Divource-A male perspective

[Jarvmj]

Hi ladies,
I, think thats a safe soubriquet , i am your hated male, but please here me out, I have come to the prainfull decission that after more than 50 years i must close the door on my life with the woman i love, but no longer like, and i know she feels the same , l
Havnt shared any of this with freinds or my children,and to talk to numerous people who i will never meet seems sort of liberating.
Why are we here? So from my perspective.
I have never been unfaithfull, mentaly or phsically abusive to my wife.
This is the problem, i had a workplace relationship with my boss, she was 30, i was 69 at the time, she turned out to be my best friend, we just "clicked",same sense of humour, same work ethic, she looked to me as her "work dad" and we talked about family things, bills, house improvements, the little one's school ( bullying for a while) she was happily married, with a daughter, in fact it was at times boring to how great her husband was.
There was no sexuel attraction on either side, we were really good friends. She was a toucy feely sort of person, and would tell people at work ( about 17 people) "luv u" (except one mechanic, she didnt like) and give them a hug
Sorry for such a long post but if youve got this far. TA DA the problem started 2.5 years ago from a stupid whatsapp message, to say she wouldnt be to work because her daught was in hospital, i sent back ok dont worry its ok, return messagse,
Thanks luv u, i sent give (childs name) a hug luv u.
My wife subsequently broke into my phone and picked up out of all messages sent between us 95% work related, the two single occaissions where luv, NOT LOVE, was mentioned, I dont understand how a wife of 50 years could suspect that a woman of 30 could be sexually attracted to a man 68 at the time. I subsequently found out she sent really horrendous, and abusive messages, from my account to her.
I had to face this poor woman the following day, and do you know what she did, she'd obviously been crying, even at 8.00 am, and gave me a hug, and said "its ok" . I resigned from a job i loved, to make peace to noavail, she moved away, for another job. And after all this time, between periods of silence this still rears its ugly head.
I expect neither castigation, nor condolance,at least not here.However if that comes so be it, but to those who cast those stones, do not transfer your bad experience of men to all, we're not all bad.
I make this post, not to gender any sort of justification for my decision, it is made.
But what i would say to all you Ladies is, it takes 2 to fall in love50/50, it takes 2 to make a baby 50/50, one cock up 90/10 does he deserve another go? If he was abusive in any way........... any way, kick him in to the long grass.
Sorry this has gone on so long, hav'nt been able to express this to anyone, quite cathartic, because i will never know who reads this and my anonimity to some extent is safe
Live your life as you would wish, and never regret what has passed.
Regards Mike

I hope she does.

“Luv you”
🙄 no fool like an old fool.

The op is asking us to see it from his POV. I do. He thinks there was nothing in it, being friends and a confidant to a woman half his age.

He doesn’t see it from his wife’s POV. It’s disgusting, it’s betrayal, and it’s humiliating for her. No, you didn’t get down and dirty with your colleague, but this is what you don’t understand. A woman’s connection with a man is not always physical. For many of us, spending time with another woman, being her support and emotional sounding board, whilst we are washing your undies and taken for granted, is far worse than letting her touch your knob.

I’m sure loads of women would be thrilled to see their husband messaging a colleague saying ‘luv you’ where’s your accountability in this or your understanding as to why you wife may have felt and reacted how she did? ‘I had to face this poor woman’ how about your poor wife.

Mike the rage baiter.

Oh come on, you lurrved the attention from her. You got caught and are now at risk of turning into a bitter old man with no wife to wash his undies in old age.

I don't think many husbands would be pleased if their wives were texing 'luv u' to male colleagues, so I don't think this is particularly a male/ female issue.

Mike, I'm about your age and newly single because my husband left me a year ago.

Shall we get together?

Luv you. Sent from my iPhone.

Well you’re living up to that aren’t you? The normal response to someone saying some women hate men (and some do) isn’t to go act like you hate men as some sort of juvenile ooo let’s sarcastically prove him right..

Well said.

I dont understand how a wife of 50 years could suspect that a woman of 30 could be sexually attracted to a man 68 at the time.

You called "this woman of 30" your best friend, messaged her with a "Luv U" and have been having hugs with her.

Personally I don't understand how a husband of 50 years would think his wife would be okay with that.

I think the decision to divorce is the right one Mike.
Your wife doesn’t trust you and has made a minor exchange with a colleague into an emotional affair.
There is no point continuing the marriage.
You know you didn’t do anything wrong. Your wife will never believe you.
It is over and I know that feels really awful and sad for you both.

Let her go with grace, don't spoil the rest of your life being bitter. You can't force her to stay, you've had 50 years together and that's an achievement in itself.

You need some marriage counselling. Individually and together. Do you really want to throw a way a long term marriage? Think hard.
if she will not agree then you need to tell her then if she will not then you will leave and be prepared to go through with it.

trouble with text messages is that they are taken out of context, mind you as nice as you think the girl is, it’s a bit juvenile to go around saying luv you to your work colleagues , no matter how well you are getting on.

your wife is hurt. She may be over reacting but she it’s understandable. Acknowledging her pain and sense of betrayal by a man she thought she knew might go a long way in calming things down.

My thoughts exactly

she was 30, i was 69 at the time, she turned out to be my best friend, we just "clicked"
No fool like an old fool

I’d really like you to provide quotations from my posts on this thread which show “men hating”.

While you are at it, proof of “juvenile behaviour” would be great too.

I think the comments on here are very un fair, my grandad is a very flirty person and he loves my nan and my nan the people here are from very different eras. I can understand why your wife might be a bit miffed about it but I don’t think it should be a grudge she holds against you

Mike’s not coming back, is he?

I’d have divorced you just for your spelling tbh and the fact you think it’s a glowing recommendation that you didn’t cheat on or hit your wife.

You sent your boss texts saying you loved her. My husband would never disrespect me like that.

Wife of 50 years who is also apparently in her 50s.

That’s not your call to make, it’s the wife’s. She’s said it’s unacceptable - it’s her marriage so it’s her choice.

Why do old men always make friends with young women. Its never me and Bob from accounting really clicked. Or me and 70 year old Barbra the lunch lady have become besties.

I’m severely dyslexic so I do apologise, he hasn’t beat her so I don’t get where that’s coming from? That’s what some girls do there friendly so I don’t understand what the problem it the wife is clearly sensitive and I do think she has read a situation completely the wrong way

And he can’t spell.

Did you genuinely not see that your work colleague was an emotional leech, flirting with and cosying up to men in which she has no actual interest in for attention and for validation that she’s indeed the most glamorous and sexy young thing in the office.

Women like that destroy marriages and they take pleasure in doing so.

You fool.

They never do.

#teamwife

Nope, well gone.