Mid-life crisis or Separating

[Onelostsockagain]

My DH and I have been married for 20 years. We’ve been having problems. He want to have a break from…everything. He wants to go travelling through Europe. Never had a chance as we got married young, had a good life for a long time, then work and kids etc. He wants to go away and I do actually support him. I think he should go, evaluate life, and hopefully it helps him decide what’s important and whether it’s me. Anyone else been in a situation like this? Mid life crisis? Will he come back? Should I support or lay some ground rules? He has said he’ll come back to me if I’ll have him back! What do you think?

There is another side to this, OP. You may well find that life without him there dragging you down is far sweeter. You may not want him back at the end of it. His black cloud must be hanging over you as well as him.

Hence the STI test idea; I think PP mention the possibility regardless of the state of your relationship because, well, opportunity makes a thief and if he knows he will have to take one he might not be tempted as easily (ofc he might just take precautions, either way it's supposed to protect you).

The sabbatical is a good idea, personally if I feel confident in my relationship I wouldn't much care what others think.

Since he doesn't give you much of a choice here as he might resent you denying him this, just use it as an opportunity to do those nice things on your own.

The song A little time by beautiful South comes to mind

Why should you have to tell anything but the truth? Tell them he’s finding family and working like a drudge and he wants to go on a month long solo road trip and have a good time!

Awww I feel really bad for you. Us mums arent allowed to just go off for a menty b are we? We just have to get on with it 😔.

I was thinking this too.

In my mind I would have mentally separated from this man already.

He sounds utterly pathetic. Boo hoo he’s stressed and has a hard life so he’s going to go off travelling to find himself, while you keep the home fires burning.

Hell no. Get some self respect lady. When he leaves, wave him off and change the locks.

It might not be tit for tat but I strongly advise you to do the same. I’m recently divorced after 30 years. Just done my first solo campervan trip in Scandinavia. It was easy and amazing. Changed my life perspective. No point in him moving forward and you watching from the sidelines. Let him have his month. Then have yours. Even if you don’t want to it will be eye opening about who you are as a person. Don’t hide. X

Four weeks is nothing. Bon voyage to him. But do think about whether you might like something similar in due course - maybe just a couple of weeks away doing something you've never been able to do as a mum and wife. Years ago I knew a woman who decided to spend a month learning French in Paris when she was 45. It was a lifelong dream. Her children and husband wished her well and she rang them every night. It was lovely.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Some peoples partners work away for longer than that in one go. Mine currently is away for a week for work and a hobby home for a week then away for a week. Then after that going to Europe on a road trip for a week. Our whole relationship he’s been all over the place for work.

The one negative it’s hard being the one at home with all the responsibilities.

I was a lone parent you don’t need to tell work you just get on with your life as you always do. You will be 100% fine.

And just tell your friends he’s gone travelling. Nothing else to say.

you’ve got a month to have a good think about things and what you want to do with your life and what changes you would also like.

Thank you all. I know this is a good thing for him, I hope. I know I will feel lonely. Not that I don’t have people around me, but that saying of being in a room full of people but alone, that sort of thing. I’m not sure how the kids feel about it truly. They say they understand and they get it, but my worry is for them now. Seeing other families getting on with things together….

Harder day today. Nearly time to go. I really do want him to go, but I’ll miss him terribly. Just to be able to pick up the phone and talk. I guess it’ll be better than worrying how his stress levels are.

Have you both sat down and had a discussion about what you hope he gains from this and the boundaries you both want set in place? If you're both wanting the relationship to continue after his holiday it'd be a good idea to have this in place.