#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 11

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread
Thread 9
Thread 8
Thread 7
Thread 6
Here is the link to the one before that: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

We also have a weight loss spin off thread: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2889818-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-weight-loss-spin-off-thread

[TinyPaws]

Oooh keeping everything crossed for you kwik!

I've got a horrible fluey virus, I hope it doesn't delay ovulation this month as waiting for next cycle to start (due late Jan) to start treatment.

[pickle162]

Yayyyyyy Kwick

Hope you feel better soon tiny

[Ttc2017]

Tinypaws what treatment are you having next cycle is it iui or ivf I'm due to start iui with my next cycle due in a week or two so looking for cycle buddy's

[Mandy002]

@kwick fab news...good luck! Hope it works for you this time 🤞🏻

[Bear1980]

Thats great news kwick fingers crossed for you

[ButtonMooooon]

Just checking in, have been reading the thread when I can but I have been sulking a bit patiently waiting as our egg donor cannot start process until end of January and I had hoped to be further on by now

Congrats to the BFP, to the BFN and hello to the newbies

[Mandy002]

Hi all,
Quick question...how much water should I be drinking a day?

[kwick]

@TinyPaws get well soon

@Mandy002 stay hydrated. What phase are you in - if pre-ovulation the best source of fluid is blue milk which is extremely nourishing and will help make you juicy.

[StorkAhoy]

Sorry Ive been away! Stuck under a pebble of nausea and tiredness! Thank you for all your congratulations! I’m 9wks today and the kids are making their presence known in oh so many ways.... and I got a flu jab on Monday so now having to deal with flu like symptoms which is just all kinds of awesome!

Good luck Kwick - this is the one!!!

Everyone else hello!!!!

[Bloodsweattearsandfears]

Hi I am 29 with a 50 year old fiance. We are looking into the possibility of donor iui as he has had a vasectomy and failed reversal and he's also had ssr before and we were told the chances of that being successful again were lower than going for iui with a donor... I'm excited and terrified... Excited for a chikd but terrified if this works heshe won't see fiance as daddy please help x

[TinyPaws]

Thanks pickle and kwik I'm feeling better - still full of cold but energy levels much improved. Stork hope you feel better soon!

Ttc I'm having stimulated IUI, next cycle is due to start 29th Jan but I'm a bit irregular so could be a week or so either side.

Welcome Bloodsweattearsandfears! Have you checked out the Donor Conception Network? They have some great resources that you might find helpful.

[Bloodsweattearsandfears]

Tiny paws, I have had a look at some stuff but need to make an account tonight when I get in I think. So many questions are just whirling about in my head... So much of the stuff I have read about using a donor is negative but then surely if a child is loved and knows it's wanted it will always feel part of a family??

[Bear1980]

Welcome bloodsweattearsandfears you have to be comfortable with your decision and there are lots of resources out there to help. I would recommend taking advantage of the counselling that you will likely be offered by your clinic as the counsellor will help you work through any fears you have. My belief is that your fiancé will be the daddy as it is him that will be there for all the daddy moments. I am sure your future child will have questions but as long as you are open and honest with them the research suggests it shouldn't be an issue. It is love and care that forms a bond between people not biology. Hope everything goes well for you

[pickle162]

@Bloodsweattearsandfears welcome :)

I agree with Bear Your fiancé will be the Daddy regardless of blood and that baby will feel so special that you both chose to have him/her :) the counselling at the donor clinics are usually pretty good too but only you and your fiancé will know what is right for your family

[Mandy002]

Welcome @Bloodsweattearsandfears
@kwick I'm down reg at the moment using buserelin. I'm ok at getting my two 500ml bottles of water in during the day then when I get home it tends to be diet pop and other non water things. So I was a bit worried that I'm not drinking enough. Good luck with your FET how long have you got left before you go?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Welcome, blood!

I don't know anything about your kind of situation and it must be very complicated. But, if it's a tiny bit reassuring, I am mum to a baby who isn't biologically mine at all - she was conceived through donor IUI, just as you plan to. And she couldn't possibly feel more mine. She is nine months and has just started addressing me (imperiously) as 'mama'.

I am pretty sure that parenting is about what you do, not what your DNA is.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Oh, and I meant to say - kwick - yay! Best of luck.

[Bloodsweattearsandfears]

Thank you guys so much... Lrd if you don't mind me asking do u plan on telling your child about your egg donor and if so do you plan on doing this from an early age... My thought so r changing and whirling about day to day... I'm happy sad and all sorts of mixed up x

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Well, my baby will probably figure it out on her own!

I meant that I could relate to your situation because my baby was conceived with donor sperm, so like your husband, I have no biological relationship to her. My partner is her biological mother.

For us I suppose it is easy, in that we couldn't hide the truth if we wanted to. But we have planned to always talk about it. I thought it might feel strange or alienating, but it really doesn't. There is nothing that could make me feel less my baby's mother. I am the person who could get her to sleep as a newborn; I'm the person she snuggles up against when she has a cold and won't settle. There's just no way I wouldn't recognise her as my daughter or she wouldn't know me as her mother.

Talking to friends who have adult children through adoption or IVF or other 'non-biological' means, the story is the same. I really think you mustn't worry. You may want to think a lot about how you will choose to approach the topic, and how you feel about it, but there is no concrete reason why a baby who isn't biologically yours, wouldn't feel like yours.

[kwick]

Welcome @Bloodsweattearsandfears !!!
What the others said - they are much more eloquent than me.

@Mandy002 diet drinks are not good! Swap them for milk!!! You need to be nice and juicy!

I fly out on Sunday, back Tuesday... rain forecast for Monday 😩

[Bloodsweattearsandfears]

Lrd.. Well I walked right into that one didn't I!! sorry about that, I meant no offense and I am so glad things are so going so well and you seem so happy xx thank you kwick and best of luck mandy and others xx

I think as a couple we need to talk about all of this more then wait for a period of time before moving forward with doctors appointments etc... I spent last night dreaming of a faceless child who told me I had stolen half of her family.... xx

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

It's fine! Nothing to take offence about.

That dream sounds horrible! But it's probably just your mind's way of working through all of this. Hopefully it'll all work out nicely.

[StorkAhoy]

Hey blood so someone talked about counselling further up the thread. I honestly would put your thought process on hold until you’ve had said therapy sessions/s as you clearly need to talk this out. It sounds like you’re pulling yourself into knots when you don’t have all the info you need to feel better about the situation.
You also need to consider if anonymity of the donor is important to you, if it is, then you’ll need to look at a clinic abroad.
I’m pregnant with double donor twins. And honestly, I keep forgetting about that. They are my children. I’m not a surrogate, they are mine.

Parenting is more than genetics.

As the saying goes, anyone can be a sperm donor, it takes time and love to be a Father.(same goes for egg donors though that’s certainly harder than sperm donation!)

So deep breath, do more research, look at the donor conception network, read more stories as there are LOADS out there about positive experiences and take time to examine how you feel about this. And talk to your partner. But deffo get some therapy.

Hi all!

[TJLL]

Hi all. I'm still lurking around. I just wanted to add my 2 cents in. Although my situition is a bit different, I agree with the anyone can be a sperm donor saying. I have 2 kids from previous relationships. And now in a same sex relationship. My partner is the best parent I could ask for. She has taken on the girls as her own and loves them dearly. She came into their lives at ages 11 and 6.
A true parent is all about love, care, teaching and nurturing. The rest is just genetics.
This isn't meant to offend anyone. The point is we all want a child that we will love dearly

[Ttc2017]

I totally agree to parentage is not about dna at all its about who raises you who loves you who picks you up when you fall who fights for you who would die for you who will be your best friend but also teach you right from wrong you will love your child beyond all belief and unconditionally and your child will love you the Same. I'm waiting to start iui on next cycle but this one is dragging I'm slowly going insane was hoping af would appear this weekend or next weekend at latest (bit irregular after stopping bc pill) but got positive opk on weds argh so probably another two weeks before I get af and can get started on iui sorry to winge feels like it's taking for ever just to get started! I'm having a donor baby as a single woman and I can't wait :)