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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Ridiculous divorce moments

117 replies

Ridiculousdivorcemoments · 12/02/2026 14:19

I’ll start - this is intended to be lighthearted.

Looking back 14 years later, I can finally laugh at the absolute circus that was my divorce. It took three years of "carnage" to get through it, but some of the court moments were pure farce.
Despite me offering a 50/50 split, my ex (an Oxford grad with a maths degree) decided to empty our accounts, leave me with nothing, and eventually counter-claim for £300,000. It got so ridiculous that the judge literally told him he was "on a different planet."
The best (or worst) part? We spent an entire day in court arguing over:

  • A Spork: The judge asked if it was sentimental. My ex: "No, but it's MINE." 🍴
  • A Wooden Spoon: He couldn't describe it other than it "felt smooth in his hand." I could hear the judge’s eyes rolling from across the room. 🥄
  • A Guinea Pig: He wanted one of the kids’ pets (and its water bottle), but when the judge asked which one, he didn’t even know their names. 🐹
  • A Children’s DVD: The judge finally snapped, telling him he hadn't done years of legal training to sit there and listen to such "ridiculous" nonsense but the judge did write in the order that ‘The wife keeps full possession of the DVD Finding Nemo’ - I can’t help but think that was put in there deliberately in writing to make a point.

The judge ended up giving me the house and told my ex he summed up everything wrong with the marriage. My barrister didn’t have to say a single word; I did name the guinea pigs that was the only time I spoke!

My barrister used to say to me don’t say anything we just need to get him a bigger diggers.

What is your moment of standing there thinking this is ridiculous??

OP posts:
stargirl27 · 12/02/2026 15:21

Goldfsh · 12/02/2026 14:59

Mine produced a "press release" when we separated "so we could agree comms lines for friends and family".

lol i'm a divorce solicitor and had someone do the same

Ridiculousdivorcemoments · 12/02/2026 15:21

RoachFish · 12/02/2026 14:35

So many of those moments but none quite so bad.

My ex forgot what a workplace or private pension was so kept sending in his state pension prediction. He is otherwise very financially savvy and we had talked about his pensions before so I knew they were in the region of half a million at the very minimum. He just pretended he couldn't understand pensions at all.

He also got some cowboy estate agent to value his home at 250K less that the other two valuations that I had got. This was a significant amout percentage wise too. At this point we had been separated for 2 years so we lived in different homes and both had to be valued. He then wanted us to agree on a valuation between the two I had got and his super low one. The only way to rectify the valuation was to get a surveyor in to do an accurate valuation, charging 1K.

I hope you got a fair settlement with the judge

OP posts:
13RidgmontRoad · 12/02/2026 15:26

I'm just in the middle of this at the moment so I expect there's more to come, but this week -

STBXH announces that he'd like to buy me out of the house. Then asks me how we'd go about valuing the house (I answer, three estate agents etc). Then asks me why I won't give him a discount, to buy me out. Then huffs off.

Grumpyeeyore · 12/02/2026 15:32

ExH said he wasn’t cohabiting and lived local to me and dc. Dc told me he’d set up a new business and on googling I found he had registered it to his new dp address (2 hours away) and google maps had a lovely pin with his business name and location and even a photo of her very large detached house which i printed off for the bundle. My lawyer could not believe he had been so stupid. We weren’t able to prove he lived there more than he said but it undermined his credibility and many other lies he told didn’t go in his favour.

Theunamedcat · 12/02/2026 15:34

I had to give three reasons why I wanted a divorce ONE of my reasons was because he was engaged to someone else he disputed that it was a valid reason for a divorce but because he couldn't afford to object to my petition he consented he literally wrote that in to go before the judge (covid divorce so it was all done via online portal) they made him pay half the fees pretty sure its because he pissed them off trying to delay it when we had been split for years and he had "moved on"

ilovepixie · 12/02/2026 15:37

Ridiculousdivorcemoments · 12/02/2026 14:19

I’ll start - this is intended to be lighthearted.

Looking back 14 years later, I can finally laugh at the absolute circus that was my divorce. It took three years of "carnage" to get through it, but some of the court moments were pure farce.
Despite me offering a 50/50 split, my ex (an Oxford grad with a maths degree) decided to empty our accounts, leave me with nothing, and eventually counter-claim for £300,000. It got so ridiculous that the judge literally told him he was "on a different planet."
The best (or worst) part? We spent an entire day in court arguing over:

  • A Spork: The judge asked if it was sentimental. My ex: "No, but it's MINE." 🍴
  • A Wooden Spoon: He couldn't describe it other than it "felt smooth in his hand." I could hear the judge’s eyes rolling from across the room. 🥄
  • A Guinea Pig: He wanted one of the kids’ pets (and its water bottle), but when the judge asked which one, he didn’t even know their names. 🐹
  • A Children’s DVD: The judge finally snapped, telling him he hadn't done years of legal training to sit there and listen to such "ridiculous" nonsense but the judge did write in the order that ‘The wife keeps full possession of the DVD Finding Nemo’ - I can’t help but think that was put in there deliberately in writing to make a point.

The judge ended up giving me the house and told my ex he summed up everything wrong with the marriage. My barrister didn’t have to say a single word; I did name the guinea pigs that was the only time I spoke!

My barrister used to say to me don’t say anything we just need to get him a bigger diggers.

What is your moment of standing there thinking this is ridiculous??

Why did he want a wooden spoon?

OriginalSkang · 12/02/2026 15:38

I don't have any of these, my ex is very reasonable

‘The wife keeps full possession of the DVD Finding Nemo’ - That is gold, though 😂

G5000 · 12/02/2026 15:42

Goldfsh · 12/02/2026 14:59

Mine produced a "press release" when we separated "so we could agree comms lines for friends and family".

Someone I know did something similar. Public 'we have mutually, as friends, decided to separate..'

Only trouble is that the Other Woman had been posting photos of her cuddling with the husband on her public social media for a few months..Mutual my arse.

Crikeyalmighty · 12/02/2026 15:43

stargirl27 · 12/02/2026 15:21

lol i'm a divorce solicitor and had someone do the same

I think this is the kind of thing my H would do - we are in business together and I think he would be very conscious of a joint and positive ‘ message’

Lightuptheroom · 12/02/2026 15:44

Bet mine was worse!
Engineer earning £75k house in his name.
Me sleeping on the floor of parents house with 2 yr old ds due to him breaking my legs....
I could 'have' £10k but nothing else (the judge openly chuckled at that one)
Ds 'wasn't allowed' to live in a flat (said during court case number 6 after telling the judge he lived in a 5 bedroom house so DS should live with him!)
I was ' too disabled ' to look after ds (after he'd broken my legs)
Oh and the cherry on the cake? I wasn't allowed to take DS bed from our house as he bought it!!!!

stargirl27 · 12/02/2026 15:45

Crikeyalmighty · 12/02/2026 15:43

I think this is the kind of thing my H would do - we are in business together and I think he would be very conscious of a joint and positive ‘ message’

it was exactly that, the H also wanted to include exact wording in the order (along the lines of the separation was mutual and they both have love and respect etc for each other) as to what they would say if they were asked about their divorce by friends/family. he was so controlling!

WallaceinAnderland · 12/02/2026 15:46

Not divorce, but 'separation' of DH from his sister. She expected him to pay off her mortgage after their father died because 'he was now the man of the house'.

They didn't even live together.

He was married to and living with me for over 20 years with our own house and mortgage.

bloomchamp · 12/02/2026 15:46

Mine actually thought he could have some sort of clause to stop me remarrying or getting pregnant again. It was all deeply unfair apparently because he’d had a vasectomy (his decision) and he didn’t want his dc having half siblings.

he also wanted me to disclose the reason I’d been in hospital (this was 3 years post separation) and a key to my home (rental, I’d fled DV).

twat

Goldfsh · 12/02/2026 15:47

stargirl27 · 12/02/2026 15:45

it was exactly that, the H also wanted to include exact wording in the order (along the lines of the separation was mutual and they both have love and respect etc for each other) as to what they would say if they were asked about their divorce by friends/family. he was so controlling!

Mine was EXACTLY the same. It was just wanting to control the narrative.

PithyViewer · 12/02/2026 15:51

Lightuptheroom · 12/02/2026 15:44

Bet mine was worse!
Engineer earning £75k house in his name.
Me sleeping on the floor of parents house with 2 yr old ds due to him breaking my legs....
I could 'have' £10k but nothing else (the judge openly chuckled at that one)
Ds 'wasn't allowed' to live in a flat (said during court case number 6 after telling the judge he lived in a 5 bedroom house so DS should live with him!)
I was ' too disabled ' to look after ds (after he'd broken my legs)
Oh and the cherry on the cake? I wasn't allowed to take DS bed from our house as he bought it!!!!

I'm sorry, wtaf did I just read? HE BROKE YOUR LEGS??? Jesus fucking Christ. How is he not in prison? How did he get ANY custody? I am so, so sorry. 😢💐

Ridiculousdivorcemoments · 12/02/2026 15:53

ilovepixie · 12/02/2026 15:37

Why did he want a wooden spoon?

Believe it or not I had returned 4 wooden spoons but apparently none of them felt right. He said the one he liked felt ‘just right’. The judge asked him to describe it and he said ‘I can’t it looks like a normal wooden spoons but it feels different’ 😜
I am over a decade on and I still have no idea.

OP posts:
Vintageblueribbon · 12/02/2026 15:57

KitKatKathy · 12/02/2026 15:10

My ex, on leaving the home, took not only his possessions but ALL of the light bulbs...

My ex took whatever he could

Dds cot,the fridge,my bed,my bedding,the kettle,light bulbs,the tv,video (it was a long time ago!) sofas and curtains etc-if he could move it,it walked

Clever git didnt realise that I had every single receipt,proving id paid for the lot and police where not happy (I sent them to his mothers house) and he got arrested for burglary

We went to court for contact of the dc and he tried to claim it was a 'misunderstanding' and by the way,he was demanding a key to my house so he could come and go as he pleased

Oh and I wasn't 'allowed' to apply for passports for them as I might run away with 'his kids' (I was scraping pennies together to feed them-he didnt see why he should pay a penny so didnt) then he tried to block a house move (we lived around the corner from his mother and he could gawp into my bedroom) as we badly needed to move as we needed a much bigger house

Thankfully he lost interest in them (it was about controlling me and he didnt give a fuck about them-childcare was a lot harder and much more boring than he thought)

He did come snivelling back when the same dc where adults,telling them they had to 'burn their passports' as he 'wasn't giving permission for them to go abroad' (he'd got wind they where going away with friends-he goes abroad at least 3 times a year)

They laughed him up and down the street

Prat

Cat1202 · 12/02/2026 15:57

This could be outing but I don’t care, he hid tampax under my bed, right in the middle for some unhinged reason, they were my teenage daughters who was stuck in my en-suite shouting mum where are they? Only found them when I moved the bed. He was so blind to everything didn’t notice I’d not been using them for a few years. We were in separate rooms but he’d obviously sneaked into en suite. He also wanted my straighteners that he’d bought as a gift to me, he’s bald. I can laugh now but at the time it wasn’t funny, he’s an absolute loony

Eleboff · 12/02/2026 15:59

Mine wanted to host a separation party to show everyone how "cool we are with it" - except one of us really isn't cool with it.

Lightuptheroom · 12/02/2026 16:00

@PithyViewer because it was 2006 and carcass decided that he hadn't tried to hurt ds so they wouldn't stop contact. That's the way it was.

SmiggleAversion · 12/02/2026 16:01

At mediation, ex was very keen to have the kids exactly 50/50 (maintenance avoidance!). He was being v awkward and it was proving difficult to find a childcare pattern that would work for everyone. The mediator eventually pointed out that the only way to achieve what he was suggesting was to get the kids out of bed at midnight and deliver them to the other house!

Shadowhawk · 12/02/2026 16:20

I could write a book on my ex husband and court.

Turned up representing himself with the OW then kicked off because the judge had ordered a closed court due to his past behaviour.

Demanded that his contact time was from Thursday to Tuesday morning every week. When an agreement was finally reached of 50:50 he lasted a week in the arrangement and concluded that I “could have the kiddos” if I took a lower settlement on the house and his pensions. God knows how he was going to put the initial proposal into place as he’s out of the country more than he’s in it!

Wanted compensated from me for the white goods that had been sold in a previous house and with his agreement. He denied it was his signature on all the house sale documents even although this had been handled by a completely separate legal team to mine.

Wanted me to sell the new house I was living in - I’d moved into a property owned by my parents until the full divorce settlement was reached.

Insisted he hadn’t sold two cars that were jointly owned. The OW’s name was on the registration documents and I had emails from him emailing me a receipt saying he’d sold them for £1 each. He denied he sent the email.

Wanted the children’s bedroom furniture for their 2 bedroom flat - we had three children each with a room each, I still wonder which child’s bed and bedroom furniture he wanted.

Insisted I was lying about his private pension as well as other investments but I had copies of everything including the 2 bank accounts he’d hidden from me. I had an A4 lever arch file full of documents relating to them. He called me a liar in court and said I’d falsified the documents.

Demanded I change my surname - I did just that when I remarried 5 years later but kept it just to annoy him until then.

Wanted the denby dinner set which had been a wedding gift from my grandmother. He had no idea about Denby so I bought one from eBay said I’d post it and smashed it to fuck in the box before posting. Couriers can be pretty careless it seems…

4 years after the settlement, divorce etc sent me an email asking to come back and saying he’d made a mistake. I hear the OW is now divorcing him 🤣. His children now have nothing to do with him.

He was removed from the court on 2 occasions and threatened with removal numerous other times during the whole drawn out drama.The most memorable one while shouting “I’m going to make Angela (OW) X, X and X new mummy” Wanker.

The worrying this is this man literally has hundreds of peoples lives in his hands every day. I don’t fly with Emirates any more 🤣

Cornflowers35 · 12/02/2026 16:21

I have a couple of "light-hearted" to share.

ExH first solicitor said he couldn't agree to the divorce on the grounds of his adultery as he "hadn't cheated". I wrote back saying I had proof.

Several solicitors later, we're on a call, he has his solicitor and a barrister representing him, I represented myself. By this stage we had an agreement in place.

His barrister said the agreement wasn't fair to ExH and wanted the split to be more proportional.and that we should renegotiate the agreement.

I said that I had already transferred it to him. (He needed the money).

His barrister was lost for words. He clearly hadn't told his solicitor or barrister.

I was pretty proud of myself that day. I hadn't gone to Uni, but was able to represent myself and against two members of the legal profession and come out on top.

Best bit of business I did was sending it to him, and getting proof he'd received it.

Never saw the barrister again,

He's been bitter about it ever since. (Probably in part as he spent 100x what I did on solicitors).

C'est la vie

Coldiron · 12/02/2026 16:26

My ex didn’t take everything, in fact quite the reverse.

All the shite that he had been hoarding for years that I had tried to get him to throw out was left for me to deal with.

He got his 2 BILs to help him move a few items whilst he scarpered leaving me to deal with the rest. At least the BILs had the decency to look a bit embarrassed as I single handedly emptied a 5 bed house.

Shadowhawk · 12/02/2026 16:32

Mine actually thought he could have some sort of clause to stop me remarrying or getting pregnant again.

Similar was mentioned to my solicitor unless I changed my name. I did both anyway and kept the name until I remarried.

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