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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

Original poster

Single Mother By Choice

37 replies

Autumn90 · 16/11/2024 13:13

Hello everyone,
I have been considering being a Single Mother By Choice for a couple of years now and have made my decision to have a child on my own.
I have had no luck with men or relationships and I don't want to be with a man any longer after my most recent relationship.
I know that I am a mother and always have been. I am now 34 and don't want to wait anymore for "the right man" or "the one".
I can very much feel my fertility clock ticking.
How did family and friends react when you let them know you were about your decision?
I don't think my family knows quite how I feel or how serious I am about this.
I have spoken about being a SMBC with my mum before and she said not to do it. I am sure this was out of love and not knowing too much about it.
Thank you for any replies xx

OP posts:
Confusedlady0 · 22/05/2025 07:38

Autumn90 · 21/05/2025 13:29

@SMBCthinking I agree, I think there is too much negativity on this thread when there needn’t be. Your father sounds like an amazing man. I also agree that it is better for a child to come into the world knowing that they are truly loved by one parent than having two and one being unsupportive of them.

@seelookhearboo Yes, I have many friends and relatives that would no doubt be amazing role models in my network for either a girl or boy.

@Confusedlady0 I am looking at and emailing fertility clinics while working with other professionals. Yes, I am going through with this.

@IndigoBlueyI am looking at a few different sperm banks to find the right fit for me and to also make sure that it will be able to the clinic I choose.

@thecrispfiend Yes, I now have my mum’s full support too. I have other friends who are SMBC and going through the same process. They have all said how it the best decision they ever made as well. I will always make sure that if I can have them, they will always know how they came to be.

@mazie2024 I think that is a good approach. If it is right for you then you know that. I am applying this at the moment (for a different reason) and found that I am having much more peace in my life as a result.

@vladimirVsvolodymr @DustyLee123 @INeedNewShoes @TheLovleyChebbyMcGee@Tigger1116 Thank you, I really appreciate these comments from all of you.

@OtterOnAPlane Yes, I do understand your concerns. My mum is fully supportive of me becoming a SMBC now after we had another conversation about it.

@LobsterOnMyFridge That is your decision and it is valid. It is not my decision however. My decision is equally as valid.

@DonorConceivedMe I have been listening to and looking into both Donor Conceived People and parents of Donor Conceived People for many years. I don’t think labelling someone as more impressive than anyone else is necessary. Nobody on here knows the full story behind anyone else’s decision.

Thank you everyone for all your advice and questions xx

Good for you @Autumn90 !
please do keep us updated.
I am also on the path to become a SMBC and am at the donor matching stage of my journey x

SingtotheCat · 22/05/2025 08:47

My friend is planning on donor conception as a single and she is going to smash it and be absolutely brilliant at it. She does have lots of family who will be supportive too.
Good luck.

Original poster
Autumn90 · 22/05/2025 12:04

@Confusedlady0That’s exciting! I am making a shortlist of donors from different sperm banks as then I will have some ready for the chosen clinic and know which ones they work with. Yes, I will keep you updated. Keep us updated as well.

@SingtotheCat I’m glad she has a lot of support from her family and it sounds like friends too!

OP posts:
Original poster
Autumn90 · 22/05/2025 21:35

@AnneMarieW Yes, I live with my parents too and they are supportive. If I do have a boy I have my brother and dad as well. I also have male friends that would definitely make more good role models too. I’m the same and don’t wish to have another partner at all in the future.
Yes, I plan to tell them they are donor conceived from a young age and use a non-anonymous donor too. If they want to find their donor when eighteen it is up to them. I don’t want to make that choice for them. I will support contact in the future between them and their donor. I wouldn’t dream of denying them that right.
I know you aren’t trying to put me off, don’t worry. You are telling me what I need to know and I am grateful.
Thank you xx

OP posts:
TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 23/05/2025 15:25

Going into this having considered so many things is a smart choice, best of luck with welcoming you child!!

ASGIRC · 28/05/2025 14:42

I am a SMBC of a 14 month old DD and its the best thing Ive ever done, only sad I didnt do it earlier!

My dad and stepdad werent exactly on board with the idea to start with, but they are both completely in love with their granddaughter!

I have a village, which is great, but I try not to rely on them too much, as it is my child, and Im the one responsible for her.

I am currently planning baby #2!

I do also have a community of SMBC, which I think is so important, particularly for the kids, growing up, knowing other kids in the same situation. We have monthly playdates regionally, and a national weekend trip.

LastPostISwear · 28/05/2025 14:47

I couldn’t imagine parenting alone; it’s hard enough with two of us! So like others have said, make SURE you have a good support network or can afford child care for hire (A nanny, perhaps.)

Confusedlady0 · 25/10/2025 20:31

Confusedlady0 · 22/05/2025 07:38

Good for you @Autumn90 !
please do keep us updated.
I am also on the path to become a SMBC and am at the donor matching stage of my journey x

Show quote history

Hi @Autumn90,
How are you getting on?
I started my ivf meds - first injection today, I was so nervous to do first injection.
It’s been a rollercoaster to get to this point due a thyroid issue we couldn’t get under control, but finally got here.
First scan 03/11 to monitor how I’m reacting to the meds.
Fingers crossed.
Look forward to hearing how you are getting on
x

IndigoBluey · 26/10/2025 19:37

@Confusedlady0 how are you getting on with your injections? I was nervous too but found them easier as the week went on. Although I find the ovaleap pen tricky depending on the cartridge size, I started mine last week.

Confusedlady0 · 27/10/2025 11:14

IndigoBluey · 26/10/2025 19:37

@Confusedlady0 how are you getting on with your injections? I was nervous too but found them easier as the week went on. Although I find the ovaleap pen tricky depending on the cartridge size, I started mine last week.

Hi,
ok, I don’t like doing them but I do it.
I am on Meriofert - 1 injection a day but from day 5 it’s x2 injections a day, which I am not looking forward to.
tbh I just can’t wait for this part to be over.
hoping it gets easier x

solomuminprogress · 27/10/2025 21:29

Not sure how helpful this is but I’m 22 and recently told my family I’m planning to pursue becoming a SMBC and they all reacted very well and are supportive. I would try telling her seriously how you feel and have properly looked into it etc. and see if her view changes. Having a village will be really helpful when the time comes!

Confusedlady0 · 28/10/2025 09:45

solomuminprogress · 27/10/2025 21:29

Not sure how helpful this is but I’m 22 and recently told my family I’m planning to pursue becoming a SMBC and they all reacted very well and are supportive. I would try telling her seriously how you feel and have properly looked into it etc. and see if her view changes. Having a village will be really helpful when the time comes!

Hope your journey is successful - you definitely have age on your side. I am 40 and it’s much harder.

Agreed re family, I was worried about telling my mum but when we had the discussion she suggested a donor before I got to that part.
She said she hadn’t realised how important it was to me and how it was affecting me.
She has been so supportive and comes to all my appointments.
I did lots of research and had counselling through my clinic and the stork &I.
x

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