IVF for a girl

[Squirrelscanswim]

A few questions ...

I want a girl SO much and being totally honest with myself I think this is so much my preference that I would worry about bonding with a boy.

So, has anyone had IVF for a girl? I know it's not done in this country - America?

I would love to WannaBe but I don't think many countries actually allow this. I wish I could adopt, though.

Ok Astoria

Also, people will judge and rightly so. In some cultures boys are preferred to the point that pregnancies are terminated because they are girls, baby girls are randomly abandoned or dumped in orphanages and in some instances even killed for being girls. And this is why these types of clinics exist, to feed the demand for (mostly) boys. And if you go to one of them then you will be branded one of those types.

God there is so much pressure on this yet unconceived girl that I feel sorry for her already.
A girl won't fix the hole in your life op, and it's obvious there is one. It's cruel to bring a child into the world to provide a service to you. You either want to be a mother or you don't. If you can 'only' be the mother to a girl then you're not ready to be a parent at all.

It's not that Bloggy

Well, you only need one country which allows adoption by westerners. I believe China does.

And there are plenty of MN'ers who have adopted from abroad for a multitude of reasons.

Have you thought about how you'll feel if your baby grows up to have something like non verbal, low functioning autism, or to have cerebral palsy, in fact any disabling or life limiting condition which can't be diagnosed prenatally? You sound like you want a fairy tale princess.

Why not just adopt in the uk then?

I don't, Snobby, and there's undoubtedly some valid points

I find your comment about feeling a relationship with a son would be unhealthily intense to be a bit strange. How do you mean?

I don't think you're ready to be a parent.

Art I suppose it's a few practical considerations - sharing a small space, travelling back and forth from the bathroom and so on - and emotional ones, which are difficult to explain. Of course, some are the same with mums and daughters but I think society accepts mums and daughters being friends more than mums and sons - same is true of same sex siblings I think. For instance, going on a holiday abroad with your mum or sister wouldn't raise an eyebrow but you don't hear of it as much with a dad and daughter or brother and sister. Not sure if that makes sense!

Sounds like you'd be better getting some more female friends. A daughter is a daughter - not a friend or holiday companion

Mothers and sons often have an incredibly close bond. My DS' wanted to hold my hand and call me Mummy (rather than Mum) for much longer than my DD. As PPs have said, you could get a tomboy girl anyway!

Absolutely. I was just trying to answer an earlier point. The truth is, as I have said, I wish I did not feel such a strong preference for having a girl that it's manifesting itself in worry over potentially having a boy, but I am, and trying to work out a way round this.

Yes but that's not really what I'm concerned with mum

I think you need to get off this board. Some of us are struggling to conceive even one child (and so are forced into using donor conception). You are cheapening our entire experience. This thread is so insensitive.

My husband and his sister meet for coffee alone, go to the cinema together, speak in the phone for ages and have been to festivals together. These things aren't sec specific in the way that you seem to think they are. You have a really odd attitude to this.

But what about parents who split when their sons are already there? I have a fourteen year old DS and me and his dad split when he was ten. Should I have given him up then because of your perceived unhealthy dynamic between mothers and sons? I think not.

Think about what you're saying here for a minute. You could have a baby within the confines of a relationship and you could still end up raising a boy on your own. Your partner could die or leave you for someone else, the possibilities are endless.

That's not really what I'm saying though Wanna, is it? It's a different set of circumstances to actually planning a child with NO father. Even a dead parent exists - I know that probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it is the case.

Astoria I'm sorry you feel like that and I genuinely wish you all the best. That being said, the fact you dislike my feelings, doesn't mean I don't still feel them. And that's true of every post. You might all be quite right and my feelings are nonsense: they are, but I still have them.

Well what are you saying then?

But all these issues you are feeling about preventing you from having a relationship with a boy are generally issues which don't become apparent until that boy is much older.

And the reality here is that you say you've been thinking about having a baby for six years, but you don't actually know anything about te processes, the countries that offer the treatments etc, so you clearly haven't been thinking about it that hard nor are you that desperate for a baby.

To the extent that in most countries you have probably passed the point where you would be able to use your own eggs anyway and the process would cost signifficantly more for donor sperm/eggs/embrio's and that's before we get to pandering for your wim to have a girl.

It doesn't matter hugely what I am saying, other than these are my feelings and I am sure I have them for a reason and I'm sure they are stupid, but that knowledge doesn't mean I don't feel them.

Wanna I know plenty about the process in the UK, thanks. But I don't know about sex selection. I had a vague idea it was legal in America but unsure on elsewhere.