I’ll start - this is intended to be lighthearted.
Looking back 14 years later, I can finally laugh at the absolute circus that was my divorce. It took three years of "carnage" to get through it, but some of the court moments were pure farce.
Despite me offering a 50/50 split, my ex (an Oxford grad with a maths degree) decided to empty our accounts, leave me with nothing, and eventually counter-claim for £300,000. It got so ridiculous that the judge literally told him he was "on a different planet."
The best (or worst) part? We spent an entire day in court arguing over:
- A Spork: The judge asked if it was sentimental. My ex: "No, but it's MINE." 🍴
- A Wooden Spoon: He couldn't describe it other than it "felt smooth in his hand." I could hear the judge’s eyes rolling from across the room. 🥄
- A Guinea Pig: He wanted one of the kids’ pets (and its water bottle), but when the judge asked which one, he didn’t even know their names. 🐹
- A Children’s DVD: The judge finally snapped, telling him he hadn't done years of legal training to sit there and listen to such "ridiculous" nonsense but the judge did write in the order that ‘The wife keeps full possession of the DVD Finding Nemo’ - I can’t help but think that was put in there deliberately in writing to make a point.
The judge ended up giving me the house and told my ex he summed up everything wrong with the marriage. My barrister didn’t have to say a single word; I did name the guinea pigs that was the only time I spoke!
My barrister used to say to me don’t say anything we just need to get him a bigger diggers.
What is your moment of standing there thinking this is ridiculous??