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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

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Original poster

IVF for a girl

231 replies

Squirrelscanswim · 30/01/2017 15:50

A few questions ...

I want a girl SO much and being totally honest with myself I think this is so much my preference that I would worry about bonding with a boy.

So, has anyone had IVF for a girl? I know it's not done in this country - America?

OP posts:

Iamastonished · 30/01/2017 17:36

I am reading this thread with disbelief. There is clearly something very, very wrong.

WannaBe · 30/01/2017 17:37

The reality here is that your thought process is nothing but a fantacy. A little fairy story where you imagine your pretty little girl and the wonderful relationship you're going to have with her.

Parenthood isn't like that. Yes it's wonderful for all sorts of reasons, but it can also be relentless. You could have a girl who screams from six until eleven every night with colic, who wakes up on the hour every hour to be fed/cuddled/sang to, who grows into a stroppy tantruming two year old and who becomes the class bully aged five. And of course you could have a boy who does/is all of these things as well, but you have some kind of illusion in your head as to what having a girl is going to be like. Well you need to wake up and get real, because it's nothing like you'd imagine.

Original poster

Squirrelscanswim · 30/01/2017 17:39

Except it isn't as you think it is, Wanna.

Unless I used donor eggs I doubt she'd be pretty anyway

OP posts:

DearMrDilkington · 30/01/2017 17:40

You really don't sound well.

PaintingOwls · 30/01/2017 17:40

With IVF you're more likely to get a boy, so seriously consider what you would do with the embryos if the first, second etc rounds were boys. Would you freeze and keep in case you want to give your daughter a brother, or use as back up in case you have awful luck and don't produce any female embryos or none of them stick?

Could I also ask a sensitive question about your background, as in cultural, ethnic? Your attitude makes me wonder what kind of environment you yourself were brought up in.

WannaBe · 30/01/2017 17:40

And you have your feelings, but the only answer to that is that you need to get over them. And if you can't, then find a good therapist to help you get over them. People have counselling as part of the IVF process for very good reasons.

But as much as your feelings are real to you, they're not reasonable, so you need to come to terms with the fact that you're not going to be having a girl. If you have IVF then it might happen but it might not. And either you accept that or you don't have a baby. It is that simple.

Original poster

Squirrelscanswim · 30/01/2017 17:43

Painting my background includes early loss of a mother and I do suspect this contributes in part to my keenness to have a girl. I also did suffer quite sustained bullying in school from boys and this has not impacted on me other than to make me feel in my youth that I was unattractive so I never had boyfriends, not sure if that's relevant though.

Re ivf - I just honestly can't answer that. As i said all this is VERY hypothetical.

OP posts:

TheFirstMrsDV · 30/01/2017 17:44

This isn't going to happen is it?
As a pp pointed out you no next to nothing about the processes despite wanting a baby for 6 years.
You live in a small flat but are talking about getting treatment that would cost many thousands of dollars in countries that would cost you £££££ to stay in whilst you had that treatment.

What do you mean about the bathroom?

ProfessorBranestawm · 30/01/2017 17:47

To be honest most people who go through ivf are so fucking grateful to be pregnant that the sex is the least of their concerns.

That.

Original poster

Squirrelscanswim · 30/01/2017 17:48

It probably won't MrsDV but that in itself isn't a reason not to ask a question, is it?

By the way, small flats don't necessarily mean no access to any money at all, as I'm sure you know.

What I mean about the bathroom, and I agree I phrased it badly, is that in a small home you don't have a lot of personal space

OP posts:

PaintingOwls · 30/01/2017 17:51

Well you need to think about things like that ahead of time whilst you have a (relatively) clear head.

I do think the bullying is significant. You are afraid of your little boy turning into one of those nasty teenage lads you had to endure at school. Only then you could escape them by going home. Your son would be with you all the time.

Does any of that resonate?

Original poster

Squirrelscanswim · 30/01/2017 17:52

Not exactly but it's possible it's subliminal in some way, I think.

OP posts:

GizmoFrisby · 30/01/2017 17:59

I've got a boy and a girl. And to be honest I've a stronger bond with my boy. First born. Love them both the same but it's different. People want girls to dress them in stupid dresses and ribbons in their hair. IDIOTS.

Original poster

Squirrelscanswim · 30/01/2017 18:00

Some do. I don't.

OP posts:

WannaBe · 30/01/2017 18:00

Well, fwiw my teenage son and his mates were picked on by a group of girls on the bus this afternoon, so bullying certainly isn't reserved just for boys....

And yes, a tiny flat isn't ideal and is something you'd need to think about before you even think about the possibility of IVF. Because there will come a time when even a girl will want her privacy, even from you.

PurpleDaisies · 30/01/2017 18:01

That being said, the fact you dislike my feelings, doesn't mean I don't still feel them. And that's true of every post. You might all be quite right and my feelings are nonsense: they are, but I still have them.

It's ok to have those feelings. It's not ok to act on them. There's a reason IVF for sex selection is illegal in so many countries.

strawberrypenguin · 30/01/2017 18:01

You don't sound ready to be a parent in all honesty. Leaving aside the gender issue for a moment - Yes my kids can be great company but they also need parenting. Your children are not there to be your best friend or confidant they are your child.

Get yourself a (well researched) pet if you want company don't expect a child to fill that role for you.

I've been quite outspoken on here before about MN's gender bias towards female children so I won't go into that again - others have already said it for me anyway

Original poster

Squirrelscanswim · 30/01/2017 18:03

There's a difference between pets and children. In any case I have pets, thanks.

Having a child is not about company.

Indeed, a tiny flat isn't ideal hopefully ok in the first instance.

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/01/2017 18:07

But some feelings are not actually ok. I often find myself wanting to push over slow walkers who are in front of me. That's obviously not ok for a variety of reasons so I don't actually act on said feelings.

Obsessively desiring a female child is along similar lines.

Original poster

Squirrelscanswim · 30/01/2017 18:09

Possibly but then if I had 'normal' IVF and it happened to result in a girl, it would in a sense be similar.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 30/01/2017 18:11

Possibly but then if I had 'normal' IVF and it happened to result in a girl, it would in a sense be similar.

What do you mean by this? I can't figure who you're talking to.

Cottonheadedninnnymuggins · 30/01/2017 18:12

OP, If you feel unable to love a child unconditionally regardless of its sex, then you are not ready to be a mother.

Original poster

Squirrelscanswim · 30/01/2017 18:14

I don't think that's quite what I said, Cotton, but in any case, I think in different circumstances I'd already be a mother, without being ready to be one. Is anyone.

Purple what I mean is, if having one type of IVF to get a girl is intrinsically wrong, because of whatever reason, then is IVF that just so happens to result in a girl also wrong.

OP posts:

UnbornMortificado · 30/01/2017 18:15

Wanting a certain gender isn't exactly uncommon on here or in real life.

I'm PG I'm hoping with a girl. Not because of preference, it's because I have two living girls and I have lost two sons.

I know there is no medical explanation for losing one gender only but it doesn't stop me worrying. Knowing it's an irrational fear doesn't really help.

I'm already having therapy

Original poster

Squirrelscanswim · 30/01/2017 18:20

I am so sorry to hear about your losses, Unborn

OP posts:

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