales. I need to stop getting on them. Not sure what I think it will give me. I saw this on Instagram earlier.

Sounds like your are making progress.

I realised I couldn't quite recall when I'd last binged. Which was good. However, then fell off wagon. Mainly I think because I didn't eat as the cleaner was here. I just feel v uncomfortable having one, so keep put of the way.

I am off on hols shortly. Worried about the plane seatbelt not fitting. Feel ok aside from that I think.

Have bought a Fitbit. Have realised how little I move on the days I work from home.

Tried Aqua aerobics which I really enjoyed.

Hope the rest of you are doing ok? Do post, I generally helps me feel better, even during a dark/sh*te.period.

Well done for keeping us going Margo, sorry I've been AWOL.

Chance, hope you had a fab holiday? Was it anywhere exotic?

Scales do nothing for me either - it's coming up to a year since I last weighed myself and it's definitely one of the best things I've done to help my recovery.

Margo, I love my Fitbit! The step counter is a good reminder during the day to be more active, but I especially like being able to track my sleep stats - it's really helped me be more conscious about aiming for 7ish hours - when I first started wearing it I was averaging about 4.5! And of course, I've removed any references to calories on my display and dashboard - it might have been tempted me back to the dark side!

Myusername, if you're able to find a private counsellor that specialises in eating disorders, that would be the best thing but I think most of us here who have sought help have been referred by our GPs? (Regulars, please correct me if I'm wrong). You've done amazingly well to get to where you are, and of course I don't know how you lost the weight initially, but depending on what it took it's possible that your bingeing is your body's logical reaction to a form of starvation? If you haven't already, the Fairburn book is a great place to start. Eating regular, nutritious meals and snacks throughout the day is a great antidote to the binge urges.

Hello all

How are you all doing?

Good to know your Fitbit is working for you Maggie. Reaching 10,000 steps a day is doable, but I am going to have to move more when working from home.

I am away on a beach holiday and managing to squeeze in some podcasts between pool play with the DC. Never listened to podcasts on my phone before, only on a laptop. Any recommendations for players on Android? Am using Podcast Addict but don't find it that easy to use.

Wanted to mention Maddy Moon. Not sure she has been mentioned on here before. She had experienced EDs and body issues herself and was a bikkini model.

She interviews loads of 'names' who work in the ED/body image world on her podcasts. She Americian.

Don't be put off by the picture on the early podcasts, she obv had a re-brand from podcast 66 onwards!

maddymoon.com

In podcast 3 she interviews Isabel Foxen Duke who I know we have mentioned on here and who I love.

She said something that really struck me - "You cannot control what others think about you". I am around the pool, concerned that people are horrified by the sight of me and wishing I was smaller. But actually, who is to say that being smaller would elicit the response I want on some level.

I think I just assume, that like my life will be better when thinner, that everyone's view of me will be positive etc.

^ I should just say that thanks to this thread and my recovery, I have spent much less time thinking these thoughts, but being poolside on hols all day does bring it out like nowhere else.

This idea that I cannot control other people's reactions now or in the future feels like a bit of a lightbulb moment.

Isabel really believes that self-acceptance is the key to solving food issues....

Anyway, hope you are ok and do post if you feel up to it.

How is everyone?

Hmmm. Ok here. Really trying to stick to the meals and snack things. It's mostly working.

I've noticed when I have strong emotions (happy or sad) my thoughts turn straight to food. If I'm happy, screw it, let's eat out, have takeaway treat, puddings. If I'm sad/angry, I want to shovel sugar/chocolate in. I think I want to explore my relationship between food and emotions later once my meal and snack times are consistent.

Hello everyone. I really need this thread. I've been bingeing on and off since 17 (20 years eek!) it's not as severe Joe as it was in the past but I've recently split with Dp and I relied on him massively to keep my food in line. Things are falling apart now I'm on my own and desperately don't want dd to get an ED. I am really taken with Potatoes not Prozac and am trying to follow it - with mixed results. Today I binged despite having food I could have just heated up. And now I've burned the tea. Sob

Hi all.

I think that for me, I am starting to recognise that there is a strong element of self harm in my binging. I am someone who has self harmed in the past (including cutting, drugs, drinking, sex.) So whilst I feel good that I am no longer doing those things, I know that I am self harming in another way.

Anyone else come down that road?

Well done on the 3 + 3 chance.

I understand about the link to food whatever the emotion. Not sure what the answer is though. Think it is from childhood for me.....

Welcome terrified. I too worry about my DC and EDs. I was sent a link to this and it is very helpful:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/aug/29/how-stop-child-developing-eating-disorder-weight-obesity-diet?

I have the Potatoe book, cannot remember what it says though. What is the general idea?

not yes I see it as self-harm. It comes from not liking myself. :( Have you sought professional help?

Body image workshop?
If any of you are in London/near London did you fancy attending this body image workshop on Sun 30th Oct am?

All the podcasts I have been listening to suggest that body acceptance is so important. I have no idea if it will be any good but at c £33 I thought it might be worth a shot.

www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/body-confidence-workshop-printworks-kitchen-sun-3010-tickets-25267394457?

What are your weekend plans?

Hi there Chance - sounds like you're doing really well.

And that's a great insight about binges as an emotional response - would it help to have a think and maybe write down what some alternatives to food might be in those situations? i.e. something that might make you feel better when you're down, or a non-food reward to celebrate happier moments?

What's your non-food drug of choice? Thinking back, people have mentioned things like having a bath, going for a walk / swim, calling a friend on the phone, making a cup of tea etc etc. Would any of those work if you're able to catch yourself in the moment?

Hello and welcome Terrified - I hadn't heard of the Potatoes book before, it's had very good reviews though...

Usually, I try to steer clear of anything that might even loosely be described as a diet - for people with BED, any sort of restriction can be very unhelpful. I do agree that most of us could do with reducing their sugar intakes, but that distinction of 'good' and 'bad' foods often prompts feelings of failure, which can make the urge to binge stronger. It's a vicious cycle indeed .

Is your DD also following the PnP plan?

As mentioned have really enjoyed listening to some BED/food issue/body image podcasts on hols. It has felt very indulgent being able to put my headphones on and listen to something for me.I have found that you listen more carefully if on your phone rather than multitasking on a computer whilst listening.

Wanted to share a few links to specific podcasts. If you subscribe to the podcast in your player you will see all the episodes, if you want to hear more.

Most are ppl interviewing experts which makes for a more interesting listening in my opinion.

fearlessrebelleradio.libsyn.com/normal

maddymoon.com/andie-mitchell/

thefuckitdiet.com/episode-11-linda-bacon/ Linda is a HaAS leader. I find the interviewer a bit waffely, so do skip to the interview bit.

jessicamurnane.com/isabel-foxen-duke/ I love Isabel Foxen Duke!

thefuckitdiet.com/episode-9-kelsey-miller/ Kelsey produced the anti-diet project. She is also larger which makes her a bit different to some of the other coaches who are smaller. I know this shouldn't matter but I am starting to accept I need to consider a life as a bigger person.

Most of the coaches featured above all had issues with food. And often binging started after restricting. They all talk about their stories.

The clearest message I took from them is that body acceptance is so important to recovery. They also suggest following larger 'role models' on social media to help balance out the smaller images we are fed.

A few say intutive eating is the key to developing a saner relationship with food. However, I am a bit wary about it, as Dr Fairburn talks about ppl with BED/disordered eating finding it difficult to understand/know 'real hunger' etc hence the 3 + 3 but I guess one day you move away from 3 + 3.

Hope you find some of them useful if you get a chance to listen.

Thanks for all the interesting links. The gist of PnP is that sugar addiction is a physical/biochemical thing and you can reduce binges by things such as eating a good amount of protein at each meal, eating 'brown' carbs etc. It takes you very slowly step by step (first step is breakfast) so doesn't require any drastic changes in diet or lifestyle. the author came up with the plan to help recovering alcoholics and then found it worked for sugar addicts too. It makes a lot of sense to me as sugar is a total trigger for me. She also talks a lot about taking the time to plan and cook meals. This is a massive thing for me as I am terrified of food shopping and cooking - something I need to get over as a single mum!

Hi everyone. I hope the weekend has been a good one for you all. Welcome to Not & Terrified.

Margo I agree with your point about posting when times are hard. It can be an effort but after, its often nice to have offloaded.

Your plan of not eating with the TV is something I am trying to work on too. I think we all know its not great but so convenient after busy days.

Thank you for sharing the podcasts, having the voice of positivity on hand is always a good help, even for general life stresses that get us all down. TED talks really help me, this weeks posts on the blog were a big pick me up. I really think surrounding ourselves with these and shutting out the socially accepted bashing we're constantly shown, is very therapeutic and lasts longer than the initial watch / listen. It helps to strengthen the self acceptance I think, as you said we may change how we look but inside we remain the same without work on that too. I recently saw a picture of me aged 18 where I was quite small, yet I was in a very bad place feeling huge and barely eating back then. I may be bigger now but my mental health is worlds away from then. Other people may only see my bigger size and make snap descisons but I know now is healthier and worth holding onto.

I tried your idea of the step counter and my inner competitive side has been trying to do more each day. Not massive amounts as my feet hurt but its still more movement.

Not I too resonate with the self harm approach, that and rebellion of external (and internal) expectations. I agree with Maggie, your insight is really great and will be a good tool to help you. I think only those who battle it will understand how hard it can be. Totally agree with the not feeling this way forever. When this started it was a daily occurrence for me but now its rare and only at times of acute stress. It can be the same way for all of us eventually.

MyUsername I may have missed a response but what kind of support have you had previously with the weight loss, could you access that at all? With regards to the gain you mentioned, I was intrigued by recent studies looking at approaches like The Biggest Loser, which have shown the body will fight to regain weight when we lose large amounts. I think it's a good reminder that our bodies, can at times, work in a way we don't want them to, rather than we are failures (which is often how we feel but far from true). Please try to remember; all that is good about you is still there and not related to a number on the scale or clothes label. Would it help to think of how you feel about friends and loved ones, that is also how they feel about you because you're worth that love and care.

Terrified I hadn't heard of the PnP before. I can see how for those with a diagnosed sugar addiction it could be helpful. It is good that you know sugar is a trigger for you, working these out is key to being able to change them. As someone else said, these approaches can be a negative too as we (with ED) often can't handle limitations of a food / group. Learning to have them in a balanced approach for our nutrients is however important and a slow process. Have you been able to identify other triggers as well as this one?

I've been rather busy since I came back from holiday, out and about. Trying to move more has been a focus but eating wasn't so great. I know its because I'm nervous about making changes to what I eat with the Weight Management course. Its normal and expected I think but it took me a good couple of weeks to get to that realisation.

Even with all I have learnt my brain still panics when food change is involved, at times. Gaining focus is hard sometimes but I'm back on top of it now. Although I know small steps is key, I was focused on the end goal which is such a bad approach, so now back to 'can I do it today?' which is more manegable.

The TED talks I shared on my blog really brought that back for me and that's my focus with food, here and now. My over eating has calmed and reduced a lot. With the exception of a small binge Friday night, I know the trigger and just accepted I needed it after a confrontation with a family member whilst away from home, knowing that shortened it. I'm ok with it and moved on to a new day.

Not sure if I mentioned but I recently started studying a short course on Nutrition. This is the next step for me as I want to relearn eating from a scientific point of view, making food something my body needs and meeting those needs. After a lifetime of battles with it, I want to make it a positive for life rather than just recovery.

As my goal is to to help others I decided to train professionally to help others recover from ED's. So after this course I am studying for a degree in psychology. Its a long road but I'm excited to start it.

Wow Fighting that is so fantastic about the course & degree, I'm blown away - what a huge decision! When will your degree course start?

It's what I see now is the great thing about having gone through all this - although it's incredibly painful at the time, the insight and motivation you get in recovery takes you to a far better place at the end of it all. This might be going too far but I have moments where I'm almost thankful for my ED having taught me about what I needed to change in my life, and helping me to help other people too.

Terrified, what specifically is it about the shopping & cooking that puts you off - is it the thought that you might buy something 'bad', or eat more that you meant to?

Love some of the body image resources mentioned above, it's been so important for me to start de-programming myself from some of the messages we're surrounded with. I'm definitely getting better at this with time...

How is everyone else doing? Do you all have LOs going back to school this week? Mine are looking forward to it, and I'll be pleased to have more of a regular routine again, as lovely as the summer has been.

Hi Maggie, thanks for the great supportive message. TBH I was rather anxious last night after posting it, DH said its because I'm so used to negative reactions from family when I make plans and he's right (I have kept it fairly quiet from those people). I am so excited though, literally just got my first package through from the OU. We start in October😊.

I would agree with you about being thankful for my ED, in a way. I wouldn't have the empathy or experience to know what's its like to go through something bad and out the other side. If a deep forest was a good metaphor its not dense and dark anymore but I still twat an unexpected tree now and then .

We were back to school today. All went well and DS skipped in before I could say goodbye. I've actually been organised and sorted most of dinner already, amazing what a lack of chaos can do!

How are you doing Maggie ? Any plans for when DC are back?x

Yes, so amazing fighting. This thread and now helping others professionally - wonderful. Go you!!!

I think everyone prob overeats at points. It is so easy to think it is just an 'us' thing.

Am progressing on my fitbitting. It is ok getting to the magic 10k steps but does require a couple of outtings each day which I don't always do.

Fighting off restriction & body image thoughts. Have ended up having 2 coffee shop lunches in a row (on different days!) which I would have prefered not to. But it was either that or risk being really hungry by the time I got home.

Feeling really anxious about the DC and them dying. I wonder if it the ED is trying to 'come out' in other ways as I am challenging it. A podcaster spoke about feeling like a bottle/pot where the boiling water will come out in one way or the other.

How is everyone doing?

Hi Margo thank you for the lovely message.

It is a good point about overeating. Its so easy to forget people have those moments, without an ED.

Rather impressive with the fitbit, it seems a good motivator for you. Hopefully you're feeling the mental health benefits from it.

Do you think the restriction thoughts have any origin in stress? I know school holidays are hard but changing routines again is tough when they go back. Obviously there could be many reasons but I know myself and some other mums feel out of sync ATM.

Your thoughts with the kids sounds difficult for you. It does seem like a reasonable explanation, the podcast offered. Have you been able to speak to anyone else regarding your concerns?x

How is everyone else doing, a busy time for those of us with kids. Day one for DC2 today, I did well to be cheery and not cry. The house is rather quiet ATM, not any cleaner as I decided an hour was better used doing naff all .

My eating has been steady which is good. Doing my nutrition course had been great at rebuilding my relationship with food in a better way. Plus I love studying so that's picked me up a bit too.