I can’t afford a divorce

[santawashisnameo]

I really can’t afford to get divorced, I can’t afford the solicitors fees or to live alone or anything really. I am guessing I am stuck. Is anyone else in this situation?

@Mrsttcno1 you are speaking to me as if I’m a slightly stupid teenager and I’m not. I am perfectly able to work out these ‘options’ myself.

Option one depends on the cooperation of the other person. The house is not likely to be an easy sale and certainly wouldn’t be without his cooperation. We could spend years locked into an awful situation and as I’ve already answered that is too high a price and I won’t consider it.

Option 2 is not doable because I have no option to save any money. That is correct, none.

Option 3 is not doable because ha ha. Hahahahaha. You are kidding, right?

So it is good to know that women in these situations have this expert advice

There we are! Silly me. YOU did it so of course, I can 🤦

Seriously.

@HollyKnight Free hours plus tax credits (now UC).

OP you sound like you have resigned yourself to living a miserable life. I think you will regret those wasted years when you look back in the future.

@santawashisnameo Have you tried? Be honest - would you be willing to work ft?

@everychildmatters once we got to a position financially that we didn't need to live together then he bought me out and I bought a new home. It's stretched me pretty far but it was that or keep living together until we could each save more or get better salaries.
Sadly my mental state has taken a worse battering than my financial and that's going to take some time to heal.

Also, the service we provide and that I work under in that part of my role is entirely free to the client, no charge, funded by government alongside various charities and organisations. CAB can signpost to support locally. There is lots of support out there for various things, yes you need to pay a solicitor eventually but as in my initial comment that can be paid from divorce settlement.

Is it easier to leave when you have ££££’s in the bank- yes.

But I’ve seen and helped women leave with far less. You have the benefit of being married, already being employed earning a good salary for part time work and having equity sitting in a house to be released.

Easy- no. Doable, if you want to, yes.

@Freeflight Yes, the mental impact is the hardest part. I'm a decade on and happily remarried but still struggle with vulnerability etc.
You've got this 💪

For gods sake. Why are you trying to paint me as some sort of work shy, lazy person? I have only been working part time since 2022, after twenty years of full time work.

Anyway, it is a moot point. I haven’t tried no. Strangely enough at 5 o clock on a rainy, windy, Saturday evening in December I didn’t message my line manager and ask if they could consider my coming back full time because someone on the internet thinks if I really wanted to leave my husband I could and any problems in the way are purely my awkward character.

i think the thread is best left.

I’m out. The OP is being too rude to other posters now when they are only trying to help.

And of course, it is Manchester airport where we have to announce our departure.

@santawashisnameo I simply read an earlier post of yours; the one where you said you didn't want to work ft!!! 😆

OP I don't know how old you are. Can you ask a financial advisor what your mortgagability is? I thought I could never afford it but I bought my ex out. I mean I have a mortgage until I'm 70 now but better that than living in hell. It may be worth looking at. Sending a hug.

Any family or friends you could stay with?

Actually option 1 does not depend on the cooperation of the other owner. You can force a sale through the court if needed, so maybe you aren’t as clued up on your options as you thought.

Option 2, you can apply for full time jobs to increase earnings, or as an alternative one option would be to switch to interest only mortgage payments to reduce outgoings in order to fund a move until sale.

Option 3 with backing can and is doable via council, housing association and local orgs. As I say, I’ve seen it, it does depend on area, priority and banding but there are lots of women entering the system that way with kids following a relationship breakdown.

The women we’ve worked with are the ones currently free and single in their new homes with their children so yes, I think they’d all well agree they are very grateful for the advice and help they received from our team and all of the others who worked with them to get to where they are.

My credit rating is absolutely dire. So that’s a no. I really do know my life, my situation and my options better than anybody else does. As I have said I am not a stupid woman and I do know what the situation is.

It would be good if others could just stop with the push push pushing. As I have said @Mrsttcno1 please will you just accept I know the situation and the position better than you do.

Well the OP has two children who would need more than the free hours and she isn't entitled to UC. So it's not really the same thing. That's even assuming her job is a simple 9-5 and not something that will require a childminder after nursery closes.

@santawashisnameo Why is your credit rating dire?

Are you safe OP?

Yes thank you. There is no abuse, just finding the laziness and the fact I have to do everything very overwhelming and frustrating and I don’t think I am very well at the moment.

@HollyKnight She's not entitled to UC because she earns over £2000 pm... working pt!!!!!!
She isn't exactly poor.

@santawashisnameo but you aren't a professional in that area are you?

I know my body really well, but I still seek a doctor when I need help.

I think you need to either seek proper support or accept that you will stay in your situation until you want to seek that support. They are the only two choices you need to pick from I think.

I’m not saying I am poor; I am saying that I cannot afford to move out. But why are we squabbling about this? It’s horrible and frustrating being told you’re wrong about your own life. Just let my no be a no and my yes be a yes.

@santawashisnameo OK then. You're right - you definitely can't afford to move out.