Divource-A male perspective

[Jarvmj]

Hi ladies,
I, think thats a safe soubriquet , i am your hated male, but please here me out, I have come to the prainfull decission that after more than 50 years i must close the door on my life with the woman i love, but no longer like, and i know she feels the same , l
Havnt shared any of this with freinds or my children,and to talk to numerous people who i will never meet seems sort of liberating.
Why are we here? So from my perspective.
I have never been unfaithfull, mentaly or phsically abusive to my wife.
This is the problem, i had a workplace relationship with my boss, she was 30, i was 69 at the time, she turned out to be my best friend, we just "clicked",same sense of humour, same work ethic, she looked to me as her "work dad" and we talked about family things, bills, house improvements, the little one's school ( bullying for a while) she was happily married, with a daughter, in fact it was at times boring to how great her husband was.
There was no sexuel attraction on either side, we were really good friends. She was a toucy feely sort of person, and would tell people at work ( about 17 people) "luv u" (except one mechanic, she didnt like) and give them a hug
Sorry for such a long post but if youve got this far. TA DA the problem started 2.5 years ago from a stupid whatsapp message, to say she wouldnt be to work because her daught was in hospital, i sent back ok dont worry its ok, return messagse,
Thanks luv u, i sent give (childs name) a hug luv u.
My wife subsequently broke into my phone and picked up out of all messages sent between us 95% work related, the two single occaissions where luv, NOT LOVE, was mentioned, I dont understand how a wife of 50 years could suspect that a woman of 30 could be sexually attracted to a man 68 at the time. I subsequently found out she sent really horrendous, and abusive messages, from my account to her.
I had to face this poor woman the following day, and do you know what she did, she'd obviously been crying, even at 8.00 am, and gave me a hug, and said "its ok" . I resigned from a job i loved, to make peace to noavail, she moved away, for another job. And after all this time, between periods of silence this still rears its ugly head.
I expect neither castigation, nor condolance,at least not here.However if that comes so be it, but to those who cast those stones, do not transfer your bad experience of men to all, we're not all bad.
I make this post, not to gender any sort of justification for my decision, it is made.
But what i would say to all you Ladies is, it takes 2 to fall in love50/50, it takes 2 to make a baby 50/50, one cock up 90/10 does he deserve another go? If he was abusive in any way........... any way, kick him in to the long grass.
Sorry this has gone on so long, hav'nt been able to express this to anyone, quite cathartic, because i will never know who reads this and my anonimity to some extent is safe
Live your life as you would wish, and never regret what has passed.
Regards Mike

Didnt she call you 'work dad'?

and you think its sexual?

I have never been unfaithfull, mentaly or phsically abusive to my wife.

If you think those are the only reasons a relationship/marriage is "allowed" to end then I can fully understand why your wife has ended it tbh.

I make this post, not to gender any sort of justification for my decision, it is made.
I'm a bit lost, what did you decide?

Thanks Mike, after reading your inspiring story I will indeed live my life however I wish. I’m off to text “luv u” to all my male colleagues.

I don’t hate men. I’ve been very happily married to my DH for nearly 30 years.

What are you looking for here?

You set your own house on fire.

For nothing.
For vanity, because you enjoyed attention from a woman who no doubt thinks of you as an old man.

You broke your wife’s trust. No one to blame but yourself.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is. To make sure all us women know that marriage and its success or failure are not always the man’s fault? You haven’t been here long if you haven’t seen the plenty of occasions when women are called out for their behaviour in a marriage. We’re not universal female apologists.

Your writing style is fascinating (derogatory).

No. He said there was no attraction on either side. It was just friends. But as the 30 year old calls everyone Luv and is that sort of over familiar sort with everyone, she signed off a message about not coming it with luv

the wife saw it and went on the rampage.

OP you sound like your marriage is pretty awful.

The writing style is pompous and off putting.

I presume he doesn’t speak like that in real life, because otherwise his wife must have the patience of a saint.

I dont understand how a wife of 50 years could suspect that a woman of 30 could be sexually attracted to a man 68 at the time

How on earth did you manage to miss this?

shockmethen given the OP do you really genuinely feel that this man is an entirely reliable narrator?

You think his wife of fifty years randomly broke into his phone for no reason at all?

You think they were blissfully happy for fifty years and his wife “went on the rampage” because of a causal friendly message?

I wonder how Mrs Jarvmj would tell her side of this story.

From reading your post all three of you are idiots. Hope she doesn’t rinse you too hard financially mate.

ha, good point. wife of 50 years to a man who is 69 is not no longer jealous...or worried of 30 y olds at work...
maybe he bleached his hair (if still has some)

OMG what have I just read?
🤣

Well done, I couldn't get past the first 6 spelling errors before I doubted this man is over 12...
Think I discovered it was a pity party from the responses.

The OP is in a vulnerable place getting divorced after a fifty-year relationship. Can we please be nicer to him, everyone? Many of the posts are sneering. Be mindful that there’s a real person on the other end who might be struggling with their mental health.

OP, I am really sorry that your wife doesn’t want to work things out. Maybe she will change her mind.

yes, she is very attracted to him 😂
men, geez...
waitress is interested, cashier is interested...
any girl that smiled in his direction...

The OP directed his post to women he thinks are “man hating” and “transfer our bad experience on to all men” nothing about the tone of his post is “nice”. He sneered at us first.

The purpose of his post is unclear. He hasn’t asked for advice or support. He specifically said he didn’t expect to receive support from Mumsnet.

From his post I’d suggest he has one of two aims:

Either:

“Expose” us all as men hating evil bitches

or

Get a bunch of women to say mean things about his wife.

Sixty-nine year old men aren’t generally users of Mumsnet, but we have quite a lot of female sixty something posters. I wonder if his wife is an MNer and he’s hoping she’ll see his post.

Alternatively perhaps he’s hoping to get the attention of his 30yo friend who is probably horrified her text led to this.

the 30 y old - attracted to him... this generation...
' i was talking to a girl, but some guy took her away' - she was probably looking for him to 'rescue' her
'no, no - she was interested!, I could tell!'
'i explained many times - she smiles and answers because she is polite or scared that she might upset you ...
ive seen it some many times
ive been there...
while she looks around for an excuse and her male friends look at the 50 something guy as a creep...
but no, she answered - she was interested

the wife is probably amused by his ego

Okey dokey.. Have You got a question or something you want to establish from this?

Edited to add, although there are lots of women in MN who have had awful relationships, and are (understandably) burned by them, there are certainly others who don't have any baggage or any wildly interesting views on men as a whole.

"i am your hated male"

It's more the SPAG and the attitude than the sex TBH.

Thank you for sharing this male perspective on divorce. At last I can understand both males and divorce.

Gosh I was so tired of reading female perspectives on staying married… 🤭

Michael darling

Put aside all the Luv for a minute.

Your wife doesn't want you because there's nothing more cringe worthy than an old man revelling in what he perceives to be female attention from a woman young enough to be his granddaughter. Google "one sided emotional affair ' or "inappropriate workplace behaviour ".

You paint yourself as the poor innocent, but your wife is lucky to be free of the tired old misogynistic trope that she just doesn't understand you.

My DD worked behind a bar from 18-22, and she regularly had deluded perverts in their 60s hitting on her, making inappropriate remarks or asking her out. Many of them would react angrily when she refused and pointed out that they were old enough to be her grandfather, as though they were such a prize that it shouldn’t put off an attractive 19 year old.

If my DH told another woman that he loved her, it would be crossing a line for me, even if it did spell it “luv u”. It’s the same thing. I would never in a million years disrespect my DH by saying it to another man.

I think it is amazing that so many older men have this platonic emotional connection with young women that involves spending time with them, texting them, going out for drinks with them and listening to them. Funnily enough, they never seem to have it with women their own age or other men. With older women, or other men the interaction generally involves a quick chat at the coffee machine usually about work and no exchange of numbers or hours of sympathetic listening.

I assume you fancied her or liked the attention from a younger woman or you wouldn't bother. That is why your wife didn't like it.