IVF for a girl

[Squirrelscanswim]

A few questions ...

I want a girl SO much and being totally honest with myself I think this is so much my preference that I would worry about bonding with a boy.

So, has anyone had IVF for a girl? I know it's not done in this country - America?

Squirrel thank you, I have two DD's so I'm very lucky. I hope the IVF goes well, I know plenty people who have had a gender preference.

Irrational wants and thoughts are just that irrational, I wish you all the best with it.

Girls have no less need for men in their lives worthy of being looked up to and respected, subsequently setting the bar high for relationships with men, in adulthood, so I don't agree that lack of good male role models is a good reason to select a girl over a boy.

OP, you have a preconceived idea of what you would be like as a mother to a girl. What if you, or your daughter, do not live up to those preconceptions? You cannot give a baby back. Motherhood changes you completely, and unconditional love for a DD or DS is the most important thing.

I don't think i do, particularly, mum - I don't think 'girls do X and boys do Y', at all.

I think if you have very fixed ideas about anything that you want your child to be you very likely are not ready to be a parent TBH. I mean it might change when the DC is there and this feeling might only be there because you aren't a parent right now and therefore haven't had experience but it really is not a good attitude to parenting - which is really about what you have to give a child and not about what you can get from a child.

So are you saying that you have access to tens of thousands of pounds or not?
Because if you don't you didn't need to ask the question did you?

I have access to it, although whether I will use it, is another matter.

Do you know how much it will cost. Including maternity leave etc?
Surely that would be your starting point?
How much money you would need to ensure you have a girl.

I do, thanks. As I've said I've researched fairly thoroughly the options in this country.

Re costs for gender selection - that's obviously an additional cost. Google indicates this may be around £7,500

Any reason you are not interested in therapy OP?

It does seem like that would be a more sensible investment into yourself than spending money on gender selected IVF which could end up giving you more problems than you started with...

Well,as I've said, I have already had therapy and didn't find it helpful.

But a lot depends on the type of therapy and the particular therapist.

I've had really varying success with a lot of the therapy I have had but finding a style and a therapist you progress with can be extremely valuable IME.

Because you must be aware of the reasons why this kind of thing is not legal here and that surely must give you an understanding of why it wouldn't be advisable to do it?

It's a difference of opinion. Termination isn't legal in some parts of the UK but it doesn't mean that it isn't advisable. I've tried three different counsellors, and I just don't think it's hugely effective - for me, anyway. I'm sure it is for some people.

So you just don't think it is a wrong thing to do? And you don't agree with any of the beliefs people have about why it is a bad idea?

Just not sure what you are having a thread about then because given it is generally illegal and associated with some really undesirable stuff I don't think you will find anyone who has done it really.

Termination is different because the reasons for abortion bans are down to the strength of the influence of religion on law in those countries and that is usually considered a bad thing. Gender selection is banned because of the quantifiable, measurable negative effects on the parents, children and society.

(And no, that doesn't change your feelings but it does kind of indicate that the best thing would be to work on your feelings rather than act on them IMO)

I don't think it is intrinsically wrong. I think there are situations where it would be a misguided thing to do, but this could apply to any number of things.

I was having a thread about it, because i wanted information and I've got information. With a mild flaming :) but that's fair enough and to be expected.

You must understand though that often in life there are objective rational reasons why something is considered wrong and that when an individual doesn't feel that thing is wrong they are out of step with society.

IMO this is a thing like that where someone's subjective feelings are out of step with objective reality. Acting on the feelings would therefore not solve the real problem.

But ultimately it is, of course, your choice if you are able to find a way to do it.

I agree with PickAChew - girls need male role models and influences in their lives just as much as boys do. It concerns me that you don't seem to think of men as necessary to you or your hypothetical daughter.

Something that my friends who have become single parents through adoption/IVF have put significant thought into is whether they have a big enough support network of other adults of various ages and both sexes, who will be around for their future child, as encouraging loving relationships with other adults is so important. Do you have men and women who are relatives or friends who will be around for your hypothetical child?

The fact that sex selection is illegal in most countries really should give you pause for thought here.

Offred, I don't personally see anything wrong, either with ivf or with gender selection. I am aware some may have disquiet about it but I don't. Generally speaking I feel people can make choices about their lives and families. I agree it can be problematic insofar as having a fixed idea of what each sex might be like, but I don't.

What I therefore have to decide is really - is it (financially) worth the hit?

I'm sure there are reasons, linked to losing my own mum, to being rejected by my dad (and by men generally but looking like the back end of a bus does bring these problems with it!) and perhaps even an association with little boys equating to unkind bullies. But identifying those reasons doesn't change my gut feeling, which is, I am desperate for a girl.

The relevant thing is really what the child may think and feel about sex selection. How you feel about it is really secondary to that and you can't really know that or be sure they will never know they were a sex selected child.

That's true of ivf in a wider sense, though and single parenthood.

Oh so you've googled it, well researched then 🤔

Yes, it is true of a lot of things but there are a huge number of children of single parents and children conceived through IVF.

There is close to zero chance a child who has been sex selected would ever be able to get any kind of peer support or real understanding from society.

How would you feel if it ended up fucking up their whole life? They self harmed, became addicted or committed suicide as a result of your decision?