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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

Original poster

Am I too old

69 replies

Latetothe · 15/05/2025 14:59

Recently miscarried our last embryo.

i am 48 this yeah and due to infertility still trying.

we have one who was born the year I turned 44. Is it immoral for me to keep trying for a second at this age.

the second is likely to have a different egg donor now.
original donor would be late 30/early 40s now

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 19/05/2025 12:47

Cakencookieobsessed · 19/05/2025 12:29

That's because women are the ones pregnant, giving birth and doing most of the immediate care. Men can procreate their whole lives. Once a woman cannot conceive via her own eggs - too old.

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That's not the argument people are making here, though - they're talking about looking older when picking a child up from school, and dying at an earlier point in the child's life. Nothing to do with the biology of conception.

uhOhOP · 19/05/2025 19:38

Mulledjuice · 19/05/2025 12:47

That's not the argument people are making here, though - they're talking about looking older when picking a child up from school, and dying at an earlier point in the child's life. Nothing to do with the biology of conception.

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Well, the dying bit obviously applies to both parents, doesn't it? So does the other bit, about looking old, since men also can look old.

So surprised by the comments that are essentially "love is all a child needs", when it obviously isn't. A child isn't a tool to make you feel better. Maybe everybody thinking about having a baby in their late 40s should think about how the child is going to feel about that at various stages of its life. Or are your desires at this moment more important than what sort of young adulthood you will give the child? It doesn't even matter how a person has ended up trying to conceive or thinking about conceiving in their late 40s. However you got here, that ship has well and truly sailed, and not having another baby will just have to be added to the pile of one's life's regrets and overcome like anything else.

Mulledjuice · 19/05/2025 20:28

@uhOhOP that was my point!

Original poster
Latetothe · 19/05/2025 20:32

Mulledjuice · 19/05/2025 09:57

Noone gives 48 year old dads this much shit.

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lol i know right!

OP posts:
Original poster
Latetothe · 19/05/2025 20:42

iloveteddies · 16/05/2025 18:02

Sorry for your loss, please take care of yourself and keep in mind that everyone has their own unique timeline. I am turning 46 soon and I am going for a DE hopefully in the next coming months. And I have a 15 yo NC child, with the same partner and some people cannot understand why now we want another child. But life comes not always as expected and we want to have another child to love and nurture and we will find a way that will work for our family. Is not going to be easy but the prospect to love and complete our family is more than our fears. Again these are our thoughts, take your time to think what is best for you and your family and be kind to yourself after the loss, is tough.🙂

I really hope it works for you guys. I def understand why you want a second. And it’s not just for the parents. Having been there to support my brother I know how important siblings can be. Even with a gap.

Also you will be so mindful of giving that child the best attention and have had the experience of a nearly full raised child so I’m sure you’ll be amazing.

OP posts:
SquishyGloopyBum · 19/05/2025 20:47

Yes you are too old. You are thinking about your own wants and desires over what a child might want.

You don’t want to hear it but you are being selfish. Cherish the one you have. Not what could be.

TheignT · 19/05/2025 20:50

uhOhOP · 15/05/2025 15:42

Besides other things, having a child is not all about the parent. Would you want your 5-year-old to be asked by their peers why their granny picks them up from school, for example?

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I had my first a few weeks after my 18th birthday. Made friends with another mum who was in her 40s. One day she was upset as her little girl said she wanted a young mum like me. I told her my son wanted an older mum like her. He used to inspect what I was wearing for parents evening as he didn't want me to embarrass him. You can't win with kids.

Apart from that at my GCs school there are more grans picking up kids than mums
No one takes any notice.

AllAroundMyGarden · 19/05/2025 20:50

I personally think it’s far too old, and too much risk involved, not to mention how unfair it would be for the child

TheignT · 19/05/2025 20:55

Beyondburnout · 17/05/2025 20:32

I had an older dad who died young. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

My dad was in his 20s when I was born. He was in and out of hospital from when I was 8 and died a few weeks after my 13th birthday. There aren't any guarantees.

Ketzele · 19/05/2025 21:50

I had two kids in my 40s so I'm not going to tell you you're too old. I will ask though about the impact on your first child of you undergoing more fertility treatment. Do you have the money, time and emotional energy to go through it all again with a young child to look after?
The second issue, for me, is whether you are taking care of your emotional wellbeing. You know the stats. Do you strongly need to give it one last try, or would you do better giving yourself permission to stop now? And do you and your dp agree?

iloveteddies · 20/05/2025 21:00

Latetothe · 19/05/2025 20:42

I really hope it works for you guys. I def understand why you want a second. And it’s not just for the parents. Having been there to support my brother I know how important siblings can be. Even with a gap.

Also you will be so mindful of giving that child the best attention and have had the experience of a nearly full raised child so I’m sure you’ll be amazing.

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Thanks for your kind words please take care of yourself. You might find the donor conception network useful. I joined it and there are a lot of different WhatsApp groups and online meetings where there are people at a different stages of DE process. Feel free to DM me if you want. All the best 😊

mazie2024 · 21/05/2025 11:48

Latetothe · 16/05/2025 06:53

I do wonder why people who don’t have much experience of infertility are on a donor egg space.

There will be many mums in their 40s within this bracket.

For context I have had 5 miscarriages and I have suffered from infertility for a long period and this is why I only managed my first at 44. We have been trying for the second since then. I needed to inject all the way through my pregnancy and no not because of my age but because of fertility issues which are a identified earlier would have meant I had kids earlier.

we spent a lot of time and money on this and it has def impacted my mental health.

very much regretting posting to be shot down by people who at worst have had one miscarriage.

unfortunately it can’t remove the post and not loving the comments from people who shouldn’t really be on the donor conception forum.

im shocked by some of the responses to you. im 43 im toying with another one. if you want another one. can financially and emotionally do it then go for it.

the way i look at it is on your death bed in a lot if years time do you want to look back and regret not doing it. not trying

uhOhOP · 21/05/2025 16:10

mazie2024 · 21/05/2025 11:48

im shocked by some of the responses to you. im 43 im toying with another one. if you want another one. can financially and emotionally do it then go for it.

the way i look at it is on your death bed in a lot if years time do you want to look back and regret not doing it. not trying

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Why are you shocked that a woman is told it's a bad idea to want to give birth at the age of 50? Remember, she did ask if it would be immoral, so she obviously has reservations about it from a moral perspective.

GingerFox2021 · 22/05/2025 08:27

@Latetothe you will know best what to do. Many people will be against your age. Logical. Nothing to be surprised about. But don’t let strangers that you don’t know to make a decision for you. You have your own reasons, goals for life.
I’ll say believe in yourself, have a bulletproof mind. There’s nothing to prove to others. People will always have an opinion. Stand by what you believe in. Best of luck.

FrenchandSaunders · 22/05/2025 08:38

I think in your situation OP I’d be happy with the one I’ve got and focus on her.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 22/05/2025 08:44

honestly i don’t like to judge because i know the feeling of yearning for another child and if someone falls naturally at 48 then id be like ok great these things happen. but actively going down the ivf route and trying to get pregnant at 48 to me is quite irresponsible. i had my last at 37 and i felt quite old then. i’m 41 now and i would live another little squishy baby but i don’t think my body would make it and i don’t think it’s fair on the child

Farahdwy · 22/05/2025 20:03

Latetothe · 19/05/2025 09:57

I know plenty of people with autism and am myself on the scale.

i had detailed by infertility issues and your comment was very insensitive given the level of difficulty I have had.

i think you can be autistic and still know your comment was insensitive.

just because your autistic doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want.

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I’d say that I agree with the previous poster, even more so with DE. It must be very hard OP and I masses of sympathy but yes, 48/49 is too old in my opinion. Not for you, for the baby’s sake. And I’m sure that even asking the question, a part of you knows that. I’m wishing you happiness and best wishes to move on or good health and energy if you do decide to go ahead.

Dora33 · 05/06/2025 16:33

Yes I think you are too old at 48. My older aunts had babies at 48 & 47. They found their pregnancies harder than earlier pregnancies but the real difference started was when the children were about 5 years.
My aunts once in their 50s with menopause found life harder, with running around after small children.

One of my aunts used to like you look much younger. In their 50s both aunts aged quicker than aunts who's children were older. One of their husband's started having considerable health problems in his 50s. Their older children helped out alot.
i would be worried that the stress of continuing with fertility treatment would eat into enjoying time with your 4 year old.

bluebella2 · 07/06/2025 23:21

Lots of people are having kids in their forties now. I'm 46, pregnant with twins after years of infertility. You go for it! Don't let anyone judge you

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