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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome! Thread #6

999 replies

kwick · 24/02/2017 13:13

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!  Thread #6
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37
INeedNewShoes · 10/03/2017 11:24

Pickle - £41.50 for a day's nursery is brilliant! My local nursery is £52 per day plus money for lunch.

Like you, I think of my uni days. When I was doing my (unplanned) MA, I had £1600 for the entire year for all expenses apart from my tuition fees and rent. I did it relatively easily and without building up debt. Only thing to bear in mind is that you do need to eat well when you're breastfeeding, so the pasta & marmite might have to wait until baby is weaned Smile

Pez - I've been doing most of my shopping online recently because its easier to see where there are offers available as it tells you very obviously if things are on 3 for 2 etc. Also, if you sign up with a new shop for delivery they tend to have loads of offers of money off the total bill so that could be a good way of doing it. If you haven't shopped with Ocado before they have good introductory offers and they price match Tesco so you know you won't end up paying over the odds.

Karendvm · 10/03/2017 12:10

pez dr was fine. No uti, and I'm feeling better. It might be that I flushed it out with all the water and cranberry juice. But he said that if I am worried at all to bring another sample in, or if it's Sunday to go in to emerg. It was nice to see him, I like my doctor. Hopefully in two weeks I'll be discharged from him the fertility clinic and will be back in to see him.

PhoenixMama · 10/03/2017 12:10

Since I started the money worry (sorry!) I thought I'd update a few things and add on to Shoe's helpful post.

We should all qualify for either some working tax credits www.gov.uk/working-tax-credit/eligibility or child tax credit www.gov.uk/child-tax-credit/overview You won't get both. You also have to be very careful when you start working again as they are NOTORIOUS for overpaying for a year (even after you've told them about your income and they've told you that you still qualify) and then demanding it back.

As soon as you earn over £30 - 34k you lose it (both!) It's a painful hit.

If you rent, depending on your area you will probably qualify for Housing Benefit - this has been the biggest help for me. Mostly because I live in insanely overpriced London but also because as soon as I went over £32K I lost the incredibly helpful tax credits.

Child benefit is about £80 a month. And you can get Council Tax single person reduction too.

Child care is obviously the killer - under £50 a day is amazing. Here in London they regularly hit £90/day for a baby still in nappies. £70/day is the non-nappy rate lol. There are definitely some for less but in most cases you get what you pay for.

The other thing to note (and what I wasn't expecting) is that even if you get your 15 hours a week from age 2 (we didn't get the 30 hours when my daughter was that little but I expect it's the same) most nurseries won't let you use just your 15 hours. You'll usually have to use say 3 full 7 hour days (or equivalent half days) which they'll apply your 15 hours to and then you pay the difference. If you use a council nursery this is usually not the case but was in 99% of the cases of people I know who used nurseries.

I'll be honest I was almost better off on benefits than I was working. I think when I started back in full time work, once I took childcare, commuting and work related bits (clothes etc) into account the "extra" from working was like £165/month.

Another lifesaver is to join/start a babysitting circle where people sit for each other in exchange for babysitting (i.e. I watch yours/you watch mine) Absolutely brilliant for those of us who don't have loads of family near by and would occasionally like to leave the house by ourselves!

You can totally do it. You can never plan for the "right" time to have a baby. When I was married my ExH and I planned everything - bought the forever house, had good jobs, two cars and 3 months into the pregnancy the market crashed and he lost his job and didn't find another for 11 months. Lesson learnt!

INeedNewShoes · 10/03/2017 12:20

Phoenix - you didn't start it, don't worry Smile

If you look back on previous threads, the money worry has reared its ugly head every so often. Its bound to, given the cost of fertility treatment plus managing the cost of bringing a child up (and most of us on here are single so its bound to be a bit of a worry on one salary).

pickle162 · 10/03/2017 12:37

I thought u could get both working tax credit and child tax credit but you can have this OR universal tax credits BUT not both.... confused. Com!
Oh well I'm not going to worry now, I need to get over the first hurdle first :)

pickle162 · 10/03/2017 12:51

AF late again...cd29 and nada-not surprised as LH surge was 4days later than usual,but feeling sightly hopeful as boobs starting to be a bit sore! Come on AF 🙄

Pez82 · 10/03/2017 12:57

There is a new childcare tax credit scheme due to launch in April, which will be available to working parents earning up to 100k (it's been talked about since 2015 but is still to be implemented)

www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/tax-free-childcare-changes-to-help-with-childcare-costs-from-autumn-2015/

I remember looking into this versus childcare vouchers from work and the new scheme was giving more (I think it was about 160-180 credit per month versus 130 for vouchers)

Fingers crossed the government don't ditch their plans!

PhoenixMama · 10/03/2017 13:18

Oooh that could be good Pez especially as its for self employed people as well.

Ok ladies - I need your expertise. As I mentioned I planned to do the turkey baster method with bought ds. Been looking at other threads and now am wondering if I do IUI in Denmark with the ds? Does anyone know of proper stats between IUI and say the natural way, in people who don't have fertility problems? I keep seeing stats but they're based on a user group who have fertility issues whereas I don't necessarily do. (Aside from being single and old lol!)

The cost of IUI & ds is just under the same cost as ds for 2 months. What would you do?

Pez82 · 10/03/2017 13:41

Phœnix, I haven't researched this a lot but I remember that for ICI you need to use 2 straws as opposed to one for IUI and unwashed sperm is not that cheaper than washed one, so by the time you've paid for the DS it is only a few hundreds more to have an IUI done in a clinic.

With IUI the little swimmers only have to travel the last leg of the journey, whereas with ICI the majority don't get through the cervix.
If you want to do it the old fashioned way, you might want to have your CM analysed to ensure it is not hostile (This is apparently one of the main reasons some couples have to rely on IUI to conceive) and also check your tubes are open.

Any stat you will find online includes people with fertility issues, which is why IUI only gives a 10-15% success rate each round. I've searched everywhere to try and find more 'realistic' stats and no success...

But I keep on reading that couples have a 20% chance to conceive naturally every cycle so I would expect ICI success rates to be similar

Pez82 · 10/03/2017 13:43

Pickle, didn't you establish that you ovulated on day 16? In that case your cycle is more likely to be around 30days this month

pickle162 · 10/03/2017 13:43

Personally I would always go to a clinic...if you can get it done for same cost by going abroad I would go for that. Also means u don't have to pay to transport magic potion to uk. You would only ever be able to buy one of a time if do at home as would need to store appropriately so each time would have the transfer cost
U.K. Doesn't allow the use of non anonymous donors so don't know whether that still applies for turkey baster method or just the clinics.
In an ideal world you would just be able to get a vat of ds (that didn't go off, obvs!) and u could just turkey baster daily

I think iui (for people without known fertility troubles)tends to have better results than trying naturally because the timing is monitored so closely and the sperm has to be super sperm to be accepted,start adding in fertility meds/scans/blood tests it goes up a bit more but for iui never really more than 20-33% cos there are still so many factors involved

pickle162 · 10/03/2017 13:47

Poss Day 18 for ovulation (usually LH is cd 14,cycle length 26 days, last month was 28days and cd18).... not a lot I can do. Need to chat with fc on Friday tho to see whether this affects my dates for May or whether pill will sort that

CautionHormone · 10/03/2017 14:59

Hey ladies, just checking in. Don't really have anything to offer to the conversations that are going on because I'm not in the right position to comment correctly, but thought I'd say hi anyway!

Cherry how're you doing?

Karen glad you didn't have a UTI. They're nasty, and so painful. Doesn't explain your pains, though, which can be annoying!

Stork was egg collection today? If so, I hope it went well/goes well!

pickle162 · 10/03/2017 15:28

Well my donor has pulled out 😫 so feking upset! Apparently his girlfriend has changed her mind and isn't ok with her doing it😡
Sperm bank have said they will replace and transfer for free and give me extended profile of new pick for free but I was like what about the £541 I've paid to my clinic for storage and tests etc! She said she'll contact my clinic to discuss! I will be fuming if have to pay that again!!!!
I'm upset cos I liked that donor but totally know that it may not have worked with him anyway so it's not that's, it's that yet again nothing is frigging easy!!!!!
Perhaps it's meant to be and new donor will be fab but SERIOUSLY 😭😡😫😖

CautionHormone · 10/03/2017 16:16

Oh Pickle Sad I'm so sorry honey. That's so rubbish! You had your heart set on him and it's not fair at all, but like you said, perhaps it wasn't meant to be?! Try and keep that attitude to stop yourself going doolally... Hopefully you don't have to pay storage & test costs again because that'd be so wrong! Contest it if you do! 😘

pickle162 · 10/03/2017 16:42

Thanks caution x

PhoenixMama · 10/03/2017 17:04

Oh Pickle that seriously sucks. Surely they should have had that conversation ages ago???

Fingers crossed you don't have to pay storage that would seriously not be fair.

I'm not usually like this but I've had a weird two weeks and I'm really feeling the whole "things happen for a reason " thing.

Pez82 · 10/03/2017 17:09

Oh pickle, I'm so sorry, this is really annoying. I'm sure they'll find you another one very soon though and as you say every cloud... but yes make sure they get compensation for everything. I guess there won't be any additional cost for storage anyway as they'll just get rid of Harry's magic potion and replace it with the new one.

And they don't have anyone else and you need to turn to another bank make sure they refund you the full amount!

Pez82 · 10/03/2017 17:10

Stork, how did it go? I hope that by now you're sat on your sofa with your feet up 😊

StorkAhoy · 10/03/2017 17:26

Hi guys. So yes today was egg collection. It's was different to last years. First of all, Even though it was conscious sedation which last time knocked me out, I was awake throughout the entire procedure and unfortunately could feel every time the needle went in to retrieve an egg! I didn't love that.

We got 8 mature eggs from the 20 follicles, I'll be called tomorrow to see how the fertilisation has gone. Fingers crossed!

I've had a sleep, am dosed on cocodamol and have a hot water bottle attached to my abdomen! Very achey.

I've ordered pizza in a spectacular falling off the wagon event as the thought of standing upright to make dinner is making me feel sick!

Re money, eugh, just eugh, it's on my mind all the time....

Pez82 · 10/03/2017 17:32

Ouch Stork! Pizza sounds good ☺️
Fingers crossed your eggs are all getting fertilised as we write 🤞

I'm definitely going to ask to work from home when it's my turn! (I have the feeling this IUI hasn't worked)

witchmountain · 10/03/2017 17:37

Jesus Stork that's sounds horrific! Mine was sedation both times but like your first time I was basically knocked out - not aware of or able to remember anything. Did they say why it was different this time?

Glad you're out the other side. This pizza definitely doesn't count! Hope you feel better soon, hug that hot water bottle close Brew

Eight eggs is good going. Fingers crossed for fertilisation.

StorkAhoy · 10/03/2017 17:39

pez I'm sorry you think it hasn't worked, when do you officially find out with OTD?

Egg collection takes up to 6hours end to end, depending on how you recover from the sedation, can take as little as 3.5hrs. But yeah all I want to do is sleep afterwards.

Before and after I listened to a guided meditation from chasing rainbows fertility, and it was lovely, I was totes in the zone.

And my mum was great, as always. Sometimes we must remember we can't do it all solo.

Pixie86 · 10/03/2017 17:44

Me and my partner of 4 years (female same sex relationship) really want to have a baby through insemination using a donor, anybody with experience or tips need your advice on how to go about it

INeedNewShoes · 10/03/2017 17:50

Phoenix - when I looked into this, I found that the cost of just DS was the same as IUI with DS in Denmark including the price of Easyjet flights.

For home insemination you have to buy the higher motility sperm because you can't insert it through your cervix like the clinic would and I found that by the time you'd paid for the two straws of higher motility sperm plus reservation/shipping fees the cost came out very very similar to IUI with one straw of lower motility.

I did a bit of reading when I made the decision on how to go about things and although I don't think there are any studies comparing outcomes, IUI clearly had a higher success rate from what I'd read (bypassing the need for the sperm to find their own way through the cervix increases success rates for obvious reasons but also because the antibodies in our bodies that might attack the sperm as a foreign object only exist outside the cervix and with IUI the sperm get to bypass that).

Aside from that, I'd much rather an expert made sure the sperm was washed and defrosted properly and checked the sample and then inserted it rather than me having responsibility for getting things right!

There are no stats that I'm aware of that cover IUI success rates for people without fertility issues. My Denmark clinic's success rate is listed at around 20% for women my age I think but they said to me that they generally find that healthy women with no known issues they'd expect to be pregnant within three cycles.

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