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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Independent school fees- can this be negotiated?

123 replies

betterthisway · 17/02/2026 16:14

We’ve just started the divorce process and have completed Form E. Between us, we could afford the independent school fees. However, my STBXH doesn’t want to contribute.

My DC worked incredibly hard, earned a place with a scholarship, and I’m very proud of him. I genuinely believe he deserves this opportunity.

My STBXH seems focused on keeping the financial settlement as minimal as possible so he can move on with his new partner.

Is this something I could realistically push as part of a financial settlement? Or if he refuses to agree to independent school, is there very little chance it would be considered in maintenance?

OP posts:
tirednessbecomesme · 17/02/2026 16:17

If your child has a scholarship what fees are due?
you’d likely have to take the issue to court for them to consider it …. Is he a much higher earner?

Reallyforsale · 17/02/2026 16:18

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OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 17/02/2026 16:18

Very unlikely unless he’s a massively high earner (think court maintenance rather than CMS).

Original poster
betterthisway · 17/02/2026 16:49

tirednessbecomesme · 17/02/2026 16:17

If your child has a scholarship what fees are due?
you’d likely have to take the issue to court for them to consider it …. Is he a much higher earner?

The scholarship doesn’t cover everything, so there’s still a portion that needs to be paid, and he does earn more than I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
betterthisway · 17/02/2026 16:52

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 17/02/2026 16:18

Very unlikely unless he’s a massively high earner (think court maintenance rather than CMS).

Thank you. Is there any clear legal threshold for what counts as a “high earner” in family court? He is high earner but not sure if he is massively high earner.

OP posts:
Everybodysinthehousetonight · 17/02/2026 16:53

A few years ago I knew someone who did negotiate school fees for both kids until upper sixth. I remember her saying it specifically. He definitely paid them as our kids are in upper sixth at the same school now.

tirednessbecomesme · 17/02/2026 17:17

@betterthisway what doesn’t it cover? School meals uniform extra curricular clubs? Just trying to guage the actual cost of that and whether it’s worth going to court and the likely outcome?

and a “much” higher earner would be someone in the hundreds of thousands per year

LemonTT · 17/02/2026 17:20

The maximum income that CMS can be calculated at is £156k pa. The amount that he will be required to pay will be a % of that abated by nights spent with the payee. You would have to negotiate anything additional as part of a mutually agreed settlement.

Where the payee has a higher income you can seek an award via the courts who may rule the payee funds specific things like education and health insurance.

DreadPirateLucy · 17/02/2026 17:22

So your son hasn’t started at the school yet? If he’s already a pupil then there’s an argument to avoid interrupting his education and so a court is more likely to award school fees. But if he hasn’t started yet then you’ll have a much harder time. You’ll need to have a strong case as to why the state school options won’t work for your son.

Does he have a state school place as backup?

MrsKateColumbo · 17/02/2026 17:30

It would probably depend whether for e.g. the child is mid GCSE or about to start y7. If H is a higher earner is that 70k or 200k? If he's earning 200 - 300k then yes you should definitely negotiate this.

If he's not into at now, you will probably find he "loses his job" etc, if your child is at a point where they can revert to state (ie y7) I would as it will be a huge pressure hanging over your head if you suddenly have to pay.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 17/02/2026 17:35

betterthisway · 17/02/2026 16:52

Thank you. Is there any clear legal threshold for what counts as a “high earner” in family court? He is high earner but not sure if he is massively high earner.

Show quote history

Anything where he earns significantly over the CMS maximum

stillavid · 17/02/2026 17:38

I don't know legally what can be enforced but know cases of acquaintances where it was part of the settlement but has come unstuck due to job losses and the VAT and simply not being able to afford the fees any more.

Another friend had a child in lower sixth who had been privately educated since age 3 - her solicitor advised it would be hard in reality to get her husband to pay the rest of the fees and it would take so long if it went to court that the child would have finished his education. The advice to her was to just focus on getting the best share of their assets if possible.

If your child is quite young I would be very wary of how much the fees will increase over the next 5 or so years.

roses2 · 17/02/2026 17:49

I know this is off topic but DH was adamant on private school for DS and I am a firm state believer. Turns out he didn't get into any of the private schools we applied to and now goes to state so wasn't an issue however I always wondered what would happen in event of a divorce as there would not be a cats chance in hell I'd financially support DH in sending DS to a school I disagreed with and was detrimental to my long term savings/retirement.

LlynTegid · 17/02/2026 17:53

Have a plan B to be at the local state school I suggest.

Newbutoldfather · 17/02/2026 18:04

Why not apply to the school for a bursary as your circumstances have changed.

If he is really strong, you have a good chance of getting one.

CloakedInGucci · 17/02/2026 18:08

Newbutoldfather · 17/02/2026 18:04

Why not apply to the school for a bursary as your circumstances have changed.

If he is really strong, you have a good chance of getting one.

A lot of the time schools will base bursaries on the finances of both parents, even if divorced. Obviously they’ll have more costs once separated, but OP says they can still afford it if he contributes.

eurochick · 18/02/2026 07:33

tirednessbecomesme · 17/02/2026 17:17

@betterthisway what doesn’t it cover? School meals uniform extra curricular clubs? Just trying to guage the actual cost of that and whether it’s worth going to court and the likely outcome?

and a “much” higher earner would be someone in the hundreds of thousands per year

Scholarships don’t always cover a lot. It will depend on the school. First example, at my daughter’s school they typically mean a 5-10% reduction in fees. Other schools have bigger awards but they are rarely a 100% of fees.

PurBal · 18/02/2026 07:41

Yes. I know more than one person who negotiated fees as part of the settlement. All three in primary, and the settlement was to see them through to school leaving age. The arguments to my knowledge was that that is what they would have done for their education had they remained together. And in the case of a difficult ex, a through school (eg reception through to 6 form) meant no arguing every time there was a nursery or school change. It was decided. End of.

EvangelineTheNightStar · 18/02/2026 07:43

Was the agreement from you both for private school or is it driven by you?

Lostearrings · 18/02/2026 07:53

School fees are often part of the settlement. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they get paid! Under your contract with the school, you will be responsible for all of the school fees regardless of what your settlement agreement says so it doesn’t let you off the hook either.
If your husband isn’t completely behind the idea of privately educating your son (and privately educating your son at this particular school), then, if he hasn’t started there yet, I would be looking at an alternative and, if he is already there, I would be looking for an alternative for the next stage of his education. Otherwise, you could face a lot of stress and uncomfortable chats with the bursar each term. Ultimately, if fees remain unpaid, there is the risk that they may ask your son to leave and this could be at any stage of his schooling. Schools use to try and let a senior school pupil stay until the end of the current phase of education but finances are so much tighter now that that may not be possible.

ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 18/02/2026 08:19

If your son hasn't already started at Independent school, I think you have zero chance. You can't make unilateral choices about what he spends his money on. If you jointly agreed to your child going private, he's already settled in the school, then it could be a point for negotiation up to the next natural break point.

Original poster
betterthisway · 18/02/2026 08:19

EvangelineTheNightStar · 18/02/2026 07:43

Was the agreement from you both for private school or is it driven by you?

When we entered my DC for the selective state schools and independent schools, the plan was simply to see where he would be offered a place and then decide.

He was offered one partially selective state school and one independent school. At the time, the independent wasn’t actually my first choice. However, after doing more research, I realised its academic results and overall ranking are very strong. He also received a scholarship, which has really boosted his confidence. It’s a lovely school, and I feel he should at least have the opportunity to try.

My STBXH is against it because of the cost. I feel he is focused on minimising expenses as he approaches retirement and move on his GF but I think our son deserve more.

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 18/02/2026 08:21

betterthisway · 18/02/2026 08:19

When we entered my DC for the selective state schools and independent schools, the plan was simply to see where he would be offered a place and then decide.

He was offered one partially selective state school and one independent school. At the time, the independent wasn’t actually my first choice. However, after doing more research, I realised its academic results and overall ranking are very strong. He also received a scholarship, which has really boosted his confidence. It’s a lovely school, and I feel he should at least have the opportunity to try.

My STBXH is against it because of the cost. I feel he is focused on minimising expenses as he approaches retirement and move on his GF but I think our son deserve more.

Show quote history

Will he retire before your son finishes school?

If he’s approaching retirement, your changes are very slim.

Not currently being in private will also reduce the chances to virtually nil.

mypantsareonfire · 18/02/2026 08:26

What a wanker.

My ex (and his family, who contributed towards all the other children in their family as private school was important to them), were the same.

So my ds didn’t go. Not that I cared anyway, I didn’t really want him to, and I certainly would have put my foot down with him going to boarding school like the rest of ex h family.

But ds is an adult now and it’s one of the reasons he’s very low contact with his father - not because he wanted to go to private school, but becuase it was a part of a wider picture of his father being a dickhead around money and him putting his new relationship first.

Kepler22B · 18/02/2026 08:33

If your son isn’t already at the school don’t send him! You will be setting yourself up for years of stress.

Someone I know had their son’t place withdrawn as the dad hadn’t been paying the bills, part way through GCSE years. Debt is considered joint and she will have to go back to court to try and settle this. Doesn’t help the son though and the fact he was without a school for a while.

You have an alternative, make the best of that.