Mid-life crisis or Separating

Onelostsockagain · 2026-08-23T17:41:00+00:00

My DH and I have been married for 20 years. We’ve been having problems. He want to have a break from…everything. He wants to go travelling through Europe. Never had a chance as we got married young, had a good life for a long time, then work and kids etc. He wants to go away and I do actually support him. I think he should go, evaluate life, and hopefully it helps him decide what’s important and whether it’s me. Anyone else been in a situation like this? Mid life crisis? Will he come back? Should I support or lay some ground rules? He has said he’ll come back to me if I’ll have him back! What do you think?

SaraHoliday · 23/08/2026 19:12

I don't think many wives would accept their Husband to go off travelling solo for a year.....

You say the marriage has been having problems and he wants to have a break? Are you able to say what the problems are?

kfl · 23/08/2026 19:13

Let him go and don't take him back. Selfish prick.

Veraandacupoftea · 23/08/2026 19:31

I think things like this are more common than we realise.

a few months ago my husband was also feeling- I don’t know, restless ? (We have been together since 16 and married 20 years with two older teen children)

he spent a few weeks at his mums house (awful time for me ) and we then went on a previously planned holiday just us - we had a fantastic time and it did give us a chance to reconnect.

he’s been back home as normal for two months now. I won’t say it hasn’t made me a bit wary of him and what I thought was a very secure relationship, but I can sort of understand him needing a break. I was/ am annoyed with some aspects of the situation, but we have a good relationship and have been a good team for a long time . I do like to think if I needed a time out he would be supportive.

every one will be along shortly to tell you he has a side piece. My advice would be don’t do anything rash and use it as a chance to reflect and think about what you want as well .

personally my similar experience made me reflect on what money I have, and upping my pension contributions. Not by lots, but just making sure I’m not left off in a mess .

Original poster

Onelostsockagain · 23/08/2026 19:50

It’s for 4 weeks. And similar to yours, I think it’s a bit of a mental health breakdown. I’m supportive but also very upset. But it’s been bad for months now so I do want him to go for his own sake.

OP posts:

Victorius19 · 23/08/2026 19:52

So when he gets back, do you get to take a month out of adulting/parenting as well?

Original poster

Onelostsockagain · 23/08/2026 19:58

No, and I wouldn’t want to. It’s not tit for tat.

OP posts:

Underthemoon1 · 23/08/2026 20:07

For me it would massively depend on whether you have dependant children at home or not. If not, and him travelling for a month doesn't cause financial difficulties then I would support him - you only live once! Let him have an adventure, but ideally also have a talk about how you are going to connect with each other better too and how you're going to build the next stage of your life together.

Cla7 · 23/08/2026 20:11

I think it could be helpful. If you don’t have young children, then maybe four weeks abroad would be a good thing to break the routine and clear the head. I think occasional travelling solo is fine and can be healthy.

Original poster

Onelostsockagain · 23/08/2026 20:14

We have one teen son. He is okay. (D) husband talked to him and told him he needs a break, after all the pressure from work. He’s not running away from us, just needs to get away. I know it sounds selfish. And I agree. I feel left out and alone. But we have been having a tough time. Am I being stupid saying I want him to want to come home. He’ll see some pretty cool places and travel on trains and see amazing sites. I just feel conflicted.

OP posts:

FourCatMama · 23/08/2026 20:17

What ABOUT his work??

Original poster

Onelostsockagain · 23/08/2026 20:27

They’ve agreed the month off. He’s been there for years!

OP posts:

GrumpyPanda · 23/08/2026 20:33

Couples don't need to be glued at the hip. Provided he isn't dumping all the work on you, I'd be open. Maybe a chance for you to get out of the rut as well? Come up with some fun stuff to do alone/with ds/with friends? Enjoy the silence?

But then I'm prejudiced coming from the academic sector where it's entirely common to go off for months to a year for work.

WallaceinAnderland · 23/08/2026 20:35

So he's free to shag his way round europe?

yellowgecko · 23/08/2026 20:38

It’s not ‘tit for tat’ but what are you getting out of this OP? He essentially gets a free pass to taste single life, have an amazing time while doing it and the knowledge that you’re going to take him back at the end of it? Spending months-worth of family money doing it? This is horrendously selfish.

You note that you’re having a ‘tough time’. Pissing off on a jolly for 4 weeks is not going to solve it.
what happens while he’s away? You carry on life as normal? I would feel horrendously resentfull about that.
I travel a lot with my job. Every time I go somewhere new, I wish I had my DH and kids with me to experience the new place with me. He wants to make these memories without you.
it takes 2 people to make a marriage work. It sounds like he’s already checking out. I’m sorry it sounds like a terrible idea to me. X

Sunsettting · 23/08/2026 20:40

4 weeks? Let him go on it, think some couples forget about thinking about each other’s happiness, he sounds as if he’d let you go the same if you fancied

Victorius19 · 23/08/2026 21:22

It may not be tit for tat, OP, but there's also an element of allowing yourself to be walked all over by not asking for something for yourself in exchange for his free pass.

I can't believe you're even entertaining this to be honest. I've wanted to walk out of the house 100 times over our DC growing up but never once done it because I committed to having them and prioritising their needs before my own for 18 years.

Original poster

Onelostsockagain · 23/08/2026 21:32

I agree. But feel helpless in a way. I wouldn’t want to say no you can’t or don’t go. I was just hoping that others would say it’ll be fine, it’ll be good for you both. I don’t want to appear like a walk over.

OP posts:

fuchsteufelswild · 24/08/2026 01:33

WallaceinAnderland · 23/08/2026 20:35

So he's free to shag his way round europe?

This

Whatever you do, tell him you need him to test for STIs once he's back.

I would cut all contact for the duration and mentally as well as practically prepare myself for a life without him, just like @Veraandacupoftea has said. This would probably help with the helplessness the most.

PrincessOfPreschool · 24/08/2026 06:53

I think it'll spell the end of your marriage if you don't 'let' him. On the other hand, this could be great for you, and if he is grateful and comes back more sorted, he'll owe you one. Not that you need to hold it over his head but if he's at all decent, he will acknowledge he owes you big time and needs to accommodate your needs to.

I think marriage is about helping each others needs to be fulfilled. It'll be a good break for you both to think about what you want from life. Unless he's tipped over the edge mentally, he's not going to want to give up his job and move to Italy permanently!

I think you should have a chat with him about physical boundaries and say you need to know if anything happens. I would also want a daily message or phonecall to know where he is and if he's OK.

Toodoloo · 24/08/2026 06:58

It's tricky. I feel a bit like your husband tbh. I would love to be on my own for a while. I think you need to really discuss with him what he wants to do. Is he needing a break from work? From the family? What about the cost? How is he financing it?

Lifestooshort71 · 24/08/2026 07:03

I don't think you can say no. Sounds as though he'd be close to making a permanent move anyway. Yes, he might be unfaithful, yes, he might decide to move out when he returns but what is the alternative? Say no and have him become even more dissatisfied with his life (because that's what he's signalling atm) and eventually move out anyway? Give him his freedom, try and stay cool about it and just see what happens. I don't like the tit-for-tat suggestions on here - that's not how adult stuff works.

PersephoneParlormaid · 24/08/2026 07:03

I think it depends on what he’s planning on doing. Is he going to be having sex with whoever he wants ? Is he going with anyone, as to be alone for a whole month is hard?
Is he considering his options and whether to come back to the family at all, as if so I wouldn’t be doing the pick me dance, I’d change the locks while he’s gone.
Solo travel is very trendy on SM at the moment.

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 24/08/2026 07:09

PersephoneParlormaid · 24/08/2026 07:03

I think it depends on what he’s planning on doing. Is he going to be having sex with whoever he wants ? Is he going with anyone, as to be alone for a whole month is hard?
Is he considering his options and whether to come back to the family at all, as if so I wouldn’t be doing the pick me dance, I’d change the locks while he’s gone.
Solo travel is very trendy on SM at the moment.

Edited

As above, is he planning on travelling as a “single person”?

is he still taking financial responsibility for the family and home In the month he’s away?
do you get to live it up as a singleton while he’s off finding himself?

dazeydazey · 24/08/2026 07:25

I think it sounds fine, if you can afford it. you will probably enjoy the time aswell! I would I think.

DozyCrow · 24/08/2026 07:34

Onelostsockagain · 23/08/2026 21:32

I agree. But feel helpless in a way. I wouldn’t want to say no you can’t or don’t go. I was just hoping that others would say it’ll be fine, it’ll be good for you both. I don’t want to appear like a walk over.

None of us can say that though. We don't know if he'll meet someone new on his travels. Maybe he'll like the solo life so much he won't want to come back, or he'll come back and want to split. There are no guarantees this will get the 'mid life crisis' out of his system. Don't forget, he'll come back, possibly renewed and reenergised, but he'll be coming back to the same life he left (which is apparently a problem for him). I'd give this a lot of thought before agreeing to all his terms. Maybe think about what you want too.