Ridiculous divorce moments

[Ridiculousdivorcemoments]

I’ll start - this is intended to be lighthearted.

Looking back 14 years later, I can finally laugh at the absolute circus that was my divorce. It took three years of "carnage" to get through it, but some of the court moments were pure farce.
Despite me offering a 50/50 split, my ex (an Oxford grad with a maths degree) decided to empty our accounts, leave me with nothing, and eventually counter-claim for £300,000. It got so ridiculous that the judge literally told him he was "on a different planet."
The best (or worst) part? We spent an entire day in court arguing over:

• A Spork: The judge asked if it was sentimental. My ex: "No, but it's MINE." 🍴
• A Wooden Spoon: He couldn't describe it other than it "felt smooth in his hand." I could hear the judge’s eyes rolling from across the room. 🥄
• A Guinea Pig: He wanted one of the kids’ pets (and its water bottle), but when the judge asked which one, he didn’t even know their names. 🐹
• A Children’s DVD: The judge finally snapped, telling him he hadn't done years of legal training to sit there and listen to such "ridiculous" nonsense but the judge did write in the order that ‘The wife keeps full possession of the DVD Finding Nemo’ - I can’t help but think that was put in there deliberately in writing to make a point.

The judge ended up giving me the house and told my ex he summed up everything wrong with the marriage. My barrister didn’t have to say a single word; I did name the guinea pigs that was the only time I spoke!

My barrister used to say to me don’t say anything we just need to get him a bigger diggers.

What is your moment of standing there thinking this is ridiculous??

OP, how were these things even brought up? I mean, it's hilarious but also wouldn't you just shrug and let him have those things before it got near a court?

(I don't mean to sound rude, I'm genuinely confused as to why they were brought up!)

Nothing like as horrible as some of you have gone through, but I decided to take the children (14 & 10) on holiday for a week to help them relax after their dad went off with another woman. It had been a difficult few months. So I phoned him the day before to tell him we wouldn't be around for a week. He went mad, said he would get a judge to stop me, I wasn't allowed etc. I laughed at him and told him to carry on. We were flying early the next day and it was a Sunday.

He also refused to release my funds from the sale of the house to enable me to buy my new house. Fortunately my lawyer knew what he was like and had arranged a bridging loan for me. The day I moved, the funds I was entitled to didn't appear as predicted, so the bridging loan came into effect and we moved happily. The bastard phoned me in the evening to find out where we were as, in his words, you won't be in your own property. I took great delight in telling him I was. He was prepared for his children to be homeless just to get at me.

My divorce wasn't too bad, but breakup with a long term boyfriend has been a saga. We didn't live together and I didn't keep stuff at his house. He kept 'finding' incredibly trivial things that he needed back from me or I needed to collect from him. Like a single wine glass. I said sure put it on the kerb I'm passing in 10 min. He lost his shit and said it would be too triggering. He NEEDED his bits of string back. Again, so triggering that I still had his loops of string. Still, months and months later I'm getting long emotional emails that start off asking for a meet up and a cup of tea and ending with lists of everything I did wrong including how I breathe at night. Thank god I said no to the marriage proposal. I suspect the divorce would have been ridiculous!

Her pedophile ex? I’m not sure he is the one you should be concerned about.

That would be unbelievable if it wasn’t pretty much what BiL tried to do too 🤣.

My divorce was long and dragged out by ex and within 6 months he was back contesting custody arrangements which he had agreed to with guardian of the court. Post divorce this went on for another 5 years. In the end he had had….8 attorneys (solicitors) and his second wife ( not OW) who was enabling him and helping him protract the case had 8 legal last names filed with the court and a few other “non official names” . my attorney loved to mention her 8 names and his 8 attorneys to showcase their outrageousness and would make the judge chuckle every time.

im the end the original agreed upon child arrangements never changed not by one day or one hour but my child maintenance was…DOUBLED…the judge correctly felt he was disrespecting the legal system by the hiring and firing of 8 lawyers and she was shady and hiding her past with her name changes and doubled the maintenance so they would be afraid to return to court

Oh gosh, mine isn't quite like some of yours. ExH had an affair and left me for the OW with the 3 kids, one of whom has SN, but apart from being a bit of a bitch about money and never having the kids beyond the 'strict' timings of the consent order, not even for an hour while expecting me to have them whenever he had a social or a holiday, it was pretty civilised if not amicable.

He left one morning with just a rucksack after I found about about the affair, so getting his property out of my house took a while. I left his clothes in bin bags on the doorstep when he came to pick up the kids, I divided up the photos and left them for him etc. He didn't want any furniture or anything.

When I bought a new bike for my DS3 I transported it home using an old bike rack. I thought ideal opportunity to get shot of his bike. Put it on the bike rack, drove it up to his house with the intention of locking it up by his front door. Sadly, I wasn't very competent with attaching said bike rack to the car and the whole thing fell off very dangerously while I was doing 30. Luckily missed the car behind but wrecked the bike! I left it mangled up on his doorstep, not knowing whether to laugh or cry - I think I was in shock! I'm sure he could post on here about how I'd vindictively damaged his bike but it was a pure accident/incompetence on my part. My family just laughed and said, 'What comes around goes around,' but that bike wheel would never go around anymore.

I told my solicitor he could have whatever he wanted except the dog, custody of the children and the guinea pigs. We had 6 identical wooden spoons I returned 4 but not the one he wanted apparently 🤣. It was a farce, my solicitor said let’s be more than reasonable he wants a TV - give him the newer and bigger one etc and I even gave him the video player and sourced another one off free cycle etc

But it didn’t matter what I offered as he wanted more.

We had two properties a huge 4 bedroom house with land and a smaller 3 bedroom house - ten years left on the mortgage of one and six years on the other mortgage. I offered to pay both mortgages equally (split 50/50) and offered once all was paid off to take the smaller house. I also offered to live in the smaller house with the children whilst we were paying the mortgages off. He refused just point blank refused. No he wasn’t giving me 1p not 1p. He wanted both houses, all the savings everything and then he wanted me to paid him £300,000.

The judge asked him how he had arrived at £300,000 and he had an excel sheet including new carpets, retiling the roofs, recarpeting, new washing machines, tumble dryers, landscaping the garden etc the house was only worth about £350K 🤣as Judge Judy says you can’t argue with stupid.

Sometimes you can give someone the shirt off your back and they will ask for your underpants!

I found out exh was shagging his solicitor in the bedroom I was still paying for, he thought he was untouchable because of it. I didn't let him know I knew, I'd even managed to get photos of her leaving the house as I had a friend who lived across from where we had lived. I waited until the morning of court to contact the solicitors she worked for, spoke to a senior partner & even emailed the pictures of her leaving my house, I timed it perfectly, did it during a mid morning break. When court broke for lunch she had obviously had a message to ring her boss, I watched her face fall when she realised they had been found out & when she told exh his face was a picture, he looked across at me & I just smiled & waved. His solicitor didn't reappear after lunch, the office sent a man who didn't take any crap from exh. Sometimes revenge is sweet.

@CocoPlum unfortunately with some people (male and female) they view divorce as them suddenly being the 'wronged' party (my ex h also told ds nursery that I had 'removed his son without warning ' and they were to 'make me' give him back) therefore the other party MUST do as they say or 'ill take you to court' they really don't like discovering it's not like that!!

Free article

www.telegraph.co.uk/gift/10fed27f20f6fbc5

That is outstanding comeback. Well done you.

What was the solicitor thinking?!

Clearly he’s at least a twat and possibly worse, but this is a thread bout the crazy behaviour of individuals in divorce, which definitely fits the poster’s self described behaviour 🙄

This reminds me of my ex (he who tried to refuse to allow our adult kids to go on holiday)

He'd forced me to go via a contact centre at one point

The lady there told me to bring some cds of music we listened to at home,so I did-a handful of cds

He came storming out,screaming in my face

'I was trying to send coded messages to him via the music'

'Everyday I love you less and less' and 'I predict a riot'! (Kaiser chiefs where massive at the time)

I'd just sent them in-i had no choice in what the contact lady put in the stereo

Best bit was,she put it in her notes for the court (she hated me,i dont think it was personal,she seemed to hate all women and would suck up to the men) and he brought it up as well

The judge told him not to be so petty

I honestly hadn't given it a thought-id just grabbed the top 5/6 cds from the rack

Thankfully as soon as he got his 3 hours a fortnight,he decided childcare was boring and walked away

Gave us a laugh when they where old enough to hear what stunts he pulled

I’ve had a right laugh this weekend. After being divorced for 30 years my exh has sent a message through our dd asking for an antique paper weight back that he thinks I have. He’s seen one similar on an antiques program and now he wants it back.

after 30 years lol. I don’t even remember a bloody paper weight. And I left him with our dc and just our clothes. I don’t even have any photos of our dc as babies as I fled. But he thinks I’ll have taken a sodding paper weight.

baffoon

My ex took loads of things that were shared items and should have been discussed and agreement reached. And took things that were mine, including gifts from him, and a couple of items that were on loan from my parents. But sadly, I think that’s pretty standard behaviour.

Most recent roll-eyes moment was when he emailed me asking for the divorce paperwork (about three years after the split had been finalised). Firstly, as the divorce was all done online there was no paperwork. And secondly, he had all the exact same emails as I did. Typical that he wasn’t organised enough to keep the correspondence / certificate etc!

My friend (no longer my friend I might add) let herself into her husband's house mid divorce to steal loads of the belongings, rather than waiting for it to be sorted by the solicitors. She brought a van and a man, and loaded up things like the sofa and bed because she said because her parents had "bought" them ie given them money for a wedding present/moving in presents about 5 years before, she needed them all back immediately. She was living with a friend at the time and had nowhere to put everything, she just did it as a power move and was very vocal about it. She was a bit mental.