Ridiculous divorce moments

[Ridiculousdivorcemoments]

I’ll start - this is intended to be lighthearted.

Looking back 14 years later, I can finally laugh at the absolute circus that was my divorce. It took three years of "carnage" to get through it, but some of the court moments were pure farce.
Despite me offering a 50/50 split, my ex (an Oxford grad with a maths degree) decided to empty our accounts, leave me with nothing, and eventually counter-claim for £300,000. It got so ridiculous that the judge literally told him he was "on a different planet."
The best (or worst) part? We spent an entire day in court arguing over:

• A Spork: The judge asked if it was sentimental. My ex: "No, but it's MINE." 🍴
• A Wooden Spoon: He couldn't describe it other than it "felt smooth in his hand." I could hear the judge’s eyes rolling from across the room. 🥄
• A Guinea Pig: He wanted one of the kids’ pets (and its water bottle), but when the judge asked which one, he didn’t even know their names. 🐹
• A Children’s DVD: The judge finally snapped, telling him he hadn't done years of legal training to sit there and listen to such "ridiculous" nonsense but the judge did write in the order that ‘The wife keeps full possession of the DVD Finding Nemo’ - I can’t help but think that was put in there deliberately in writing to make a point.

The judge ended up giving me the house and told my ex he summed up everything wrong with the marriage. My barrister didn’t have to say a single word; I did name the guinea pigs that was the only time I spoke!

My barrister used to say to me don’t say anything we just need to get him a bigger diggers.

What is your moment of standing there thinking this is ridiculous??

This could be the most ridiculous man I’ve heard of

You should have been given a medal as well as the house!

My Mum told me that when she was divorcing my father he represented himself in court and stood up and told the judge that my DM was an unfit mother because she wore stockings. That was his sole reason.

So many of those moments but none quite so bad.

My ex forgot what a workplace or private pension was so kept sending in his state pension prediction. He is otherwise very financially savvy and we had talked about his pensions before so I knew they were in the region of half a million at the very minimum. He just pretended he couldn't understand pensions at all.

He also got some cowboy estate agent to value his home at 250K less that the other two valuations that I had got. This was a significant amout percentage wise too. At this point we had been separated for 2 years so we lived in different homes and both had to be valued. He then wanted us to agree on a valuation between the two I had got and his super low one. The only way to rectify the valuation was to get a surveyor in to do an accurate valuation, charging 1K.

Was she too sexy or what was his reasoning? I'm guessing there wasn't much of a reasoning though.

Mine took a tin of olive oil out of the cupboard and said he was taking it “because he likes it on salads” - he couldn’t recognise a lettuce leaf if it hit him in the face!
On the day he moved out (I wasn’t in) he also took our daughter’s hair brush (because I know which one to buy new), her box of vitamins (same reason) and an ornament he had bought for me as a present (which I took back and accidentally dropped on the floor while he was in front of me and it smashed into 1000 pieces!)
I have many more sadly. He was a gem.

Yes, my ex represented himself in court, and he dug himself a massive hole. My barrister and I just watched him dig. It gave me great confidence in the legal process - all these absurd men with their petty vindictive demands only get purchase and traction with vulnerable misguided women (I was one) who they've gaslight into submission and self-doubt. When they pitch up in front of judges/lawyers/mediators, no one is buying the bull shit they are selling!

Mine bought a motorbike in the week after we split and then tried to “charge’ me half the cost i.e. deducted it from the proposed settlement amount. He argued it was a necessary purchase due to the emotional stress of me leaving him.

He got various female friends to send nude pics to my partner so Id see them and accuse him of having an affair.

If I told you everything, you’d think I was making it up! Even years later, the Ex has the ability to do a drop mic moment, is still going strong.

We live hundreds of miles apart, and the court-ordered drop-off point is 75 miles away from me. Last Christmas - I think it was Christmas, my ex asked me to drop our youngest off 300 miles away in the opposite direction because he was going on holiday.
The best part? He actually texted saying he was doing this as a favour to me. 🤣🤣 How is a 600-mile round trip (instead of 150) a "favour"?!
To top it off, when I told him the M4 was closed that weekend, he called me a liar until I sent him the proof. Honestly, at this point, you have to laugh or you’d cry!

My husband (lovely and current one) calls him the gift 🎁 as he just keeps giving.

Stockings the deadliest of weapons 😳🤣

What did the court say? Or was this after?

I totally agree. I was terrified he’d paint me as unfit—his court documents were foul—but the court had seen it all before. Despite the high cost (3 financial hearings, 5 for the kids contact hearings or maybe 6), the process felt fair. He got contact, but I think if it were 2025 instead of 2010, he wouldn’t have. I had to be incredibly careful and stay positive about contact just to avoid his "parental alienation" claims.

My ex during divorce hearings and subsequent many child contact hearings. He always represented himself and would arrive with a lever arch file of paperwork in a totally officious manner. He walked into court one time and dropped the file, the papers went everywhere. On bending down to pick them all up he gave the judge a Birds Eye view of his revolting, huge, hairy arse crack. How we all kept a straight face I have no idea…

My ex - when trying to obtain sole custody of our son - stated that he would be moving then 7yo son to a new school - basically wanting to remove son from the home he knew, his mother (ex also wanted the right to determine if and when I could see son), his older brother, pets, school, friends, etc. When judge asked him "how do you think this will impact your child" ex replied "he'll get used to it".

I ended up with sole custody.

Mine produced a "press release" when we separated "so we could agree comms lines for friends and family".

OMG was he a celebrity or something?

I'm guessing you are not Katie Price and your ex Peter Andre?

He’ll get used to it. 🤣nice answer. I get the judge loved that.

That’s what I thought only a celebrity would do that!!

We didnt get that far. My shit hot solicitor laughed in his solicitors face!

🤣OMG I can unfortunately visualise that perfectly

I think I will steal that. I will start issuing press releases for all major things on my life from now on

”Sidebeforeself wishes to announce that she will be going to Tescos at 5pm today. Please respect her privacy and no further comments will be made”.

Maybe add a link to a gofundme-page too, it will help you in your quest to keep the puplic up to date of your whereabouts.

My ex, on leaving the home, took not only his possessions but ALL of the light bulbs...

The lightbulbs! Wtaf 🤣I hope you sent him some for Christmas 🎄 last year

No, he did work in PR though....

Honestly, some of these things just make you realise you've made SUCH A GOOD DECISION.