Ridiculous divorce moments

[Ridiculousdivorcemoments]

I’ll start - this is intended to be lighthearted.

Looking back 14 years later, I can finally laugh at the absolute circus that was my divorce. It took three years of "carnage" to get through it, but some of the court moments were pure farce.
Despite me offering a 50/50 split, my ex (an Oxford grad with a maths degree) decided to empty our accounts, leave me with nothing, and eventually counter-claim for £300,000. It got so ridiculous that the judge literally told him he was "on a different planet."
The best (or worst) part? We spent an entire day in court arguing over:

• A Spork: The judge asked if it was sentimental. My ex: "No, but it's MINE." 🍴
• A Wooden Spoon: He couldn't describe it other than it "felt smooth in his hand." I could hear the judge’s eyes rolling from across the room. 🥄
• A Guinea Pig: He wanted one of the kids’ pets (and its water bottle), but when the judge asked which one, he didn’t even know their names. 🐹
• A Children’s DVD: The judge finally snapped, telling him he hadn't done years of legal training to sit there and listen to such "ridiculous" nonsense but the judge did write in the order that ‘The wife keeps full possession of the DVD Finding Nemo’ - I can’t help but think that was put in there deliberately in writing to make a point.

The judge ended up giving me the house and told my ex he summed up everything wrong with the marriage. My barrister didn’t have to say a single word; I did name the guinea pigs that was the only time I spoke!

My barrister used to say to me don’t say anything we just need to get him a bigger diggers.

What is your moment of standing there thinking this is ridiculous??

Whenever my parents argued, my Dad would grab his bottle of soy sauce and storm out with it. They never married, but during their final break up he wrote a note telling her to take his bottle of soy sauce to his DF's house so he could collect it later.

During my divorce, we were discussing the moment my ex had come to my house drunk at 5am, waking me and the kids.
He vehemently denied drinking anything at all, and said he was swaying because his knees were cold.

Shortly after exH and I separated he asked us to swap cars. It worked out the way we had bought and sold previous cars that the actual cars we were driving the V5’s were in the each others names, said I was happy to change the V5’s but no he kicked off and wanted my one back, agreed not a problem (worth about the same), gave him the car and keys back and reminded him the Tax and MOT were due the following week, it failed dramatically and had to be scrapped (which I honestly didn’t know it would), but apparently I planned it 🤔

When are divorce was finalised, he wanted me to confirm if he won the lottery, that I wouldn’t be able to claim anything - I’m still haven’t figured out where that came from as he’s still living with his parents 12 yrs on??

'burn their passports' as he 'wasn't giving permission for them to go abroad'

He thought his adult children need his permission?

I received a stern letter from his solicitor demanding I remove the new blinds from my new home - as he was now unable to see in my windows.
Oddly the judge was happy I kept mu blinds..
He also tried to have my new bf arrested for assault. Gave a description to the police of a man about 30 with a stubby beard having assaulted him with a water balloon...
It was actually a spotty, floppy haired teen ds aiming (badly) at his siblings.. The officer said it was the joke of the station that day!

When he left, he saw our 3 DC for a 2 hour dinner out on a Wednesday and from 10 to 5 every other Sunday. After precisely 3 Sundays he said he couldnt cope with all 3 at once on a Sunday, so could he just take one at a time, in rotation, every 2 weeks!

It’s really ridiculous how petty people can get

Not divorced, not even married, but I came on here to say that ‘the wife keeps full possession of the DVD Finding Nemo’ had me howling.

I bloody love that judge - I bet they got a kick out of writing that in the settlement.

@Lightuptheroom dear god!! I hope you are both okay now?? Your ex is an absolute shit

I changed username cos when this all kicked off I was accused on another forum of being a fantasist and fabricating this stuff but I certainly did not. He was also on that site though. Im going to start at the start and finish at the end as they say but will kick off with this one.

The day he was moving out to move in with the woman he left me for he was advised to come and take his things. He came, took his clothing and personal items, the fish tank and fish and all of the keys of the internal doors. He then went to the bank to hand back the keys to the house as apparently he was done with it (hello mortgage repayments) AND he handed them the internal door keys. Its the one thing that has baffled the bejesus out of me ever since.

When I left my ex husband many years ago he said he would burn my wedding dress and the clothes I left behind. Funny how I saw him a few months later wearing one of my t shirts..... 🙄🙄 I left him in a rush. A few bin bags of clothes and my cat.....

To cut a long story short this was mid 2000's in Ireland where you had to be separated 4 out of the previous 5 years to apply for divorce/separation so from the day he left he was still legally married to me for the next 7 years till divorce came. The day I got the call from the bank to say they had the keys I got the locks changed. He then tried to take me to court to say I shouldnt have gotten the locks changed without his consent as it was still his house. He never paid the mortgage ever again not a cent towards it in the 7 years it took to divorce and then wanted half the equity somehow.

@shellyleppard it was over 20 years ago xx karma eventually bit him up the backside.
He even sent photos to the judge to try and prove that he was the better parent lol

@Lightuptheroom ffs he sounds like a right pain x

A while after he moved in with his other woman he slept with someone else on a night out, her boyfriend found out, beat him up and his mother told him to go to the gardai and tell them I did it so i would have to move out of the house.

He brought me to court. He was asked for proof. I was asked where I had been that night. In a pub in Dublin says I. With HIS friends at his friends brothers funeral that he left straight after the mass. He was threated with contempt and a few other things and later came out of the court and said to me 'I told you I wouldnt win'. Thinking back I should have had the man sent to a mental facility.

I can’t laugh about it. I’m not traumatised per se, but even 14 yrs on the criminal waste of money, just because my ex refused to engage at all, just saddens me. Who won? I suppose me (80% of assets, the judges way of balancing things back in my favour given the money the ex wasted) but really, no winners

@shellyleppard thankfully he's been someone else's pain for over 20 years !
Another gem (sorry to the original poster)
He broke HIS barristers hand after court appearance number 6 by slamming the door on her hand because he threw a tantrum at not getting what he wanted (and not being allowed to book 'his' weekends for the next 5 years)
And yes, he was a class A dickhead, probably still is but I haven't even spoken to him in over 10 years so it doesn't actually bother me. Know that if you're in the stages of divorce, they will eventually set light to themselves with their own stupidity xx

Some of these are utterly fabulous, @Ridiculousdivorcemoments in particular.

I have been divorced almost 30 years now and it ended up costing my Ex-DH roughly twice what I had originally asked for as he dragged it out for so long, My favourite moment in court was when he produced his books (self employed) which were ridiculous and my barrister produced financial information which demonstrated he had far more earnings and assets than he was declaring. His answer to the judge was 'Yeah, but you don't understand! Those books are just for the taxman'.

Even his own barrister just put his head in his hands at that point.

I can't remember most of his shit, too long ago to care, but despite us owning property and a business he felt that myself and his offspring should 'apply for benefits and get a council house' rather than asking for any share of the marital assets. He was such a dickhead that eventually the judge announced that he was also awarding costs against him. He'd run up a legal bill of £25k and I had one of £15K which was a fucking fortune back in the 90s - all entirely due to him ignoring requests for paperwork, etc and dragging it out over about 4 years.

Not half as bad as most on here, but my ex lost the plot when I moved out. I took my baking stuff, food mixer etc and he was staring sadly at the cupboards, asking if I’d taken anything he’d need, and could I write a list of what he’d need to replace.

After his solicitor told him furniture and appliances aren’t worth anything and he wouldn’t have to give me any money for them, he refused to let me take anything. The TVs would be too difficult to take off the brackets, the chest of drawers (which we had 2 of) were his favourite and he’d be so sad to see them go (ikea specials!) I took the dining table as my sister had given it to me, and he said he’d have to eat his dinner sitting on the dining room floor (even though we always ate on the sofa, and I’d left those).

The best bit was 2 weeks later when he offered to let me buy our old bed for £1000 as his news girlfriend didn’t like the idea of sleeping in it so he’d had to buy a new one. I said no, but that I’d only charge him £750 to keep it. That’s the last I heard from him 🤣

I honestly think something goes haywire in their brain and makes them behave so oddly.

Not me but my partner's wife who had an affair which ended the marriage..

Accused partner of emotional abuse in alleging he deliberately taught the 3 and 6 year old children the words to Wham's last Christmas to shame her about her affair... because as we all know that song is so rarely played at Christmas time apparently the only explanation of them singing it was Wham Abuse!

That's probably not the craziest tale but its the one that always makes me chuckle.

My ex husband 3 years after the divorce called me to say that he realised he needed a sofa bed and could he come and collect the one from my house because "his parents had given it to us originally"... 15 years earlier. He'd already had about 200k from me by this point. I told him he appeared to be confusing me with debenhams so he barged into my house to take photos of it (in the kids playroom so covered in soft toys) to use as "evidnece" that it was not used.

Im not sure who the evidence was for as we had a financial order for a long time by then!

-Tried to take out a joint loan with me by forging my signature and then told his solicitor it was the other way around and to get me done for fraud. HIS new address was on the loan application.

-Went out and left me with his child overnight while he was off with his other woman then told people I was a crazy lady as his daughter was sobbing as she missed daddy and I was calling around trying to find out where he was. HIS daughter that had nothing to do with me bear in mind.

-Said 'no' five times when he was asked for paperwork for court then called me horrendous names when his legal bills kept mounting because HE kept saying no.

-Rang revenue and told them I was lying about being a single parent on benefits. I had no children and was never on any kind of benefits.

-Flicked his cigarette butt at my solicitor outside court when he realised he was not needed that the divorce was going through whether he was there or not. Years later went to court and said our divorce was null and void as I had sworn on the bible and I am atheist.

I can sympathise with this…mine wants to buy me out so offered me a lump sum for the house a few weeks, which equates to about a quarter of what I’m owed, with the rest on an IOU…🙄😅

When my dad moved in to a nursing home i had to clear out his house and found a page of questions written by my dad for his solicitor when he divorced my mum.

Lots of really petty stuff but one of the questions was shall i charge my daughter petrol money when i take her to university now i no longer live with her. I was glad the kind solicitor told him not to as i would have been so upset at the time if I knew he had even been thinking about it. It was a shock to see years later.

I am going through a divorce at the moment, trying to keep it amicable but we havent got to division of wooden spoons yet! He did get annoyed when i packed a photo frame away recently. But it hadn't occured to me he would want it as i took the photos, bought the frame, put them in said frame and even hung the frame on the wall!

Its really difficult deciding who should get what especially when you get down to every little item. I know someone who said they were fighting over who gets to keep gift bags in the present drawer in the end. I will be glad when I am out the other side of it. It is quite exhausting!

My exh was a Catholic when it suited him... Proven when he refused to swear on the Bible when he took the stand. Such were his powers of faking grand standing we saw the senior Cafcass officer - also the dc's court appointed guardian - admit his 4 year report was built on 'facts' he got from exh. Needless to say exh lost his case..
And I wasn't found guilty of being on the game as he claimed either!
He was a fake man from the start I was too naive to see it.